Okay so I just finished The Last Guardian and I have to say I'm extremely annoyed that there is no epilogue. I mean, that's just cruel. So, I decided to write my own. It's just going to be a single-chapter thing, because epilogues don't go for ages, so review please and enjoy!

The Last Guardian: Epilogue

Much like his recall of the mind-wipe, as soon as Holly Short had explained their first adventure, Artemis remembered everything. So, as you can imagine, he gave Foaly a rather hard time about allowing him to ride on the centaur's back.

"I swear Mud Boy, if you're not so incapacitated, you can walk. And I'll kick you off my back."

Artemis steadied his hands on Foaly's shoulders.

"There is no need for that, Mister Foaly. I am simply voicing my opinion on a centaur allowing a human to mount him."

Foaly huffed and would have trotted faster, purely to spook Artemis, if the giant bodyguard Butler hadn't been there. Also, Holly would skin him alive.

"Are you sure you're okay, Arty?"

She asked, flying above them and looking down on the Irish boy. He turned his face up to the LEP officer, squinting in the new-day light.

"Everything is functioning properly, Captain Short. Though I do miss the comfort of a fairy eye."

He touched the skin below his two blue, human eyes and his brow softened. Then it creased again.

"And I must say I am not looking forward to the reunion with my parents. What should I do?"

He asked, a trace of worry noticeable in his voice. Butler spoke then.

"Artemis, you might have to tell them the truth."

Artemis flinched.

"That would take days, Butler. As it is, I doubt the Lower Elements will appreciate being exposed to the Fowl's."

Foaly nickered, turning everyone's attention to him.

"Actually, Artemis, they already know."

Butler's eyes creased in confusion, but he allowed the centaur to continue.

"Your mother, Mud Boy, obviously is aware of us fairies already. Juliet too. Myles and Beckett may as well write our biography thanks to those Berserkers and your father…"

He stopped, thinking.

"Your father was longest left out of the loop, but when majority of the Lower Elements turned up for your funeral… I think he got the jist."

Artemis was, for the third time in his life, lost for words. The fairy race turned up for his funeral? Holly fluttered down and went to punch his shoulder.

"You saved our butts, Fowl. Least they could do, especially since Haven was being rebuilt and they needed an evacuation anyway."

Artemis suddenly listed to the left, avoiding the friendly touch. Foaly almost toppled over and Holly spun out of control, barely managing to stop herself from pitching into the ground. Butler caught the elf before she could get tangled up in her wings.

"Sorry, Holly. But you can't touch me."

"Why not?"

The LEP captain asked indignantly, swatting dust off her jumpsuit. Artemis faced the front, watching Fowl Manor draw closer.

"It's just not the time."

He muttered, almost to himself. Holly crossed her arms and flew ahead.

"Fine."

She said, hurt slightly. Artemis sighed quietly behind her.

Foaly trotted to the doorstep and Butler scanned them all in. Holly glared warily at the security lasers before following her friends into the foyer. Myles and Beckett were running around the centaur, screaming in Gnommish and flicking Foaly's legs in demand he put their brother down. Artemis suddenly smiled weakly as his parents appeared at the top of the grand stairs. Angeline Fowl's hands went to her heart as she observed her deceased son, wearing a hospital gown and riding a centaur. Artemis Fowl the First actually leaned over the banister and blinked several times to make sure what he was seeing was real. He pinched himself, then he and his wife hurled themselves down the stairs and dragged their son off Foaly, enveloping him in a tight hug. Artemis couldn't move to embrace his family and suffered a whole minute without air until they let him go. Angeline held his shoulders and looked at his face, tears streaking down her cheeks.

"You're alive… Oh Arty!"

And she flung herself around him again, weeping. Artemis Senior held his son close as his wife wrapped herself around the boy's waist, sobbing hysterically. He pressed his lips to Artemis's raven hair and mumbled, little beads of liquid pooling under his eyes. Butler coughed awkwardly, but no one paid him any attention. Angeline and Artemis the First were too wrapped up in their eldest sons return to the physical world to care about anyone else. That was until Myles and Beckett wormed into the family hug and started rapidly rattling off anything and everything that they had done while Artemis had been dead. Myles stole Angeline and looped his chubby arms around his mother as his told his older brother that he had procured a set of Foaly's Hummingbird Z7's and was three-quarters of the way into dismantling them.

"Then, I will reassemble them and make copies." He explained in fluent Gnommish. "The world will bow down to Myles Fowl, creator of the Hummingbird Human Wing-Set 8. Or, for short, The HHWS8."

The little boy faced Foaly, gripping his mother still.

"See, pony-man? Eight. One more than seven. That means that my wings will be better than yours."

