A/N: Ok so I need to put out there that "In the Belly of the Beast" was freaking amazing…kudos to Stana on her flawless acting! Also if you haven't listened Coldplay's new song "Midnight" I encourage you to do it…..trust me is so not what you expect….finally, please ENJOY and REVIEW!
Beckett couldn't help but having a sense of Dejá vu as she walked through the white aisles of the ICU. She felt her heart beating erratically inside her chest, and in her mind she had images of how Castle might look. However, she couldn't shake the horrible feeling of uncertainty, when the doctor told her that Castle had still many more procedures to go. When her and the doctor finally arrived at Castle's room, she couldn't help but gasp.
"You can stay with him as long as you like detective." the doctor said. "I'll tell the nurses to leave you alone with him. I believe that talking to him is the best way to keep him alive until his surgery tomorrow"
"Thank you." Beckett whispered. The doctor entered the room and said something to the nurses and they retired and left Castle alone. But not even after that Beckett made a move.
It was like she was stuck in front of her fiancé's room and couldn't walk in. As if some kind of force was preventing her from being with him at that moment. Although it was probably the shocking image of the usually goofy and sparkly Rick Castle, laying in a hospital bed, with a tube down his throat, his body all bruised and bandages covering almost every inch of his body. Eventually, her legs started moving again, and slowly as if she were gonna faint at any point she entered in Castle's room.
The smell of disinfectant was stronger inside, or so Beckett thought. She was received by the constant beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of the breathing machine filling Castle's lungs with oxygen. She didn't cry though. She felt numb. The little joy she felt when Castle got out of the rubble alive was completely gone by now. She pulled a chair closer to his bed, but she didn't touch him. She just watched him, praying for him. Finally, she gently put her hand on top of Castle's bruised one and drew small circles with her thumb.
"I keep thinking…" Beckett whispered. "about all the times I wanted you to just shut up and be serious…not realizing…" She looked down at their joined hands. "That I never want you to shut up." She let out a shaky sigh. "I need to hear your voice again Castle…I need to hear you say all those things that drive me crazy, but make me feel so alive too." Her voice almost cracked. There was a knock.
"Hey Beckett." It was Ryan with Esposito by his side. "How is he?"
"Alive." Beckett answered hoarsely. "For now."
"I called Martha and Alexis, but they're not picking up." Ryan said quietly.
"They're not in the country." Beckett replied absently. They fell into a somewhat awkward silence. She sensed the boys were not telling her something. "What is it?"
"Uh…is okay it can wait." Esposito said and tried to smile but failed.
"Just tell me."
"Er…after you left with Castle, they pulled out Castle's Agent's body." Esposito said quietly.
"You mean Paula?"
"Yeah."
"What about Gina?" Beckett asked.
"She was pulled out from the ruble, but we don't know where they took her." Ryan answered. They fell into silence again. "What's his prognosis Beckett?" Ryan squeezed her shoulder gently.
"If he makes it through the night, they'll start operating on his fractures tomorrow." She recited what the doctor told her with a shaky voice. "So do we know who did this?" Beckett inquired trying to change the topic about Castle's condition.
"Beckett I don't think this is the time…" Esposito started, only to be interrupted.
"Espo…I need to think on something other than the fact that my fiancé may not make it through the night." She said severely but with a hint of plead in her voice.
"They're not investigating yet." Esposito answered. "They said their main priority right now is getting as much people as they can alive."
"We did see the feds setting up a command post as we left the scene." Ryan supplied. "I'm sure they'll start the investigation soon." The two male detectives smiled shyly. Her expression softened. She knew they only wanted to be there for her and she really appreciated that.
"Thank you guys." She said. "Could you do something else for me, please?"
"Name it." Ryan said.
"Could you find in which hospital is Gina at, and her status?" Beckett looked at both her and Castle's hands. "I figure Castle would like to know when he wakes up."
"Sure thing." And the both detectives walk towards the door. "You should go home and get some rest Beckett." Ryan said before leaving. "I'm sure the people here will keep an eye on him."
"I can't leave Ryan." Beckett whispered. She was indeed exhausted, but she doubted she would rest with Castle barely alive.
"I know, but Castle wouldn't wanted you worn yourself out." With that they left. Ryan had a point though. She would be with Castle for two more hours and then she would leave, she needed a change of clothes anyway.
