A/N: This is definitely one of the toughest things I've ever wrote. I haven't seen too many things like this and there should be more out there, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I sorta messed up with the whole diagnosis thing, saying that chemo went before surgery but it doesn't, so sorry about that!

Thank you to my two amazing helpers, Chandler and Emmerson! I hope you guys enjoy this and please review, I'd like to know how I did with such a strong topic.

Austin's hanging out with her in the shop one day, and she can tell something's wrong. He's not playing with the instruments or walking around much. Instead, he's been sitting down all day looking lost. She brings a plate with a pancake over to him and smiles. "Can I have some of that?"

"My pancake? No way," she shakes her head.

"If you loved me you'd give me a bite," he smiles sweetly.

And she does love him, more than anything. She knows that they're only young, that they're both too afraid to do anything about how they feel for each other and that he was only joking, but she can see a future for the two of them together. She loves him, more than anything.

So, she grins brightly at him as she hands the whole pancake over to him.

She wakes up the next morning, her phone ringing and she picks it up. "Hello?" she says in between a yawn.

"Morning Princess," Austin sings down the phone, making her blush.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" she asks, sitting up in her bed.

"Go downstairs," he says. "To the kitchen. The man of your dreams just cooked you an amazing breakfast and he's close to eating it all himself since you've taken so long to come downstairs."

"George Clooney's in my kitchen?" she teases.

"I'm hurt," he says. "Seriously Ally, come down because I will start without you!"

She chuckles to herself as she hangs up. She knows she shouldn't be so excited, considering he always sneaks in when her father's working just to make her breakfast, but this is the first time he's done this in four months, since he's come back from his tour. It's still a little awkward between them from the unsaid feelings that loom in the air.

When she gets into the kitchen, she grins wildly as the sight of Austin wearing an apron, with flour all over him. She raises her eyebrow and starts to laugh. "I'm still not the best cook, okay?"

"What were you trying to make?" she asks, sitting herself down at the table.

"Homemade pancakes. I see my mom make them all the time, but I didn't know it could be this hard!" he says a little angrily, which she finds adorable. She smiles at him, as she watches him finish the pancakes.

She can get used to waking up to this.

She stands outside her house, mouth wide open from shock. Only Austin Moon would think of doing something like this. He's got a cheesy smile on his face, holding up a boom box playing some old romantic eighties song, which she doesn't recognise.

"What are you doing? You're going to wake up the neighbours!" she says with a giggle, looking around quickly.

"Ally I love you!" he says, making her heart start beating quickly. "I'm sick of trying to tell myself that our friendship is more important."

"And our careers," she continues shakily.

"Who cares about them?" he asks and puts the boom box down. It's still playing as he walks over to her. "I could be another washed up celebrity, doing some shitty reality TV show just trying to find another five minutes in the limelight, but if you were with me, I'd be happy."

"Austin I…" she doesn't know what's going on with her. All she's imagined is this moment, so why is she so hesitant?

He walks even closer to her, their lips inches apart. She can feel his heavy breathing on her neck and she suddenly forgets how to breathe. "Ally, I'm crazy for you. I never thought I would ever feel this way about someone, but you always find new ways to make me fall head over heels in love with you every day."

That's when she crashes her lips onto his. Her lips meet his own, initiating a deep, fiery kiss. It's like all her senses flee from her mind, not caring about anything that's stopped them before, like there's no consequences. All she can feel is Austin kissing her back, her body afloat on cloud nine. He pulls apart, leaving her wanting more.

With a shy smile, he looks at her in the eyes. "AllypleasegooutwithmeIreallyloveyou."

She nods happily, loving the fact she has the power to make him this nervous. "I love you too."

She closes her locker, her books for the next class in her hand. She catches Austin in the corner of her, looking confused and agitated. This has been happening a lot lately, but he won't tell her anything. She feels betrayed – why can't he trust her with what's going on? She's his girlfriend.

