BY GILDEROY LOCKHART'S GHOST

A/N: Well, you wanted a sequel.

SCENE ONE: HISTORY OF MAGIC CLASS

HEY DEAN, DID YOU CATCH WHAT BINNS WAS JUST PRATTLING ON ABOUT?- S.

Yes, and you would have too if you hadn't been staring at Lavender.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT SHE'S SO FIT. CAN I BORROW YOUR NOTES? AND SOME INK? I JUST RAN OUT.

For God's sake Seamus- fine, you can borrow my ink. But don't waste it because it's my favourite colour. WHY are you always running out of ink dammit? What on earth do you waste it on?

WRITING NOTES TO YOU, OF COURSE. BY THE WAY DID YOU HEAR ABOUT RON?- S.

No. And Seamus, I don't want to, because I really need to concentrate and it's hard enough to pay attention to Binns without you poking me under the table with your quill. Or, to be more accurate, MY quill.

HE'S PISSED OFF COS HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO GET MIONE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AND HE TRIED TO SNEAK INTO THE GIRL'S DORM TO GET SOME IDEAS. THEN LAVVY CAME OUT OF THE SHOWER WEARING A TOWEL- AND NOTHING ELSE- AND HE WAS OUT OF THERE LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL WITH A BULET UP ITS ARSE

That's terrible!

I KNOW! LUCKY RON, I CAN"T BELIEVE HE'S SEEN LAVENDER PRACTICALLY NAKED AND I HAVEN'T!

Not about that you stupid git! I mean about Ron not knowing what to get Hermione. Maybe I should talk to him.

WHY SHOULD YOU TALK TO HIM?

Because I'm not a gossipy Irish prat. And STOP POKING ME WITH THAT QUILL.

SORRY. I JUST LIKE SEEING YOU WIGGLE IN PAIN.

OBVIOUSLY. Now bugger off, I need to concentrate.

YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, DO YOU?

WHAT THE HELL? Seamus- oh, I am not having this conversation.

FINE, I HATE YOU TOO. HAVE YOUR STUPID QUILL BACK.

What are you going to write with?

MY BLOOD. AND THE TEARS I AM SHEDDING OVER OUR RUINED FRIRENDSHIP.

Stop laughing- Lavender's looking at you funny.

YEAH, WELL HERMIONE'S GLARING AT YOU- I THINK SHE WANTS YOU TO STOP KICKING THE LEG OF HER DESK.

You know I twitch when I laugh. OW! Stop POKING ME! I'll poke you good-

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Dean Thomas
CRIME: Looking unruly and being covered in ink
while wearing his school uniform
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor McGonagall
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 10th February

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Seamus Finnigan
CRIME: Looking unruly and being covered in ink
while wearing his school uniform
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor McGonagall
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 10th February

SCENE TWO: LATER THAT DAY, TRANSFIGURATION CLASS

Hey, Hermione- what do you think Ron'll do for you on Valentine's Day?- Lavender

Lavender- why are you writing notes to me? – Hermione

Can a friend write a note to another friend?- Lavender

We're not friends. We never have been friends.

Whatever gave you that idea? Anyway, Seamus thinks he might take me to the astronomy tower for a bit of stargazing! Isn't that romantic? Of course knowing Seamus, we probably won't get any star gazing done at all!…

Oh Lord, I am so not hearing this. Lavender, can you please bother Parvati with this? I'm trying to concentrate.

Parvati doesn't like hearing about Seamus and me. She's jealous because she doesn't have a boyfriend. She says she doesn't mind really but I know she does, it's so obvious. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend but I know she really does. Isn't it cool that we're the only two girls in fifth year and in Gryffindor with boyfriends?

The only other girl who's in fifth year and in Gryffindor is Parvati, and you just pointed out to me that she didn't want one. And can you please stop passing me notes? You're being very obvious about it. You'll get into trouble.

I think we should go on a double date- you and me and Seamus and Ron- what do you think? Wouldn't it be cool to do that on Valentine's day? It wouldn't be as romantic but it would be heaps of fun. What have you and Ron got planned for Valentine's day?

Nothing, hopefully. Valentine's day is a load of corporate rubbish and I've grown out of it.

