Disclaimer: If I owned Calvin and Hobbes it would have never ended, if owned Labyrinth it would have been a much shorter movie, so no, I don't own either.

Calvin was out in the woods with Hobbes, pretending to be fugitives. Of course, they had experienced being fugitives when they crashed Calvin's parent's car into the ravine across the road, but this was different. This was being fugitives from Susie and her game of house.

Calvin slapped a spider as he crawled under a bush. "Hey Hobbes, do you know if there are any man eating or poisonous spiders around here?"

Hobbes leaned in and examined the spider squished against Calvin's palm. "That does look quite bit like the Killumous Calvinous. If it bit you, well, I'd better say my goodbyes now."

"There is no such thing!" Calvin growled, wiping the spider on his shirt.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not, besides, how would you know what one was?" Calvin challenged.

"They are a tiger's natural predator; we have to know what they look like." Hobbes said airily.

Calvin looked all over his hand in worry. "I don't think he got me!"

"Well you wouldn't see bite marks." Hobbes snorted.

"What would you see?" Calvin whispered.

"Nothing, their bites are invisible."

"Is there a cure?"

Hobbes tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Now that I think about it, yes, there is."

Calvin grabbed Hobbes' tail and yanked him close. "Tell me! I'll do anything!"

"That's good." Hobbes noted.

"Wait, why?"

The stuffed tiger smirked. "The only way to cure the bite of a Killumous Calvinous is to kiss a girl."

"What?!" Calvin shrieked, standing up.

"You can read about it in any book. You have to kiss a girl if you want to live." Hobbes shrugged.

"I'll die before I kiss a girl!" Calvin swore.

Hobbes grinned wildly. "Does that mean I can have your comic books?"

Calvin ignored him, having spotted Susie a few feet from where they were hiding. He held a finger to his lips. "Sssshhhh!"

Susie took her sweat time walking by and as she did Calvin debated his situation. Was dying really better than kissing a girl? Or was kissing a girl worse than dying?

Hobbes whispered into his ear, "Now's your chance, she's right in front of you."

Susie stopped for a second to pick a flower and Calvin struck, lips puckered and eyes closed. He kissed her right on her cheek, leaving a wet mark of saliva.

"Eww!" Susie yelled, pushing Calvin away and wiping off her face with her sleeve, "You're disgusting Calvin!" And with that she ran away.

Calvin turned to Hobbes, spitting out any cooties he might have gotten. "Bleh! She smelled like shampoo! And soap! I hope that was worth it."

Hobbes was rolling in the dirt; laughing so hard Calvin expected the fluff to come right out of him.

"Ha! I got you to kiss Susie Derkins!" The tiger hollered, "Calvin and Susie sitting in a tree…"

Calvin curled his hand into a fist and swung at the tiger. "Why you dirty, rotten liar! I oughta…" Then Calvin remembered the book his father had read to him the night before. "I wish the goblins would take you away, right now!"

Hobbes stopped laughing as the wind picked up. Calvin smirked and crossed his arms.

"That'll teach you."

Hobbes flickered in and out of looking like a tiger and a stuffed animal. "Calvin! What did you do?"

"He wished you away." A tall man with hair as wild as Calvin's stated.

"Where did you come from?" Calvin snorted, "The circus?"

"Actually, I'm here to take Hobbes away, I'm the Goblin King."