She walks over to him and presses a soft kiss to his lips to calm him down, completely ignoring all the dirty looks she's getting from the cheerleaders. When she's with him, she's never felt happier. She doesn't care what those blonde bimbos think, she's happy.

She wishes she could say the same for Austin.

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asks one day, as they're lying on her bed listening to music.

"No, of course not Ally!" he looks up from the magazine in his hands with a shocked expression. "What made you think I would?"

She stares at him to see if he's telling the truth and pauses the music. "You always look so miserable. You have since you got back from the tour."

"Ally, I will never break up with you," he says and she leans in closer to him, relieved.

"So what is it then?" she asks, biting her lip.

"It's nothing," he sighs. Can't he see he's breaking her heart?

"It's not nothing if it's making you so worried," she says, looking him in the eye.

"It's embarrassing," he blushes and she's really confused at this point. And then he tells her everything, both blushing at the worst parts and now she knows why he's been so distant, why he's been less energetic.

They book the doctor's appointment together the next day.

"There's a lump," he begins and she can barely breathe, she's so worried. He looks like he could die from embarrassment any minute, but all she cares about is him getting better. "You know…down there. One of my…um, balls is bigger than the other too. And it really hurts."

"How long has it been like this Mr Moon?" the doctor asks, taking down notes.

"Maybe three months? It started a couple of weeks into my tour, but I didn't think anything of it. I'm sure it's nothing serious," he says nervously.

"On the contrary Mr Moon, this could be something very serious," the doctor stands up and walks closer to Austin, who stands as well. "Have you been experiencing some back pains?"

"Well yeah, right at the bottom," he answers. "But I've been doing a lot of hard choreography. I'm bound to get injured sometime."

"Miss Dawson, I hope you don't mind but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the doctor says. She looks at Austin, who looks like he wants to cry. His eyes are asking her to stay, but he nods.

"Yes doctor," she says shakily and closes the door behind.

She doesn't really know what to think at the moment. All she can register is the look of fear in his eyes, something she never thought she'd ever have to witness.

"I hate hospitals," he moans as he lays his head onto her neck.

She's never been a fan of them herself either. There was nothing appealing to her about the place that you go to get injections or see loved ones die. She brushes the last image out of her mind, not wanting to think about it. "Me too."

"I'm so scared," he whispers quietly, but she catches it. And it breaks her heart.

"This is just a test, you don't need to worry. I promise you, you're going to be okay," she says lovingly into his ear and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.

"What if I am sick?" he asks. And she knows he isn't talking about his career, his fans or even some of his promised roles in Dez's future movies.

She squeezes his hand gently and smiles. "Then I will be with you, every step of the way."

There's a certain emptiness in his eyes and he's staring at her with a blank expression. His glassy eyes never leave her, which should make her uncomfortable, but she's too busy trying to work out what's going on in his mind.

"Are you okay?" she's the first to break the silence, tired of trying to read his thoughts. It's been two weeks since he was diagnosed, and they've never left each other's sides.

He looks away from her and shrugs. "Sure, I'm fine."

"No you're not," she crouches down beside him now, holding her arm out for him. "Come here."

She pulls him gently back and pushes the hair that's practically sticking to his forehead, as he leans back into her, his body almost in her lap.

"I can't do it," he says, his lips quivering.

She doesn't want to know what he means, but she can kinda guess. It wouldn't take a genius to understand what's going on in his mind right now. He's supposed to be strong, he's supposed to believe he can get better and better each day. He's supposed to revel in the fact that testicular cancer has one of the highest survival rates of all types of cancer, but she knows he doesn't think any of those things. And if he doesn't, what is she supposed to think?

He starts to sob into her chest and she sits there on the floor like an idiot for about a minute before he finally gathers himself up and lets out a small cough. It hits her that this is the first time he's cried since he found out, and she wonders to herself how he's been holding it all in.

"Austin, you can't think like that," she says softly, taking her hand and placing it over his shaky one.

"It's not like I don't have a reason," he says, shutting his eyelids tightly.