You don't mean that. I seriously think the four of us should go out together, it'll be so much fun. Do you think Ron will get you roses?

He'd better not! Lavender, seriously- LEAVE ME ALONE.

If you don't WANT me to write notes to you then stop answering them.
I wasn't serious.
…
Hermione, why are being so rude? Are you mad at me? You hate me, don't you?
…
It's so weird that you hate Valentine's day. Ron's been running himself ragged searching for a Valentine's day present for you and you're not even grateful. That's really awful, Hermione.

SCENE THREE: THE COMMON ROOM, THAT NIGHT

"Why Dragons Should Become a Protected Species", an essay by Ron Weasley.

Dragons are among the most beautiful magical creatures residing on earth. It would be a darn shame if they were all killed off- okay, that sounds stupid. New parchment

The most beautiful magical creatures we have on this earth are dragons. Wizards and witches have, over the centuries, exploited this precious resource because we are all greedy, selfish bastards who- wait, that's not a good angle. New parchment

Dragons- the most beautiful magical creatures on earth. Every year at least a hundred of the precious few remaining dragons are killed off by illegal dragon poaching and for magical purposes. Sooner or later this supply of dragons is going to dwindle, and then we're all going to be in trouble-
This is pathetic. Who am I trying to fool? I've never been able to concentrate on homework before so why am I trying tonight, of all nights?
What could I have done to make her so angry? I can't have done anything. Did I? I honestly can't remember. She was fine this morning.
Get a hold of yourself, you idiot. Go through today and try and remember if you've done anything. This must be your fault- it always is.
Okay- so first off we had care of magical creatures- she wasn't mad at me then because she kissed my cheek and she never does that in public unless he's in a very good mood with me. Then we had History of Magic and she got slightly annoyed with Dean and Seamus because they were having some sort of weird ink fight behind her, and she hates getting distracted in History of Magic because it's so hard to get re-focused. Then we had lunch…no she was an in extra good mood with me then because I managed to cheer her up after Dean and Seamus had annoyed her so much- she even gave me an extra hug before we went into Transfigs. Then professor mcGoanall went off at Dean and Semaus for being covered in purple and green ink- those two are so weird. Then, during Transfigs- nothing. I didn't talk to her at all because I didn't want to distract her- and I waned to concentrate too. So then why, after Transfigs, when I tried to take her hand, did she turn around and snap at me- "For heaven's sake Ron, why do you always have to cling to me?"

What could I possibly have done? I don't understand it. It's not as though she's ever been mad at me before without a reason- not since we started going out, anyway. And now she's sitting away from me, in front of the fire, working on her own- she didn't even say hello to me when she walked.

This is such bullshit. I'm going to bed. I'll copy Harry's essay in the morning.

SCENE FOUR: THE NEXT MORNING'S POST

Dear Ron,
This may seem a little weird, me sending you a letter in the post, but I couldn't say what I have to say to your face and I didn't want to hand deliver it to you. Sorry I had to use Pig as well but Hedwig's off delivering a letter and all the school owls are taken. I hope you don't mind. I don't know if I'll even end up posting this to tell you the truth- I don't know why I can't say this to your face anyway. I suppose I'm just being a pig-headed idiot, but you know me- I'm renowned for being a pig-headed idiot. I know this seems stupid- and you're right, it is stupid, and I should have less pride than this. I know things are different from what they used to be since we started going out, but I suppose I still haven't changed. That's so like me, isn't it?
All right, you're probably thinking, 'get to the point Hermione", so here it is:
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you yesterday. I'm so sorry that I upset you- and I could tell you were upset because you didn't come and sit with me in the evening. That's why I've realized I can't just snap at you any more- I mean, I've never had the right to snap at you, even before we started going out- but I think since you're not just my stubborn friend anymore, everything means more.

I'm sorry, I can't even apologise right. This isn't what I meant to say at all- I'm honestly not trying to patronise you or anything. Although that's what it looks like.

Oh, this is pathetic- I don't' see why I'm not humble enough to just say 'I'm sorry, let's make up," like all normal girlfriends should. I think I'm just not a normal girlfriend.
I'm sorry, Ron
Love, Hermione.

