THE STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine. Surprise!! :D
I know there have been a thousand Luke POV stories written. This one is number 1001. :)
DOUBTS OF A SON
Luke Skywalker walked briskly, moving through the Endor forest as if on auto-pilot. He flexed the fingers on his left hand, still feeling Leia's lingering touch. He could sense her easily now, could feel her conflicting emotions as she struggled to come to grips with what Luke had told her – that he was her brother, and Vader their father. Luke smiled, feeling that Leia was already starting to overcome the shock, forcing herself to concentrate on the task at hand – that of destroying the shield generator. She had such strength, Luke marveled. No matter what happened to him this day, he knew his sister would survive. About himself, however, he was not quite so optimistic.
Luke ducked low beneath some foliage, then stepped over a fallen tree trunk on his path to the nearest Imperial stronghold. There were Stormtrooper garrisons all over the area, and Luke knew it would not be long before he found one, so he could surrender himself into Imperial custody.
Surrender. The word left a bad taste in Luke's mouth. He had been with the alliance for 4 years – running away and hiding from the Empire. But today – today he would let himself be taken; would allow himself, of his own free will, to become a prisoner. He would surrender to the troopers and they would take him to Vader, his father. Take him into the very heart of darkness and temptation. After that, Luke had only the faintest of ideas what might happen to him. But Vader would not kill him, this he knew.
* So certain are you?*
Luke squeezed his eyes shut, hearing Yoda's words ringing in his mind. But it was not his Master's voice speaking to him this time. It was the faceless voice that wasn't a voice that would often visit him whenever he thought of Vader. The strange, distant but familiar whisperings that spoke directly to his mind. Luke had been hearing it more and more recently, and there were times – such as now – that he didn't wish for the intrusion. But the voice would not be silenced, he knew. Not until it was acknowledged.
"I'm certain," Luke stated softly, speaking aloud though no one was present to hear him. Almost no one.
* Like you were certain on Bespin? Like you were certain you could save your friends if you left your Master?*
Luke shook his head. "No. I've learned much since then."
* And what have you learned?*
"What do you want with me?" Luke asked with some anger.
*What have you learned, son of Skywalker?*
"I will not answer you."
*You fear the question. Or perhaps the answer.*
"No," Luke stated firmly. "I'm not afraid."
* You will be.*
Luke faltered a moment, then began walking faster, determinedly ignoring the lingering whispers in his mind.
*You cannot outrun me, son of Skywalker*
"Why are you here?" Luke asked again, stopping in mid stride and closing his eyes, trying to relax.
*That's what I am*
What is that supposed to mean? Luke thought to himself. He knelt on the ground, letting his head fall to chest. What was happening to him? Where was this voice leading him? To what end? Or was he leading himself? Questioning his own judgment? Doubts welled in his soul, threatening to drown him in despair.
*What have you learned, son of skywalker?*
"Please don't call me that," Luke stated softly, wondering if he were going crazy.
*Why not? Isn't that who you are?*
"No."
*No?*
Luke rose quickly, feeling anger rise within him. He clenched his hands to his sides, and took several deep breaths.
"You want to know what I learned?"
*yes*
"I learned Darth Vader is my father."
Luke was momentarily taken aback with how easily he could say that. When he had asked Yoda if it was true, it was painful to put the question into words. Earlier, when talking to Leia, it had been a struggle to actually say it, to say the words 'he's my father.' But now, here, the admission flowed freely, unencumbered.
*You think today will be different from Bespin, young Skywalker? Because you learned you are the son of Vader?*
"No," Luke answered, feeling a sudden rush of certainty. "Because I'm a Jedi now."
*Not yet*
"I will be."
*If you survive*
Luke leaned against an enormous tree, letting that idea permeate his brain. It was true, he knew. He might die very soon. Or, worse, he might live as a shell of his former self, with nothing filling him but darkness. Like his father. The thought made him shudder.
"If that is my destiny, I will accept it," Luke said, the tone of his voice hinting at a confidence he wasn't sure he truly felt.
