Homestuck's unite! *superhero noises*

Alrighty little lad's and lassie's. This right here is a John/Dave-Dave/John-Hammertime-Pepsicola (Or whatever you like to call them) story~

With a small twist, Dave, our favorite ironic puppet fearing Strider, is a lady. (Albeit a flat-chested, boyish looking girl) Yet only his brother Dirk and Cal (Yes along with making Dave a girl I made Cal alive), Rose, Roxy, Jade and Jane know it. You'll have to read to find out why and such, cause I don't feel like explaining it. There will be multiple pairing in here, and if there is anything anyone wants to see I'll fit it in as best as I can! :3 (even if it's just a little camio)

So this is a High School AU, and there will be the beta and alpha kids, along with the humanized trolls/dancestors/ancestors and such. Also PapaEgbert, MamaLalonde, and PapaHarley. I kinda wanted to put Crabdad and the other Lusus caretakers, but I'm not sure how to fit them in.

Is anyone even still readying this? I guess if there is any questions, just ask! :3

Dave Strider: Be A Girl - Prolog

Wait- what? Dave Strider is not a girl, no way bro. Not even in an ironic wa-... Oh. Really? Huh, never mind. Dave Strider is a girl, has been ever since she was born. Davinity Lee Strider is her full name. She's the middle child in the Strider family: Dirk is her older brother and care taker of the younger two, due to the fact their parents have been missing for the past 7 years. The youngest Strider is Cal, also known as Bro. The mischievous 8 year old was always in Dave's stuff, but that's a story for another time. For the time being;

Chap. 1 - Dave Strider: Be A Girl

I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. I've spent the last year away at a school for 'Brilliant and Musically Talented' and I've finally returned to the apartment my brothers' and I live in. The house is surprisingly clean considering how messy they can be, and surprise-surprise, neither of them was home when I got there. 'Typical.'

I made my way up to my room and threw my suitcase and bag on my bed. After deciding I'd unpack later, I made my way to my computer to log into my pesterchum. It's been almost a whole year since I've been on it. I never had the time to get on it at the Talent school with all the work I was given. Writing and composing songs takes up a lot of time, you know?

There's a familiar ding as I log on signaling that I have messages. My eyes scan over the list of my friends to see who's online-

apocalypseArisen Off-line

adiosToreador Online

timaeusTestified Off-line

carcinoGeneticist Online

gardenGnostics Off-line

arsenicCatnip Online

grimAuxiliatrix Off-line

gutsyGumshoe Off-line

gallowsCalibrator Online

arachnidsGrip Off-line

centaursTesticle Off-line

ectoBiologist Online

terminallyCapricious Online

caligulasAquarium Off-line

tentacleTherapist Online

cuttlefishCuller Off-line

tipsyGnostalgic Online

-but before I have the chance to do anything 4 boxes pop up on my screen, blocking out my awesomely ironic desktop background.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: D4444444444444444444444444444444444444V3! :D

GC: YOU'R3 B4CK!

GC: WH3N 4R3 W3 GONN4 H4NG? 1 DR3W 4 SH1T TON OF 4W3SOM3 STUFF, WH1LE YOU W3R3 GON3.

TG: shit terezi

TG: i just got back

TG: but hey

TG: ill just jump up and come over to hang

TG: cause its not like i wanna relax or anything

TG: nope

TG: no relaxing for poor old dave

TG: ill just do all the things you wanna do

TG: and nothing i want

GC: G33Z, D4V3.

GC: C4NT 1 B3 3XC1T3D TO S33 YOU?

TG: heh

TG: "see"

GC: RUD3! D:

GC: 1 GU3SS S1NC3 YOUR3 SO BUSY 1LL JUST S33 YOU 4T SCHOOL N3XT W33K.

GC: BY3 D44444444444444444444444444444VE~

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has stopped trolling turntechGodhead

'Damn Terezi..' I sigh, closing out of that conversation to open up the next, 'Ah, Rose, wonder what she could want.'

tentacleTherapist [TT] has began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Hello "Dave". I really hope you're talking to John. I don't know how much longer I can take his.. longing to talk to you.