Dear Seamus,
I've just had an owl from Professor McGonagall about yours and Dean's very unorthodox behaviour during class. If I get another one of those, I'll march right up to Hogwarts and take you back home to work on your Grandma's pumpkin farm. Is that you want? You with your pumpkin allergies as well? I'm deadly serious, so if I ever get another letter from Hogwarts about you and Dean being idiots, it's endless days of pumpkin shelling for you, my lad.

BEHAVE.

Love, Mam.

SCENE FIVE: CHARMS CLASS

Harry- is Ron really trying to find me a Valentine's day present?- Hermione

I don't know!- Harry.

There was no need to cough like that. You should stop sucking on your quill, it's bad for you. And yes, you must know, because apparently he's fervently running around like…a fervent thing, I don't know. Stop coughing, you'll get into trouble.- Herm.

Sorry Hermione, I'm eating a sugar quill. The question surprised me, that's all. And if you already know Ron's trying to find you a present, then why did you ask me?

I'm not sure. I suppose I wanted to ask you what you thought of it.

What, my sugar quill?

Don't be an idiot.

OK, OK. What about what I think of it?

Well…valentine's day. What's your opinion on that? You do think it's just another commercially controlled holiday, don't you?

Hermione, is this really the place to get into a socialist discussion? What's the matter?

What do you mean?

You never send me notes in class in case something's really wrong. What's up? And why aren't you talking to Ron about it?

You're right, you're right, Harry. I know I shouldn't be passing notes but I just had to talk to someone. The actual problem is Ron himself…

Then I'm staying right out of this. I don't want to get in the middle of anything, thanks.

Please just listen for a bit- I don't know what to do. I sent Ron a letter in the post this morning to apologise for snapping at him yesterday, and he hasn't said anything to me. I'm too scared to go up to him and ask what's wrong because I think he's still mad at me.

Then don't go up to him and say "anything". Go up to him and apologise.

Is that what he wants?

I don't know Hermione- he hasn't been talking to me today either. Maybe he just needs some time to think. Something's wrong- I don't know if it's you, I don't know if it isn't you, I don't know if it's me, I don't know what the matter is. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then leave it alone.

But I can't stand not knowing how to help him.

Have you ever told him that?

SCENE SIX: LATER THAT DAY, IN POTIONS CLASS

Hey, Ron: I hear you've been trying to find a Valentine's present for Hermione.- Dean

Does the whole house have to know? How did you find that out?- Ron.

Seamus told me- Dean.

Well, how did Seamus find out?- R.

I FOUND IT OUT FROM YOUR SISTER.- S.

Damn. I've never telling Ginny anything ever again. So what's your point Dean?

I'm here to help. I can think of the perfect present to get her.

You can?

Yeah. Look, Ron, all you need for the perfect relationship is a little sensitivity. Roses, candelight, sunsets, that sort of crap. It works all the time in the movies.

What's a "movie"?

Never mind. You've got to really romance her. Get her a bunch of roses from the garden, and a box of chocolates or something from Honeydukes.

Hermione doesn't like chocolate. Or roses for that matter.

So be creative. What's her favourite flower?

I don't know. We don't talk about her botanical preferences, funnily enough.

Work with me Ron, work with me. I'm trying to help, so please stop kicking me under the desk.

I'm not kicking you.

Bugger OFF, Seamus!

I WANT TO JOIN IN THIS CONVERSATION! RON, TELL ME MORE ABOUT LAVENDER IN A TOWEL!-S

Okay boys, that's it. Leave me alone, both of you, or I'll take drastic measures.

Such as?

WHY IS HE PUTTING UP HIS HAND? OH SHIT!

DETENTION SLIP

STUDENT(S): Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan
OFFENCE: Passing notes in the classroom
CAUGHT BY: Professor Severus Snape
SUGGESTED PUNISHMENT: Referred to their Head of House
SIGNED BY: Severus Snape
DATE: 11th of February
DATE OF DETENTION: 14th of February

Thanks, Ron. I was only trying to help. At least I can take pleasure in the fact that you brought this upon yourself- Dean.

YEAH RON, WHAT'S THE IDEA, TELLING ON US? SEE IF WE EVER TRY TO HELP YOU AND HERMIONE AGAIN.- S

Bugger off- Ron.

