Disclaimer - I do not know the storyline or any of the characters.

Verse at beginning: Just Give Me A Reason - P!nk

Verse at end: Standing in the Dark - Lawson

Poem in body of text: Original poem by me.

Set during House of Hades. WARNING - CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Right from the start,

You were a thief, you stole my heart.

And I, your willing victim.

Nico slammed his fist against the wall of his cabin and a wave of freezing cold radiated out from the point of impact. He knew he shouldn't have agreed to stay with these people on this stupid quest. He knew it.

It had been hard enough to watch, helpless, as Percy – bloody Percy – had fallen into Tartarus but now that he was back, it was even more painful to sit by and do nothing as he talked, laughed, held hands with Annabeth. Annabeth.

Nico gritted his teeth. Even when faced with the Lord of Time, he had never known himself to feel so much hatred for one person. Hadn't the gods punished him enough? He had stared into the heart of the Abyss and lived. But for what? He laughed – a short, hard sound – without humour.

Now he was in Greece with a group of people who feared him. Jason had told him that they would accept him for being…being…

He swore aloud. He couldn't even admit it to himself.

Hazel would understand. A small voice whispered, echoing through his mind.

'No!' And his voice cracked. These days, he hardly ate, hardly slept – lest the nightmares threatened to catch hold of him, to not let go. Hazel was from the forties too, except that she had had even less time to adjust to the modern world. She would hate him, be revolted. He couldn't bear to lose another sibling – lose another sibling because of Percy Jackson.

At the thought of the son of Poseidon, Nico's heart clenched and a single tear tracked down his cheek, cutting through the grime that had caked itself on his face during the battle for the Doors of Death in Hades' Temple.

Thinking back to his showdown with Cupid in the palace of Diocletian, Nico cursed the winged god - hating how he had made him feel. He had been so scared, so ashamed to admit what he felt and that terrified him even more. He was a son of Hades – he was supposed to cause fear.

'Damn you, Jackson.' And that was too much. Sobs wracked his thin frame as he sank to the floor, as the memories threatened to pull him under.

With every breath the pain gets worse,

I didn't know that I could hurt this much.

What's broken once cannot be fixed,

I love you, I hate you, my feelings are mixed.

A snow-bound cliff top, there had been three demi-gods but only one who had caught his eye. Percy Jackson – fearless, strong, the most amazing person he had ever seen in seventy years.

Next, a choking sadness as the same boy had told him about his sister's fate. That memory left him gasping, a pain as sharp as cut glass.

Then a sweltering day in Texas, a ranch of monsters and again – Percy Jackson. No matter how he tried, his past followed him, as heavy as Atlas's burden of the sky.

Darkness, pain, a river of fire. His memories of the son of Poseidon had been the only thing that had kept him going in the darkest place in hell. Had kept him fighting, kept him alive. Not even Hazel knew how many times he had come close to throwing himself on his own sword or just giving up in the middle of battle – if only to end the pain.

Old wounds reopened,

Scars that will never heal.

Right now only the pain is real.

How come it's still working?

After all it has been through.

A knock at the door broke through the haze of misery. Every muscle in his body shrieked in protest as he rose, scrubbing at his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and he hated himself for wishing that it was Percy standing there, holding his arms out… Nico muttered a string of obscenities under his breath in mixed Italian and Greek.

The door swung open to reveal Jason standing in the hallway. The son of Zeus wore an expression of concern and pity as he took in Nico's dishevelled appearance and bloodshot eyes.

'Hey, man, I thought you might want to…' he started but Nico pushed past him. Despite his being at least a foot shorter than the golden-haired boy, Jason flinched as he made to shove him away. He's afraid of me. Nico thought with vicious satisfaction, then immediately felt guilty. Jason had accepted him for who he was.

'Well you thought wrong.' A lifetime of bitterness filled his voice. He headed towards the top deck. He needed fresh air, needed to clear his head.

Leaving a confused and hurt Jason standing at the door to his cabin, Nico strode down the hall and as he walked, the shadows in the dimly lit passage seemed to cling to his body, creating a cloak of shadows for the son of Hades.

Even the soft ambiance of twilight stung his eyes as he reached the top deck. Leo was nowhere to be seen, probably tinkering with his Archimedes sphere in the control room or something. Piper and Frank chatted quietly by the main mast.

Nico spun around as he heard his sister's voice and started towards the sound before realising who she was with. Percy loped beside Hazel, his hand in Annabeth's, their fingers tangled. He felt like he had been cursed by the arai again – crippling pain that made it feel like his chest was tearing in two, a final gift from one of the hundreds of monsters that he had killed during the battle of New York.

The son of Poseidon laughed at something his girlfriend had said, his head tipped back, sea green eyes flashing in the low light. Gods, those eyes. Nico swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. Annabeth said something else, glancing at Hazel and then back to Percy. She bumped her hip against his.

Why Annabeth? He thought bitterly. Jealous, know-it-all, bossy Annabeth?

'Hey, Nico.' Crap, they had seen him. The trio reached him and he could feel the weight of their gazes on him. Annabeth spoke again, reached out to brush her finders against his arm. 'Are you sure you'll be able to shadow-travel with the statue? I mean-'

'Yes.' Nico hissed, and it was if all of Akhlys's poison had been distilled into his voice. 'And don't touch me again.' With that, he spun away – Hazel forgotten.

He climbed up to the prow of the ship and gazed out onto the horizon. The last light of day turning it into a beautiful vista of pink and gold. A least up here no one could see the pain etched into his face, making him look far older than his fourteen years. No one could see the tears that burned his eyes, threatening to spill.

Furiously, he wiped them away with the back of his hand and ignored the voices calling up to him from the deck.

Once this quest was over – presuming he wasn't dead – he would disappear, forever. Perhaps he would live down in the Underworld with his father. Gods knew they had lifetime's worth of pain in common.

Shattered into pieces, by memories of you.

I don't think I can keep going,

Hiding for so long,

I do not think that my heart is that strong.

Nico watched as the sun set – turning the River Acheron the same emerald of the surrounding hills; the same colour as the eyes of the boy he loved.

I'm standing in the dark,

She's dancing on the table.

I'm looking through the glass,

You're someone else's angel.