Rachel Berry: Skyscraper

Okay everybody, this story is much longer than Unbroken, because let's face it: recovering from eating disorders and cutting is a long, heavy process. I was so inspired by Demi Lovato that I had to write something. Please enjoy!

Mercedes continued to hold Rachel and soothe her, Kurt still holding her hand very tightly. When Rachel's sobs had died down, Mercedes pulled her out of the hug and squeezed her shoulders.

"You alright?" Mercedes asked Rachel softly. "Are you ready for this?"

Rachel nodded tearfully.

"We're taking this to Mr. Schue first," Kurt said. "He'll most likely tell Ms. Pillsbury about this. And I know for a fact that she doesn't keep all those self-help pamphlets for nothing."

Rachel nodded reluctantly. As much as Ms. Pillsbury could drive her nuts, she knew the ginger guidance counselor meant well.

The three of them exited the girls' restroom silently, Mercedes keeping her arm tightly around Rachel's shoulders while Kurt held her hand tightly. They could hear Quinn and Santana giggling as they passed, with Santana saying something about Rachel having a very noticeable weight gain.

"Rach, don't look at anybody; don't talk to anybody just keep walking!" Kurt ordered.

Rachel struggled to obey Kurt's commands. It was getting harder and harder to tune the Cheerios out. Even as she tried, the name-calling, the shoving and the hitting just got worse.

The treo rounded the hallway and made it towards Mr. Schue's office. He was in his office, as he always was, drinking coffee and going through sheet music. Rachel looked as though she didn't even want to go in there, but at the same time she knew she wasn't feeling well, that her stomach was hurting very badly with starvation, her throat was so sore it almost felt raw, and that she was feeling very light-headed. She felt like vomiting right then and there, but she swallowed the bile back down her throat.

To say, the meeting with Mr. Schuester went pretty smoothly. As soon as Schuester noticed Rachel and how thin she was, he immediately sat her down and gave her some juice and Saltines. When asking Rachel what happened, Rachel spilled and told Mr. Schue, Kurt and Mercedes everything from the first time she cut herself last year, to Quinn and Santana pulling her hair and punching and kicking her, to the name-calling, the taunting, the teasing, the starvation she put herself under, her fingers being shoved down her throat, her constant fear about her weight and how she looked, and above all, the pain of feeling lost and alone and the constant impulse to lie to everybody she loved and cared about. When it became apparent that Rachel was going to break down crying, Kurt pulled her into a tight, warm bear hug, caressing her hair and whispering, "I'm sorry" over and over again into her ear, due to Kurt being afraid that his condescending attitude towards the poor girl last year had contributed to Rachel's bulimia, with Mercedes grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly like she would never let go. Kurt felt tears coming to his eyes. He couldn't believe this. He shook his head, not wanting it to be true. He had been so worried about Rachel that even when he transferred to Dalton, he asked Mercedes to keep an eye on her.

As soon as Rachel was done, Will went to go get Ms. Pillsbury and Finn, with Rachel crying as she attempted to eat with shaking hands, Kurt caressing her back and Mercedes rubbing her shoulder. In about five minutes Finn came in, visibly worried for his girlfriend. Immediately, he kissed her softly and pulled her into a tight, bone-crushing hug as her sobs shook her. Finn rocked her back and forth,kissing her forehead and shushing her. He looked over at his stepbrother meaningfully, who let a sigh of relief escape him. Kurt smiled softly over at his brother to reassure him that Rachel will feel better soon.

After another fifteen minutes, Will came back with Emma, who pulled up a chair in front of Rachel's and rubbed circles on her back until she calmed down. She asked the others to leave while talked to Rachel. The others walked out to the hall, and Emma took Rachel's hands into both of hers.

"Rachel," Emma said. "I understand that you have your insecurities about how you look, okay? Everybody has something that they will like to change. When was the first time you made yourself throw up?"

"Last year," Rachel muttered. "I was experimenting with it, but the first time I cut myself was last year too. But it was the Cheerios who made me feel as though the only way to stay thin was by making myself throw up and to take a full release on myself."

"Alright, Rachel. I'm happy that Kurt and Mercedes decided to make you come to me for this because I know this is tough. Rachel, you have nothing to be ashamed of; you are not weak. I have a physiatrist that I recommend at Lima Memorial Hospital named Dr. Swan, who a lot of people go to in order to talk about this kind of stuff. I'll give her a call, and I want you to do the first few sessions with her, three times a week and we'll take it from there, okay?" Emma said. "I also suggest that you take a few days off from school to soak it all in. Are your dads home?"

