A/N: Ok so I wanted to upload this like hours ago but my laptop kept doing updates. This is really long, like eight pages, and definitely the longest lemon I've ever done. It's not super graphic; I think it's one of my better ones.

Warnings: Lemon.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

-MalRev

DEEP - SIX

19 - How To Love

The sun had set when Goku and I made our way back to the cabin. I could barely see and after I stumbled over my millionth branch, he sighed and scooped me up in his arms, covering me in a pile of damp clothes. They were warm and musty from drying in the sun all day. I threaded my hands through them and relished the heat.

Goku didn't really have to pay attention to his steps. His eyes were more focused on the waxing moon overhead that cast ethereal light through the canopy. The sight of it twisted his features into a scowl.

I looked up to it and then him. "Don't like a full moon, Remus?"

"Funny." He didn't smile. "I need to see Bulma before it's full so I can get back on the pills."

"So you're a murderous alien and a werewolf? Tough break."

The wind whistled through the leaves and the sound of water grew more distant. It was tranquil in the woods—but the silence held an ominous presence, too, like the calm before the storm. Goku's gaze finally flickered down to me and to my great surprise, he smiled a little.

"Not a werewolf," he said. "We're apes—sort of. All of us had tails..." He trailed off and cleared his throat. "But that's a story for another day."

That was fine with me. I had enough excitement to last me a lifetime from the past few days. Thinking of Goku with a tail was just the icing on the cake.

He started a fire when we got back to the cabin. I used one of Goku's training shirts as a dress and had tied a sash around my waist like a belt. It wasn't the cutest thing I'd ever worn, but it was better than wearing pants that kept falling off me. I laid down on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling while Goku shut the blinds around the cabin.

"Hungry, Ellie?" he asked.

"No. Tired."

When we we are the river, Goku had eaten quite a few fish totally raw. The sight of it made me want to barf but he insisted it wasn't a big deal for his digestive system. I thought of all the worms and disease in uncooked fish and couldn't imagine him getting away with it. Maybe it was that persisting thought that was killing my appetite.

The mattress shifted and I felt his presence next to me. His legs were bent at the knees, too. I was surprised he still had his clothes on. He yawned and stretched his arms before folding them behind his head and frowned at the ceiling.

"Do you… like me?" he asked quietly.

"Why are you even asking?"

"Because I don't know." His eyes were on me but I refused to look at him. "You hide a lot from me. I mean, more than is normal for self-preservation."

I crossed my arms and shrugged, dodging him. "Well you are an alien. And you've never given me a reason to trust you, so why should I?"

The ceiling was eclipsed and all I could see was him. The black eyes drew me in inexorably, like a moth to the flame. My arms weakened a bit. Maybe I knew how a mouse felt when it was trapped in the eyes of a snake. Death was imminent but there was just no escape.

He rested his head on one hand and raised an eyebrow. "Even if I did, you'd still find a reason to push me away. I have a feeling that's been a pattern for you."

"And now you're a therapist, too. Add that to the list."

"Are you afraid of trusting someone?"

"No!" I snapped.

Goku turned his free palm up in defeat, rolling his eyes. "Oh, come on, Ellie! You're closed off. You were the day I met you and even after all this time you're still the same way. You act that way with your own brother, not to mention every other person you talk to. Do you have any friends? I never saw you hang around anyone. You'd just sit and do homework, or—"

My switch flipped this time. I slapped him hard across the face before I could think about the consequences and it probably hurt my palm more than his cheek. My sore body screamed in response to the movement but I the pain was burned away by my fury. His eyes widened and he touched his cheek, staring at me in surprise.

I boiled with rage and dug my index finger into his chest. "You have no idea what my parents sacrificed to get me here! My mom was going to school on a full scholarship, until I was born and ruined EVERYTHING! They couldn't afford to send me and Owen to daycare so she has to give up on her dreams and stay home with us. They scraped and scrounged to send us to college. I don't have the luxury of fucking around like everyone else!"

It was like word vomit—I couldn't stop and was quickly becoming hysterical. The tears came and my hand shook, still stuck in an accusatory pose.

"I don't have time for friends," I sobbed. "I don't have time to go to parties and make mistakes. I needed straight As to get into the pharmacy program, and I need to graduate summa. I won't let them down. No distractions. You… you've been nothing but a goddamn distraction since the day you sat down in the library. And I can't afford you. Even if you're what I want."

