Quick note: parenthesis ( ) means that Deadpool's insane mind is talking, boxes like this [ ] means his dignified mind voice is talking.

Deadpool was sitting on his couch early in the morning, bored out of his mind from not having any missions, playing his own game. The phone rang and the answering machine picked up.

"Deadpool! It's domino!" Domino said over the line.

[Oh, dear lord, what now?]

(She better not be trying to crawl back to us again.)

"When has that ever happened?" Deadpool asked.

"Look, you have to get to San Romero, California NOW! There's no pay, but-

"([NO PAY?!)]"

"There are zombies everywhere and you're the only one who A: can't die and B: would be immune to them." Domino said.

( The way she tried to convince us sounded like a lame, rushed idea from a fanfiction when the writer's either too lazy or doesn't have enough time to elaborate. Wait- Zombies!? KILL!)

[bring all the good stuff!]

"swords, pistols, hammers, shotguns, sais, machine guns, cable's rifles, grenades, bear traps and flashbangs! Got it!" Deadpool laughed evilly, then gathered everything he listed and teleported, somehow winding up in China.

[For the love of God, fix the teleporter.]

(It needs a bigger battery, too.)

"I got it, hang on!" Deadpool shouted at his mind, making small adjustments, then arriving in California

Meanwhile, Juliet Starling woke up and prepared for school, dressing in her Cheerleader outfit, excited that if was her birthday. Unfortunately, she realized she was late to meet her boyfriend, Nick before school. She took off through the door with her duffel bag, almost tripping over herself on the way out. She got on her bike and arrived at school to see zombies. "What the hell?! What happened?" She asked, crashing into zombies. "Oh god, gross! It smells!" She said, not realizing she was about to crash into a bus. She screamed, but at the last minute jumped off and flipped through midair, landing on the other side of the bus. She then looked at her approaching, undead attackers.

"Seriously?! Dude, what the hell!?" She demanded, pulling out her chainsaw and revving it. "Oomph!" She exclaimed, then rushed at the zombies with her chainsaw dragging on the ground. She yanked it out of the ground, slashed a zombie in half with a horizontal swing, the cut another one if half the same way, then quickly pulling it back up in time to hack another one in half diagonally, then dodged one jumping at her and sliced him, going into a crouching position. She then turned to see a zombie behind her, did a split and brought the chainsaw up to his crotch, slicing him in half from bottom to top (oh, the poor bastard). She then jumped up facing away from him. "Stupid undead douchebags!" She shouted as the zombie broke in half with pretty rainbow colors. The zombies started piling on top of her, but she spun around in a circle with her chainsaw way out, slicing them to ribbons. A zombies head came flying down, but she kicked it and it bounced off 3 trash cans into a baby carriage! She then put a lollipop into her mouth and winked as a bio poster of her appeared:

Juliet Startling

Age: 18

Totally in love with:

Nick Carlyle

Favorite weapon:

bedazzled chainsaw

Favorite Food:

Strawberry Lollipops

GPA: 3.4

Hobbies: cheerleading, karaoke, bisecting the undead.

Secret Kink: being told she's not fat.

She then grabbed her chainsaw again and looked at the horde of zombies stuck behind the gate. "This. Is SO. IRRITATING!" She said angrily.

She ran in and sliced the gate, but then a bus exploded, knocking everyone down and leaving many zombies stunned and defenseless. "Geez, it sucks when things explode!" She said, then cut their head off, but then remembered her objective. "I need to find Nick." She said, rushing through the parking lot. There were some students trying to get out in a car, but it blew up and they died. Juliet continued a small way to find a group of zombies attacking a fellow student.

"Hold it! Hold it right there! You zombie jerks!" She said, slicing the zombies, somehow not hitting the guy. "Don't worry, I'll help you!" She said to the boy as she killed the rest of them.

The boy slowly got up and gave Juliet some coins as a reward. "Awesome! I'm still alive!" He said, getting in the bed of a rescue helicopter.

