A/N: We're at the end... Last chapter on this one, but I'll be back :) Thank you all for follows, reviews and favorites! I appreciate each and every one! And the reviews have made me smile and laugh. Thanks for the ride so far!
They sat down to eat and casually chatted about pretty much everything that didn't involve the apparent change in their lives. Jane couldn't concentrate and would gladly discuss how the sky was blue or the undisputed fact that a good night's sleep was vital for everyone. But it didn't seem like Maura wanted to engage in a scientific conversation. They quickly finished and Maura cleaned up before Jane could even offer to help.
"Do you need another beer?" Maura asked as she walked into the kitchen.
Jane turned around on the couch and her eyes followed every move Maura made. Need? She somehow hung onto the simple word.
"Yeah, thanks" she mumbled, not sure if Maura had heard her.
Based on the previous situations I'm guessing I'm in for a serious talk about feelings. So yes, I definitely need another beer.
She turned back around and let her head fall back against the back of the couch. Maura returned with her beer and sat down next to her. She refilled her glass before taking a slow sip and sat back. Jane watched her every move until her eyes finally stared into Maura's hazel eyes and found herself lost for words. Not that silence with Maura was ever awkward, it could be rather relaxing, but right now she felt somewhere in between. They had crossed a line, and Jane was both terrified and excited. She couldn't make her body relax, and she couldn't find the strength to even move a finger. And it really bothered her that Maura seemed to be in complete control.
Jane finally managed to turn her head and stare towards the giant fireplace. The kiss, the words, the touches… everything played before her eyes, over and over again. And she slowly felt a smile spread across her face.
"How long-"
She cut herself off and sighed.
"How long have you… known?"
"Known what?" Maura asked softly.
She clearly wasn't going to make this easy. Jane ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. But she couldn't speak.
"That I am in love with you?" Maura continued just as softly.
Jane felt her smile grew bigger and it actually started to hurt. She nodded while turning her eyes back on the doctor.
"I've known a long time. Maybe-"
"No! Don't tell me!" Jane interrupted and raised her hand to silence Maura.
"I don't want to know…"
She smiled at the confused look on Maura's face.
"But Jane, you asked…?"
"I know. I changed my mind."
The face in front of her turned into one, big question and Jane looked down at the glass of wine in Maura's hands. She knew she had to explain why, and she suddenly felt the feeling of embarrassment creeping up on her. In a smooth move she turned around on the couch so she was facing Maura, and pulled one leg up on the couch. Her arm automatically lay across the back of the couch.
"I just don't want to know how much time we've wasted. And now I sound like a jerk cause I'm just assuming that something happens between us and I have no idea if it ever will. Because I always screw up the things that matters most, and I have this habit of pushing people away whenever they come too close. And… I'm rambling, please make me stop…"
She looked back up with begging eyes. Maura let a small laugh escape her lips and stretched out her hand towards Jane.
"You worry too much" she said as she intertwined their fingers.
"But you are correct in your assumptions. Something will happen. It already has."
Jane was pulled back to the memory of the very definition of 'it'. The kiss. Her arms wrapping around the perfect woman next to her, and the fire in her lower back. It all came back and she felt her fingers burning. It didn't matter that they had hugged so many times over the years, it still felt like they were touching for the first time. Maura suddenly pulled back her hand, and Jane panicked for a second. She wanted to tighten the grip, but was too slow to react. Maura reached for the bottle in Jane's hand and leaned towards the table.
"I…"
She hesitated and leaned back into the couch, leaving her glass and the bottle at the table.
"I always turn around whenever I hear the elevator doors opening down in the basement. I always expect you to come walking towards my office or the morgue. And I'm equally disappointed every time you don't show up."
Jane listened intensely and just couldn't stop smiling.
"Really?" she almost whispered.
Maura nodded and was studying her fingers.
"And I get so frustrated when I can't find a good reason for calling you and make you come down to see me."
She inched closer, and turned her body towards Jane. Their knees gently pressed together, and her shoulder rested against the couch.
"I sometimes find it very difficult to be working in the same building as you. Knowing you are just above my head, and I still have to wait for a test to come back, or find a new clue on a victim just to get you down."
Jane felt her confidence reach a new peak that night. She knew she always got the truth from Maura, but somehow this was new. She felt a small twitch in the arm resting on the back of the couch. The honey blonde hair was close enough to tickle her skin, and she carefully lifted her hand to stroke back a few wild strands of hair from Maura's face.
"You don't have to come up with a good reason for me to come down and see you."
Her fingers rested at Maura's shoulder and buried themselves in her hair.
"You don't even need a reason. You could tell me you dropped your pen and I would come running…"
"I think that would look rather suspicious after a while, don't you?"
Jane laughed and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe."
Maura smiled and stared into the dark and warm eyes.
"What if I said I needed you to come down and kiss me?"
Jane felt her breath hitch as she could clearly see the scene play out in her head.
"I would knock the chair over as I got up to run for the stairs, cause clearly, I would be too impatient to wait for the elevators. And I would most likely trip and fall down half the stairs and show up in front of you with bruises, a bloody lip and maybe even a broken bone or two. So it's a good thing you're a doctor."
