"We are here to celebrate the life and mourn the loss of Wren Kingston. He is survived by his loving wife, Spencer Kingston, and their daughter, Clara."

Spencer would give anything not to be there. She would give up everything she owned to not be burying her husband when she was only 28 years old. Spencer didn't want to be a widow at 28. Spencer wouldn't be able to be a single parent when Clara was only 4 years old. This is when she needed her husband the most.

She sat on a chair in front of the coffin in silence as the pastor spoke. Spencer kept her eyes shut as he spoke. She couldn't bare the sight of the coffin. There had already been her time to say goodbye in private. Wren had looked like he had been sleeping then. There weren't any scratches on his face or any signs that he was dead. It had only been when she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead for the last time that she really realized that he was dead. There was no warmth there. Her husband was no longer inside that body. He was gone and Spencer didn't know where that left her at all.

Spencer's overlarge sunglasses covered her bloodshot eyes from the public's view. Wren's parents hadn't been able to make the trip over and he was an only child. Nobody could tell that his family wasn't there. So many people had showed up to the funeral, it was overwhelming. Wren had helped so many different people and touched so many lives for the better. Their house was filed with flowers and casseroles from people that Spencer didn't even know. The only thing that made the funeral bearable was the fact that her friends and family were there. Even past high school all her friends had all stayed in touch. Emily and Paige only lived a few streets over from her house. Hanna lived in the city and Aria was always out of the country doing some adventurous and thrilling. They had both made the trip days before the funeral to support her.

Emily had stayed over at her house since the day that Wren died. Spencer didn't know what she would have done if Emily hadn't been so willing to help. She needed so much and Emily was there for her unconditionally. Spencer hadn't been able to tell Clara on the day that Wren died. Paige and Emily were more than understanding and Clara stayed the night at a "surprise slumber party" with Paige and their 6 month old. Spencer hadn't gotten out of her bed that night other than to use the restroom. Her sobs shook her to the core. She had a night to get out her emotions so that she would be strong for Clara. Spencer had to be strong for their daughter. She was lucky that Hanna and Emily were there that night to make sure that she was still breathing.

How was she going to be a single mother? Spencer hadn't even wanted children for at least another 5 years when she got pregnant with Clara. Her entire life had changed once she gave birth. Spencer would never regret it. She absolutely loved her daughter and knew that Wren felt the same way. But Wren was so the favorite parent.

Wren had been the best father since the moment that Clara was born. There was a never a complaint when she asked him to help or get up in the middle of the night. The look of adoration in his eyes while he held their daughter was what really made Spencer fall in love with him. Clara made her realize how perfect Wren was for her—for them.

Of course Wren had been ripped away from Spencer when they were happy. Whenever she felt happy, life would remind her that she wasn't in charge.

The universe was cruel, that hit Spencer the hardest. The universe wasn't what she imagined as a child. It wasn't something she loved having her daughter grow up in. Spencer had been foolish as a child to believe her dreams. None of her dreams or ambitions meant anything to the cruel mistress. She didn't care how good Spencer had been or how happy she had been. There was no regard for plans or love, no use reasoning with her either; she's deaf to pleas. She's blind to the suffering she inflicts. Even if she could see it, she wouldn't change it.

The universe was such a cruel place.

When Spencer's eyes were open, they were locked on her daughter. The little girl wasn't crying. She didn't understand. She was only four. How did you explain death to a four year old? It wasn't really possibly. Clara knew that daddy was gone, but Spencer didn't think she understood that he was never coming back. It broke her heart that Clara wouldn't have Wren as a dad anymore. She wouldn't have a dad. She couldn't think about it for long without wanting to sob at the injustice.

It was when they started to lower him into the ground that Spencer felt the tears prickle up in her eyes. It was all so real and it stung.

"Mommy, is daddy in there?" Clara whispered to her. There was so much confusion in her eyes and Spencer hadn't been able to speak. Her chest rose unsteadily. She blessed her lucky stars when Hanna answered for her.

"He's going to heaven, sweetheart," Hanna said as she laid a hand on Clara's shoulder.

Spencer knew her daughter wasn't dumb. She'd begin to ask questions, but for now that answer seemed to satisfy her. She wondered what her daughter imagined her father was doing in a wooden box. Maybe it was like a spaceship that would take Wren to heaven.

Fantasy was better than the reality.

"Mommy, I want Daddy," Clara whimpered out. It only took one movement for her to gather up her daughter in her arms. It was muscle memories. She hadn't even need to look. Her body needed to be holding her daughter tightly. "I just want Daddy."

"I know. I want him too," Spencer sighed as she held her daughter tightly against her. It broke her heart to know that this wasn't like when Wren worked the night shift. Wren wasn't going to be home the next day. Her daughter would always want to have her father there and it would never happen. Spencer could never fulfill that wish.

She wouldn't ever see his smiling face coming through the door.