Rachel shook her head. "They're on a business trip in New Hampshire."

Emma nodded, understanding.

Later, after the session with Ms. Pillsbury, Kurt and Mercedes drove Rachel home. After they arrived at Rachel's house, she unlocked the door and sat down on the couch. Kurt sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders while Mercedes went to make Rachel some tea.

"Rach?" Kurt said, startling her slightly. "Why don't you go and take a shower and get changed, alright? And get those cuts cleaned and covered up. I'll go talk to Mercedes."

Rachel nodded in tears; she hadn't stopped crying since they left McKinley. She then went upstairs to the bathroom, and when Kurt heard the sounds of running water and the smell of Rachel's fragranced body wash filled the house, Kurt knew Rachel was serious about cleaning herself up. He then went to the kitchen, where Mercedes was boiling water for tea. Kurt sat at the table and sighed.

"I just don't know how we're supposed to help her," Kurt mumbled.

Mercedes nodded sympathetically, pulled up a chair and took his hand in both of hers. "Yeah, I just wish we could have prevented it when she started to do it earlier. How did we not notice?"

"Because we were so busy wrapped up in our own problems, we never went out of our damn way to help her," Kurt said. "'Cedes, seriously, she was too afraid to let anyone know a thing. I mean, Rachel's loud about everything in her life."

"Yeah, I guess this was just the one thing she kept a secret," Mercedes admitted.

"Well her acting certainly has payed off." Kurt let out a sigh and his posture sank.

After what seemed like a good fifteen minutes of Rachel needing a shower, she still hasn't come down yet. It was too quiet.

"I'm gonna go check on her," Mercedes said softly. She got up from her chair and went upstairs to Rachel's bathroom, knocking on the door. "Rach, you alright?"

"I'm fine!" Rachel said.

"You know I don't even buy that."

"I said I'm-" suddenly, Rachel hissed, and Mercedes instantly knew that she cut again. Mercedes opened the door. Rachel was sitting on the floor, a razor in her hand and her wrists bloody.

"Oh, sweet Jesus Rachel, not again!" Mercedes said, crouching down next to her. She took the razor from Rachel's shaking hands and placed it out of her friend's reach.

"I'm sorry!" Rachel said, her eyes filled with tears. "I can't stop! I just can't! This is how I've always dealt with it! I don't know what to do!"

Mercedes immediately took Rachel into her arms, rubbing her back and stroking her hair to try and soothe her. "It's okay," Mercedes said softly. "Just clean yourself up again, okay?"

Rachel then went to the sink and let the cold water run over the cuts. Mercedes then pulled out her iPhone and texted Kurt.

Mercedes: Kurt, Rachel cut again. Here's what I need you to do: I need you to get everything sharp out of the house and lock it up in a cabinet somewhere. I mean everything from knives, scissors (even the kiddie ones), razors, anything she can hurt herself with. And also, go home and get a duffle bag and your car, and then head to my house and get some stuff for me, too. I think we need to keep a close eye watch on Rachel. We cannot risk her hurting herself anymore.

Kurt: Alright. I feel like we're babysitting.

Mercedes: We kind of are.

Mercedes put her phone away into her back pocket and helped Rachel put band-aids onto her wrists. Her arm firmly around Rachel's waist, Mercedes helped her downstairs as soon as she helped Rachel change into some pajamas, wrapping her up in her warmest hot pink throw. Mercedes set her on the couch and went to get her some tea. Within minutes, Mercedes came back with the mug of herbal tea for Rachel. She pulled Rachel close and held her as Rachel sipped at the tea, tears still in her eyes.

"I know you and Kurt have been texting one another," Rachel said.

"Look, you know we're only being protective because we care about you, right?" Mercedes said, causing Rachel to smile a bit.

"Yeah, I know," Rachel responded.

"Look, Kurt and I are staying with you tonight and make sure you're okay," Mercedes said.

"You know that you don't have to do that," Rachel said. "I can take care of myself."

"We know that, Rach, but we just wanna make sure you're holding up alright," Mercedes comforted her.