"You better don't pull anything weird while I'm gone Castle, otherwise I'll kill you with my own bare hands writer-boy." She told the unconscious form of her fiancé.
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Off course Beckett didn't leave after two hours. It was late when Beckett opened the door to find a cold and empty loft. Her heart wrenched, knowing that this place was usually full of life and happiness. She took off her jacket, dropped her keys and walked up to the kitchen for a glass of wine. Better a glass of whiskey. God knows she needed it at the moment. As Beckett felt the burning sensation of the drink, she took a look at her surroundings. A tear escaped her eye at the thought of never seeing this place with its usual joy if Castle wouldn't have made it. She thinks about the first call he made. It was full of sorrow, love, sadness, and so many juxtaposed feelings that made her throat constrict. Then she realizes something. In that first phone call, Castle mentioned something about a brown file sitting inside his safe.
Slowly, Beckett walked towards the office. She always thought of it as a sanctuary for Castle, therefore she never actually seen the contents of Castle's desk drawers, nor where his safe was. She sat on his chair, and took a detailed look at everything that was on the desk. Pictures of his mother, Alexis and her made her heart swell with love. On the side there was the gadget from Simon, supposedly from the future, which made Beckett let out a small chuckle. She could see almost every layer of his personality on his desk, from his dorky side to his much loyal and lovable side. Sometimes she couldn't believe her luck to have such an amazing man by her side, that loves her unconditionally. His laptop was closed in the center of the table. Then, she looked through the drawers, finding multiple notebooks, more pictures of his family, including her. When she was on the third drawer she noticed something weird. It was a rather shallow drawer, but the bottom felt hollow somehow. As she lifted one of the journals, she found a small, dusty, golden key. She knew then she had found what she was looking for. Off course Castle would hide his safe in such a way.
She found the lock at the far corner of the drawer, opened it to reveal a metallic top with a combination in the center. She didn't know the combination. Beckett sat there, looking at the numbers as if the safe would magically open. She tried Alexis' birthday, Martha's birthday, and her badge number and nothing happened. Not that she expected it to. She served herself another glass of whiskey and started pacing around the office, thinking about what possible combinations Castle would have chosen for that safe. It'd have to be something meaningful for both of them, if he wanted her to have whatever there was in it. And then it occurred to her. The one thing they both knew. Their promise. She typed the numbers: 259297. It worked. Their word. Always.
Indeed there was a brown file with her name on it. Her heart pounded furiously inside her chest, anxious to know what's inside. Gently, Beckett picked it up and put it on the desk. She stared at it for a minute. It was a rather large file, which only augmented her curiosity. As she opened it, the first piece of paper was a letter with Castle's handwriting.
Dear Kate,
First of all, I want you to know that is not easy for me to be writing you this letter right now. Trust me when I say that I don't want you to be reading this, but I guess that if you are, it is probably because I was reckless and got myself in enough trouble to doubt of my own existence right now. Before I go into further detail, I have to stress that I never wanted you to find out about it like this. But I guess I have no other choice. It is vital that you understand that what I did was only thinking about your happiness as well as your well being. Now down to business. This file contains all the answers about Braken's illegal transactions and operations that led to your mom's murder. Yes. It is the file that blew up in that building. I collected the remains from the evidence box and worked on putting it together piece by piece. I need to warn you though. You need to be extremely careful with these information, and even though I'm not there I need you not to pursue on your own. Please let Ryan and Esposito help you. I don't want you to lose your life for this, but I also know how important this is to you. Use the information wisely and wait until is the right moment to use it. I know that you'll make me proud like you always have.
I'm sorry if we missed moments. It was never my intention for it to end this way, but I want you to know that you're taking care off. So is Alexis, my mother, and my friends at the 12th. Please tell Alexis how much I love, and be there for her whenever she needs it. Don't shut people out Kate. I know that you deal with you feelings privately, but you're gonna need them as much as they're gonna need you. I can't even tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I never thought I was gonna get another chance for a happily ever after, but you gave that to me, and for that I will be forever grateful. You made me want to be a better person than who I was before. You stood by me when everybody else judged me. Kate, you're my third time's a charm. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. I love you so very much.
Always,
Rick
She felt the tears running down her cheek. She left the file untouched and went to their bedroom, laid on his side of the bed, couching the letter and crying until she felt asleep.
A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to post this. I hope you like it…please review and see you in chapter 6!