"Thanks, kid! Really great work! See if you can get anyone else out." The pilot said, reeling the boy in and taking off.

"Be careful!" She said, waving to him.

"Look out! Incoming!" The pilot shouted, alerting Juliet to an oncoming bus, which she back-flipped out of the way of.

"Whoa, zombies suck dick at driving!" She said, continuing through, picking up a lollipop that magically restores her health. She continued until she came to an alley and a bus crashed into one of the buildings making the alley, blocking off Juliet's path.

"Your license should be revoked, bro!" She said, before seeing legless zombies crawl out of a garage door open enough for someone laying down to get underneath. "Oh, great. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Hey, perv! Don't be looking up my skirt!" She said, swinging low and cutting their head off, then she jumped on the hood of the bus and onto the other side.

There was a girl on top of a van away from the zombies, but scared half to death."No! Get away!" She shouted, looking as the zombies tried to climb up.

"Just don't move. I'll take care of 'em. No big whoop." Juliet said, killing them all stylishly.

"Oh my god! I'm alive! Who am I?!" The girl said, scared out of her mind, tossing zombie medals to Juliet, getting in the bed.

"Great! I see one more, I got him!" The pilot said, using the blades of the chopper to kill a few zombies on the rooftops. "All right!" He said, flying off.

She jumped onto a bus, but the driver was a zombie, who drove right into the path of another bus. "Ah, watch out!" She screamed, having to do a bunch of dodge maneuvers to avoid getting hurt.

She jumped out to see a student holding onto a flagpole for dear life as a swarm of zombies was below him.

"No, get away from me!" He pleaded.

"Hold on, I'm coming!" She said, cutting the zombies down quickly, just as the boy lost his grip and fell, fortunately on a patch of grass.

"My favorite president is Warren G. Harding." He said, tossing her zombie medals.

Juliet ignored the random comment, focusing on killing the zombies and how great she was feeling about herself. "It's so rad to save someone's life!" She said, killing the rest of the nearby zombies.

"Well, we got these ones, but I see a whole group of those undead bastards. Meet me up ahead." The pilot said, flying over the large group of zombies he was referring to.

Juliet cut open the gate and all the zombies charged at them, since all the students available just rushed into a building. Juliet activated sparkle hunter mode, becoming something like a Super Saiyan, except sparkly and all different colors. She then easily mowed through the zombies. She made it with the boy to another bus, but then dozens more zombies came and attacked. To make matters worse, a student in a van was driving out of control, due to a zombie on the windshield.

This, however, worked to Juliet's advantage, because after she dodged, the van missed the student and crashed into the zombies, dazing them all. Juliet was able to now easily decapitate them in their groggy state. The pilot then collected the student and slowly reeled him in.

"Fantastic job, kid!" He said.

"Glad you made it, pilot dude!" She said, waving.

Unfortunately, at that moment, 2 zombies screaming "Where's the beef" jumped onto the bed along with the student.

"Hold on, this is too dangerous! I'll meet you in the square." The pilot said, flying off, trying to get the zombies off the bed. One fell off, but the other climbed in with him.

"Yummy yummy flesh!" He said, attacking the pilot, causing him to collide with something and spiral out of control.

"Jesus Christ! Get off me you bastard! No! Oh, shit! Tell me why I love-!" The pilot said, but then there was silence and the chopper crashed close to the school.

"Oh no! He crashed over by the school and is probably dead!" Juliet asked.

But that turned out not to be true. We'll switch perspectives now as Juliet stops for a phone call from her mom, then a shopping break.

5 minutes earlier...

(It's about time we get back in the story.)

[I hope everyone didn't forget about us...]

"How could you forget about someone as awesome as us!" Deadpool said, freestyling and slicing the legs off of zombies and jumping up, pulling out his pulse rifles. "Overkill!" He announced, blasting randomly around him, shooting dozens of zombies at once.

