It was 1:30 am and all of the local drunks in sanctuary were just now leaving Moxxi's bar, including one very inebriated Patricia Tannis. It had been quite a busy night for her, she drank 16 beers and started up a fight with some jerk-off who told her that her goggles looked stupid! I know right? Like who the fuck doesn't like goggles? Anyways, she was stumbling her way back home, alone and horny. The only problem was that she was just far to drunk to fuck. Its not like it mattered though because she only had eyes for her Phillipe. and he was *sniffle* dead!

"Ohhhh Phillipe how I miss the so." she lamented "you are the only love I shall ever know." at this point she fell to the ground crying her eyes out for her lost love but out of the corner of her eyes she saw something. It was a ceiling chair very much like Phillipe staring at her. "wha...what do you *sniffle* want you are not my Phillipe."

The chair did not say anything because it is an inanimate object and therefor is incapable of speech, but Tannis being crazy and all heard it say "My Patricia I have been watching you from a distance for so long and now I feel that I must confess my feelings for you. Patty I...I love you and I am tired of seeing you hurt please if you will give me a chance." Patrica was silent for a moment. Could she really love someone else other than her Phillipe? She must try! Its what he would have wanted. "Very well I shall give you a chance to please me." with that said she stumbled over to the chair and began to taking off her clothes.

She started with her shoes. She slowly reached down to her foot and began to pull the strings on her shoe laces. It wasn't long until the knot came undone. She carefully reached down and removed the shoe from her now bare foot(SOCKS ARE FOR PUSSIES). She repeated this action with her other foot until she was standing there with nothing on but her bra, panties, jacket, shirt, pants,scarf and goggles on. Next she began to carefully remove the goggles from the top of her head, being careful not to mess up her hair despite the fact that it was all ready messy as fuck from when she was in that bar fight earlier. ohhh now things were starting to get really sexy as she reached over and started to take off her jacket.

Blah blah blah blah blah she took of her shirt blah blah erect nipples blah blah something about being wet. Okay now she was naked and she began to stroke the chairs large shaft. "oh my look how big you are. I think we might get along after all." After a few minutes of soft stroking she began to pick up speed. Oh he was close now, he was very close, it would only be a couple of more seconds before he released his hot seed all over the place. Or he would if he wasn't A DAMN CHAIR!

"oh my you sure did get a lot out. And look even after that your still hard well it looks like we will just have to fix that." With that said see got down on her knees and began to suck on the wooden shaft. This of course did nothing because once again a fucking chair, but I her mind her new lover was making a sorts of moaning noises, begging her for more. She kept sucking and sucking and sucking until the finish on the wood began to fall off. After several more seconds of sucking the chair came for the second time, but to her amazement he was still hard even after all that.

"Nothing is working looks like I will have to use the only thing I've got left." she got off of her knees and began to position herself over the chairs shaft. She crept forward ever so slowly. I mean like really really reallllllyyyy god damn slowly. As in so fucking slow that you could hardly tell that she was moving at all. After like 20 minute she finally almost touching the chair when all of the sudden...KRIEG AND SALVADOR BURST THROUGH THE DOOR WHILE MAKING OUT! They knocked into Tannis and the chair thus causing it to break and rendering Tannis unconscious.

"OH SHIT! I think we knocked her out amigo." Salvador exclaimed. "THE MEAT IS WAITING SHOOT ME TILL YA LOVE ME." "What ever you say."

The events that took place after this are far too horrifying for any sane person to describe so this is where I must leave you.