Rachel sighed. She appreciated Kurt and Mercedes trying to help, but she was afraid of what would happen when she returned to school on Friday; she was just hoping Mr. Schue had reported the incident to Figgins and that things will be taken care of.

The next few days were a little bit of a drag for Rachel. Her babysitters made sure to keep an eye on her every move, but sometimes it just got up to the point where she just couldn't take it. She could not make one movement without Kurt and Merceds wincing. She was being treated like a child, and it was unbearable. She got that Kurt and Mercedes cared about her, but still.

At one point, around lunch time on Thursday, Rachel made an attempt to eat the vegan meatballs and linguini Mercedes and Kurt ordered for her from Breadstix in peace. However, she was so bored she began counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 in the back of her mind. By the time Friday rolled around, Kurt took his Navigator to school with the girls. Rachel was nervous enough about needing to have a run-in with Quinn and Santana, who might as well just start her day with even more jives and jabs about her weight.

Kurt looked over at Rachel in concern. "You holding up okay?" he asked her softly.

Rachel shook her head, not knowing what to tell her friend. Yesterday she had gotten the call from Ms. Pillsbury about the appointment she had scheduled for Rachel with the physiatrist she recommended at the hospital. The appointment was today, and Rachel didn't feel comfortable telling some total stranger about what was going in in her personal life. But at the same time, Rachel knew she needed to get better because they nationals in NYC in eight weeks, so she couldn't afford to be sick. Kurt placed a hand on her shoulder in response.

When they pulled up in front of the school, Rachel knew she had a session with Ms. Pillsbury about her anorexia/bulimia and cutting problem. Rachel hated feeling this way. She hated being bullied, she hated feeling fat, she hated that she couldn't even eat what she wanted when she wanted, she hated the thought of lying to her dads. When Rachel entered the school, she felt her eyes heat up as she heard the Cheerios cough out "Fatso" to her in the hall, however, with Mercedes by her side she managed to keep her composure. The two walked to the guidance office; Kurt had already gone to sign them in so they wouldn't be marked as absent for late, and went to Ms. Pillsbury's office as he was going to be the one driving the girls to the hospital. However, Kurt realized there was one situation he needed to take care of, and he was going to need Mercedes for this one.

"Look me in the eyes and tell my this isn't true!" Mr. Schue shouted. Quinn and Santana were both seated in his office.

"She could have died!" Kurt said.

"Hey, we didn't intend for it to be like that! We were just telling her the truth! We were being, honest, okay? That's not a crime! She brought this on herself!" Santana said, trying to sound innocent.

"Oh hell to the naw, that is so fake! She told us everything yesterday! You hurt her!" Mercedes said.

"Yeah, what is your problem with Rachel? What did she ever do to deserve such treatment? Leave her alone!" Kurt yelled.

"Really? Cause I'm not just gonna sit here and be falsely accused of something I did not do! We were just giving her tips on weight loss! She was fat; we were just helping her out!" Quinn tried to explain.

"Well, whatever your intentions were, you girls are gonna have to be the ones to fix this," Mr. Schuester said calmly.

As soon as he signed them out, they got into the Navigator, with Kurt insisting that Mercedes stayed with Rachel in the back seat. Rachel suddenly was hungry, M&Ms or pretzels or vegan cupcakes will do her justice right now, but she knew that if she binged right now she will be vomiting all over Kurt's car, and she was pretty sure her friend wouldn't really appreciate that too much. She felt tears in her eyes as nausea crept into her stomach.

Kurt noticed this from his rear-view window and frowned. "Rach, are you feeling alright? You look a little green. I know you're feeling sick right now but try not to pass out on us or throw up in my car, okay? We'll be there in a few minutes."

Rachel's head fell into Mercedes's lap as the nausea built up. She was going to throw up. Her hand flew to her mouth as Mercedes stroked her hair to try and soothe her.

Mercedes whispered into Rachel's ear to try and comfort her. "Shh, it's okay. We're here now, alright? You're going to be fine."

As soon as Kurt found a parking space, he parked immediately. He rushed to the back seat and helped Mercedes support Rachel out of the car. As soon as Rachel was out of the Navigator, she threw up, tears springing to her eyes as Kurt whispered words of comfort into her ear, desperately trying to calm her down and soothe his friend.