And, in all maturity and forever to Holly's amusement, he stuck out his tongue at the centaur. Foaly laughed and then pointed to the wings on Captain Short's back.

"See that, mini-Artemis? That's the Hummingbird Y12: best wings under, and above, the world. So," He patted the four-year-olds head. "Keep trying."

Myles scowled, disentangling himself from Angeline, and totted up the stairs, back to his lab.

"I will beat you, Foaly the centaur. I will invent something you have never dreamed of!"

And he raced back along the hallway, towards the bathroom. Artemis chuckled, then faced his father while his mother got off the rug and hugged his shoulders.

"Father, how are you handling all this?"

He gestured to Foaly, Holly, and the reaming Fowl twin spouting the fairy tongue as casually as blinking. The man sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Honestly Arty, I feel as if I am going insane."

Angeline looked at him reproachfully.

"But," Artemis Senior amened, "It is all so fascinating. To know there are beings of intelligence living underneath our very feet!"

"High intelligence."

Foaly added loudly.

"Yes, high intelligence." The former European crime-lord said, looking almost fondly at the centaur. "I still find it hard to wrap my head around, and when Mister Foaly said that you left him a plan to resurrect you… I did not know what to think. I still don't. But…" he looked at his son. "You are here, and I am so happy."

Artemis felt a lump in his throat and he uncharacteristically buried his face into his father's shirt. A shirt, he noticed, that was not a designer silk suit article imported from France, but an almost-casual short-sleeved, plain t-shirt.

Just then, Juliet entered from the kitchen, holding a tray of sandwiches. Then the saw Artemis, and the tray clattered to the floor, strewing cucumber and bread everywhere. The ex-wrestler covered her mouth with her hands and then sprinted over to the boy, wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Artemis!"

She shrieked, her jade hair-ring swinging from the impact. Artemis couldn't breathe again.

"Hello, Juliet."

He managed, sounding strangled. The pretty woman released him and was about to say something when an un-Godly sight waddled out of the kitchen.

"Cucumber!"

It shouted, and dove for a little stack of the green vegetable. The thing unhinged its jaw and pounced on the pile, swallowing every little piece in one gulp. Then it straightened up, and saw Artemis. A leather flap suddenly swung down between its legs as it stared at the Fowl heir. Then it was launched into the air on a little cloud of greenish-yellow methane and tackled the boy.

"Artemis!"

It shouted in his ear, spraying cucumber bits all over the floor.

"Mulch."

Artemis replied, surprisingly happy to see the kleptomaniac dwarf. He pried the little creature off him and stood up again, quickly averting his eyes as he noticed Mulch's bum-flap open.

"Diggums." Bulter said, pointing. "Your pants."

The dwarf shrugged, and bent over to give the manservant a better view of his behind. Holly stifled a giggle while Juliet rolled her eyes. But then Artemis noticed the little sparkly thing on her finger.

"Juliet… don't tell me…"

He pointed to the ring. Juliet's face went red and he smiled his vampire smile.

"Who's the man Butler needs to speak too?"

He asked, trying to sound teasing.

"I, err, already talked to him, Artemis." Butler said slowly. "And he nearly blew my head off. Again."

The colour drained from Artemis's face as Mulch jumped into Juliet's arms.

"Yep, Mud Boy!" He crowed. "You'll be seeing a lot more of me!"

Artemis groaned.

"Let me guess. You robbed the most expensive jewellery store in the world."

He said. Mulch gave him a delighted smile.

"No way, Artemis. For my-lady, I went a step further." He showed Artemis Juliet's ring. "Stole it from the Crown Jewels Cabinet in London Tower. That's part of the Queen of England's sceptre, that is."

Holly looked aghast while Foaly gave the dwarf a subtle wink. Butler simply raised an eyebrow as Angeline admired the ring. Artemis Senior patted Mulch's hairy head.

"What are we going to do with you, Mister Diggums?"

He sighed, smiling. Mulch smiled back, teeth full of cucumber and bread.

"Love me!"

He proclaimed, before running back to the kitchen. The sound of the fridge door coming off its hinges echoed into the foyer and Juliet gave everyone an apologetic smile.

Dinner that night was the happiest meal the Fowl household had ever seen. Everyone was seated around the table and eating the delicious meal prepared by Butler and Juliet. Mulch claimed to have helped, but the manservant had assured Artemis that the only thing Mulch helped was himself. Hence no roast turkey.

But the dinner was excellent without the turkey. Angeline and Artemis the First sat next to each other, with Juliet and Mulch beside them. Holly sat at the head of one end while Foaly, Myles, Beckett and Butler were placed on the second length of the table. Artemis himself was allowed to be at the head. He looked around at all the people he loved. All his friends and family. And he felt happy. Truly happy.

