Lessons From the Heart

Disclaimer - This is the sanatized version of the story Lesson Learned All Too Well...So listen to the song before reading and it will help.

A voice from beyond is trying to talk to Jeff instead of the song. But he doesn't hear as well as he should.

As stated previously, this came about for three reason. 1) I was listening to Cats in the Cradle the other day and thinking I would love to use it in a fan fic. 2) I received a PM from T-Bug who suggested a fic where the Hood never happened and how could it affect Alan's relationship with his family if they don't realize how much they are pushing their youngest away. and 3) Between sprained fingers and hurting my shoulder, I needed something to ease back into typing. Injuries are recovering. Still annoyed but eh. Whatever.

And a happy-happy...Tomo lives in this story. Since Alan didn't go down one path, Tomo never received his injuries that led to his death. That should help. Also, I am implying that his father didn't die young either, maybe something changed because of Alan and Tomo's relationship and Mr. Wattamee Sr. wasn't on the plane if or when it crashed.

Jeff Tracy was a busy man. That wasn't uncommon. But he had taken almost two weeks away from the office. His wife and children had needed him – especially Alan.

It was three in the morning. Lucy and the boys were asleep and his bags were packed by the door. The light from the moon was the only thing illuminating the room and allowing Jeff to watch his sleeping son.

They had only brought Alan home the day before. The baby had trouble breathing but was now on his way to recovery. Leaning over the basinet, Jeff smiled and pressed a kiss on Alan's downy head.

"Daddy's gotta go, baby. I'll be back soon. Be good for your mommy and brothers, huh?"

Brilliant blue eyes opened and Jeff fell a little more in love again. Running a finger over his son's cheek, Jeff chuckled.

"Now, Allie, I have to go. But remember I love you, ok?"

Alan blew spit bubbles and cooed before his eyes slid shut and he dropped off once more.

Hearing the sound of a car turning up the driveway, Jeff hurried down the stairs to make sure he was at the door and that the taxi driver wouldn't beep his horn and wake up the household. He never knew that he had accidently awakened Lucy who stood at the window holding her baby and watching as Jeff drove off. Kissing Alan's cheek, Lucy sighed.

"Daddy will be home soon, sweetie. And he does love you, he loves us all. He just wants to make our lives better." Cuddling her son, she sighed again.

"But I hope he realizes the one thing we need most is him."

Oh, Jeff...why didn't you listen to me?

They brought Alan home from the hospital the same day they buried his mother. The broken and fragile toddler clung tightly to his father who seemed determined to hold onto him just a closely. But as the day went on, Jeff let go of his son as others demanded more and more of his time. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks to years, Jeff threw himself into his work to bury the pain...

And Alan continued to grow. But he knew what he wanted to be as he grew.

He wanted to be just like Jeff.

I am trying to watch over my boys. All six of them. Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon are recovering, making their own paths. But Jeff - oh, Jeff you promised me. You promised me you would be there for our boys if anything ever happened to me.

Alan. Our baby. He is looking to you as his example of how a grown-up should be, Jeff. What kind of example are you?

He's ten now, Jeff. He's ten and your mother can see what you are doing. I can see. Damn it, Jeff! I'm dead and I can see that Alan is being put to the side, like a task you will get to once your priority work is done. What does that tell Allie?

Ruth Tracy was relieved. Jeff now spent so much time in New York or his work on that island he had purchased. But this was Alan's birthday – their baby was ten.

Jeff had left word with his PA, Anne-Marie, that Ruth was to pick up Alan and bring the boy to New York for the weekend. He had plans for the boy to celebrate his birthday. With the other boys off at college, the military or in Gordon's case, a swim meet, getting everyone together for the little boy's birthday was impossible.

Alan looked up at Tracy Towers and felt a sense of awe. His daddy had built all this? No wonder people thought Jeff Tracy was so amazing. Of course, Alan smugly thought, he had always known his father was the greatest.

Anne-Marie beamed as Ruth and Alan were escorted up to the executive suites.

"Mrs. Tracy, it's wonderful to see you. Oh, and my little man!" she cried happily. "Finally! I have missed you so much," Anne-Marie smiled as she hugged Alan.

Jeff burst out of his office, handing Anne-Marie a file.

"Anne-Marie, I need to get this handled. We'll have to work all weekend if I want to get it done."

Jeff was thrilled. If he finished this deal, he could launch International Rescue within the year. It was perfect. But he had to get it done now or it would be years. People could die if they didn't finish this weekend.

"Hi Daddy," Alan said cheerfully, not seeing the twin glares Anne-Marie and Ruth were shooting at his father.

Jeff froze. He had completely forgotten Alan was coming here for his birthday. Looking down at the bright blue eyes, so much like Lucy's, Jeff steeled his resolve. He was doing this so other little boys never suffered as his baby had. He had to be firm.