TG: hey rose.

TG: seriously? are you really going to put my name in quotes everytime we talk on here.

TG: you know john saw it once and questioned me for FIVE HOURS on whether or not my name was actually dave

TG: and hes not longing to talk to me.

TG: were best bros

TG: bros like talking to bros

TT: I could always simply call you by your real name, Davinity.

TT: You know it's not right keeping secrets from your boyfriend, especially one about you being a female instead of a male as he's thought of you since we were kids.

TT: I don't understand how you can be "best bros" when you, in fact, are not a "bro".

TT: Oh no, "Dave". You didn't have to deal with John while you were gone. He was longing.

TT: It was like when he's waiting for a Nicholas Cage movie to get to our theater.

I chewed on my bottom lip while playing with the hem of my long sleeves. 'Like a Nicholas Cage movie, huh? Yeah right.. as if I'd be that lucky.' It was no secret to me (or my brothers, Jade, Jane, Rose, and Roxy) that I had a thing for my best friend John Egbert. However it was a secret to everyone, but the aforementioned people in parenthesis, that I was actually a girl. It's not like I meant for people to think I wasn't a girl, but it just sort of happened. I've always had short hair, liked to roughhouse with the boys, I always had on shades so no one could see how delicate looking my red eyes were, and somewhere along the lines people sorted me in as a guy. I've just never felt the need to fix it because it allowed me to hang out with my best bro John, and my other guy friends, Karkat, Tavros, and Gamzee.

TT: Are you so lost in your John thoughts that you can't answer me?

TG: I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT JOHN!

TT: Of course you weren't. I'd just like to point out that you never use caps unless you're stressed or embarrassed.

TG: okay

TG: one

TG: i accidentally hit the caps button.

TG: two

TG: never use my full name

TG: three

TG: johns not my boyfriend. he's "not a homosexual" so he was not longing for me

TG: also i can be a bro without being a bro

TT: You realize you're not a boy, right? I know you've played one for so long it must seem like you actually are, but you're not. I'm sorry to break it to you. Also, John's liking you does not make him a homosexual, it makes him straight, because you're a girl.

TT: Albeit a ruff looking girl. You should let me and Kanaya give you a makeover.

TG: i see you havent lost your sarcasm in the year ive been gone

TG: i realize that makes him straight but you do realize he doesnt know im a girl

TG: ergo he would be gay for liking me

TG: how about no

TT: You'll give into me someday, "Dave". Just wait and see. As for now, I shall take my leave so you can answer your boyfriend. He's getting rather impatient.

TT: See you later, Davinity.

TG: really? my full name? what did we just talk about rose?

tentacleTherapist [TT] has stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

A small smile etched itself onto my face as as the third chat popped up;

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: WELL, WELL, WELL. LOOK WHAT THE FUCKING CAT DRUG IN. FINALLY DECIDED TO GRACE US LOWLY LIFE FORMS WITH YOUR GOD LIKE WISDOM.

TG: hello karkles

TG: you know i cant stay away from you

TG: you gorgeous hunk of man

CG: FUCK YOU STRIDER!

CG: FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR SELF ABSORBED ASS!

TG: you make me all tingly when you talk like that karkles

CG: OH BITE ME ASSWIPE.

CG: YOU WISH YOU COULD GET WITH THIS.

TG: oh how did you know?

TG: youre the thing i dream of every night before i go to sleep

TG: ive been trying to find a way to express my love for you but i could never think of anything

TG: but i guess youve already figured it out

CG: I AM A GENIUS AFTER ALL. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

CG: BUT ANYWAYS, HOW WAS YOUR SCHOOL FOR PUSSIES?

CG: MAKE ANY KNEW FRIENDS?

TG: haha yeah actually i did

TG: one in particular

TG: i think youd have liked him

TG: i mean, he had a strange obsession with 2's but he had this wicked awesome lisp because his tongue is split on the end

TG: you know like a fucking snake

TG: and he was super intelligent and shit

TG: you probably would have jump his bones on the spot

CG: FUNNY. STRIDER. REAL FUNNY. LIKE I'D WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH A GEEKY 2 OBSESSED LISPER. INTELLIGENT OR NOT.