Holly sat on the window-seat in the drawing room, staring out into the darkened garden. Little fireflies danced around in the grass while crickets hummed their song. She imagined Angeline Fowl upstairs on her balcony, listening to the crickets. The door behind her opened suddenly, then closed. Holly squinted into the darkness to see who it was, before Artemis appeared on the cushion next to her. He looked at Holly, his two blue eyes round and sparking with something.

"I thought I might find you here."

He said softly, making sure his voice didn't carry into the hallway through the closed door. Holly turned back to the fireflies.

"It's definitely my favourite place in the Manor."

She admitted. Artemis looked out the window too, staring transfixed by the bobbing lights. Holly drew a breath.

"Artemis." She began, gaining his attention. "Why wouldn't you let me touch you earlier?"

The Fowl heir hadn't even let the elf hug him, but he had allowed everyone else too, and that hurt the LEP officer.

Artemis faced her fully.

"I have been thinking, Holly. I miss having the connection I used to have with you." He gestured to his left eye. "You still have my blue eye, yet I am lacking your hazel one. But, I have found a way to restore it."

Holly felt slightly nervous.

"What is it?"

She asked slowly. Artemis suddenly moved closer and laid his hand on the side of her neck.

"What are you doing?"

Holly asked again, curious despite herself.

"What I am doing, Holly Short, is what I do best."

He whispered.

"Stealing."

Then, Artemis Fowl the Second kissed her.

Holly was shocked, and her eyes were wide for a second before she too closed them and kissed him back. A tingle ran from her forehead, then to her left eye. Artemis's eye. It passed down to her lips, then was gone.

Artemis felt a tingle come from Holly's mouth and he continued to kiss her, allowing the prickle to crawl towards his left eye. A blinding light filled his left-side vision for a moment, before it was gone, and a solitary blue spark roamed across his vision and fixed the size of the eyeball. He leaned away from the elf, both of them opening their eyes are the same time. Holly was blushing furiously, covering her cheeks with both hands. Artemis too felt immense heat covering his face, but he had to check if his theory was correct. The Fowl heir turned on the drawing room light and looked at himself in the mirror. His left eye was hazel. He had Holly's eye back. It felt right. He turned to the female elf, who was still sitting on the window-seat, and smiled.

"It worked."

He said triumphantly, crossing to sit beside her again. Holly didn't look at him.

"What worked?"

She asked quietly, still avoiding his gaze. Artemis scanned her face.

"Are you okay, Holly?"

He questioned, sensing his friend was thinking hard. Holly nodded.

"What did you manage this time, Arty?"

She asked again, sounding more like herself and facing him. Artemis mentally noted to talk to her about it later, and proceeded with his explanation.

"Well, you see, since Foaly created my clone from saliva left on your forehead, it made sense that some of your DNA would become part of my build. I thought I would have my elf-eye back. But, Foaly seemed to have done his job too well, so I was created with two blue, human eyes."

Holly continued staring, listening intently.

"I estimated that there would be some sort of reaction if we touched, because Foaly obviously took such care to make sure I would been 100% Artemis Fowl and purge any of your cells from my make-up. But I wanted our special connection, and since the only Holly Short part of me was your eye, the magic residue inside my brain from my creation allowed my eye to change back to yours."

Artemis smiled happily, and touched his friend's hand. Another blue spark meandered from his palm into Holly's and she smiled back.

"You relied on magic and science, you smart Mud Boy."

She said, grinning. Artemis nodded modestly. Then Holly caught him.

"And the way to restore the eye was to kiss me, hummm?"

She asked cheekily. Artemis blushed, and didn't answer.

"It could have been a simple punch in the arm but no. The great Artemis Fowl does like to keep us fairies on our toes."

She teased, holding the boys hand still. Artemis mumbled something inaudible.

"Sorry, what was that?"

Holly asked, cupping her ear and smirking. Artemis looked up.

"I wanted to thank you as well, for all your help over the years."

He said, still red in the face. Holly's smile softened.

"I have got to thank you also."

She said. Holly threw her arms around Artemis and they fell onto the cushions of the window-seat. Holly allowed blue sparks to roam into Artemis's head and she concentrated on everything she loved about the Mud Boy. The sizzles of magic danced into his skull and scampered around, creating a space for magic in his brain. Holly rolled off Artemis, lying next to him, and she watched as he drew up his finger and shot a little red lightning spark out the end.

"A magic Artemis Fowl." He mused, smirking. "The things that are possible."

There! Even some Holly/Artemis in there, because they are destined to be together. And some Mulch/Juliet, because I just like that for some reason. I had fun writing this, even though it was short. Oh well. Thank you, Eion Colfer, for writing such an excellent series! Please review!

Jasmine Out!