"No…" It's the only word she can say right now. She's too heartbroken to gather up a few more words to form a complete sentence.

"Ally," he jerks his head around so he's looking at her. "What happens if I die?"

He says it like it's normal, like it's bound to happen. That not even her or him, has a say in this. Why does he have to give up so soon? He makes it seem like death is his only option.

"You're not going to die," she says steadily. "You heard what the doctor said. This is easily curable, you'll be back to normal soon."

He tucks his head into her chest and lets out a small cry. It's so small, she's not sure if he's actually crying. "Why are you here Ally? Why would you want to be here with someone like me, when I'm like...this? Look at me."

"I'm looking," she says, looking down to him as he lets himself weep in her chest, his eyes filled with tears. "All I see is a very handsome man crying, for no reason. Austin, I'm not going anywhere. I mean, I am the one who wrote Can't Do It Without You, you should know it's hard to get rid of me."

He smiles as her horrible joke, and for now, she takes that as a victory.

She can't handle another day like this, but this is just the beginning and she knows he'll get worse.

"Hey princess," he calls out to her when she walks into his bedroom. It's practically their bedroom now, both of their parents trusting them not to do anything. And even if they did want to, they weren't sure if they actually could do anything.

"Whatcha doing?" she asks as she sits herself on the bed beside him. She can see he's looking up more information about his condition, and judging by the smile on his face, he's not too pessimistic about the outcome. Just as she's about to ask him some questions, he runs his finger up along her body, tickling her.

"Stop it!" she squeals in between giggles. She's jumping up and down as he pushes himself on top of her, continuing to tickle her. "Stop it, stop it!"

She's got a huge smile on her face and everything feels like nothing bad ever happened between them, like they were always this happy. "I love it when you smile Alls. You look so beautiful."

He leans down and gently kisses her. They're interrupted by his mother knocking on the door to tell them dinner's ready.

She loves moments like these, and she wishes there could be more.

"You up for the carnival today?" he asks, as she walks out of the bathroom after getting dressed for the day ahead.

She wants to ask if he's the one who's up for it, because he has his first dose of chemotherapy tomorrow, but if this is his way of spending his last normal day before treatment starts, then she's not going to get in the way. "Sure, sounds like an awesome idea!"

First stop at the carnival is the food stall. She tries to pay for her own food, but he puts up a fight. The least she can do is pay for the drinks, which he isn't too happy about. She then drags him to the photo booth, planning to keep memories of this day forever. She didn't realise how small the colourful booth was and had to keep in a scream from the shock of Austin pulling her down to sit on his lap.

"You didn't think we'd both fit, did you?" he asks and places his arms around her waist.

She loves his touch, it makes her feel electrifying. And as cliché as it sounds, she feels like she can truly do anything when he's holding onto her hand, or running his finger against her cheek. She blushes and nods, knowing he's right.

She presses the button to take some pictures. They go through every cheesy couples poses, but she loves them. There's a picture of the two smiling sweetly, one with Austin kissing her cheek and of course, her lips. They do some funny poses too, getting their money's worth for these pictures. When she has the pictures in her hand, she can't help but laugh at them.

"You always manage to look so picture perfect Mr Moon," she smiles as she hands them to him.

He laughs along with her and shrugs. "What can I say?" he elbows her playfully and they start walking away from the booth. "I know what to do next!"

"What?" she asks. She doesn't get a reply though, he just drags her to one of the stands and she watches as he pays.

As Austin focuses on hitting the aim with his water gun, she watches him. He's really impressive and she isn't just talking about his overall skills, the traits everybody can see and compliment him for, like singing and dancing. For her it's about the small things, about knowing Austin layer by layer, wall by wall. It's about knowing he trusts her enough to let her into his life and heart. It's about watching as he strongly fights his battle, which she has nothing but confidence that he can beat.

A bell rings, waking her up from her thoughts, and she blinks startled, wondering how long she had been completely hypnotized by him.