[You know, I'm surprised we haven't run out of ammo by now...]

"Shut it, don't jinx it!"

[No seriously, if this was our game, we would've run out of ammo LONG before we got this far.]

(Our game is the only media outlet EVER we appear in that we appear in and have to watch out for our ammo. It's just a game mechanic. Do we ever run out of ammo in Marvel: Avengers Alliance, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, any of the comics or Marvel vs. Capcom? Hell no!)

[That's... Surprisingly analytic for you.]

"Back to the story! After finding out where we were, we made our way to San Romero and started killing things." Deadpool said, pulling out his hammers and swung them around in front of him, mowing down zombies with satisfying bloody splatters. He made his way to a big part of town and was greeted by at least 40 zombies.

(Yay! More killing!)

[Bout time... It's been, what 20 seconds?]

"Let's torch this motha-!" Deadpool said, throwing grenades everywhere. Suddenly, he saw a chopper going out of control.

(More explosions!)

[You know, we might wanna see if there are people on board. It's nice to let people know we're good guys once in a while]

"Alright, zombies. Stay put for a minute, I gotta go." Deadpool said, teleporting into the chopper, stabbed the zombie attacking the pilot in the head with one of his sais. "Okay, guys, everybody here!" Deadpool said, gathering the people and teleporting them all to a nearby rooftop. "Okay, stay here. I'll be back later." He said, teleporting back to all of the zombies he'd left behind, standing on his toes and spinning around in a circle, shooting them all in the head. He continued on, leaving corpses everywhere, coming to a barricade.

(A roadblock?! LAME!)

[We can teleport right past it.]

So they did, appearing right on the other side, zombies then came from nowhere.

"Let me fuck your father!" One shouted.

(Eww!)

[We've never met our father, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't that desperate.]

"Yeah. KILL!" Deadpool said, rushing at them, but just as he was about to, a sexy, young cheerleader with a chainsaw came from an alley and started hacking them up before either said of Deadpool's mind could.

(Holy shit!)

[We must be starring in some new video game and this is the best Easter Egg EVER!]

"Nah, it can't be. Peter would've told us about it." Deadpool said.

(What if it's not a High Moon game?)

"What other gaming company has this much blood and sexiness combined?!"

[Team Ninja?]

(I was thinking Suda51. Team Ninja has blood, but no sexiness.)

[What about all the girls in bikinis in the Dead or Alive series. Not to mention, in Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge, that terrorist tried to take off Ayane's towel when she was getting massaged by ANOTHER WOMAN.]

"You've proven the point." Deadpool said, shooting the other zombies the girl had her back turned to.

"Hey, costume guy! Who the hell are you?!" She asked.

"Who am I?! I'm Deadpool! The merc with the mouth!" He said, twirling his gun around.

"I'm Juliet. Hey, come on! I could use your help to save my boyfriend, Nick." She said, running off.

(Dammit! I knew a hot chick like that had to have a girlfriend.)

[She's obviously a highschool student. We're not pedophiles.]

The two of them hurried ahead to a courtyard. The two looked around, but they found no one, just a bunch of zombie bodies.

"Nick?! Nick, are you here?! It's okay to come out! Nick?! Oh, please!" Juliet pleaded, praying he was still alive.

Deadpool saw a new zombie coming up behind Juliet.

"Bang!" He announced, shooting it.

"Juliet!" A guy's voice shouted. Nick tried to rush the zombie that was going to attack Juliet, but Deadpool shot it first. "Whoa. Awesome, man." Nick said.

"Yep. No problem. Hey, here, take these, I got better weapons, anyway." He said, tossing Nick his pistols and sais.

"Uh... I don't know how to use these." He said, looking back and forth between them.

([Noob])

"It's pretty simple. Just point the guns and shoot. With the other ones you just stab stuff." Deadpool said.

"Now, let's go see what happened to the school." Juliet said.

"Yay! More killing!" Deadpool laughed.