I have to be honest...Jackson is pissing me off! He takes no responsibility for the way things are between him and April. This story is a response to their conversation after they marry their patient's in 10x2. I am thinking this will be a one shot, a what-if-April-had-some-backbone-and-wasn't-a-pusho ver one shot. If I get interest I might expand. Depends on your responses, so let me know! Thanks for reading.

Btw, to my The Fall readers, I am updating soon, so don't worry. I am not forgetting about it! Thanks for your patience!

Something Real

April

April's jaw hung as if it would never be back off the floor. Jackson had flung his accusations at her and tore her apart with his words. His eyes were cold and hard and the ugliest she had ever seen them. His tone was harsh and accusing.

Jackson had just stopped telling her it was all about her. What it was supposed to be like as he gestured to their patient's room. And now he was telling her she was afraid.

There was a palpable silence that fell between them when April sneered and said, "I'm scared? Maybe I was...but not anymore. Because I was honest with you. You...you couldn't tell the truth or share your feelings with a woman if it would save your life. YOU are terrified of having something real with a woman. Because the last time you did, you got burned and badly. And that's why you ran from me! Remember?"

Jackson stood up straight, his eyes flashing with anger at her as she continued. April didn't care though. She also didn't care that some of the nurses and floor clerks were looking their way, trying to listen in on the fight brewing between the two surgeons.

April pointed towards their newlywed patients' room and hissed, "You don't think I know that is what it's supposed to be like? I know that better than anyone because when we were together I didn't get it from you! You treated me like you treat Stephanie and any other woman you have gotten involved with. Well, besides Lexie. You can pin everything that has gone wrong between us on me if you want, but that only make you a coward, Jackson. Take responsibility for once! You never treated me right when we were...you know, we were never even together. I just warmed up the on call room for you. You are so terrified to be like you grandfather, but that is exactly what you have become. Enjoying keeping everyone at arm's length, preventing any chance of a real relationship."

With that she spun on her heel and stormed away, covering her mouth up to quell the sob that had been brewing in her chest since he had started their fight.

April slipped into the first hiding spot she could find and sank to the floor, releasing her sob and tears. She rested her forehead in her palms as she tried desperately to calm herself down. She felt guilty for hurting Jackson, but she didn't realize how angry she had been at him. Until this moment she didn't feel like it was ever over between them. But now it felt like that. And her heart was breaking.

She had lost her best friend and the man she loved. April pinched her eyes closed and inhaled deeply when the door cracked open and clicked shut. She peeked up and exhaled when she spotted Cristina. Why, why, why did Cristina have to be the one to come in at her lowest point?

Cristina sat down across from her and was silent. April waited for the teasing or the humiliation to begin, but surprisingly it didn't come.

"Breaking up sucks," Cristina said quietly, looking down into her own lap.

"We weren't even together," April said, her voice ragged.

"Yeah," Cristina said looking at her knowingly, "Neither were me and Owen, but...but we were at the same time."

April looked up at her in surprise. Cristina was trying to relate. While it weirded her out, April appreciated her kind intentions.

"That….sucks," April concluded, resting her head against the shelf behind her. She wiped her face and then closed them as she felt her heart constrict.

Cristina sat with her for five minutes before she suggested, "Hey, why don't we get out of here before people think we are trying to outdo Torres and Robbins in the interracial lesbian relationship category?"

April laughed and then nodded and said, "Yeah."

"Mer has been too busy with that baby to get a drink with me. Wanna go to Joe's?" Cristina asked as she helped April to her feet.

April nodded as she wiped her face once more, "Yeah that sounds good."

Cristina gave her a small smile and nodded as she led April out of the closet.

Jackson

Jackson lay in an on call room with Stephanie as she slept soundly against him. Her head rested on his chest as he gently rubbed circles on her back. She had had a rough night. They both had. Jackson was exhausted and now he felt...he couldn't describe it. Terrible wasn't even the tip of the iceberg.

The way he was feeling was all because of his fight with April. With every word she said, he felt more and more like the coward and asshole she had accused him of being. She had gone below the belt to say he had become his grandfather.