*He'll destroy you*
"No," Luke breathed, the response coming involuntarily from someplace deep within.
*You think not?*
Luke hesitated, unsure if he wanted to continue with this line of questioning. He had been so certain just a little while ago. He had left Leia in the Ewok village, striding bolding into the night with his head held high after telling her he was leaving to face their father. Or, rather, the man who was once their father. And who might be again, if Luke could convince him of the goodness within him.
*If there is any goodness left to be found*
"There is," Luke stated firmly. "I know there is."
*Because he didn't kill you at Bespin?*
"Yes."
*He wasn't ordered to kill you, Skywalker. He was ordered to turn you*
Luke began walking again, feeling his newfound confidence began to wane under the continuing barrage of questions and comments from…
From who? Or what?
"Who are you?" Luke asked, knowing there would be no answer. There never was.
As expected, only the forest sounds responded to his inquiry. But no matter. Luke realized he needed to prepare himself, to concentrate and build up his mental stamina if he were to succeed in his quest. His quest to find his father – his real father – inside the black armor of Darth Vader. This nameless voice was only serving to splinter his focus, and he needed all of it. Besides, Luke had a sneaking suspicion that this mysterious whisper was coming from within his own mind.
*You think I am you?*
Luke sighed heavily. It was back.
*More right than you realize, son of Skywalker.*
"I think you might be my conscious," Luke answered honestly, slightly amused. He knew many people talked to themselves, but he wondered how many argued with themselves. "And I asked you to not call me by that name any longer."
*It no longer has any meaning for you?*
"I'm not sure it's the truth anymore," Luke stated quietly, curious if everyone, or just Jedi, had such discussions with their own conscious.
*So why are you risking yourself*
That question took Luke by surprise, and he nearly stumbled over a large branch on the forest floor. Why indeed was he doing this, then, if he had doubts his father could be returned to the Light? What if he was wrong, and his father truly destroyed him? What good would come from such an event? He struggled for a moment to clear his mind, to remember why it was he decided on this course of action. Yoda had not told him that Vader could be turned, and Obi-Wan had all but admonished Luke, telling him in no uncertain terms that Luke's father was beyond redemption. But despite the warnings, Luke had decided to follow his own instincts.
*Like you did when you left Dagobah to confront Vader*
"I told you - this time is different. I'm not acting on an impulse, or out of a false sense of my own power. I know I might be wrong, and I know the consequences if I fail."
There was no response. But in simply stating aloud what he knew to be true gave him a measure of strength and hope. There was something there, inside Vader, Luke was certain of it. A spark of light and goodness that even the shroud of the darkside could not extinguish. Anakin Skywalker still lived, he knew. He couldn't say how he knew this, but the truth of it resonated through every fiber in his being.
"I have to try," Luke stated absently, not really addressing the non-voice, but knowing it would understand.
*Do or do not. There is no try*
Luke almost grinned. There was a distinct tone of gentle chiding in that statement that sounded familiar, comforting, almost….
Fatherly?
Luke's heart almost stopped in his chest. No! It couldn't be. It wasn't possible..or was it? The voice had been visiting him since Bespin. Luke felt a powerful anger well within him at the thought. Vader. Was this a game to the Dark Lord? To torment his son's mind, to drive him to madness? Luke tried to push the thought away but it refused to leave, it kept coming back, laughing at him like a broken toy, taunting him.
"Who are you?" Luke demanded, repeating his earlier question.
*I already told you*
"No! No more games. I want to know who you are! What do you want from me?"
Silence.
Luke ran his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Is that you, Father?" Luke asked softly. He feared the reply, almost as much as he feared there would be none.
*Search your feelings, son of Skywalker. You know the truth*
Luke opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself short. It sounded like Vader, certainly, but when Luke looked deeper he found no trace whatsoever of the damp fear and darkness that always accompanied Vader's presence.
"Please," Luke pleaded. "I need to know."
