HEAVILY EDITED: This story is no longer a oneshot. As such, there's a lot I took out of this opening chapter that will probably make an appearance later.

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He knew he was dreaming. That only seemed to make it worse.

Every time his parents died, it was different. He might be far away, unable to help, or right beside them, completely frozen, watching their eyes slide shut or their hands vanish below the waves.

They weren't memories, exactly.

Sometimes it was specific. They were standing together at the glass windows of the Tower, but when he tried to run towards them, they fell. The black tides of the bay, rolling and raging in the storm, would suddenly rise up to swallow them, tearing them away from him.

Other times, it was simple. A white, blank space, full of nothing but his parents and their smiles, their faces, their selves- But water would flood his vision from every direction, and they gradually faded, and it was all so quiet and slow but he couldn't do anything to stop it-

Waking up was no better. There was no violent jerk or shudder to pull him into the waking world, but it still hurt. This time, his eyes snapped open, and even though he didn't sit upright or gasp, he could feel his heart racing. He tried to breathe deeply, to just slow it all down, but something was wrong. This unease, the adrenaline- it was just like he felt before a battle.

A sharp pain speared through his left arm, and wincing, he clutched it to his side. The transformations only hurt if he wasn't in control.

But I'm not. I can't control anything.

The arm slammed against the bed, now covered in thick fur, and he cried out as the limb suddenly shifted back to normal. The light in the room changed drastically, becoming brighter and colorless- he shook his head, panting, trying to return his vision to normal.

A thin tail shot out behind him, but immediately vanished. His hand painfully bent sideways before crooked feathers appeared along his forearm. He was calling out, but his voice was wrong. Something between a growl and a shrill, keening cry escaped his mouth, where teeth were beginning to stretch into fangs.

"B?"

The voice jolted him, and trembling, he fell off the bed, crashing to the floor with a dull noise. "Beast Boy, you okay?"

Briefly drawing up to his knees, he cried out and collapsed again. Exhaustion flooded him, and he hissed, trying desperately to reverse the changes, face pressed against the floor.

The door opened. "What the-" Cyborg was at his side in an instant, pulling him up and holding him at arm's length. "What's wrong, man?!"

Beast Boy looked up. "It's- I just-" He could feel his eyes dilating again, and he squeezed them shut, sobbing from the pain.

Arms were holding him close, almost crushing him. He buried his head in his friend's shoulder, trying to get the words out. "It's okay, alright?"

He tensed, freezing as his right hand convulsed and gashed claw marks on Cyborg's armor. "I'm not- dude, I can't-"

Cyborg shook his head. "It's alright, man. S'alright."

"No!" Beast Boy growled, then shoved him away. Taken by surprise, Cyborg stumbled back, falling against the wall.

"...Beast Boy." Robin's voice was controlled, but angry. Through his distorted vision, Beast Boy could see him standing in the doorway. Raven was beside him, expression completely neutral. Starfire floated in gently, gasping when she caught sight of him.

He froze. All the emotion, all the fear suddenly left him. The mutations slowly changed back, and he was left crouching lightly on his hands and feet, as if he was preparing to leap forward. To attack.

He was trembling now, breathing heavily, glancing at each of his friends. The mask made Robin as unreadable as ever. Cyborg was wincing in pain and gingerly lifting himself off the ground. Starfire seemed about to cry, hands pressed against her mouth. And Raven-

In her eyes, was it pity? Disgust? Fear? She was just... looking at him. Her hood was down, but he still couldn't tell.

"What happened." Robin didn't say it like a question.

That's when it hit him. They had seen it all- the episode, or whatever it had been- and they'd seen him break down. He'd nearly lost control completely, and had even hurt his best friend.

Beast Boy tried to answer, but the shame was constricting him, pulling at his chest. It hurt.