After Rachel was finished vomiting in the parking lot, Kurt and Mercedes both helped her into the elevator in the hospital and into the lobby. Kurt sat Rachel down gently as Mercedes went to the front desk to talk to the receptionist about Rachel's one-on-one session with Dr. Swan. Rachel stayed in her seat looking uncomfortable. Kurt gently hooked an arm around Rachel's shoulders and squeezed her hand very tightly. Mercedes then joined them, sitting with Rachel who was breathing heavily.

"You feeling alright?" Mercedes asked softly.

Rachel shook her head, tears coming to her eyes, and suddenly, without warning, she broke down.

"Hey," Kurt said. "It's okay." He took Rachel into his arms and held her tightly to his chest. Rachel sobbed silently against Kurt, her whole body shaking again.

"It's okay," Mercedes comforted, rubbing her friend's back. She was hoping the doctor would get here soon.

After what seemed like a good fifteen minutes, Rachel had stopped crying and was siting with her head on Mercedes's shoulder. Another few minutes have passed, a woman came up to the three of them, wearing a purple dress with a white blazer. Dr. Swan was written across her name tag. She was very young, about thirty years old with dark hair and emerald green eyes.

"Rachel Berry?" she asked.

"Over here," Mercedes said, her arm tightly around Rachel's shoulders.

"I'm guessing you're Mercedes," the doctor said. Mercedes nodded. She looked to Kurt. "Kurt."

"Yeah," Kurt said nodding. He then looked to Rachel and whispered softly into her ear. "Rach, it's okay. Just fifteen minutes for the first session. It'll be alright. Go with the doctor, okay? If you need anything we're right out here." He rubbed her shoulder soothingly to try and get her to relax.

Rachel reluctantly nodded. She really didn't want to do this. She felt humiliated. Slowly, Rachel got up from her seat and followed the doctor into her office. Rachel didn't like how plain it was, all white with no magazines and no nothing. She just sat down and listened to what the doctor had to say.

After what seemed like an hour rather than fifteen minutes, Dr. Swan came out of her office, without Rachel, which got Kurt and Mercedes worrying.

"Well?" Mercedes demanded. "How is she? Is she okay?"

"She has anorexia, which also consists of binging and purging, and her cutting has been going on for a while now. I've already talked to Rachel, and I suggest she stays out of school for a week or until she's ready to go back." She handed Kurt a sheet of paper and a card. "This a schedule for her one-on-one sessions with me, and the card is for a support group that I run. We talk about eating disorders, cutting, addictions, bullying, other things. I think it mght be good for her to attend that about twice a week. Now, I suggest you get everything sharp out of her house so she won't hurt herself again."

"One step ahead of you," Kurt said.

"If she talks about feeling suicidal or hurting herself then call me immediately. I also suggest keeping her away from anything that might help contribute to make her eating disorder worse. Fitness and fashion magazines, movies, certain television shows," Dr. Swan added in.

"We were doing such a great job on our own," Mercedes sighed as she got up from her chair. Kurt followed her.

"Rachel also told me that her fathers are always on business trips, so she's often alone," the doctor added.

"Her fathers leave her alone in the house because they trust her to be responsible. We've been staying with her and her dads are coming back next month. We couldn't figure out exactly how we were gonna tell them what has been going on. We just hate seeing her like this. I mean, we wanna help her, cause we got a big show choir competition coming up and Rachel's kind of our best singer, and the last thing that we want is her vomiting or passing out on stage," Kurt said.

"She'll be able to get better by then, I can promise that," Dr. Swan said.

"Thank you, doctor," Kurt said.

On the drive back home, Rachel was half asleep, her eyelids fluttering. When they parked in front of the Berry residence, Rachel's head rolled on the back seat.

"Rach, Rachel, we are home now," Mercedes said softly, shaking her shoulder. Rachel wanted to tell her friend to shut up and let her sleep, but she just yawned."Rach, c'mon, we know you're tired, but at least get out of the car."

Kurt was tired of fooling around, so he opened the door, unbuckled Rachel and cradled her in his arms, carrying her to bed after he unlocked the door.

"Careful, Kurt," Mercedes cautioned him.

"She's lost a lot of weight," Kurt reminded her. As soon as they got to Rachel's room, the softness of the pillow and the sinking of her mattress were the last two things that Rachel felt before drifting off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. Kurt kissed her forehead as Mercedes tucked her in.