"I won!" he says happily and puts the water gun down. She watches as he looks at the different prizes and studies them intently. He finally settles on a large blue dolphin and smiles at the man running the stand as he's handing it over. He smiles down at her and hands it to her. "Here you go."

"For me?" she asks and he nods happily. She can't control her smile as she hugs him. "He's just like Dougie the Dolphin. Thank you, Austin."

The sun starts to set and the sudden realisation that they had been on the carnival for hours hits her. She doesn't want to leave, because she knows they both have so much to worry about when they get home. She doesn't want this perfect day to end, and neither does Austin as it seems.

"There's one more thing I want to do Als," he entwines his fingers with hers and she looks up at him. He leads them to their destination and she lets out a small chuckle as she looks at what he wants to do.

"Really?" she smiles. "The Ferris wheel?"

"What?" he asks a little defensively, but she knows he didn't take it to heart.

"It's a little cliché, even for us," she tries to stifle her upcoming giggles, but fails.

"And you have a problem with that?" he fakes offense.

She rolls her eyes, but plays along. "No! I love clichés."

"In that case…did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?" he winks and starts to laugh. She's laughing along with him, but she's trying to savour the moment too. Chemotherapy is a tough treatment, she knows that, and she doesn't know how long it will be before she hears that sweet sound again.

They wait in line together, in a comfortable silence. Words don't need to be said on a day like this, everything's perfect already. They soon are let onto it, and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. She lays rests her back against his chest and sighs contently. She feels safer in his arms, which is a bonus since she's not a big fan of heights.

"I feel like I'm on top of the world," he chuckles softly to himself.

"Thank you for this whole day," she looks up and bites her lip. "And not just that, but for everything that you've done for me. The old Ally would have never experienced an amazing day like this."

"I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found you," he says and presses her closer. "I would have had to face this all alone." He sighs and she tries to read his expression, but it's hard, so she waits for him to say something more. "You don't have to be there for me tomorrow. I know you said you want to, but you have your own life to live now. You have your own music to record. I just don't want you to stop living your dreams because of me."

"But when I'm with you, I am living my dreams," she says, knowing how cheesy she just sounded and leans in for a kiss. The kiss is slow and tender, but it doesn't take long for it to deepen. When they pull apart, she looks into his eyes and sees a darkness clouding them. Her heart beats a mile a minute and her cheeks redden, but she somehow manages to clear her throat and get her breathing back to normality. "I was doing some research last night. And it said that you can still…do stuff."

Her cheeks burn an even deeper shade of red as she fumbles to get the words out. She can tell he's confused, he's looking for a reaction from her. "We don't have to do that Ally."

"I know," she takes a deep breath. "But I love you… And I want to love you in every single way."

The drive home seems like one of the longest journeys of her life. That could also be because Austin kept stopping the car to kiss her, not having any control over his emotions. When they finally reached his house, they're more than relieved to find a note saying that his parents won't be home for the night. He takes her hand and guides her to his room.

She's nervous.

She's really nervous.

But somehow, being so close to Austin seemed so right, like she had been missing out on so many things. The way his muscles pressed against her body, it made her feel butterflies.

As he takes off her t-shirt, she looks down embarrassed. "Look at me," he places his hand gently under her chin and raises it up. "You're beautiful. You're more than beautiful. You're…you. And you don't know how crazy that drives me."

The whole night was an experience she knows she'll never forget. The first time he entered her, she felt a love so strong for him. Their bodies fit so well together, that everything made perfect sense to her.

When they finish, she curls to his side and kisses his shoulder gently. "I love you."

"I love you more Ally."

"Morning beautiful," she hears Austin call out as she starts to wriggle around. She turns around to face him, when she fully remembers the night before. She's self-conscious about her naked body and wraps even more of the blanket around her.

She's glad that he was her first, he was so gentle and loving. And waking up in the same bed as him is something she'd never get tired of. Especially if he'd wake her up with a kiss, like he's doing now.