Kneeling down in front of his son, Jeff hugged him. "Happy birthday, Allie. I know we were supposed to have some fun this weekend, but Daddy has to work. I'll see you guys around but it looks like you and Grandma will be on your own. You understand, right?"

Alan nodded making Jeff smile. "That's my boy. Oh, and your present." Jeff handed Alan a gift bag.

Pulling out the contents, Alan smiled at the ball and glove. He really wasn't into baseball that much, although he was a Red Sox fan. And they were playing this weekend. He had hoped he and his Dad were going to a game.

"There's something else in there, Alan," Anne-Marie firmly said, ignoring Jeff's confused glance.

Alan pulled out an envelope and cheered. "Tickets to the Red Sox-Yankees game tomorrow. Yes!"

"Uh, Alan," Jeff said, seeing that the game would be at the same time as the teleconference he would be on. He looked over at his PA and knew the woman had bought the tickets to give him and his son some alone time.

"Yankee-Red Sox?" a new voice added. Hiro Wattamee came up behind them. "I was thinking of getting some tickets for Tomo and I. He's down for the weekend. Maybe we can go with you."

"Jeff can't make it," Anne-Marie said coolly. "But if I got an extra ticket – and trust me, I will – maybe you can take Alan. Allie? You remember Mr. Wattamee, right?"

"Tommy's dad?" Alan asked innocently.

Hiro laughed. The younger boy had mangled his son's name the first time the two had met but his boy hadn't minded. Tomo had a soft spot for the youngest Tracy son. Looking up, he saw the conflicted guilt in his boss's eyes and he quickly made up his mind.

"That sounds great, Anne-Marie. How about it, Allie? Can Tomo and I come with you?"

Alan smiled as he held up his ball and glove. "That would be a great way to celebrate my birthday, Mr. Wattamee. Dad, do you want to play some catch today? That way I will be ready to catch any balls tomorrow."

Jeff smiled sadly. "Sorry, Sprout. I need to get back to work."

Hiro patted the boy's shoulder. "Tomo is in my office. We were just about to leave and head to the park. I bet Tomo has his glove in his bag. If not, we can stop and get him one. How does that sound?"

Anne-Marie held back a comment and instead called over to Hiro's secretary to send Tomo over. Ruth was soon on her way up to the penthouse, as the trip had worn her out. Jeff had already gone back to work but had come out just as the Wattamees were leaving with his son. He couldn't help but overhear them talking as they left.

"Too bad your father can't come," Tomo said cheerfully. "But we'll have fun."

"My dad is really busy," Alan said. "It's ok. I wanna be just like him when I grow up."

Hiro ruffled both boys' heads and smiled as he took them out and into the sunny New York day.

Oh, Jeff. Hiro Wattamee is stepping in. He's taking your place. And what does that tell the rest of our sons? That Alan isn't as important as the rest of the world. Tomo is more of a big brother to Alan than his own brothers. Have your ever thought that is why Alan acts out like he has been? When will he be important to you? What kind of man saves the world but sacrifices his relationship with his son?

These days Alan spent more time at boarding school than at home. Jeff was busy – Tracy Enterprises, International Rescue – and just didn't have time for his boy. And when Alan was home? They argued.

The Spring Break when Alan was fourteen, soon to be fifteen, came and went with the only seemingly eventful thing being when pieces of debris from what appeared to be a sub washed up on the island. Brains had detected an underwater explosion a few miles away that correlated with the debris pattern. The local patrols had found a couple of bodies and finally tracked down the existence of sub – illegally owned and armed by the believed to be dead brother of Kyrano, the family's groundskeeper. It looked as if an attempt to launch a missile had exploded, killing all on board. Since Kyrano had believed his despised brother, a mad criminal figure, was long dead, it became just a footnote in their lives.

Alan returned to boarding school with a new resolve. He now understood- he didn't belong there. He was the Tracy Mistake, the unwanted one. It was time to forge a path of his own – one that led him away from his family.

Jeff...I love you. You know that. Even dead, my love for you never has...

But I could cheerfully kick your ass, you idiot. Or baby has drifted away from the family. Do you know he calls the Wattamees Mom and Dad? Oh, not in English, he uses Japanese. If I wasn't dead I would have dropped dead from shock when I realized what "Haha" and Chichi" meant!

You are going to be in for such a shock when you realize what your blindness has cost the family...

Alan was turning twenty-one this weekend. Jeff had planned a special weekend for them. International Rescue was easier, as Scott was pretty much the full time commander now. Rescues were, frankly, down somewhat and Scott had convinced Jeff to quietly recruit people. Several of the recruits had been successes. The fact that John had married the doctor he had found, that an old friend of the family – now a firefighter – was drawn in and an FBI agent who had solved a industrial theft case was now on their team made it easier for Jeff to get away.