SCENE SEVEN: THE NEXT MORNING'S POST

Dear Mr. Weasley,

For your punishable offence, yourself, Mr. Finnigan and Mr. Thomas all of Gryffindor house will be serving detention on Friday, the 14th of February. Professor Dumbledore has requested that I punish you myself rather than let Professor Snape choose a punishment. For your offence, all three of you will be asked to scrub down the boy's Quidditch changing room- without the use of magic- from eight o'clock that night onwards.
May I just add my own personal disappointment owing to the fact that you personally have once again brought shame to Gryffindor house by earning yourself a detention and the loss of house points. I trust that this time, you will have learnt your lesson and you will not have to receive another detention for your behaviour.
Sincerely, Professor McGonagall
Head of Gryffindor House.

DEAR RON "SQUEALER" WEASLEY,

HERE, ENJOY YOUR FLYING STINK BOMB! HA HA HA! THANKS FOR GETTING US A DETENTION, GIMP!

LOVE, DEAN AND SEAMUS

To: Seamus Finnigan, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

From: Mrs. Evelyn Finnigan, Misty Acres, Limerick, Ireland.
"A DETENTION Seamus! A detention! I never once got a detention in all my time at hogwarts, i don't know where you get your idiocy from beacsue your father certAinly never used to act up like this! that's the second letter i've gotten from hogwarts in as many days you great prat! if you don't stop being an idiot i'll march right down to hogwarts and sell you to romania for dragon feed! would you like that? would you? and you with your allergies to dragons! if you were here right now you'd be getting a good strapping, i can tell you! when i get my hands on you, your bottom will wish it had never been born!
One more toe out of line, and i'll call up grandpa, and get him to deal with you, is that clear? god starve the lizards, i've never been more ashamed! any more of this seamus, and it'll be the worst for you!"
End of Howler

Dear Hermione,

You know, we're a lot more alike than people think. I've got something to say too, and I could never tell you this to your face, so here I am, taking a leaf out of your book and writing what I've got to say down on paper. I guess we're both pigheaded idiots.
I'm sorry too. I didn't know what to say after I got your letter, so I said nothing. Stupid, eh? I didn't mean to ignore you and Harry- which reminds me, tell him I wasn't ignoring him, because I can't be bothered writing two letters, and I still have that Care of Magical Creatures Essay to write.

Anyway, I suppose that's all. See you in Herbology

Lots of love,

Ron

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Dean Thomas
CRIME: Sending unorthodox post
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor McGonagall
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 12th February

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Seamus Finnigan
CRIME: Sending unorthodox post
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor McGonagall
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 12th February

SCENE EIGHT: THE SAME DAY, TRANSFIGURATION LESSONS

Ron, would you mind shifting a little way away from me? You still smell- love Hermione

Sorry Hermione. God, I could KILL Seamus and Dean.

So could I. If I had known they'd covered you with stink bombs I wouldn't have hugged you. Now I smell too.

Not as bad as me.

No.

Would you gits STOP IT!

What?!

Sorry Hermione, that was meant for Seamus. Could you pass it back to him? He and Dean are kicking my chair.

Why are they so mad at you anyway? Is it something to do with Potions yesterday when Professor Snape took you away to his office?

No. That was because we're all failing potions. They're just mad because I took too long in the shower this morning.

All right. Anyway, Ron, thanks for your letter. It was very sweet of you, and I just want you to know that you are just right the way you are. You're a brilliant boyfriend and I--- well, I care about you very much.

Are you feeling all right?

I'm fine, Ron.

Then why the sudden…I don't know, affection?

Is it bad? Am I doing the wrong thing?

Not at all, it's just that--- are you all right? You're shaking!

You're not used to it because I'm a horrible girlfriend and I don't see why you're wasting your time with me!

Ron: Why did Hermione just run out of the classroom?- Harry.

I don't know.