TG: i like how thats what you say

TG: and completely ignore the fact that i said dude

TG: implying your gay

TG: youre a homo arent you

CG: ...

TG: OH MY GOD!

I couldn't believe what I had just read, or I guess didn't read. Was Karkat being serious or was he just trying to be ironic again? I stared at the screen watching it flash that he was replying.

CG: look I don't need you to patronize me about it okay. Half-way through last year I was at a party with Gam and we got shoved into that stupid 7 minutes in heaven bullshit and things happened. I broke up Terezi a few weeks afterwards and shits been strange since then...

TG: oh bro

TG: im not judging

TG: honest

TG: im just surprised is all i never really expected that is all

TG: so are you and Gam a thing now or..?

CG: ...

CG: really? You're not gonna freak out?

TG: what? no way dude

TG: i can tell how serious you are considering you took off your caps lock just to have this feelings jam with me bro.

TG: id never judge a bro on his sexual preference

CG: ...thanks strider.

TG: no problem karkat

TG: so tell me

TG: did you bang him?

CG: OH MY GOD! NO!

CG: FUCK STRIDER! WAY TO RUIN THE FEELINGS JAM WITH YOUR GROSS PERSONAL QUESTIONS!

CG: WE DID NOT FUCK. JUST KISS AND YOU KNOW.. STUFF.

CG: ANYWAYS! WE'RE STILL JUST FRIENDS AND SHIT, YOU KNOW. BUT I'M GOING TO GO. I HAVE TO GO HELP KANAYA WITH SOME FASHION CRAP.

TG: heh just asking bro

TG: alright later

CG: LATER STRIDER.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has stopped trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

'That was definitely news to me..' I pondered over the conversation I just had with Karkat before I remember that there's one more chat box underneath it. I most definitely did not start bouncing in my chair with the anticipation of talking to my favorite person. I pulled up the flashing box to see that said person was impatiently pestering me.

ectoBiologist [EB] has began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! you're back! :D

EB: dave! don't ignore me bro!

EB: dave!

EB: dave!

EB: DAVE!

EB: DAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

EB: DAVE!

EB: come on dave! if you answer me i'll bring you apple juice on the first day of school!

TG: you rang Egderp?

EB: DAVE! :D

EB: finally bro! i thought maybe you left again for a second

TG: would you have missed me?

EB: it would have broken my heart into a million pieces, dave.

EB: i don't think i could have gone on without you.

Even though I knew he was kidding, it still made my heart flutter a little- or it would if I wasn't a Strider, 'cause Striders don't do the touchy feely shit. Unless it's Dirk about My Little Pony. You know what Striders do? Striders Stride.

TG: oh John

TG: i dont know what to say

TG: this is so

TG: ...

TG: expected

EB: hey now! you're not taking my feelings jam seriously, are you?

TG: oh dear god

TG: no more feelings jams for today

TG: im pretty sure ive hit my limit

EB: what do you mean?

TG: i just talked to rose and karkat

TG: so ive had enough feelings to last me a millennium

EB: is that why it took you so long to answer me?

EB i can't believe you chose karkat over me.

EB: me.

EB: your best bro in the entire world!

EB: but you still chose to talk to him first! D:

TG: well you know what they say Egbert

TG: saving the best for last and shit

EB: smooooooooth :B

EB: alright, i'll forgive you this time.

EB: have you used that one on terezi?

TG: ugh

TG: no

TG: for the last time Egbert im not interested in terezi

TG: she's not my type

TG: at all

EB: hahahahaha, sure, dave.

EB: but speaking of that

EB: what even is your type?

TG: ...uhm..

TG: you know

TG: just the type of person im in to

EB: that... doesn't tell me much, dave. Like what kind of girl are you into?

TG: what kind of girl?

TG: UH..

The apartment door slams from down stairs and the voices of my brothers drifted to my ears. 'Yes! A way out!'

