Disclaimer: The show Grey's Anatomy is not mine, and neither are the characters, I am not receiving any profit from this work. Everyone in this story belongs to Shondaland. I'm just going to play with the characters for a bit. I'll return them in tact... mostly. T for language and content. Rating may change, eventually. All places mentioned are fictitious.

Warning: Please be aware I am not a qualified psychiatrist or a psychologist, even though I do have counselling and special ed teaching qualifications. Riley isn't entirely made up, he's a hybrid of some of the students I've had. Some of the opinions expressed below are for artistic and literary purposes only. If you do need help I encourage you to seek it out, theres no shame in seeking help. Often, it only takes a phone call and there are agencies listed all over the web. In Australia your GP can help refer you. I don't know about America. This chapter deals with anger, grief and trauma, I've kept it mild but I don't know what your personal story is or what triggers you may have.

AN: Okay if you've stuck with me so far, than thank you. I know I've lost a few of you, but that's bound to happen if a story doesn't go the way some want. I know you guys crave fluff, but nope, sorry not this story. Fluff just wasn't believable for me since the start of season 10. I read brilliant and beautiful happy stories and they just made me cry because season 9/10 is so tough. I'm writing angst so I can enjoy the happy. Ironic right? The good news is that the painful decent of this fic is over, for now. I think Calzona has reached the bottom of the hill...time to start the climb back and restore that thing called hope. There's always someone who helps you out of that deep dark place, right? That's my experience anyway. Always a light...and its not a train. This is the start of Callie's journey. Its a wordy but necessary chapter for Callie. There can't be chemistry for a while yet, but give me time.

Also the position for beta remains open. Or, you can stick with my unique grammar. Yes even a teaching qualification didn't fix my dyslexia. I love my dyslexia though, wouldn't change it for the world.

...

"Callie..." Owen called softly, trying to get the Latina's attention. Callie didn't appear to have heard him. She was lost in her own thoughts, and miles away. It was 6:00pm on a Friday night. The board meeting had finished half an hour ago. Owen had returned to the room because his phone was missing. He reasoned that it had probably slipped out of his pocket so he'd retraced his steps back to boardroom. Entering the room he saw Callie still sitting at the table, staring into space, oblivious to her surroundings. The lights were still on. Owen put his coffee cup on the table, Callie didn't acknowledged him. Owen bent down to search for his phone under his chair and found his cell. He unlocked it and checked for messages. There was one from Emma. He sat down and opened it.

Hi sweetie, can we rain-check for tonight and maybe have lunch together? My surgery is going over time and I am wrecked, I'm just going to go home and sleep. Call me in the morning? xox

Owen scratched his head. Lunch would suit but it also left his evening free. He didn't feel like being alone after the huge week he had had, balancing finances and writing government grants for equipment. What to do? Owen typed a response back, lunch would be fantastic, pick you up at 11:30. We can go to Toscani's? He pressed send, and then placed his phone in the back pocket of his work trousers. He had been looking forward to dinner tonight, Emma was pleasant company. He did understand Emma's need to be alone tonight. The life of a surgeon could be exhausting and sometimes you just needed sleep. Owen weighed his options. He could have an early night. He could go to the bar and have a drink. Or, he could talk to the broken and lost woman sitting opposite him. Owen liked Callie and he respected her as a talented professional. He wanted to help. He lifted his coffee cup, examined it, weighed it and took a sip. It was cold. He put his cup down. He looked up and tried again.

"Callie..." Owen prompted. When she didn't answer he got up and walked around the table. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Hey Callie, are you alright?" He asked gently. Callie didn't look alright, she looked terrible and Owen was worried. Over the last couple of days tension had been high between Callie and her former wife, both had been ignoring and avoiding the other. It was taking a heavy toll. Owen wasn't sure what the details were. Callie and Arizona were always a hot source of hospital gossip. Owen didn't have much time for gossip but he had heard that there was a particularly nasty fight between them this week at the hospital. Owen liked both women equally and they were both his friends. It seemed like Callie was in more need of his friendship than Arizona at the moment. Arizona had found her friend in April and the two were rarely apart. Rumour was they had both got a tattoo. No one had seen any tattoos through the scrubs, so he wasn't sure if it was true. The nurses called April and Arizona the 'perky sisters'. Arizona wasn't actually particularly perky and her enthusiasm seemed a little forced to the talented observer. When she didn't think anyone was watching she looked sad, if she saw them watching she gave her dimpled smile. However, she was coping. Callie wasn't. Neither of the women looked like themselves. Professionally they still were on top of their game. Arizona was still loved by her 'tiny humans' while Callie was still a rockstar with a scalpel, bit neither had their spark. They were just stronger and happier together than they were apart. If only they would fix their relationship. It was so painful to watch. Owen remembered the days when Callie and Arizona were 'the couple' in the hospital. Everyone admired them, no one ever thought it would change. He remembered the times when they shared every lunch together. They were good company and a lot of fun. Sometimes he had sat with them, along with Teddy. That was before everything became so messed up, before Cristina and he had become so messed up. He felt sad when he recalled those days. Things seemed tough back then, and many thought life wouldn't get tougher. They were wrong. Life throws a lot of unexpected curveballs.