SCENE NINE: THAT NIGHT IN THE GIRL'S DORMS. HERMIONE'S DIARY

12th of February
Dear Diary,
I made a real mess of things today. And the worst thing is, I don't even know why. I think I might be doing it on purpose.
For one thing, I seem to be trying to find a problem in this relationship, when there really isn't one. And today I ran out of Transfiguration lessons, and I don't know why, I think I just couldn't stand him being so nice. I think it's a souvenir from the days when we were always fighting- he starts being nice, and I immediately start searching for a motive for why he's being nice. If that's not unhealthy, I don't know what is.
What on earth is wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with Ron, that's for certain, so it must be me. Ron's perfect. I've always known he's perfect. For me, anyway. And he's even trying to find me a Valentine's Day present.
That's where this weirdness is coming from, the Valentine's Day thing.
Maybe…maybe I know that after he gives me a Valentine's Day present, I'll know that, this isn't some sort of weird experiment any more. That he really is serious about me and that from there on in, I'll be reasonable- or at least party to- his deepest fears, and thoughts, and feelings. And that means he'll be party to mine. Because he certainly wouldn't go to all the trouble of a Valentine's Day present for someone who he only considered a short-lived crush. I'm not a short-lived crush.
I've never been one to run away. Am I running away? Oh, dear lord- I feel like a character in some B-Grade Meg Ryan movie! What am I trying to do to the poor boy?
After I ran out of Transfiguration, he came right after me and calmed me down, and asked me what was wrong and even kissed me. Before we started dating, I know Ron never would have been capable of that. He just wouldn't, that's all there it to it.
So, maybe, I'm scared because subconsciously I know that I've changed Ron, but he hasn't changed me at all. Maybe I'm unchangeable. Maybe not even the influence of a sweet boy like Ron can change me! He is sweet. He's always been sweet, even before we started going out. That's why I love him.
Oh my god.
Did I just write love?

SCENE TEN: THE NEXT DAY, CHARMS CLASS

Hey, Ron: What are you going to do about Valentine's Day? Love, Lavender.

Lavender- why are you writing notes to me?- Ron.

Why does everybody ask that? I just want to know. Seamus told me about your detention. Have you told Hermione? Love Lav.

Um, no. Can you stop it, please? Sorry Lavender but I'm trying to concentrate here- Ron.

Why not? Didn't she notice that something was up when Snape pulled you, Dean and Seamus out of the classroom like that? Love Lav

No, she didn't. I told her it was about something else. She doesn't like Valentine's day. I don't think it will matter to her too much. Anyway, go away, please.

Ooh, Ron! That's so terrible! You mean you haven't even told her the truth? That's horrid of you! Seamus told me as soon as Snape gave him the detention, and he's so disappointed that we can't be together on Valentine's day night. He also told me it was all your fault. Thanks a lot. Now I don't have a date for Valentine's Day! Why haven't you told Hermione?!

Because I don't bloody want to, all right? PISS OFF! And anther thing! Will you tell your Irish git of a boyfriend to STOP KICKING THE BACK OF MY CHAIR OR I WILL REMOVE HIS LEGS!

My, my, aren't we in a bad temper. I passed the note onto Seamus, by the way.

Gee, I never would have guessed, since he started THROWING QUILLS AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD.

You know what your problem is Ron? You're so angry. You need to mellow out. Like Seamus. Isn't he the dreamiest?

Ron! Don't throw paper, it's dangerous! And why didn't you asnwer me? Are you mad at me?

You hate me, don't you? Why do you hate me, Ron? Did I do something wrong?
…
It's so terrible that you haven't told Hermione that you won't be there for Valentine's Day. What if she organises a surprise for you, and you're not there? That'll really make her feel bad, Ron.

SCENE ELEVEN: LUNCHTIME, THE OWLERY

Dear Sirius,
It's Ron here. I know you usually get mail from Harry, but he's- well he's busy and asked me to write you instead.
Actually…look, he didn't really. I just need some advice. I'd normally ask Bill but he's in darkest Africa at the moment, and- to be frank, Sirius, I've heard you were pretty popular at Hogwarts when you went here. I hope you don't mind, but I'm at my wit's end.
Hermione's been acting completely weird. And I mean completely. One minute she's attached to my hip, the next minute she wants to get as much space between us as possible. She's moody at the best of times, but this is getting to be more than I can stand. As far as I can tell, I've been attentive enough, and I haven't been acting strangely- you can double check with Harry on that one. But obviously I'm doing something wrong, because Hermione's acting like a complete loon around me, whereas with anyone else, she's just normal. Can you think of anything that might have set her off? I know you don't know her that well, but she's not usually so obscure.
There is another thing- the other day, Snape gave me, Seamus and Dean detention. I told Hermione it was about something else, so she doesn't know. But I realised today that the detention was set on Valentine's Day night. I was planning to do something with her, but that's' completely off now. She'll go spare when she finds out I've lied to her- you know how she hates lying, right?- so what should I do? She'll notice if I disappear for hours on Friday, and…
To put it frankly, Sirius, I'm stuck. Help me out, please? Valentine's Day is TOMORROW and I think I'm doomed.
Yours, Ron.