"Good morning," she says. "Where you watching me sleep?"

"Guilty as charged," he smirks. "I can't help myself, you're so beautiful."

She can't help but blush, and tries to hide her face in the blankets. She doesn't fully believe him, but she wants to. "How did I ever end up with such an amazing boyfriend?"

He can't help but grin as he leans in closer to her again. "I don't know. But maybe you should do your best to hold onto him for as long as you can."

"That was my plan," she giggles to herself before checking the time. "We need to get going soon."

The light mood shifts to a more serious one, and he sighs as he sits himself up. "I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

It's been two months since he's started his chemo, and there's no improvement. She's been keeping herself occupied with looking after him when he's too sick to do anything and writing new music. Not like she'll use them though. She just doesn't see a future in music without Austin. And now he's too sick from the treatment to even consider going back into the studio. He hates chemo, she knows it. But he's strong and she believes in him every step of the way. She knows that he'll survive this.

They're in the hospital, talking about anything and everything, waiting for the doctor to come back, when he finds out about the other option. The doctor tells him that the safest route for them to remove the cancer, is to surgically remove his testicle. She's never seen him so quiet before, waiting in his hospital bed for the doctor to leave. He clenches his jaw as the doctor goes out the room, muttering his apologies for their situation. And then he breaks down.

"But I won't be a man!" he cries out to her. "Do you know how it feels to be sick with…this? And now they want to chop it off, like it's nothing. But it is. It a sign that I'm still a man."

He keeps saying he's going to lose his identity from the operation. But she doesn't understand why he won't do it. "Why are you even here still? You deserve so much better," he sobs and she wraps her arms around him, trying to give him some comfort. "Don't touch me!"

She steps away, watching him. "Austin…"

"Get out! I don't need your help anymore. Just leave me alone!" he shouts. She doesn't move, instead she sits down on the chair closest to the door. She's digging her hands into the chair, trying her best not to cry too, even if she feels like her heart is breaking into tiny pieces. "Why the fuck won't you listen to me? Just get out of this hospital and get out of my life!"

"Austin will you calm down?" she shouts, which shuts him up. It's the first time he's heard her shout like this and she can see it in his eyes, the look of guilt. They're both desperate now – he just wants to live normally again, while she just wants him to hold on. "This operation will save your life. So what if you're missing one testicle? This operation will help you live a long life."

He looks down, ashamed to look her in the eye. "But…"

"And don't say that you're not a man because you're losing one of your balls. What makes you a man is the way you go through this. The way you keep your strength, the way you always put everyone first even though you're the one who is sick, just to make sure they're happy. But this?" she's crying now. She doesn't care about trying to be strong for him at the moment. All she cares about is him getting better. "This isn't something a man would do."

And she finally leaves. She doesn't wait for his reaction. She doesn't even go back to apologise a couple of minutes later. Instead, she goes home to her father, where she hasn't stayed for so long, and she cries in his arms.

She cries because he doesn't deserve this. She cries for his family and friends, who are also going through this. And she cries because this isn't the future she had planned out for them.

The machines are beeping loud and he's breathing steadily. That's a good sign, she knows that. But he still hasn't woken up.

"I know you hate me right now, but I'm doing it. For you." She woke up to a voicemail on her phone two days ago and ever since then, she hasn't left the hospital. She could never hate him, even when he stole her song, she saw the good in him. She squeezes his hand, trying to let him know she's here.

She always will be here.

She's realised that she can't be selfish anymore. The days she didn't speak to him, she was just trying to get some Ally time. But like Austin, she's realised it can only be Austin and Ally time. She swears to herself she's never leaving his side again, even if she can't handle watching him fall apart.

Especially if she's falling apart inside.

He wakes up the next day, in a confused daze. She sits at the back of the room, as his parents shower him with kisses and hugs. She doesn't even know if he wants her to be there. They exchange a look and she smiles awkwardly, before she leaves.