He remembered the time when Cristina and he had been forced to find a place because Callie and Arizona couldn't keep their hands off each other. They didn't care who was in the room as they ripped each others clothes off and slammed the door behind them. They had giggled the entire way. He and Christina shared a similar relationship once. Now look at them all, happiness had faded in an instant. His situation and Callie's didn't seem all that different. Except, Callie and Arizona had split because of cheating whereas Cristina and he had split because they had different life plans. He wanted children, she didn't and she loved him too much to stand in the way of his dreams of fatherhood. Life is strange like that. Owen pulled a chair out and sat beside Callie.

Callie blinked a couple of times and shook her long dark hair. She looked up and slowly became aware of her surroundings. She turned to Owen.

"Where is everyone?" She asked.

"They went home. The meeting finished half an hour ago, you stayed, I came back for my phone..." he prompted, "...seeing you here now, like this, I'm also checking on you. I'm worried about you. You were miles away at the board meeting this afternoon. Normally you're a full participant in any discussion. Also, you're sitting here while everyone else is gone, staring into space on a friday night." Owen observed.

"Callie do you want to tell me what's on your mind? You never know, I might be able to help." He offered. Callie looked down again at the table. She fiddled with her folder, "I don't know if you can help. Things are such a mess I'm just trying to survive and live, you know?"

Owen nodded. They were both trying to survive and live, except..."living and surviving are two different things. You're surviving, but you're no longer living."

"Yeah, I'm a survivor, but it just never let's up. I'm getting tired. She's all I can think about, her and the fact that this life isn't what I wanted. Anyway it's driving me crazy." Callie said. "I'm angry all the time and I can't help it. It's not me. Sometimes I look in the mirror and the eyes staring back at me aren't mine."

"I think, when someone has been hurt as much as you have, by someone you love that it's completely natural to be angry for a while. It just depends what you do with your anger? That's my experience, anyway. Anger is good for a while. It hides the hurt underneath and gives energy in the short term, but it does bad things to your body and your mind in the long run. At least, that's what I've noticed with my friends. It's also what I've discovered from my own life experience."

Callie looked up, "your friends from the war?" she asked.

Owen nodded, "yeah, we all went through a lot, lost very good people over there. I lost some wonderful friends. We saw things no one should see and it changed us. Turned me into someone I didn't recognise in the mirror. Someone who hurt the ones I love, as you remember. I tried to strangle Cristina once. But it was Cristina brought me back, she never gave up on me. Well it was her and a good therapist. However Callie, I had PTSD, I don't think you have that but you do have chronic stress and grief underneath all that attitude. You seem to me to be someone who gets angry fast and then gets over it, usually."

Callie nodded, she said softly, "I also don't recognise myself anymore. Yes I'm normally quick to anger and quick to forgive, but I just can't seem to let this go. Is that wrong? I wasn't in any war? What's wrong with me? I don't need therapy." She frowned.

"Callie it doesn't take a war to change you. We have all been through a lot in the last two years. I mean the plane crash for a start uprooted us all. You also had to look after your wife when she came back. She was completely different in her personality, we all saw it. If she was anything like Cristina I'm sure you went through hell..." Owen had gone though hell but there was no way he would leave Cristina's side after what she had done for him. However, this wasn't the time to talk about it, some other time perhaps. Callie didn't need his story at the moment. She needed a friend who would listen and not judge.

Owen continued, "...you also had to bottle up your emotions so you could look after her. You probably weren't allowed to be angry or fight back while she recovered. I bet if you got angry she would descend on you from a great height. I bet you squashed your emotions so you could look after her. That's hard. It's inhuman not to become resentful under those conditions. Now that you two have split, all that anger and resentment is rising to surface and you're angry all the time, right? It's healthy in some way, but it won't be healthy forever. As you know anger causes a lot of stress on the body and leads to all kinds of nasty conditions, long term. At some point you will have to deal with all that rot underneath, or go on antidepressants. Antidepressants don't always help. Sometimes they just prolong the pain."

He nudged her, "I remember when you told me that nothing beats an amputation argument. That's a horrible experience for anyone. For someone as sensitive, caring and loving as you Callie, its even harder. You adore her, or at least you did. Your guilt, her blame...that's enough to change you. Have you ever taken the time to process it all? I bet you haven't. You've just been in caretaker and mother role, and now it has suddenly been removed, it's all crashing down on you at once, leaving you reeling. That is more than enough to deal with for anyone."

Callie was nodding. He had her attention. He continued, "as for therapy that's a matter for you. Maybe you don't need it. What you do need a friend to hear you out. Your bottling everything up and there's no release valve, so it's just random outbursts. I had some mates who acted the same way. Except in the army we talk to each other. All very macho chat, but it helps. We understand one another. It's easier to talk to other soldiers. You don't have to explain." Owen moved in closer and made sure Callie was looking at him. "Callie its like you and I are fellow soldiers in a way. We have similar enough experiences to understand each other."