Laughter filled the living room, and Maura lightly shook her head.
"Take the elevator, please, it's safer and I can wait the extra seconds."
Jane bit her lip as her eyes trailed down to the tempting lips before her.
"Can you?"
Jane's eyes found their way back up to the hazel eyes and she was lost. She couldn't even breathe in before Maura closed the gap between them and kissed her. The soft lips against hers made Jane shiver, and she knew there was no way Maura didn't notice. But a little voice in the back of her head told her not to worry, after all, it wasn't their first kiss.
It's not our first kiss…
The inner voice repeated itself and Jane couldn't fight the smile that spread across her face as they slowly pulled away.
"No, apparently I can't…"
Jane froze for a second at the words leaving those soft lips, and she panicked. In the blink of an eye she had made a list full of questions.
What can't she do? This? Why? Am I dreaming, is this just a freaking nightmare?
"You have to take the stairs from now on. I'll do my best to dry the blood and heal your wounds."
Jane let out a sigh of relief as she finally remembered her last question.
"Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me" she laughed.
"I thought you said you couldn't do this."
She pointed her finger between them, and Maura's eyes widened.
"What? Oh…"
She laughed as she placed one hand on Jane's neck and gave her a quick, but soft kiss again.
"But don't worry, I can do this."
She let her thumb stroke Jane's cheek before she looked down at the curled up leg between them.
"Can you move your leg?"
Jane raised her eyebrows but did as she was told. As soon as her leg stretched out, Maura moved closer and rested her head on Jane's shoulder. An arm held on tightly around her waist, and Jane quickly wrapped her arms around Maura. It was a familiar feeling, but somehow it seemed so… different and strange. But she was completely comfortable.
"What did you mean when you told me to burn your bridges?"
Maura's voice snapped her out of the lovely haze she had slipped into.
"What? I've never said that."
"Yes, you have. Last week."
Her mind started going through everything that had happened the previous week, but nothing made sense, except the words. She clearly remembered the words from their night at the Robber two weeks earlier, but she hadn't said them out loud, it was a song that was still stuck in her head somehow.
"Maura, I've never said anything like that."
"Okay, maybe you were slightly unconscious at the time… But you said it, and I know you meant it."
Maura lifted her head as Jane shifted on the couch. She found big, dark eyes staring at her.
"What do you mean slightly unconscious?"
Maura giggled and sat up.
"It was the night I came back from New York. When you were running that high fever and your mother called me because she was worried. You woke up at one point and said 'I want you to burn my bridges down' and smiled."
Jane stared nervously at the smiling face next to her. She had no recollection of that night at all, except the dream, but Maura wouldn't make up stuff like that. (She couldn't make stuff up.) And the days she had spent in bed were all just a blur in her mind. She wondered if she should explain the whole sentence or just blame it on the fever.
"How can you be so sure I meant it if I was practically unconscious?" she asked to buy time.
"I just know."
"Careful, or you'll break out in hives" Jane teased.
Maura looked down at her hands and smiled.
"Fine. I know because you kissed me back when I kissed you… So I knew you were awake."
"You… kissed me?"
Maura looked up at Jane again and nodded. The dream came rushing back to Jane. The dream where Maura kissed her, where nothing else existed but the honey blonde. The dream that perhaps wasn't a dream after all.
"So… you kissed me that night? Why?" Jane asked.
"I wanted to. And I was worried."
Jane laughed softly.
"What's so funny?" Maura asked.
"It's just… I dreamed about you that night. Or, I thought it was a dream. But I'm starting to think it wasn't a dream after all. Because I dreamed that you kissed me."
Maura turned to face Jane and crossed her legs in front of her on the couch.
"So you felt that I kissed you, but you thought it was a dream?"
Jane nodded.
"Which means I can't remember our first kiss because I was slightly unconscious" she added.
Maura smiled and reached for Jane's hand.
"I believe we will have plenty more moments to remember from now. And we could start with you explaining why I should be burning bridges…"
Jane groaned, but smiled. A part of her actually wanted to share her thoughts, even though it scared her.
"Fine. It came from a song I heard a couple of weeks ago. And on my way home I thought about how you always tear down these walls I've been building my whole life. I've never let anyone this close before, and you know I'm still trying to run. I guess these last weeks have proved that. But I really don't want to run all the time. It's exhausting. It's just…"
She stopped to let herself take a deep breath.
"Whenever you tear down my wall, I still try to get away from things. And my head just painted this picture of me building bridges to try to escape things or get over them without dealing with it. I don't know if it makes any sense at all but… I feel like I can be myself with you, and I want to be with you, which you probably know by now. But you deserve so much more than someone who runs away when things get difficult. You deserve someone who dares to let you in. So I… basically want you to burn my bridges so I can't run anymore."
She carefully looked up to see Maura smiling. Their hands were still linked together, and Maura gave it a gentle squeeze that sent a feeling of comfort and happiness through Jane.
"I think you just lit the first match for me."
[Girl, you burnt my bridges down]