She walks to the waiting room, where Trish and Dez are bickering about something. She sits beside them and lets out a frustrated moan. "He's awake."

"You don't sound too happy about that," Dez says to her.

She feels guilty at his words. She normally would have hugged them and screamed, but this time it was different. "I am happy, I promise! But…" she says and looks down.

"But?" Trish repeats, placing all her attention on her instead of Dez.

They're looking for an answer, but she doesn't even know it herself. She just shrugs and tries her best not to cry in front of her friends. "You should go see him, he'll be happy to know you're here."

They leave silently, and she punches the table, trying to feel something. People turn to look at her, and she leaves the room, embarrassed at the sudden attention. She walks through different wards, watching the patients, trying to find her way out of the hospital. She should be with him, making sure he's okay. But she can't bring herself to go into his room and face everyone, knowing what they'll all be thinking. She's been acting like a horrible girlfriend and best friend, but she doesn't know what else to do.

She feels so guilty, like this is all her fault. He never wanted the operation and now he's going to resent her for making him do it. He's going to hate her for the rest of his life.

And she hopes, with the bottom of her heart, that it's going to be a long life full of hatred.

She quietly walks into his room, when everyone's left and he's asleep. She can see the tear stains on his cheeks and a pang of guilt hits her. She pushes the chair closer to his bed and takes a deep breath. She can't cry, not here. But she does cry. She can't help but feel like this is partly her fault, that he could have gotten better his way if they tried harder.

"Don't cry," she looks up to see Austin awake, looking worried.

She dries her eyes quickly and blushes. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"Ally, please don't pretend you're okay when you're not," he lifts himself up slowly and dries the tears her cheeks with his finger. "Don't you hate it? Not ever saying how you really feel?"

She doesn't know what to say to him. She doesn't want to turn this around on her, because she knows he's going through so much worse. She smiles sadly and sighs. "I missed you."

He smiles brightly at her and entwines his hand with hers. "Why? I'm not going anywhere."

At first, it's a big adjustment to him. He doesn't know how to live life after the operation. Some people think he's making a big deal about it, but she understands. Finally. And day by day, he slowly goes back to normal. He continues with chemo, to reduce chance of the cancer coming back, but he finally can give it up.

They go back to their normal routines, both putting their efforts into their relationship, their music and handling fame. A year later, he's about to record his new album, when she's about to go on tour for the first time. He's staying in Miami with Dez, so it's just her and Trish on the tour bus.

"Are you sure I can do this?" he asks her, pen in his hand. He's looking at the blank piece of paper in frustration and she thinks it's one of the cutest things she's ever seen.

"To write the perfect song, you need to lose the fear of being wrong and getting rejected," she kisses his cheek and goes back to packing. She's so excited about this tour, nothing can ruin this for her. She is sad he can't go with her, but it's only for a couple of months. They done it before and they can do it again.

He's scribbling down something quickly and she can see he hasn't repeated any of the words or wrote about pioneer rangers. She bites her lip happily, realising she's never been in love more in love with him than this moment.

"Good evening Madison Square Garden!" she shouts into the microphone, not fully believing she got here. She's now twenty five and living the dream.

She's had two number one albums, a world tour and she's engaged to Austin Moon. She sometimes likes to stop and look back at everything, just to realise how lucky she is right now. Ten years ago, she embarrassed herself on live TV (which still haunts her to this very day) and couldn't even sing in front of her father. And now? She's preforming for thousands of peoples. Nineteen thousand tonight, to be exact.

What's happened to Team Austin? Austin's been a little different recently, but they've both been so busy with their careers that she doesn't blame him. Dez's directing debut made him a star, and now he's known around the world for his movies. Trish's first acting job was in Dez's movie, which catapulted her to Hollywood. Now she's either on Broadway belting out big numbers, or in blockbusters.

Everything's going so right, not just for her but for everyone, and she's finally at the place she's supposed to be.