Jackson shifted minimally under Stephanie's weight, but she stirred and blinked her eyes open. "You okay?"

Jackson looked down into her face and nodded, "Yeah, just can't sleep."

She nodded and said, "You want to talk about it?"

Jackson shook his head and murmured, "There isn't anything to talk about."

Stephanie looked at him and then nodded before resting her chin on his chest and asking, "I heard you had a fight with Dr. Kepner. Is everything okay?"

Jackson sighed and then slowly sat up so as not to knock her off the cot.

"Jackson?" she asked, confused as he stood and slipped his sneakers back on.

"Nothing, I just gotta go," he said quietly as he reached for his white lab coat and pager.

"I...I'm sorry I didn't mean to push you to talk to me about it, you don't have to if you don't want to," Stephanie stammered out nervously.

"No, no I really do have a patient to check on. The one with flesh eating bacteria," Jackson reminded her as he stood.

"So you aren't mad?" Stephanie asked nervously, biting on her lower lip.

"No, no of course not," Jackson said, kissing her forehead before leaving the on call room in a hurry.

Jackson made his way to the nurses' station, running his conversation with April over in his head over and over, trying to make sense of it. Was any of the stuff she said true? Jackson had only seen April like that one other time and it was when she had stood up to that guy the night before the boards and punched him in the face.

Take responsibility for once!

Jackson scowled as he tried to understand...was it possible that he was to blame for the horrible state their relationship was in?

Jackson walked past the darkened room of his patient, who was now sleeping. Her new husband sat awake, staring at her and holding her hand in his as she slept. He looked terrified and exhausted, but resolved to stay awake and by her bedside.

Jackson walked in and said, "How are you doing? How is she?"

"She is sleeping finally," he said as he rubbed his face with one hand.

"I didn't get a chance to say it before, but congratulations. You are both lucky," Jackson said sincerely.

He nodded and smiled down at his wife and said, "We are...but, well it wasn't always easy for us. Relationships are messy. They take work, especially if you both work in the same place. But...once we stopped fighting each other, it was….well, it's perfect. I just...I am so worried about...," he trailed off, gesturing towards her bandages. Jackson nodded in understanding and looked at his watch.

"I am going to let her sleep for a little while longer and then I will come in and change her bandages, see what progress the medicines we have been pushing have made. We will develop a plan from there. Okay?" Jackson said, trying to reassure the man.

He nodded and then looked up at Jackson and said, "Thanks. And thanks...for marrying us. I need my girl," he said, his eyes fixed once more on his sleeping wife.

I need my girl. The words were so simple, but they touched something in Jackson that caused him to inhale sharply. Jackson excused himself, leaving the anxious man to look after his wife.

Jackson sat at the nurses' station, updating his patient's stats into her charts.

YOU are terrified of having something real with a woman. Because the last time you did, you got burned and badly.

Lexie. April had been talking about Lexie. And she was right. He had gotten burned badly by Lexie. He had felt used and betrayed when he realized how badly Lexie still loved Sloan. He had broken it off with her, but it had hurt. Because he had loved her. By the time April happened in San Francisco, he thought he was truly over it.

You never treated me right when we were... you know, we were never even together. I just warmed up the on call room for you.

Of everything Jackson had heard from April tonight, that was the worst. She thought that he had used her. Like Lexie had used him. She thought she was someone to warm his sheets. He never wanted her to feel like that. Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose and focused on his charting once more but snippets of April's speech made their way in his thoughts, driving him insane.

He glanced up into his patient's room and saw his patient's husband kissing her hand and smoothing her bangs off to the side of her face as she slept.

You don't think I know that is what it's supposed to be like? I know that better than anyone because when we were together I didn't get it from you!

Jackson looked down at his chart, realizing that he hadn't done much to him since he sat down. Jackson pushed all thoughts but medicine from his mind and finished the chart before standing and putting it in the rack it belonged in.

He walked back to an on call room, hoping to get some sleep. But he doubted he would. His mind was like a cave with April's words bouncing around against the walls.

So, what did you think? I have yet to see last night's show, but I feel like Japril is getting worse, not better. Eek. Anyway, please review.