Charles

It is a warm spring day in London. The family is in the midst of being served dinner when Thomas sidles up next to Mr. Carson. This is Mr. Barrow's first stay in London as Underbutler. He assumes he is being trained to take over the season for the aging butler. The man is certainly slowing a bit and perhaps considering retirement, but he knows Mr. Carson will never leave his place willingly. Now is his chance to unnerve the old man, he thinks slyly. He wants the job. Will do anything to undermine the Butler and cause the family to think he's beginning to tire in his duties. Barrow knows the only chance he has to succeed is the family suggesting Carson relax, retire, and enjoy his golden years.

He whispers quietly to his superior, not wanting the family to hear. "Interesting news from home today, Mr. Carson. Why did you not tell me our lovely Mrs. Hughes was walking out with Haxby's new estate manager?"

He watches as the older mans face drops and eyes widen in shock. Thomas knew it would come as a surprise to him. Knew she would not tell him in their many letters. He recovers quickly. "Well, it's neither my business, nor yours Barrow. You may go decant the dessert wine." He dismisses him and Thomas watches the unflappable butlers shoulders hunch and eyes begin to get glassy. He almost feels sorry for him. Almost. If he can't have his love. Why should this arrogant, condescending man?

Charles stares off at the wall, feeling the panic race through him now. She can't be? She wouldn't! Not after all this time together. Who is he kidding. Together! He scoffs at himself. He has never... She has never... For all he knows she has no deep feelings of love for him. Yet, he knows it's not true, knows she loves him. Has known for some time now. She has always been there for him, caring for him. His equal, his opposite, the other solid pillar holding up the great house of Downton. He feels as though he could be sick. Surely Thomas was jesting? Just trying to rile him, perhaps. There was no way his beautiful, loving, housekeeper would be walking out with another man. And an estate manager, no less. He knew of the man, 'they' had met him in the village even. Late fifties, tall, dark graying hair, broad shouldered. A Mr. Ian Tavish. He thought back and knew he should have taken notice immediately to the attentions the man was bestowing on his housekeeper. He was furious. What would they have in common? Who was the man but a ... Well, he was employed, kind, intelligent, widowed, charming, Scottish. Good Lord, I've lost her! Trying to keep full composure, his mind races! He can feel his breath shortening and his chest tightening. "Control yourself", he silently commands, but is unable to stand any longer and turns, hunching over the sideboard.

"Carson! Are you quite alright?" Lady mary nearly shouts. Concern in her voice as she stands and heads towards him quickly.

"Yes. Yes, of course! My lady. Please do sit. I do not wish to..."

Thomas steps in. "I'm sorry, Mr. Carson. I do beg your pardon, my Lady. It may have been my fault. I suppose I upset him by speaking out of turn."

"Well whatever could you have said, Thomas?" She glared at him and he knew it was his chance.

"I only conveyed that news from home said Mrs. Hughes has been walking out with A gentleman in our absence." Thomas stated matter of factly.

Gasps came from around the room! "Thomas!" Carson growled. "Do keep your idle gossip to yourself and collect the dessert wine."

"Of course, Mr. Carson," he turned smirking to himself.

Mary turned to see her devoted butler and friend visibly shaken. She couldn't keep her eyes from him. He had definitely confirmed what she had believed for quite some years now. He was in love with Mrs. Hughes. Did they have an understanding, an unspoken commitment? Knowing Carson as she did, an illicit affair seemed highly unlikely. Although she did wonder...

...

Charles excused himself after dinner and left Thomas to tend the family. The news had hit him hard. Could this possibly be true? Would she marry the man? Would she leave him? How could this happen? His heart was just waking up. He could feel the walls come tumbling down around him. For her, because of her. He thought everything had changed between them after Griggs came, after he told her of his past. He had shared more with her than he ever had before, then he ever had with anyone. He missed her. Her smile, her voice, her kind eyes so full of care. The gentle curves of her body and the teasing sway of her hips. Her pushing and pulling of him. Her guidance and reprimands. He couldn't wait to get home to her. Was determined this would be the last season he would be parted from his beloved housekeeper. He wanted to get to know her better. To take his time uncovering her secrets and desires. He would not rush her. However, he would no longer waste the precious time they had left with one another. He would discover the inner workings of her heart and soul. To earn the love he already knew he had from her. But did he have that love now? Had he ever had it? What if he had lost her after all this time. He would have no one to blame but himself and stubborn and foolhardy reticence. Why did he not tell her before he left? He knows she would have waited for him. He assumed she was going to be waiting for him as she always has. He would not, could not blame her for giving up on him...