But Alan was coming and Jeff was looking forward to the weekend. They didn't argue anymore. Then again, they hardly even saw the boy these days. Alan frequently spent his vacations elsewhere, the Wattamees had practically adopted the kid, and even when he did come home, Alan tended to bury himself in his schoolwork.

Alan walked in just then and Jeff stood in excitement. "Allie!"

"Dad," Alan laughed, shaking his head. "No one calls me that anymore."

"So how's school?" Jeff asked as he held his son's arms and marveled at how much his baby looked like Lucy.

"Graduation is looming, Dad, so I have been going a bit nuts. But it looks like I have it all ready."

Jeff smiled again. Alan was graduating with weeks of turning twenty-one. He had crammed a four year degree into three. The kid would make a great addition to Tracy Enterprises – and a great Thunderbird.

"Do you want to grab a bite to eat? You must be starved."

Alan shook his head. "Actually, Tomo and I grabbed something before we got on the train. I figured you would be busy, so Tomo and I got tickets for the evening game at Yankee stadium. We've been catching the games closest to my birthday for years. Do you mind if I borrow one of the company cars for the weekend? I'll pay for the gas, don't worry."

"I'm not worried, Alan," Jeff said slowly. "You're always very responsible. But I do want to talk to you this weekend."

Nodding, Alan smiled as he took the form his father handed him, allowing him access to a car for the weekend. He did have to talk to Jeff soon. It wouldn't be easy to tell his father that he had no plans to join the family business.

Either family business.

Jeff...Well, I hate to tell you I told you so.

But I did.

Would it have killed you to have let Alan know he was wanted, that he was loved...that you needed him?

Now you've lost him. Not to death, as you lost me. But to something far more painful.

"What?" Jeff asked in dismay, shocked at what his youngest son had just told him.

"Dad, Tomo and I are now officially incorporated. We've been developing software and hardware for multiple purposes. Everything from security to translation equipment – and we'll be launching the week after I graduate from Harvard. Starburst Tech will be official. We thought of using a blend of our names but Al-mo sounded too silly," Alan laughed. Seeing the shock on his father's face, Alan sobered quickly.

"You always said we had to grow up and forge our own paths, Dad. You meant it, right?"

Jeff knew he had no one to blame but himself. He swallowed back all his arguments and smiled.

"Yes, Allie. I meant it. So tell me more about your company."

Was it hard, Jeff?

Was it that hard?

To tell Alan you loved him? To tell Alan he mattered?

Instead you watched from a distance. Watched as Alan launched his company, one that made him the Bill Gates or Steve Jobs of his generation. Watched as Alan married and became a father himself. Watched as his children became visitors to the Island instead of inter-connected family that the rest of the boys have.

He's not alone. He has his wife, his job, his babies...he has the Wattamees. Tomo's children are their cousins in all but blood.

He came when you were ill...But he left when you were better. Alan had his own life to get back to, one that you are just a visitor in.

How did it feel once you realized Alan was "fitting you in when he had the time"? How bitter a feeling was it that he was doing to you what you did to him? He's not being spiteful. He still loves you.

You were his hero, Jeff. And he learned by example.

I don't think that was the lesson you meant to teach our son.

Fifteen years had passed. Jeff was a grandfather numerous times over. Four of his sons lived on the Island and they or their wives mainly ran both family businesses. Jeff had suffered a massive heart attack the year before. While Emily had saved him, it was also understood that Jeff needed to take it easy.

Alan lived in Boston and with Jeff's retirement he saw his youngest son less than ever. He and Tin-Tin had hooked up in college, with her attending MIT and Alan at Harvard, the two went from arguing as children to marrying shortly after college. They had four daughters or as Alan called them, his angels, much as Jeff had called the boys his true treasures.

But Jeff felt as though he had lost one of his treasures. Sitting in front of the vid-phone, he decided he would try again to get his treasure back.

In Boston, Alan looked at the vid-phone in annoyance. He was busy...The Island! Please, let everyone be ok...

"Dad?" Alan said in surprise. "Is everything ok?"

"It's fine, Allie," Jeff smiled. "I was just wondering if you were visiting soon. Or maybe you could head to New York for the weekend and I could fly over..."

Alan shook his head. "Sorry, Dad. We have a huge project on hand that needs to be finished by the end of the month. I'm only working from home today because the kids are home from school with the flu and Tin is away until Friday. But I'll see you soon. Christmas at the latest, ok?"

Are you happy, Jeff?

He kept his promise.

He grew up to be just like you.

Looking at the darkened screen, Jeff smiled sadly. He was reaping what he had sown.

Alan really was his father's son.

He learned his lesson all too well, didn't he Rocket Man?

A/N - Lucy now is in place of the music. Did it work?