A couple of months later, she finds out she's pregnant. The doctors had told him that he'd still be able to have kids, but they never believed it. And now here she is, holding the fourth pregnancy test in her hand, sitting on their bed. She hears him open the front door, and she panics. What will he say? Will he want the child or will he leave? She doesn't even know if she wants the baby. She's been so busy lately and it could be hard for her to drop everything. She doesn't even know if she'll be a good mom.

She's too busy freaking out that she misses him walk into their bedroom. She's awoken from him dropping the guitar in his hand and he rushes over to her.

"Is that a…?"

"Yeah."

"What does it say?" he asks.

She hands him the test and gets off the bed. He slumps down on it and throws it on the ground. But then there's a change in his mood, suddenly taking her in his arms, and twirls her around the room. He happily kisses her cheeks and her forehead, practically anywhere he can. "I'm going to be a father!"

She's never seen him so happy, that she can't help but let go her insecurities

"Ally, there's a call for you," her manager interrupts her while she's recording a song and she knows this isn't good news. She hesitantly leaves the room, not knowing what to expect.

But nothing could comprehend the next words she'd hear.

"Austin's back in hospital."

Only in rare cases, does the cancer spread to the lungs. "But everything about me is rare, right?" Austin chuckles slowly, trying to lighten the mood.

She learns that he's known about this for a while. And whenever he told her he was in the studio, he was really in the hospital. She doesn't even know why he didn't tell her, but she doesn't care about that right now.

He's getting sicker and sicker, and there's not much either of them can do about it. They both stay optimistic about his chances though. He's survived it before, so why can't he do it again?

"I'm gonna stay here for the little baby," he says before breaking into a fit of coughing. "I'm going to sing to her every day."

"It's going to be a girl?" she asks, her heart breaking as she rubs her growing stomach.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, nodding. Drying the tears from her eyes, she listens as he sings.

Isn't she lovely

Isn't she wonderful

Isn't she precious

Less than one minute old

I never thought through love we'd be

Making one as lovely as she

But isn't she lovely made from love (1)

He stops there, closing his eyes. He's so weak, not even the love he has for his unborn child can keep him going.

"I want you to find someone straight after I die," he says. "I do."

"I wouldn't," she says breathily, as he lies his head down on her stomach. He's gave up hope, and now he just wants to see his child before he goes. She hates when he talks about his death, but she can't say anything to him about it. "You're the only one for me Austin."

"When I'm gone," he says with a sharp breath. "Your thoughts won't be the same. Trust me."

She wants to trust him, so bad, but it's hard. Especially when he can say one night that he's leaving him and that he can't go to the maternity classes because he's so sick even moving hurts and the next he's up and about, making her pancakes and talking about their child's future, including their nursery and what instruments they'll be able to play. She just wishes there was some way she could tell what will happen or some way that he could tell what will happen.

But there isn't.

So once he falls asleep in her arms because he's feeling too drained to even sit up anymore, she sits on the end of the couch, takes his calves and drapes them across her knees and just cries. She doesn't even bother being quiet about it anymore.

He's admitted back to the hospital on a Tuesday, two months before her due date. When she finally gets to visit him, she can see him covered in wires helping him breathe. It should scare her, but it doesn't. She can still see how the fifteen year Austin Moon that she fell in love with, so they don't mean anything to her.

He's sleeping when she walks up to his hospital bed, plants a kiss on the side of his cheek and whispers 'I love you' into his ear.

He turns to his side as he opens his eyes and looks up at her lazily. "Thank you," he says. "Thank you for looking after me." His words are slowed and almost too low to understand, but she hears them. She hears every word.

All she can do is reach out, stroke one of his cheeks and tell him to stay strong.

All he can do is reach out his shaky hand to her, rub the top of her arm and tell her he's done trying.

She's not exactly sure what he means, and she's way too tired to overthink it, so she just kisses him and tells him to get some sleep.

And sleep he does.

Forty-three hours pass and he still hasn't woken up.

"He has a pulse," the nurse tells her.