TG: sorry Egderp but my bros are back

TG: time to initiate the old family reunion jazz

TG: ill see you at school bro

EB: alright, later dave! :B

ectoBiologist [EB] has stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

I jumped up from my computer desk and made a mad dash down stairs. Dirk and Cal were standing in the living room, both of them glanced up at me as I jumped the last three stairs. "Dave! You're back!" Cal yelled, his grey hat fell off his head as he ran at me, jumping on me with such a force that I almost tumbled backwards onto the stairs. "I missed you too, Cal." I chuckled patting his back until he released me.

Dirk joined us at the stairs and picked me up into a death grip like bear hug, "It's good to have you back, sis." The point of his sunglasses poked the side of my face.

"G-good to.. be back.." I somehow managed to say, even with the huge lack of air flow to my lungs at the moment. "Dirk, you can.. put me down.. now."

"Huh, oh right." Dirk sat me back on my feet and ruffled my blonde hair slightly. "You hungry? Let's go make some lunch." He said motioning Cal and I towards the kitchen. Cal jumps onto my back, "Giddy up, yo!" I rolled my eyes, but carry him anyway because hey, what are siblings for. 'He's definitely heavier then I remember.' I dealt with the extra weight long enough to sit him down in a chair at the kitchen table, before taking the seat next to him. Dirk looked at me from over his shoulder, "How was the music school, Davie?"

"Pretty chill, but nothing beats being home." I stretch and glance around the room, glad that everything looks the same as when I left almost a year ago. "Made some knew friends, made some new songs, it was all pretty sick." Dirk nodded as he sat three plates on the table along with a pizza box,

"Good to hear, sis. I think it sucks that that school went clear through your summer. I mean you've only got 3 days until you start your freshmen year of High school. That's not much time to spend with your Johnny boy."

Cal snickered, while I turned pink, "H-he's not my Johnny- John. He's my best bro, we're tight," I said crossing your fingers, "We're like this. So we don't have to hang out all the time to be close, and I do have other friends I'd like to see too, you know. Like Rose, and Jade, and Karkat, and Gamzee, and Tav, and Terezi, and Ne-"

Dirk stopped passing out the pizza to hold his side as he doubled over in laughter, "Yeah. Tight like this, but you wanna be like this." Dirk crossed his fingers like I had before he started making crude hand gestures of his own, causing Cal to crack up with him. I felt my already pink face burn a bright red color,

"KNOCK IT OFF, BRO!" I yelled glowering at the two blondes across from me. My attention was stolen by the phone on the wall as it started to ring, as I got up to get it Dirk calls out from behind me in a girly voice,

"Oh, Mr. Egbert!" I gave him the finger and cleared my throat and answer the phone using my "Dave voice",

"Strider residence."

"DAVE!" An overly cheery voice calls from the other side.

"Oh, hey Jade." I dropped my Dave voice and talked in my normal feminine voice, which was a few octaves higher than my Dave voice. "What's up?"

"What's up!? What's up?! You're back! That's what's up! We have to hang out!"

"But Jade-" She cut me off and I could practically hear her smiling through the phone,

"No but's Davey! Rose and I will be at your house later tonight! Time for a serious girl night! And before you even think about trying to say no to me "mister", just remember that it has been almost an entire year since we've seen each other, and I wanna see you! Okay?"

I sighed, but nod to myself, "Yes Jade."

"Awesome! We'll see you in a little bit then! Bye Davey!" The over excitable noirette on the other end of the phone hung up before I could even get out a: "Bye Jade". I chewed on my lip and put the phone back up on the hook. I looked back at my brothers, who had started a food fight causing pizza, cheese, and sauce to fly everywhere. Sighing once again I head back up to my room, deciding I should unpack my stuff now since I'd be having company soon.

So there you have it! Chapter one and all that jazz~

I didn't put any space between the Chat text because it would've taken forever, but if it's bothersome like this let me know and I'll space it up.

Next chapter, if I remember correctly is Jade, so until tomorrow (or later today) my lovely people.