SCENE TWELVE: THE SAME DAY, HISTORY OF MAGIC

Dean, Ron's getting a bit ticked off with you and Seamus kicking the back of his chair all the time. (I guess it's just unfortunate that you happen to sit behind him in every class) Anyway, look, whatever he's done to you, I'm sure he's very sorry for it, and if you promise to stop kicking him, I'll promise to help you and Seamus bring your potions marks up, okay?
Thanks a bunch,
Hermione

Herm- Thanks for the offer of help, but to put it frankly, I don't need it. Potions is my second best subject, and Seamus is getting all As from Snape. Sorry, love. You'll have to do better than that if you want us to leave your lover alone. Love Dean

It's all right, You don't have to pretend, Dean. I'm trying to help you get better marks, so don't worry, I don't care if you're failing.

Herm- I'm NOT failing. And nor is Seamus. What the hell? What made you think that? Look, here's my last Potions essay, I'll pass it over to you.

But- someone told me both you and Seamus were failing.

Well, that someone was lying- or at least grossly misinformed. Tell you what, you promise to help me with the next Charms assignment and I'll stop kicking Ron here and now.

Yes, that's fine. Please stop kicking him, he's getting very angry.

Done, sweetness. Are you all right? You look a bit pale.

SCENE THIRTEEN: THAT NIGHT, THE BOY'S DORMS

Harry,
I couldn't find you, but I need to talk to you. I assume both you and Ron are at Quidditch training because I can't find him, either. I think he lied to me, so I just need you to answer one question:
Why did Snape pull him out of class the other day?
Owl me your answer tomorrow. I'm going to bed. I can't think anymore.
Love Hermione

SCENE FOURTEEN: NEXT MORNING'S POST

Hermione,
Could you and Ron both leave me out of it if you're having problems? Sorry if that sounded a little harsh, but that's all there is too it. I don't know why you're both asking me for help- me! Of all people. Honestly. Ron was harassing me all of yesterday. Eventually I told him to write to Sirius.

As for why Snape pulled him out of class the other day, I think he as just giving them an ear-bashing because he, Dean and Seamus were passing notes. Nothing major.
You both think way too much for me to keep up with you, I'm afraid, but Hermione the more you think about it, the worse things are going to get, I promise you. Can't either of you do anything spontaneous? I thought that was what love was supposed to be about. Assuming you do love each other of course.

Love, Harry.
PS: Don't let Ron read this, for the love of God

Dear Ron,
It's a good thing I'm in the country, otherwise you would have been in real trouble, seeing as it should be Valentine's Day mronign by the time you get this.
Anyway…
Firstly, I have four words to say to you. Tell. Her. The. Truth. That's the golden rule of any relationship Ron, and I'm surprised you didn't already know that.
Secondly, I think from what you've described to me that Hermione is sorting out her own feelings, and they are obviously her feelings concerning you. Don't worry. Just keep doing what you're doing, and give her some space at the same time. I'll sure she'll appreciate it.
Thirdly, whatever you've heard about my prowess at Hogwarts is probably a gross exaggeration, although I'm flattered that you turned to me for help.
Remus wants me to add that he always knew you and Hermione would date some day. (He's such a know-it-all, Remus.)
I hope I've helped, anyway. My best to Hermione. I know you'll work things out.
Sirius