My vision was too blurry from crying to see Goku's reaction. It felt like I'd ripped a scab off a fresh wound and it was bleeding all over again. I pushed against his chest and tried to turn away from him but he ran his fingers through my hair under my head and drew his thumbs across my cheeks to wipe away the tears. They kept coming like a torrent.

"Let me go," I begged, voice broken by my damn crying. I pulled on his shirt as he came into focus. My knuckles turned white. "I want these feelings gone. I don't want to be a slave to them."

"I love you." He kissed me hard and I could taste my tears. "I love you. You're not a slave."

The kiss deepened while I tried to steady my breathing and Goku's weight was suddenly pressing against me. I sniffled as his mouth roamed away from my mouth, lips trailing down my cheeks, taking in my tears. He was at my neck and gently rolled my skin between his teeth.

My hands were still clenching the front of his shirt. "Please let me go, Goku," I whispered. Please don't give up on me.

He ignored me and hungry hands slithered down my body. One curled around my thigh and lifted my leg to allow Goku between them, and the other supported his upper body. There was very little material between us. My makeshift dress slipped back on my stomach and I could feel… him. I squirmed, blushing from the hot, hard pressure.

Warm breath tingled across my collarbone as Goku's lips blazed farther across my skin. All the sensation was so overwhelming—his mouth, his teeth, his breath; the slow, torturous circles his hips were doing between my thighs. Now I was clinging to him apprehensively. I swallowed hard and listened to the rustling of our clothes in the near darkness. The fire was almost out, and I was kind of grateful for the shadows encroaching upon the mattress, concealing us.

He kissed me deeply again and heat flooded into my ears. I'd never been kissed like it before. Pecks here and there, and sometimes more, but it felt like Goku wanted to consume me. He leaned back, lips still moving like mad against mine, and I heard the swish of his sash coming loose. My hands trembled when I felt him pull on his shirt but I managed to help him lift it over his head and his mouth was back on mine before I could miss it.

Everything was a blur. The only constant was my pattering heart that quickened with every new touch. I was breathing deep and fast but Goku was clearly in his element. One arm was next to my head again to keep him up and the other roamed past my thigh. He slipped his fingers under the edge of my panties, twisting it like he wanted to snap it. Then he let go, maybe thinking better of it, and pressed his palm against my waist on his way up my body.

His lips left mine, now swollen and wet, and he dipped his mouth near my ear. I shivered involuntarily as his rough palm came to rest on my ribs. Of course I'd worn my rattiest white bra the other day.

Goku's thumb hooked over the edge and brushed my nipple like he was testing the waters. It drew a strangled moan out of me and I arched up towards him a bit, squeezing his shoulders to anchor myself. He made a satisfied growling kind of noise in my ear, now rubbing the pad of his thumb in a wide circle. It was kind of frustrating.

"I'm going to take you," he murmured, "and you're going to wear my shirt—because you're mine."

The thought made my stomach do pleasant little flips. I was unsure and a bit scared. It was comforting that Goku knew what he was doing and nudged me in the right direction. I knew I wanted him. Maybe it was time to let myself be happy, even if it was a distraction.

Emboldened, I reached under his arm to the hem of his pants and my fingers crept inside. Goku stiffened and groaned when I tentatively touched the edge of his length, and abruptly pushed himself in my hand. I'd never touched one before. My fingers couldn't quite meet around the side as he moved back and forth, soft, hard flesh pressing into my palm.

He rewarded me. His thumb tightened its circling and I squeezed him without thinking, biting back another sound in my throat. Goku's fingers wrapped into my hair and he pulled. His lips were torturing my neck. I arched towards him again, whimpering, delirious with lust.

Clothes had to come off. The hand on my breast unfortunately disappeared as Goku tugged on his pants. I used both of my hands to help him and together we managed to get him free. Our shoes were thankfully already by the door. Only I had barriers now: the bra came off quick. He tugged my hair to keep my head back and I opened my eyes to look at him.

Goku's half-lidded dark eyes captured mine as he popped his middle finger in his mouth. The implication wasn't lost on me and I couldn't help but giggle. He drunkenly smiled back at me and puckered his lips when he pulled the finger free.

"I'm impressed," he crooned. He slipped his finger through the side of my panties and through wet, wanting flesh. I squirmed and gasped. "You're curious—and obedient."

