Authors Note:

I'm back and trying to get back into the swing of things. Arrow, and especially Felicity Smoak, has piqued my creative thoughts. Hopefully this will lead to the rest of my stories getting updated soon!

Felicity leaned forward, swirling the red wine and watching the liquid cling to the sides of the glass before sliding back down.

Why her? I mean besides the obvious leggy model reason.

'Stupid,' she hissed out under her breath, taking a deep pull of the wine. Of all the things she could have said to Oliver, she had exposed her deepest insecurity to one of the most attractive men on the planet.

It didn't mean anything.

Felicity had spent a lot of time studying Oliver. Tommy's death was still haunting him, as was Laurel's marked lack of faith in the vigilante. If anything the walls he erected around himself had gotten stronger, if a little bit more transparent. He was trying now, genuinely trying, to be a proper friend. Their trip to Russia had been an ill-disguised form of reparation for how Oliver had let down John in the past.

Spending time with Isabel Rochev had not been a pleasant experience. The woman was like a viper, coiled and ready to strike. Felicity was sure that her sudden promotion – if one could even call it that – to Oliver's glorified secretary was just another reason for Isabel to look down her hooked nose at her.

Felicity wasn't oblivious to the rumours swirling around the company. She had walked into the communal break room just the other day and become consciously aware of what a social pariah she now was at work. Queen Consolidated had once been a haven, a place where she knew she belong. Now it was yet another reminder of how Oliver Queen had become her focal point, of how she had let him become that without protest.

'I don't bring him coffee. Okay I did that one time but he looked really sad and I was just being a good friend…'

Because of the life that I lead, I just think that it's better to not be with someone that I could really care about.

Oliver had looked at her with those clear blue eyes and Felicity had felt a traitorous spark of hope flare up inside of her. Her feelings for Oliver were becoming harder and harder to conceal, and not at all aided by her lack of brain to mouth filter. Objectively she knew that she didn't stand a chance. Felicity was Oliver's Girl Friday, the one he came to if he needed help tracking down a criminal mastermind. She was an integral part of Team Arrow.

But she wasn't even sure if he considered her a friend.

'He said he needed me close by, that he needed someone he trusted,' she murmured, recalling what Oliver had said when he had explained his reasons for reassigning her as his EA. She had pushed aside the feelings of inadequacy and humiliation whenever Isabel directed a barely veiled barb her way, suffered through the whispers and stares that she received from her former colleagues when she had ventured down to the IT Department hoping for a friendly face.

For what? So that she could knock on a door and watch Oliver try desperately to conceal Isabel, all mussed and glamourous and triumphant in his hotel bed. She had heard Isabel tell Oliver he wouldn't be needing Felicity's services that night, another comment that had made the blood rush to her cheeks and her hands shake.

Even now Felicity swore that the frigid chill of Russia still lingered in her bones. Either that or the betrayal she had felt sweep through her when Oliver had attempted to glibly brush away Isabel's presence as they were walking away from the room.

The ball of hurt, anger and confusion mingled with a stark tang of disappointment still hung suspended inside her, cresting over her in waves throughout the rest of the trip and the period after.

I think you deserve better than her.

'What? He deserves you?' Felicity pondered aloud, fiddling with the stem of her wine glass.

Maybe that was her problem. Felicity had thought that being within close proximity to him would make him see her, actually notice her as something other than an asset. She had watched him flicker through life, putting on whichever façade suited him the best. From what little he had let slip about his time on the island, and the scars and angry tissue scattered throughout his body, Felicity thought that wearing masks was a skill he had developed out of necessity. There were moments though when he would just be Oliver – a man looking for an anchor to help weigh him down. She never thought of him as someone who was broken or damaged – although she knew he was. To Felicity Oliver was a man desperate to heal, but the persistent guilt and self-loathing he carried around like a security blanket was a way for him to avoid starting that process.

There were hopeful signs that maybe Oliver was ready to take that next step. She had forgotten her tablet and had wandered back to the foundry, only to stumble upon John and Oliver having some kind of bonding moment.

Another thing I was cut out of. I mean who cares about making Felicity feel part of the team? I'm just the girl with the computers right?

'God, what is happening to me?' Felicity realized, shaking her head at the familiar pangs of bitterness. She wasn't that girl – the one that spent her time second-guessing her worth or her abilities, the one that spent her time pining for a man that would never realize that she was right in front of him.

I deserve better than Oliver Queen.

Felicity straightened her shoulders. While she loved working for Team Arrow, Felicity couldn't remember the last time she had just taken a night for herself. She had effectively become a social recluse, turning down friends who actually liked her to sit inside a cold, dark basement with a man who didn't see any problem with sleeping with Isabel Rochev.

Her phone pinged and Felicity regarded it warily. She was tired.

What if that's Oliver and it's important?

Sighing she reached over and swiped the screen, lips tipping up when she realized it was an offer from her best friend to have a few drinks after work tomorrow. She hadn't realized how much she had missed Sarah until now.

It was time Felicity started catching up to reality. While her feelings for Oliver would still be there, ebbing and simmering, maybe it was time for her to pull back and surround herself with people who knew her and didn't look right through her.

I deserve better for myself.

Felicity finished her wine.