"How much longer?" she asks, not even caring if anyone else in the room doesn't want to know. She's been in and out of the hospital all weekend, only leaving when she was told to go home. It's not too often, at least. She can see Trish and Dez look at each other and their hands find each other's, while his parents are crying to each other at the other corner of the room.

The nurse shrugs, looks up to her with almost indifferent eyes. "He's pretty strong," she says. "Your fiancé…he's pretty strong."

"I know," she looks down at Austin and tries her hardest not to cry. She doesn't want to be seen crying, not now. Mike and Mimi leave the room to fill out some paperwork and the nurse follows them.

Trish and Dez leave too, so she's left holding his hand on her own. She's so tired, but she's afraid that if she closes her eyes, she'll never see him again.

He wakes up the next day and he's half the man she's ever seen. He clutches onto her wrist weakly with the last bit of strength he's got. "Take care of yourself. I know that you will. You're…you're so strong Ally."

"That's you," she says, giving his hand a tiny squeeze.

"Soon I won't have to be," he tries to place his free hand on top of hers, but he's too weak.

"Don't leave me yet," is all she says, not knowing what to do. "This wasn't supposed to happen. We were going to raise a family together."

"But it did," he answers. "And there's nothing any of us can do about it."

He starts to cough violently. She heard him complain about not breathing properly, so she knows how painful this conversation is for him. "I'll wait for you, you know."

"Yeah I know," she smiles sadly. "I'll wait for you too."

"I'd understand if you had to move on," he says, tugging his lip with his teeth, almost like he really wishes he didn't have to say those words.

"But I won't. We're timeless."

"Ally, look at me. Look at this – look at us. You never know what might happen next."

"I guess, but," she stutters. "I'll always love you. Nothing will ever change that, okay?"

"I believe you. And I'll love you always too," he says, shutting his eyelids as he lets out a restless yawn, falling into his pillow.

All she can do is pretend to fall asleep beside him and wait.

"Austin!" she shouts, but he ignores her. "Austin get back here!"

He continues to run off, knowing exactly where they're planning to go. She can't help but smile, biting her lip at the scene. He sits down at the usual spot and she's proud that he remembers. "Austin sweetie, be a good boy for mommy and get the flowers."

"Okay!" he says excitedly and goes back to the car. She just needs time alone with him for now, even if her four year old son will be back in a second.

She's sitting at the grave, her fingers running through the gravestone as she lets a tear escape from her eye. She promised herself she wouldn't cry this time, but who was she kidding? She'll never get over this. The words 'There's no way I can make it without you' are on his grave, which get her every time. It makes everything seem so real.

"Does daddy know I'm here?" she turns around to see her four year old son, and nods.

"He does. And he loves you so, so much. Even if he can't be here to tell you."

"I want to see him. He could play Superman with me. I bet he'd be better than you," he giggles mischievously and she puts on a smile for her son. He sees a cat at the bottom of the hill and runs after it, ignoring his mother's pleas to stay with her.

She hates being alone here, but she decides to talk to him. "He's just as adventurous as you always were. I don't know how I'll be able to look after him. He mightn't be the girl you always wanted, but I know you'd love him just as much, even more. He's got your eyes and that cheeky smile that made all the girls fall in love with you. And he's got your appetite." She watches her son from afar and all she wants is him to meet his father, but not like this.

She sighs. "I know you'll wait for me because I asked you to. We'll pick up where we left off. I promise…I love you. I know you know that too because you just…you know. I love you so much and our son does too. We miss you. We're still a family. Just because you're not here or we're not there, we're still a family. You're here…and I'm here. We're here and it feels really weird because you're not really here. But it feels like you are here. It….it really does. I can't explain it, but you are."

Austin runs over sits on her lap. "I'm hungry mommy. I want some pancakes."

"Come on then honey, let's go!" she says as she stands up.

Just as she's about to leave, she watches her son run over to his grave and wraps his arms around it. "I love you daddy."

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