The minute felt like hours as they lowered the coffin. She could hear the sounds of others crying, but she didn't make a sound. Spencer would be strong for her daughter. Her arms wrapped tightly around her daughter's small frame. The little girl was crying into her neck and it took so much to not cry along with her. Melissa's hand rested against her shoulder. It was meant to be comforting, but instead it just reminded her of her terrible reality. The hand grounded her to the earth and reality. Spencer felt trapped with the grief. Her daughter didn't deserve to feel this sort of pain. It would haunt her for the rest of her life not having her father there. Spencer couldn't imagine how anything could be worse.

By the time it was over, Clara had fallen asleep against her shoulder. It had been exhausting few days for the both of them. The tiny arms clung around her neck and Spencer wouldn't let go of her daughter for anything. It took a little help with her open arm to get off the chair. Her eyes closed for a moment while she took a deep breathe. The coffin was in the ground and Spencer knew that it was over. This chapter of her life was done. It hit her hard that once she walked away from this grave; her life was going to be completely different. She would no longer by Spencer Kingston, wife of beloved Dr. Wren Kingston. That role was over. She was now a widow, a single mother and felt so desperately alone.

Spencer had heard once that grief was an ocean.

Luckily, she had learned to swim in it long ago.

The call came in when she was out at lunch with Emily.

Lunch happened every Wednesday at 1 o'clock sharp. It was a time they both dedicated to each other and their friendship. They would talk about anything and everything. It was never a dull lunch and Spencer would never get sick of Emily's company. She was her one friend that had been with her through everything and was still around. Aria was in Paris that month and Hanna lived in the city. They came around often, but Emily was whom she got to see on a regular basis. It was also Emily that got to experience the worst moments in Spencer's life with her. She had been there through every heartache and pain. They had been through so much with each other, including the good. Emily was the godmother to little Clara and had become Spencer's one true confidant in her town.

It had been right as her soup came out that her phone rang. Spencer had never used to check her phone at lunch, but since an incident at Clara's daycare, she always made sure that it wasn't something important. Unfortunately, it was.

It was the hospital. Spencer assumed that it was Wren calling on a break. "Sorry, let me just remind him that it's our lunch date."

Her phone dropped in her soup when she heard the news.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry. I just knew it should come from me instead of someone you didn't know."

It didn't feel better hearing it from one of Wren's friends and colleagues at the hospital. Emily looked so concerned across the table, but Spencer hadn't been able to say anything for a few moments. Her eyes were widened and she felt the tears coming.

Wren was dead.

Wren was dead.

Her husband was dead.

Clara's father was dead.

It wasn't something that she could say without knowing the implications.

"That was… He's dead."

"Who's dead, Spencer?" Emily still looked confused, but there was an eerie silence between them. It was almost that everything else disappeared as Spencer processed the news.

"Wren. He, uh, he's dead. Someone hit him with their ca—"

The sobs chocked her as she said the words aloud. Her breathing became labored and the sob finally escaped from her throat. She could see people turn around to look at her, but it didn't matter. Her husband was dead. The sobs increased and she covered her face with her hands. IT took only seconds for Emily to be beside her and wrapping her in her arms.

She had felt this sudden pain before.

This wasn't a pain she ever wanted to go through again.

"Where is she?"

It was the first thing that Hanna said when she arrived at Spencer's house. She had given Emily a tight hug, but other than that she hadn't said anything. Emily had given Hanna the shortened version over the phone and Hanna had caught the first plane out. Her plans hadn't mattered; this was so much more important. It was the first time one of their significant others had died. This wasn't high school anymore. They all had real lives. Spencer and Wren had a daughter together. A death was much harder now than it was back then. She couldn't imagine what Spencer was feeling.

There was fear in all of the girls that Spencer would revert back to what she was like when she thought Toby was dead. What would happen to Clara if that happened? This Spencer was much stronger though, she wouldn't just give up. She had so much more to live for this time around.

"She's in the spare bedroom. Clara is at my house with Paige. I didn't want her to see Spencer like this."

"Aria?" Hanna took off her shoes and then she was off. She had stayed in the spare bedroom countless times when she stayed overnight or for a few days. Emily would be following and they really didn't have much time to waste. Hanna couldn't stand the thought of Spencer being alone in this.

"On her way. She caught the last plane out of Paris. Melissa isn't going to be able to get here until tomorrow. Her parents aren't coming until the weekend."

Okay, they could do this. They could handle this. They could make sure nothing bad happened to Spencer while she mourned the death of her husband.

They were too young to be dealing with this. None of them were old enough to be a widow, let alone Spencer. Hadn't the universe done enough damage on the girl yet?

Hanna didn't even knock when she got to the room. A part of her knew that Spencer wouldn't answer anyways. It was time to just take things into her own hands. The sight of Spencer on the bed nearly broke Hanna's strong face. The other girl just looked so broken. Spencer's arms were wrapped around a pillow and Hanna could see where the tears had been falling from her eyes. Hanna moved slowly before she crawled into the bed with Spencer.

"You didn't have to come," Spencer whispered as she kept her eyes on the pillow in front of her. "There's a big show tonight and—"

"And nothing. I was coming no matter what, Spence." Hanna wouldn't have arguing. She knew that if it were her in the position, Spencer would have dropped everything to be with her. "Did Emily tell you Aria's flying in?"

