Chapter one

Harry Potter slowly wakes, groaning with the pounding pain in his head. He knew he'd drank too much last night, but he just couldn't help celebrating with all his friends. The ministry had put on a party for everyone that had fought in the battle of Hogwarts. And did everyone party, to the point that so many either stumbled out drunk or passed out drunk. It was a year to the day that Voldemort fell and everyone wanted to celebrate that he was finally gone, which they did. Naturally Harry spent most of his time with Hermione and Ron, but he did spend a lot of time with Ginny who was pushing to get their newly formed relationship into a more serious one, something Harry didn't want.

He groaned again then sat up, looking around at an unfamiliar bedroom. He knew it wasn't any of the rooms at the Burrow, it wasn't any of his bedrooms in his house, and nothing at all looked familiar. Then Harry heard it, water running, like someone was having a shower. He turned his aching head and saw a closed door, where the sound was coming from. Maybe Ginny worked on somewhere they could spend the night and she was having a shower. They had been having sex even if Harry still didn't really want a relationship with her. But Ginny refused to stop having sex and it was all her idea to begin with, not that Harry complained very much he just didn't feel right about it, in a lot of ways. Harry swung his legs out of the bed, noticed he was also naked, but something else caught his attention, something that didn't feel quite right. Before he could even consider why or what was going on, the door opened and Harry's mouth dropped open.

'You're awake, about time lover.'

Harry tried to speak, swallowed then tried again, finally he shook his head before trying again. 'Charlie, what in the blazes is going on here?'

'Ah, you don't remember our fun last night?' Charlie sat beside Harry, taking his hand, slipped one of Harry's fingers into his mouth, sucked it, then kissed it as he pulled it back out, 'We fucked each other silly last night, it's a wonder you don't feel it, being your first time with a man.'

'I did, but wasn't sure why, but how…this…what,' Harry mumbled, shook his head again before working on what he had to say, 'You know I'm dating your sister, we're having sex and you and I…' Harry shook his head then fell back on the bed, 'Oh merlin.'

Charlie moved so he was looking down at Harry then kissed his lips, 'I have wanted to fuck you for years Harry, last night I got that chance and you were all for it.'

'Okay, but how?'

'We got talking. You were plastered mate, I was basically holding you up. You were telling me about the first time you saw me and what happened after because you kept thinking about it.'

Harry flung his arm across his eyes, 'Oh blimey.'

'Yeah, seems my looks turned you one, the first time you got an erection and I did that,' Charlie took Harry's arm off his face, 'You keep the fact that your gay to yourself, like I do, why?'

'Charlie,' Harry sighed, 'Well, you know people still don't accept gay men, so I tried to make myself change, be straight.'

'It doesn't work that way Harry, you're born one way or the other, it's who we are, so you need to learn to accept it, accept your real self. True it's not accepted, that's why I keep it hidden from my family, apart from Bill who's always known. Does anyone know about you?'

'Sirius knew, I needed someone to talk to about what happened when I saw you. I could trust Sirius not to say anything and he wouldn't turn away from me, which he didn't. He couldn't really help with advice as he wasn't gay. Blimey, gay, I'm gay. I've never said that out loud before.'

Charlie brushed his lips over Harry's again, 'Feels good, saying it,' he said softly against Harry's lips, 'Feels even betting doing something about it, just think, you're not a gay virgin anymore.'

'Charlie,' Harry sighed again, 'What am I going to do? And what did you mean you wanted to, well, you know, for years you said?'

Charlie chuckled, 'You know,' he raised his eyebrows, 'You weren't so shy last night when you were telling me to fuck you, shouted, begged me to fuck you, to pound you hard,' Charlie smirked, 'Which I did, a few times and you fucked me as well, a few times.'

'We have to keep this between us,' Harry closed his eyes, 'What am I going to do about your sister?'

'Listen Harry,' Charlie kissed him again, 'We keep this secret, because now we've got together, I'm not giving you up, there's no way. So stay fucking my sister, which keeps everyone from figuring it out.'

'That wouldn't be right, I'll just tell her it's over, let her think it's just not working for me, which it isn't. She needs to get me up, I just can't seem to do anything about that. She just doesn't turn me on.'

'That's normal for gay blokes, but it's your decision babe, but I want to keep seeing you and you told me you want to be with me. You kept playing with my ponytail, telling me you like my long hair.'

