Rule Number One

Lights out at twenty-two o' clock: that was the rule, the number one rule, no questions about it. It was what all trainees were primarily expected to follow. However, such a strict regulation...yeah, it was never abided.

"Armin, turn off your reading light," Jean groaned, tossing his pillow over the side of his topmost bunk. He had been aiming for the blond-haired bookworm, but due to his fatigue, his accuracy was severely lacking.

"Hey!" Eren shouted, grabbing the pillow and chucking it back at Jean. "What the heck was that for, you idiot?!"

"It was meant for Armin, you suicidal freak!"

And there they go.

"Um, guys..." Marco whispered, his voice terribly unheard amongst all of the loud ruckus. "Guys, I...we should be quiet now. Instructor Keith will-"

"Who are you calling a suicidal freak?!" Eren roared. Crawling onto his hands and knees, he climbed out of his bunk and grabbed onto the boundary of Jean's.

"Oh, no you don't," Jean threatened lowly. "You're not coming up here. Get off."

"You're the one who started it! I'm just coming up there to give you what you deserve!"

"Actually," Connie piped in, rolling over on his lower bunk, "wasn't it technically Armin who started all of this? He's the one who kept the light on."

"Yeah, but it's Eren's fault now!" Jean protested, kicking at the boy's hands to make him lose his grip. "I told you to let go!"

"Guys..." Marco murmured uncomfortably.

Sighing dramatically, Reiner fed a tired hand through his hair. He took his turn to speak up, trying to be the voice of reason over all of the childish nonsense. "Come on, guys. Marco's right. If we don't settle down, our butts are going to be hung. So, let's all shut up and rest up."

Berthodlt sheepishly peeked his head out from underneath his bed covers, making the bold move of whispering, "I-I agree with Reiner. We should all just-"

"No! Freakin'!" Jean cut in. Somehow, Eren had mustered up the proper amount of upper body strength to swing himself around - much like one would mount a horse - and jump onto his bed. "Eren! Get off!"

"No!" Eren countered, reaching for Jean's ankles with grabby hands. "We're settling this right here, right now!"

"Whoah, hey! Get off! Let go!" Jean shrieked. He kicked and thrashed, effectively knocking Eren squarely in his jaw. It was in that moment that the room went absolutely silent, save for the frightened gasps of the anxious bystander bunkers.

At first, Jean felt pretty proud of himself. He had actually done it. It wasn't the first time that he had landed a direct hit on Eren, oh, but the victory never did cease to be satisfying.

Yeah, satisfying until he saw tears.

All at once, the waterworks began to flow, and Eren was sniffling and whimpering, clutching gingerly at his tender cheek for comfort. "You're such a jerk..." he muttered breathlessly, lowering his head.

"Yo, Eren..." Connie spoke with caution, "you okay? You're not bleeding or anything, are you?"

"That looked like it really hurt..." Marco added sympathetically. "Should we sneak into the mess hall and see if we can snatch you some ice, Eren?"

"Ice might be a good idea," Reiner agreed, while Berthodlt merely nodded at his input.

Luckily, there was no blood, and graciously, he was okay...but Jean. Oh, pampered, little, horse-faced Jean. He was in for it, and he knew it.

Like a fire that had been roused from its temporary slumber, Eren's flame was back, full force, and he was ready to attack. Lunging forward, he slammed himself against Jean, causing the unsuspecting trainee to fall backward. The Godawful sound that resonated throughout the room was very distinct: it was the sound of Jean's head smacking mercilessly against the wall.

And yet, that was not the worst of it.

It was like the sound from every nightmare, no, every night terror that any red-handed trainee could ever fabricate. The door. The sound of the door. With its creaky hinges squeaking and whining beneath the weight of the wood, signifying its opening, all life had left the room for a fraction of a second, for surely, everyone's hearts had stopped and their lungs had constricted.

"Would someone care to explain what's going on in here?" the voice came in, so slippery and smooth that not just chills had been sent racing down some odd number of spines, but full on Arctic wind currents. Nope, no one cared to explain. No one really, really cared enough to explain, even if it were their butts that were on the line.

"Say, Yeager," the voice breathed, followed by another creak in the joints of the door, "what are you doing up there with Kirschtein?"

No answer. There was no answer that could ever be valid, no answer that would ever be accepted enough to keep their rear ends in the clear. They were screwed, or so they thought.

Suddenly, the room went dark and everyone tensed. Connie had even taken it to the next level, going as far as emitting a catastrophic scream. Soon, a gentle yawn was heard, followed by the sound of a book closing and the movement of thick bed sheets ruffling.

At first, everyone was so beyond stunned that words could not even begin to express the emotion. But in a flash, all trainees, including Eren and Jean, were scrambling beneath their covers, taking the sudden blackout as a gift from above to save themselves from utter, bodily destruction.

"All of you," their instructor voiced, knowing full well that even though they were hiding from him, they were very much listening, "each and every one of you will be subjected to double cliff training, followed by five-hour running spurts. Tomorrow. Good night."

When the door had finally been shut, a mutual groan harmonized throughout the bunks. This was perfect, absolutely perfect. Because of Eren, because of Jean, no, because of Armin, they were all going to be busting their butts off for the better portion of the day. Way to go, blondie.

With another gentle yawn, Armin snuggled up to his pillow and sighed peacefully. The last chapter of his book had been so fantastically captivating that he honestly couldn't care about his pending punishment. "Goodnight, everyone," he whispered sweetly, earning multiple cuss words thrown at him, and the unanimous, "Shut up, Armin," in return.

Hi there! Chappy here! :D

Okay, okay. Today is a super special day. Wanna know why? I bet you do.

It's Mal's birthday! Ahh! :D

Mal has been a very good friend of mine for just over three years now. It may not seem like a long time, but honestly, it feels like I've known her forever. She's kind, she's caring, and most of all, she's absolutely hilarious. Seriously, whenever she and I get to talking, I can never stop laughing, dear God.

Mal, even though you're far away, I hope that you can make the best of your birthday. I hope you have fun, smile lots, and most of all, spend it doing the things that you love most.

I love you, and I hope you've enjoyed this crack-of-a-birthday-present. (:

To everyone else, thank you for taking the time to read!

- Chappy

P.S. The title of this drabble is a pun off of the song "How To Be A Heartbreaker" by Marina and the Diamonds, oops.