SCENE FIFTEEN: THE SAME DAY, HISTORY OF MAGIC CLASS

Dear Sirius,
I'm in History of Magic at the moment, and bored out of my brains, so I thought I'd fill in the time writing a letter to you. I know, I know, "Blah, blah, blah, harry your school marks are important, blah, blah, blah, etc." but, come on- when am I ever going to need to know the economic properties of rural wizarding towns in the third century? Don't tell Professor Lupin, thought, he'll only get narky. (I know, I know "Blah, blah, blah, Harry stop insulting Remus, he's had a hard life so excuse him if he gets in a bad mood form time to time, blah, blah blah. But come on. It's not as though History of Magic was his best subject either.)
Anyway, it's Valentine's Day once again, and here's me without a Valentine-although, if having a Valentine means retaining as much angst as Ron and Hermione, then frankly, I don't want one. I have never met two people who read so much into everything- it's ridiculous, really. Speaking of Ron, I hear he asked you for advice. Since when are you Dr. Love? The way I hear it, you had a very large string of broken relationships. Someone with your track record can't be that reliable when giving out advice on relationships. I just hope you haven't steered him wrong because I think he'll go nuts if he loses Hermione.
Actually, speaking of Hermione, she's sitting next to me and she's definitely not taking down notes on rural wizarding towns. In fact, she's been completely loopy since she got this letter I sent her at breakfast. Last night I got back from Quidditch training and there was this note from her stuck to my bedpost- thank god Ron was in the shower because it was all about him- she seems to think he's lied to her about something. Anyway, I replied to her this morning, and she got completely strange. She practically killed me with a bear hug, then landed a big kiss on Ron's forehead, and ran off to the dorms. I don't think love is having a stablising affect on her. For someone who's supposedly having so many relationship problems, she's pretty bloody happy.
As for Ron, you'd think Hermione acting so happy this morning would have made him happy as well- it hasn't. he keeps on moaning to me about how confusing girls are and wishing she'd just pick one mood and stick with it. I have no idea what he's on about, but it's getting irritating. I can't stand all the whining that's going on lately. I wish everyone would just lighten up.
As for you, you're taking car of yourself, right? I hope you and Professor Lupin are taking care of each other, actually. Remember, it's inhale, then exhale.
Joking aside, stay safe. And if Ron and Hermione break up, I'm going to hold you personally responsible.
Love, Harry.

SCENE SIXTEEN: THE SAME DAY, CHARMS CLASS

Hey Hermione- Happy Valentine's Day- Harry.

Thanks Harry! And to you as well!- Love Hermione

OK…Please explain? Where's the real Hermione?

Right here. Why?

Last time I checked, you were totally opposed to valentine's day. What's up with you? You're suddenly so gung-ho about the whole "commercially controlled" holiday. And what put you in such a good mood?

I've had a great idea, Harry! And it's all thanks to you! I just hope Ron likes it.

So Ron didn't lie to you then?

Well…I suppose he did in a way, but it's not really important. He was just trying to make sure I didn't find out he was passing notes in class. I don't know why; he always does it, it's not like I'll suddenly start getting cross at him for doing it now.

Fair enough. What's that on your desk? That doesn't look like Charms work to me…

Well, aren't you the master of perception! It's a letter I'm writing to Ron. But don't tell him- it's going to be a big surprise

You have my word as a gentleman. So I guess I gave you some good advice then?

Yes. It was brilliant advice, thank you Harry.

Just call me Dr. Love.

SCENE SEVENTEEN: POTIONS CLASS

Okay Harry, I know you know what's going on, so TELL ME- Ron

Whatever do you mean, Ron? You'd better not let Snape see what you're doing or we're both in for another ear-bashing.

You Know what I mean, git! What's up with Hermione? You've both been grinning like Charlie whenever he sees a Swedish Short-Snout all morning. What the hell is going on?

Oh, you know…this and that…

DAMMIT HARRY!

I'm not allowed to tell you because it's a surprise, okay? And calm down, already. You know you twitch when you're excited. Professor Snape will see.

Oh, okay. Hermione didn't get a gift for me, did she? I thought she hated Valentines Day.

She does- to my knowledge. Don't worry, I'm sure she won't mind that you haven't gotten her one.

Do you think I'll have time to rush over to Hogsmeade before my detention?

…Detention? Since when do you have detention?