Harry smiled, he just couldn't help himself, 'I do, I hated it when you're mum cut your hair and Bill's hair for the wedding,' Harry reached up and grabbed Charlie's hair, 'I've wanted you for a while as well, but I couldn't say anything, not knowing you were gay to start with and how your sister has always felt about me. Oh I hope she doesn't find out about us, bat bogeys, not looking forward to those.'

Charlie laughed then fell back on the bed, pulling Harry on top of him, 'She won't, this is my place and it's enchanted so no one can just apparate in or floo in. They have to knock on the door.'

'I couldn't do that to my place, Hermione and Ron would instantly want to know why they couldn't get in. I could charm my bedroom door and also allow apparition in and out of that room. That way if we're in there together and they turn up, at least you can leave without them finding out.'

'That might work.'

Harry smiled down at Charlie, 'I need the bathroom, you're cock is pressing into my bladder.'

'It was pressing into your arse last night, not to mention your mouth, you have a wicked tongue Harry.'

Harry chuckled then rolled off and stood up, 'I wish I could remember and I would like to get rid of this blasted headache.'

'There's a potion in the kitchen for you, why do you think I feel so good. Now go relieve yourself and shower, then we'll eat.'

'I should get home, Hermione and Ron might drop in. They'll wonder where I am if they don't see me. Hey, did anyone see us leave together?'

'No, we snuck out,' Charlie stood up and ran his finger down Harry's stomach until he came to his member, 'I want to fuck you again.'

Harry instantly felt himself react, 'Um, yeah, but I really should go home first.'

'Come back later then, now go before I take you again right now.'

Harry chuckled then kissed Charlie before heading into the bathroom. After getting rid of his full bladder, he showered, dried and went back into the bedroom and found his clothes, all over the floor which made him laugh. After running his fingers through his hair he found Charlie in the kitchen, cooking, but he pointed to a small bottle on the table.

'Thanks,' Harry drank the potion, grimacing at the taste, 'I better go,' he stared at Charlie, 'Even though I don't want to.'

'Then don't, stay with me.'

'Charlie, they'll worry, they'll think someone got hold of me when I was drunk, I have to go.'

Charlie turns his cooker down then wrapped his arms around Harry, kissing him hungrily, his mouth tasting Harry.

The moment their lips parted, Harry smiled, 'I will be back, tonight.'

'Good,' Charlie kissed him again, 'You need to go outside to apparate, it's an all wizard area, so you're fine.'

'Okay,' Harry grinned, shook his head then left, apparating to the secluded lane not far from his home. He walked slowly towards his house, looking around as he did. He stepped inside and saw his friends sitting at the table, but Ginny was there as well and he knew the questions would start. Now he had to work out what to say so they wouldn't get suspicious.

'Where the hell have you been? We've been worried sick,' Ginny shouted as she ran to Harry, but stopped when he held his hand up.

'Be right back,' Harry practically ran up the stairs, into his bedroom then into his bathroom, 'This gives me a minute to work on what to say,' Harry paced around his large bathroom then stared out the window, down at the overgrown and messy garden next door, 'That's it, they would believe that,' Harry grinned, washed his hands, brushed his teeth since he couldn't do it earlier. He then ran his comb through his hair and tied it back then headed down stairs and into his kitchen to make a cup of tea, 'Anyone want a cup?' he asked as he faced his friends who looked a little put out and didn't answer. He shrugged then finished making his tea, taking a sip, 'Oh that's good,' he sat down, 'Now what were you yelling about Ginny? You know I won't normally answer when you yell, I don't like yelling.'

'We were worried Harry, you disappeared last night, you were drunk. We come here this morning and you weren't here and it looked like you didn't sleep here either,' Hermione said not hiding the frustration in her voice.

'I didn't sleep here and yeah, I was drunk, plastered I was.'

'So where did you sleep?' Ginny asked in a tight voice trying to control her anger and yelling because she knew Harry would refuse to answer her if she did.

'I was here, well, not here in this house, but next door. I woke up on the old sofa, must have went to the wrong door.'

'We tried the door Harry, it was still sealed,' Hermione said in an accusatory tone, like she didn't believe him.

'I must have sealed it after me, I did when I left a minute ago. Ron, you're quiet, still got a hangover?'

'No, I'm just wondering if I believe you or not or if you ended up shagging one of those girls that kept throwing themselves at you last night.'

'I never shagged any girl last night, believe me,' Harry gave his friend a smile knowing that was true, he shagged a bloke, 'But if I did, then I did, but I didn't. I said I don't want serious, I said I want to have fun. I'm going to do that and if that means I go fuck a dozen girls, then I will,' Harry got back up and started making his breakfast to the shocked silence behind him.