His thumb was tormenting another part of me now. I wanted to make him burn, too, but my target was too far away. I dropped my hands to the mattress and clawed at it.

He sacrificed drinking in my expression to lick and nibble along my jaw. It was almost pitch black in the cabin—had he left the lantern on? It was warm and I could smell the river water in his thick hair. I ran my fingers through it, relishing the tickle on my skin, and wrapped my arms as far as I could around his back. I needed him. I wanted to be a part of him.

I was empty again and Goku sucked on the middle finger. He didn't need my help getting my panties off and managed to do so without tearing them apart. My hair was free and he reached past me; maybe grabbing the edge of the mattress. My heart was stuck in my throat.

Our foreheads pressed together again, both covered in a sheen of sweat, and I realized he was no longer touching me at all. He closed his eyes like he was trying to concentrate and I heard him swallow. He took a few breaths and spoke without opening his eyes.

"Birth control?" he rasped. When I didn't answer fast enough his face dropped away from mine to my neck and he groaned. "Are you on it?"

"I-I have a thing in my arm."

"Is that a yes or no?!" he snapped.

I nodded my head frantically and stuttered out a few "yeses". Was it about to happen?! Fuck, didn't we need a condom or something? He probably didn't have time to grab those. Except when he deliberately came to my job to taunt me with them. So much for being pre—

Abruptly, I was full of him. His body shuddered violently and I took a sharp breath, eyes wide in shock. I was grateful he didn't see my contorted expression of pain and excitement; it was amazing, but it hurt, but I felt an odd sense of relief. Goku's muscles rippled under my fingers as he moved inside me with noticeable restraint. I craned my head back to see one of his hands was white-knuckle on the edge of the mattress.

To my horror, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to wipe them away but I was afraid to let go of Goku. Weird noises were coming from him: grunts and low rumbles and… growling? The pain reduced to a sting and I could finally feel without it, but the tears were still running by themselves.

"You're fine, Ellie." His voice was deep and firm. He took a few long breaths, suddenly quickening his pace. "You're just emotional. It's normal. Ah… fuck!"

His body shivered again and he gnashed his teeth together next to my ear. Fear trilled through me, but it didn't feel entirely like a bad thing. I'd never heard Goku say 'fuck' before. I shivered myself realizing what exactly I did to him.

Before I could bat an eye our position changed. I was humiliated to find myself on top of Goku and spread my hands on his chest for support. His fingers wrapped around my hips and straightened me and he lifted me up and down a couple of times. I was like a deer in headlights.

His jaw shifted and he shook his head. "I don't want this."

I worried I was doing something wrong until he pulled the shirt off of me. Now I was leaning back, totally exposed even in the darkness, and I hoped he couldn't see the red in my cheeks. He grinned and folded his arms behind his head, leaving me in a very compromising position.

"This is your first time, right?"

I didn't speak, just nodded. He was still moving underneath me but holding back. Confidence was easy when you had a perfect body.

Goku's eyes raked down my less than perfect body. "You have to learn what you want. Don't worry about me—just move around and see what feels good." He grimaced and his eyes rolled back. "Trust me, I'm doing… great."

I wasn't an automaton—I'd obviously touched myself before. But it was totally different with someone inside me and watching my every move. I kept my fingers on the last two rungs of his abdomen and hesitantly began to move, first in the way Goku had pulled me.

He groaned, eyes rolling back again, and scrambled to grab a bar with towels behind his head. It made me a bit more confident and I moved faster, meeting his thrusts. He gritted his teeth when I slowed and rocked back and forth instead and my name started grinding out of his throat. I leaned back further and rested my hands on my thighs as the tension curled in my stomach.

It was a dizzying high. The cords in Goku's arms bulged from the effort of restraint and I marveled in the knowledge that I could do that to him. All the times he'd pushed me into walls or towered over me with a lascivious smirk, and now I had the power.

My fingers wandered across my own body and I reveled in it. It was all me. I was human, but I was powerful. The alien underneath me was straining to control himself. His black eyes watched my hands on my breasts and the bar above his head groaned.

"I'm wrecking the place, Ellie," Goku said in a gravelly voice. Metal bent and a surprising whimper came out of him. "You're gonna be the death of me."