SCENE EIGHTEEN: THAT NIGHT, THE BOY'S DORMS

Dear Ron,
Forget whatever I've ever said about Valentine's Day. Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at eight o'clock. And don't eat dinner before hand.
Love, Hermione xoxo

SCENE NINETEEN: THAT SAME NIGHT, ONE AM

14th of February
Dear Diary,
He didn't come.
I don't even know what to feel. No, wait. Yes I do- like an idiot. GOD, I feel so STUPID. I was sat there in the Astronomy tower in my red dress robes at a candle lit dinner table until midnight, and he didn't come. I don't know what on earth I was thinking- I mean, Ron, agreeing to that whole romantic Valentine's Day dinner thing? I don't blame him for freaking out.
But God, I feel stupid. I thought he…you know…cared about me. He could have at least said something if he didn't. This measn we're going to have to break up- but…Diary, I really don't want to, because…I love him. I really do.
What are we going to do now?

SCENE TWENTY: NEXT MORNING, TACKED TO HERMIONE'S BEDPOST

Dear Hermione,
I know you hate me, but please read this so I can at least explain to you why I wasn't there last night, even though it won't make a difference and quite frankly, you have every right to hate me. If I had just told you before none of this would have happened and I know everything is all my fault.
All right. I can't even say this to your face, GOD, I'm such a stupid git. You'll never forgive me for this.
I lied. You know that day when Snape pulled us out of the classroom? He was giving us a detention. I don't know why I didn't tell you. I suppose I just didn't want you to think I'm worse than you already do. I tried to hide the fact that I'm an idiot and I just proved it to you even moreso. I'm sorry. The irony isn't lost on me.
Anyway, the dentition, of course, was scheduled for last night-0 Valentine's Day night. Ironically, the ngiht that I'd been planning in my head for about a month. I didn't even end up getting you a present because I didn't know what to get. Nothing was good enough for you, in the end. I wanted the night to mean something, and all it ended up meaning was the end of…whatever we had. And whatever we had was special, and now I've gone and ruin it.

I suppose there's nothing left for me to say except sorry. And I am sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'm regretting every single tiny minute of that potions class when he gave us a detention. I just want to go back in time and change everything and if I could I promise I'd never let anything take you away from me.
Anyway, I know it won't make much difference now but…look, when you have the time, just go down tot he message board. I left you a sort of Valentine's day present in there.
Hermione, I'd do anything to get you to forgive me. Because…
I'm so sorry,
Love Ron.

SCENE TWENTY-ONE: THE MESSAGE BOARD

RON WEASLEY
LOVES
HERMIONE GRANGER
I love you Hermione
Happy Valentine's Day

SCENE TWENTY-TWO: CHARMS CLASS SOME DAYS LATER

HEY, DEAN- CAN I BORROW YOUR QUILL?- S.

One of these days, Seamus, I won't be here to loan you quills. Then you'll be up a certain creek without a quill, won't you?- Dean

…OBVIOUSLY. GOD YOU'RE AN IDIOT. ANYWAY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT RON?

Oh god, what's he done now? Seen parvati starkers? Stolen lavender's underpants and hoisted them up a flagpole? I don't' really care.

WELL, YOU KNOW THAT WHOLE MESSAGE BOARD NOTICE AND HOW AFTER HERMIONE SAW IT SHE WENT AND GAVE RON A SNOG IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL AT BREAKFAST?

Yes, it did catch my attention Seamus, they were snogging over my scrambled eggs. What about it?

WELL, RON WENT UO TO HOGSMEADE YESTERDAY AND BROUGHT HER A SNEAKOSCOPE. HE SAID IT WAS "SO SHE KNOWS SHE CAN TRUST HIM."

Fascinating. What's your point?

I'M JUST TALKING! WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A POINT? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE INTERESTED! YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BITCHY. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? HAVE YOUR STUPID QUILL BACK!

Fine! At least I don't waste ink by gossiping about our classmates. At least I have worthwhile things to say! You're cruising for a good poking, young Finnigan.

WELL, BRING IT ON, THOMAS, YOU HALF-ARSED MUGGLE BOY!

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Dean Thomas
CRIME: Just…being weird.
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor Flitwick
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 19th February

HOUSE POINT REMOVAL
ISSUED TO: Seamus Finnigan
CRIME: Just…being weird.
HOUSE: Gryffindor
NUMBER OF POINTS: Ten
CAUGHT BY: Professor Flitwick
SIGNED: Minerva McGonagall
DATE: 19th February