'Did you?' Ginny asked quietly but those two words radiated how jealous she was.

'No, I didn't, I was too drunk, passed out not long after I got there,' Harry jerked his head towards the wall meaning next door, 'But I have told you I might Gin, you're the one that said we'd still be together even if I did. But last night, no, I wanted to talk to my parent's, and what better place than their home, but as I said, I passed out.'

'You can talk to us, you know that,' Hermione said quietly.

'Sometimes I want to talk to them, I like to even if they can't answer me. They can't judge me, they can't get angry, they can't yell, they can't disapprove of what I might do or say. You can and I don't want to listen to that, not when I'm trying to work some things out.'

'Talking things over with someone helps Harry, I've said that before.'

'I know Hermione, but you also can be judgemental. Ron gets angry and Ginny likes to yell, I don't need any of that. This is my life and I'm going to live it as I see fit, fucking others and all,' Harry finished cooking, put some food onto a plate, then sat down and started eating, 'Apart from wondering if I was alright, is there another reason you dropped in?'

'Yes, this,' Hermione picked up a large envelope with Harry's name on it, 'It's our Hogwarts letters, we thought we could all go shopping together.'

Harry looked down at his plate and kept eating, thinking about that, 'I'm not going back, I changed my mind.'

'But Harry, to be an auror, you need to go back, you know that,' Hermione blurted out quickly, 'You have to go back.'

'I'm not and I'll work on something else to do.'

'But you were talking to Kingsley last night about being an auror, what changed?' Ginny asked.

'A lot, what we were there for made me do a lot of thinking. I know that's why I drank so much,' Harry lied but in some ways that was true. He had been hesitant about returning to Hogwarts to do his last year.

'Tell us then, because we just don't understand why you've gone from wanting to be an auror to not returning to Hogwarts in the space of a few hours,' Ron said.

'It's the place, it's what's happened there over the years. I don't want to see it or remember it. I did die there you know, not something I will forget in a hurry, if ever,' Harry sighed then ran his fingers through his hair, pulling some from the tie. He let his long hair loose, then tied it up again.

'But it was never Hogwarts Harry, it was him, always him, not the place.'

'It still happened there Hermione,' Harry's voice had risen so he took a couple of deep breaths, 'So just accept it, I'm not returning. This last year has shown me exactly what my life has been like, so for the first time in my life I've rested, I've relaxed and I've finally started to feel like I can get through all that shit. I'm relaxing now, I'm not so tense anymore. If I go there I will be, I know it, there would be no way I could concentrate, so I'm not returning,' Harry took the envelope from Hermione, tore it in half, flicked his wand at it, sending it to the bin, 'Hogwarts is done for me.'

'But this decision was so sudden,' Hermione said.

'Not really, when Kingsley first mentioned about a party, he said it was going to be held at Hogwarts. I knew I wouldn't go if that's where it was being held and I think Kingsley saw that on my face, saw the reluctance. It was only a few days later he said it had been changed to the ministry.'

'Is that the only reason you don't want to go, the memories?' Ginny asked.

'No, it is the main reason. It's also the attention, I can't get away from it, I hate it, you know that. It's also how restricted I will feel, I couldn't live like that for a whole year. Being stuck in a room again with others, having to wear uniforms, having to get up so blasted early, no drinking, I like drinking, it's calming. I go out when I want, I come home when I want, if I want to get drunk I will, I haven't until last night, but I can. But the main one is the memories, I can't sit there and not expect to remember everything. So just accept I'm not returning and I think it's best anyway Ginny, gives you a chance to find someone that will only be with you. I know we're not working, I want to see others, you want just us, serious, you want marriage, eventually, I don't, I never will. I'm not the type to love anyone, care yeah, but I'll never love anyone, so it's best just to end this now, find someone that is better for you,' Harry took his plate over to the sink, then washed it up. All he heard was footsteps, he knew his friends had left probably because Ginny was upset. But apart from Charlie, he knew it was the best thing, for him and for them.

Harry sat in his office thinking about how this might help. Since he's not returning to Hogwarts, he could make some changes in his life so Hermione and Ron wouldn't always know what he was doing. It might just stop them asking those questions all the time. He will always care for his friends, but sometimes they annoyed him with how often they questioned him. He was an adult, it was time he started his life as an adult, which meant he wouldn't spend all his spare time with his friends.