Callie laughed softly, brushing him off, "Wow this is really deep for a Friday night. I'm sorry I'm probably depressing company."

Owen smiled, "I asked you what's wrong. No you're not depressing me but we should get out of here. It's late. People might think we're workaholics or something?" Callie laughed.

"Heaven forbid, thanks Owen, care to go out? I don't have Sofia tonight. She's at Arizona's and I could use the company and a drink, Joes?"

"Well my evening is now free, Emma cancelled. Her surgery has gone overtime and she wants to crash and meet me in the morning. Yeah let's go out. You can tell me all about your sordid life."

Callie smiled, "Deal, but only if you spill the beans on you and Emma."

...

Joes was fairly busy tonight, so Owen and Callie found a table outside. There was a courtyard out the back. Thanks to the smoking laws, there weren't that many people smoking, the air was crisp and clean. It was a cool night. They found a table and Owen went inside to get the first drinks. He came back out a minute later with a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses.

"So...life eh?" he asked as he poured himself and Callie a glass.

"Cheers," they both said and took a large gulp, after chinking glasses.

"Oh wow that's good," Callie picked up the bottle. "Nice! Californian Pinot Noir, 2008. You're pulling out the good stuff." She took another large gulp. "I needed this, thank you."

"No problem." Owen waited, he knew silence was probably the best approach. He took a sip. It was a good choice of wine. Callie looked up. She fiddled with her glass. Finally she spoke.

"Owen, this sucks, I don't know what to do. Arizona and I are always fighting. Lately its been me starting the arguments. She keeps trying to apologise but I don't want to hear her excuses. She's treated me horribly and it hurts. I never thought she would cheat. Things seemed to gradually improve between us last year and then that Boswell women flew in and destroyed my family, in the blink of an eye. Owen, people keep cheating on me. Is there something wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you Callie. People cheat for different reasons. Its inexcusable and tough. Its hard to forgive, but there are often reasons behind it. I know you don't want to hear that, but I come from the other side. Did you know that I cheated on Christina once, when things were tough?" Owen asked. Owen decided to leave the rest of the story out. He didn't want to get into the story of her abortion. That probably wouldn't help matters.

"What! No I didn't. Why would you do that to Cristina? That's a horrible thing to do. Is that why she broke up with you? Did you know the woman? Sorry I shouldn't judge, but this comes as a shock. Christina is my friend, you know." Callie looked daggers at Owen.

"Callie, things are not always black and white. By the way everything we talk about tonight stays between us, okay? I know you're not a gossip, but some of this information would hurt Cristina, even though it was my mistake and I own it. She's a proud woman," Owen asked.

"Of course. Owen you don't even need to ask me that. Same for me by the way. What happened? Did you guys work things out or what? Did she forgive you?" Callie was frowning and looking up, trying to put the pieces together.

"Yes she did forgive me in the end. We spent a long time figuring it out. She needed to know every detail. It wasn't pleasant for me, but it was necessary for her."

"I never knew. Wow that's tough. You guys hid it well. I don't know if I can forgive Arizona though. I mean I can try, but I'm not sure," Callie said.

"Callie, the choice is yours. Arizona cheated on you. Whatever happens is now your choice. Forgive or don't forgive and move on. At the moment it seems like you are both in limbo. I can't say what is best for you. I can share a bottle of wine with you on this beautiful night," He grinned.

"Cheers!" they both said and had another gulp. They finished the glass and poured another.

"I do know one thing..," Owen said, "...you won't find peace until you make sense of this whole mess. If she is still willing to talk, you might ask her what was going on for her. Even if you think you know the answers, chances are you don't know everything. If you understand it might make it easier to make a choice?"

"Mmmh," Callie groaned. "I hate talking, yeah it probably would help but I'm talked out. All we seem to do is talk. There's no movement or action. You're right, I'm in limbo. I'll think about it. You know..." Callie moved closer, "It's a pity you and I never dated. We'd be good together," she said.

"Callie, we are both in love with other people. I am in love with Cristina, even though I'm trying to move on with Emma. You are still in love with Arizona that's why this hurts so much. Even though you don't want to admit it. So no, I don't think it would work, it would just ruin this beautiful friendship. Plus, you need a friend, not a lover," he smiled. "Thanks though, in another reality, you never know."

Callie laughed, "Way to turn me down, ruin a girl's dreams and mention an alternative universe, but yeah, you're right. I'm still in love with her and it majorly sucks."

"We can't choose who we love Cal, but we can choose what to do with it," Owen said.

"You suck."

"It's because I'm right."

"It sucks for Emma too, thanks for tonight, I had fun," she winked at him.

"Pleasure, and Emma and I can work, I really like her".

"Sure it can! Next bottles on me".

...

They spent the rest of the evening drinking and talking about anything and everything. It was a good night. It was nice to share their stories. They really weren't that different. Mid-morning Owen rang Emma and they arranged lunch. It was the start of a good weekend. Albeit with a slight hangover. Sheesh that women could drink!