*You are my son*
Luke's heart sank, and he fell to the ground on one knee. So. It was Vader after all. Luke felt like he might be ill.
*You assume too much*
"Why are you doing this?" Luke asked quietly.
*You need me to help you, if you are to fulfill your destiny*
"I don't need your help," Luke replied.
*You do, son of…*
"Do not call me that again!" Luke screamed into the forest, rising and reaching for the lightsabre at his hip.
*You intend to destroy me?*
"I intend to silence you!"
*With your weapon? The weapon you keep at your side?*
Luke hesitated, removed his hand from his lightsabre. He struggled to find his center, to restore his previous calm. Anger was not for a Jedi.
*Vader wants you by his side*
"Stop," Luke stated feebly.
*Are you to be a weapon?*
"No," Luke replied firmly.
*Perhaps you already are*
Luke shook his head violently. "No. No! I want you to leave me!"
*You do not know what you are asking*
"Yes, I do. I never asked you to speak to me like this. I want you to stop."
*You allowed yourself to hear me*
"How?" Luke demanded, suddenly interested but not quite trusting the answer he might receive.
*You quieted your mind, Jedi Knight. You opened yourself to me*
Luke had to force himself to keep his breathing regular. This was not Vader speaking to him, he was certain of that now. Whoever it was, there was far more honesty in the words, more comfort and truth than Vader could ever achieve. But if not his father, who would have reason to speak to him like this? Especially now?
"You are not my father," Luke said softly, sensing something just out of reach. "You said I needed you." He paused, searching his mind for the answer. He was onto something, he knew.
"Why do I need you?"
*I am your ally.*
Luke felt the blood draining from his face, while at the same time he felt a powerful wave of strength and resolve rush through him. From somewhere in the back of his mind a memory of Master Yoda surfaced, bringing with it a calm understanding…
"For my ally is the Force…."
Luke breathed deeply, searching for the hidden meaning in the cryptic words.
"If you are my ally, why are you trying to confuse me?"
*If you're mind is so easily confused, son of Skywalker, how can you possibly survive this night?*
"I'm not confused about what I must do."
*I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, son of Skywalker?*
"They are clear. I will not turn. I'll die first."
*There is bravery in you, Jedi Knight. You will not fail me*
"Fail you…? I don't even know who you are!" Luke declared indignantly.
*Farewell, son of Skywalker*
"Wait – don't leave me yet….."
*I'm with you always*
Something in that simple phrase reached Luke, and he immediately calmed, his mind becoming his own once more. The non-voice was gone, Luke knew. Gone and leaving him to face the day. To face his father. To face his destiny. Somewhere in the distance, Luke heard the distinct sound of an Imperial ATAT Walker and he knew this was his last chance to turn back. He stood motionless a moment, calling on the Force and wrapping himself in its warmth. A cold hand seemed to clamp around his heart, and Luke recognized the sensation immediately. Vader was close. Very close. And Luke knew his father sensed him, as well.
"I won't fail you," Luke stated with conviction, but not entirely sure to who the comment was directed. But just saying the simple phrase gave him a measure of strength and focus. His mind suddenly felt very clear and he knew – knew – he was telling the truth. He would not fail. He couldn't.
Luke began walking again and it wasn't long before he spotted a small squad of stormtroopers, and he raised his hands above his head as he approached them.
"Look over there!" one of the troopers yelled, pointing to Luke.
"I see him!" another replied, leveling a blaster rifle at the young Jedi. "Get the commander!"
As Luke was taken into custody he felt a surge of strength flow through him, filling him with a quiet confidence. Just as his lightsabre was removed from his belt he thought he heard the voice again, softly speaking to his mind…
*Bring him back, Son of Skywalker. Bring him back……*
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So is it painfully obvious who Luke was talking to? *lol* You ever have one of those days – or, in this particular case – a night when you just sit down and start writing everything that comes into your head? This story is the product of one such night. A little odd, I know. A little rambling, very true. Why I'm even posting this is, as C-3PO would say, completely beyond my capacity. :D But there it is.