It happened fast. The tension snapped and rushed through me and I was powerless again. My eyes closed and I panted fast and hard, mewling his name and curling my toes. It ebbed away, deep back within me, and I found myself on my stomach.

He shoved my head into the pillow and I barely managed to turn in time to get air. I was arched in another compromising position but we came together again before I had time to feel embarrassed. He leaned back and aggressively yanked my hips back onto him. My fingers were slack on the mattress and I felt pleasantly drowsy as Goku thrust faster than before.

Both of his hands curled around my hips to keep me in place, which was a good thing because I was starting to feel the ache from the car crash and couldn't hold myself up. He shuddered again and I saw one of his arms beside my head as he gripped the torn edge of the mattress again. His lips were near my ear; I could feel the familiar warmth of his breath on my shoulder.

"Fuck!" he growled. He was really trembling now. "This is… fucking impossible!"

I was tempted to make a snarky comment but valued my life more than taunting Goku. I lay perfectly still under him, hands safe under the pillow. Maybe it was harder to control himself without the pill. Or not. If that was the case, he probably would've already broken my arm or something.

Again, the thought thrilled me. It wasn't a totally welcome feeling and I tried to ignore it, focusing instead on Goku's fingers gradually tearing the mattress. I wanted to grab the convenient towel bar myself because he was nearly forcing me off our makeshift bed.

He slowed down abruptly and another tremor passed through him, shaking me, too. The forearm next to my head scrambled to grab the bar, which promptly snapped off the wall, and Goku made an inhuman snarling sound. I blinked, now at full attention, and agony lanced through my shoulder. I tried to wriggle away and his hands slammed down over the tops of mine and his body nearly crushed me. The pain in my shoulder worsened and I realized with mild revulsion that he was biting me.

Inexperienced as I was, I knew the subtle pulsing inside me meant Goku was nearly finished. It was a bizarre, intimate moment with his teeth sunk in my shoulder, stifling his satisfied groans, and the vivid sensation of him spilling inside me. He twitched into me a few more times before his teeth dislodged from my skin and he layered the back of my neck with kisses and panting.

I held back on reaming him out for fucking biting me, choosing to savor the moment instead. His hands slid off of mine, holding his upper body away from me again, and struggled to catch his breath. I swallowed hard, trying to sort my scattered emotions. My whole body was shaking like a leaf.

The pressure inside me disappeared and Goku turned me over on my back. His arms were on either side of my head like a cage. I must've given the impression that I felt trapped because his misty black eyes blinked and he leaned back to give me some air.

I looked up at the ceiling and took a shaky breath. Okay. It was done. No big deal.

Goku ran a hand through his hair, covered in sweat like I was. His smile was small and genuine, like when a kid got a cheap piece of candy at the grocery store. Simple joys.

"Sorry I bit you," he said. "I was getting really overwhelmed." He tilted his head, imploring. "Are you… okay?"

I shrugged feebly and burst into tears without warning. The Pill Goku shined through. He panicked and fretted over the emotional display and lay next to me to pull me against his chest. I was such a pathetic goddamn fool that I kept sobbing even as he pulled up the covers and touched my hair and apologized over and over. I strained closer under his chin.

How did people have sex and not give a shit about it? It was so deeply personal. I felt horribly vulnerable but warm and satisfied at the same time. Everyone acted like it was so simple.

All the oxytocin must've made the alien in Goku sick to his stomach. His fingers brushed up and down my back and he murmured that he loved me while I tried to get a grip. I was tired. I was sticky. It felt like a hole had been torn open in my chest but the healing had already started. I sniffled and wondered if all the emotional torment was because my feelings ran deeper than I wanted to admit.

Things were quiet for a while. I started to doze off. Crickets were chirping outside and the first droplets of rain pattered on the roof. Goku stirred next to me.

"Ellie?"

"Hm?" I mumbled.

He paused, then: "I'm going to look for the pills tomorrow."

I frowned and looked up at him. His eyes were softer, like the day I met him.

"Why?" I asked.

Goku brushed my hair away from my face. I couldn't make out his expression very well. All I could see were his dark irises studying me, soft and somber.

"We can work together," he said. "And… I don't want to risk hurting you."

I nodded sleepily but didn't say anything. That was fine with me. The aches of the day drove my exhaustion and I quickly feel asleep wrapped in Goku's arms, bathed in moonlight.