Spencer just nodded. The tears were returning to her eyes. Tonight was the night for her to feel everything. Once Clara was back home, she would have to be the mother again. Right now, all she had to be was Spencer. Her friends would take care of her for the night. They always did.

"I have to plan the funeral and service. I have to tell everyone… I have to tell Clara…" That was what was the most heartbreaking to Spencer. She felt the tears begin to escape her eyes as she thought of telling her daughter that her daddy was never coming home. "How do I even do that, Hanna?"

Hanna didn't have the answer. She didn't know how Spencer should tell Clara, precious little Clara the news.

"I don't know, Spence. But we're here for you. We'll help. You don't have to do this alone. We're here for you and Clara. Just tell me what to do."

That would be enough for Spencer.

"Hey Toby. It's Emily. I don't know if this is still your number, I haven't heard from you in over a year now. I just had to tell you… Wren died last week. The funeral is on Friday. I haven't seen Spencer this bad in a long time. She's hurting and she needs… I think she needs you. I know that something weird happened between the two of you in high school, but she needs someone to lean on. You just have to promise that I didn't call you. Last time I told you to come to town, I almost got kicked out of the friend circle for calling you without telling her. If you come, just call me, okay? She's broken, Toby. Okay, bye."

"Momma?"

Clara's voice cut through the room and Spencer's attention was automatically drawn to her daughter. She must have woken up from her nap. It was earlier than Spencer expected. "I'm over here."

Spencer sat on the couch next to Melissa. After everything when they were younger, Spencer had actually become friends with her sister again. When Wren and Spencer had gotten married, Melissa had been one of her bridesmaids. The trust had been built back up between the two of them. It had taken a while, but when it happened Spencer couldn't have been happier about it. Sisters were supposed to stick together. Plus, Melissa was so wonderful with Clara. Her daughter absolutely clung to "Auntie M" when she was in town. Of course Melissa always brought presents with her, but that was beside the point.

The guests of the reception had already left. All that was left was Melissa and the other girls at the house. The sisters had been talking while the other girls cleaned up the mess.

"Hey, munchkin," Melissa teased as she swept Clara up and set the little girl on her lap. "Did you have a good nap?" Clara just nodded. It was evident in just her hair that Clara had slept well. The brown hair was sprawled strangely aloft her head. The curls that Hanna had taken hours to perfect were faded, only rings were left at the end of Clara's shoulder length hair cut. Just the sight of Clara could make Spencer smile. The love she felt for her daughter was like nothing she had felt before. It was so strong and fierce. Sometimes she felt like she acted like a lion instead of a human at points when her child was in some sort of danger (be it physical or emotional).

"Momma. When is Daddy going to get home from heaven? Is it going to be a long vacation?"

The question had hit Spencer hard. Of course her daughter would think of it like a vacation. Wren and her went on vacations and work trips too often. But heaven wasn't like London or Argentina. It wasn't a place that you came back from with gifts.

"Clara, honey. We talked about this remember? Daddy died. He's not going to come home."

The words seemed so harsh, but Spencer couldn't think of any other way to put it. She couldn't lie and say he would come home, that would only be a lie and she made a promise to stop lying a long time ago. Clara looked so confused and Spencer knew in that instance that Wren would have been able to explain it so much better and eloquently. He always knew what to say to their daughter when she asked the hard questions. Now the questions were about him and Spencer didn't have a clue on how to say the right things.

"But doesn't he want to come back?"

The question was hard and Spencer couldn't keep from crying anymore. The tears stung her eyes before they fell.

"Of course he does, Clara. Daddy would love nothing more than to be with us. But he can't. Heaven is really far away and he can never come back." The tears were few, but her response only caused more confusion in Clara's face.

"Are you going to die?"

The question shocked even Melissa with the bluntness of it. Spencer's eyes flickered to catch Melissa's gaze for a moment, but no answers came from there. Melissa was just as taken back as she was. Spencer didn't want her daughter to worry, but she wouldn't lie and say she wouldn't die.

Death was coming for all of them. It was only a matter of timing.

"Everyone dies, but Mommy isn't going to leave you for a long time."

If Spencer could help it, nothing bad would happen to her for the rest of Clara's childhood. She didn't need to go through the loss of another parent. Clara seemed to take this response well. Melissa pressed a kiss to Clara's head. The innocence of her was heartbreaking in this situation. Melissa's hand reached out to grab Spencer's and squeeze it tightly.

It was a reminder.

I'm here for you.

Spencer knew that so many people were there for her and Clara. It just felt like someone was missing. It felt like she wouldn't be able to heal without something else. Spencer couldn't put her finger on 'it' was though.

'It' showed up on her door the next night after Clara had fallen asleep and after everyone had left.

Her saving grace showed up in the form of the person that had shattered her heart 10 years previous.

She thought she'd never see him again. He had said she'd never see him again.

Apparently that had changed in the last five years.

"Toby."

A/N: this story is becoming my baby. it will be around 24 chapters (i have most of them planned out! :) ) and will have flashback chapters about every other chapter to explain the back story more. any reviews are cherished and will make me feel happy and want to write more. :)