After at least a month of group therapy, counseling and a proper diet and exercise routine, Rachel slowly felt better. She stopped throwing up and her urge to cut seemed to die down. One day, Kurt and Mercedes approached her, finding Rachel eating a veggie burger and a side of veggie chips and a vegan dark chocolate cupcake, along with soy milk infused coffee.

"What the hell?" Mercedes asked her as Kurt sat next to Rachel.

"I may have recovered one hundred percent," Rachel smirked. Kurt noticed Rachel was slowly starting to get back to having a healthy weight, as she seemed to be less thin. Kurt hugged her tight. He was so proud of her. She was finally getting better.

Suddenly, Finn came up to them grinning. He wrapped Rachel in his arms and kissed her, to the point where they were half making out.

"Eww, get a room!" Kurt demanded. "I love ya both, but you're worse than Mike and Tina!"

"Whoes worse than us?" Mike demanded, walking up to them with his arm around Tina, Artie at his side with Brittany seated in Artie's lap.

"Finn and Rachel!" Mercedes said.

As Finn and Rachel continued to obnoxiously kiss for what seemed like a half hour, Kurt went in and said, "Hey, c'mon you two, break it up!"

Finn chuckled and released Rachel.

"So, looks like we are headed to NYC tomorrow!" Finn announced.

"But, first order of buisness, Rachel, why didn't ask Mr. Schue to suspend the two little devils?" Mike asked her, sitting next to Kurt.

"Look, I didn't want anyone suspended, because then we wouldn't be able to qualify for Nationals," Rachel explained.

"Yeah, as usual, always taking one for the team," Brittany said.

Suddenly, Kurt's boyfriend, Blaine, came up from behind Kurt and the two and both boys started to kiss. They also noticed Wes and David with him.

"Oh dear Lord," Artie said shaking his head.

"God the both of you!" Finn said rolling his eyes.

Kurt broke up from the kiss immediately, not wanting to attract any unwanted attention. "God, Blaine Warbler what are you doing here? How did you get on campus?"

"Warbler practice got canceled? What are they gonna do to me?" Blaine said.

"Uh, arrest you?" Mike joked.

"Throw you out after they call security?" Rachel suggested.

"Yeah, exactly how David acts around his girlfriend," Wes said.

"What?" David demanded.

"Yeah, yeah that's exactly how you guys act! Don't pretend it's not true!" Wes said.

Kurt chuckled. "You guys are insane."

At Nationals, New Directions headed to the arena, where the competition was being held. In the restroom, Rachel was drinking herbal tea and warming up her vocal chords, when Quinn and Santana came up to her.

"Look, if you two are just here to be bitches to me and make me barf again then I'll ask Mr. Schue to suspend you both," Rachel said.

"No," Quinn said. "I think that after having Mr. Schuester yell at us for doing what we did to you, it's about time we apologized. I guess that we thought making light of it would be funny, but it's no longer funny after we realized how much we hurt you."

"Wow, it only took you guys an entire year to realize that you made me starve, puke and cut myself, and if Kurt and Mercedes hadn't stopped me I would've been dead now!" Rachel said angrily.

"Look, what we did to you was wrong and we're sorry, okay? We shouldn't have done that to you and we're sorry. We are truly, truly sorry!" Santana said.

"And why should I believe that?! You tortured me for months, kicked me in the stomach, called me terrible names, said I was fat. . ." The list went on and on and on.

"Rachel," Quinn said, using her real name instead of "Fatso" or"Man Hands." "We know what we did, and you don't think that we feel awful about that? We are sorry! Really! We know we called you terrible, abusive names, we know that we drove you to self harm and we know that we made you puke yourself! We're sorry that we hurt you the way we did! Okay? We mean it!"

"Rach, we're sorry we hurt you the way we did. We didn't mean it," Santana said. "Can you forgive us?"

Rachel thought about it. She really believed them. She nodded. "Okay."

Santana and Quinn pulled her into a hug, smiling.

When it was time for ND to go on stage, Rachel took her place on stage, Santana, Quinn, Mike and Kurt standing behind her. Rachel let out a sigh, and the music started up:

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better
To watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here,
Watch you disappear
Yeah, oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Oh Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

(Like a skyscraper)

Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As Rachel held out the very last note, the audience rose to their feet, whooping and screaming. Rachel grinned, looked back at Kurt, who gave her a thumbs up winking. She had never felt more better in her entire life.