When he opened the door to Harry's room, he saw the boy tossing around in his sleep. He got closer, and could see Harry's pale and sweaty face. He put his hand on Harry's forehead and was surprised at how hot it was. He also noticed that Harry calmed down when he set his hand on his head.
"He's got a fever," he muttered to himself. He took his hand away and Harry woke up.
"I don't feel good," Harry whimpered.
"I know, Harry. I'm sorry," Snape softly said. He took Harry's arms and
unwrapped the bandages. "I'll be right back, Harry. I promise," he answered. He went to his fireplace
and threw in floo powder, saying Madame Pomphrey's name.
"Yes, Severus?" Madame Pomphrey said, impatiently, as her head appeared in
the fireplace.
"Harry's arms are infected and he has a fever. Please come down here," Snape
said. Madame Pomphrey stepped through the fireplace into Snape's dungeons.
"Where is he?" She asked. Snape led her to Harry's room.
"Oh you poor boy.... always getting in some sort of trouble or getting sick,"
she said. She got down to business with charms and potions on Harry's arms,
while Snape sat on the bed just running his hand through Harry's hair in a
soothing manner. By the time Madame Pomphrey was done, Harry had fallen asleep
again.
"Why Severus, you're almost like a father again." She looked over at Harry on
the bed, "He acts so much like Michael did," Snape flinched with the reminder
that his son was gone.
"Don't fight it... you have another chance. Take it," she told him.
"You don't know what you're talking about. Thank you for your help and
goodnight," Snape sharply said.
"I have done all I can... but Harry's body will have to do the rest. He needs
to rest and recoup for one day while the fever dies down," Madame Pomphrey
explained. Then she stepped through the fireplace again.
Snape went back to Harry's room where Harry was crying silently in his sleep.
Snape wondered what Harry was dreaming about. He grabbed a wizard ice pack
before going to Harry and he layed it on Harry's forehead where it adjusted
itself to the right temperature and size for Harry. Seeing Harry so vulnerable
brought back memories of his son's last moments.
He remembered the meeting with former deatheaters and finding that his son
had witnessed the secret meeting. He'd tried to convince the other former
deatheaters that his son was trustworthy. He thought it had worked, but they
poisoned his son and he died one week later. He'd spent his last days confined
to a bed, wracked with pain and fever.
It seemed almost as though Snape were living through the death of his son
again. Voldemort was after Harry, Snape was a spy for Dumbledore, and he'd
almost lost Harry already when he'd cut too deep. He sighed and made a cot
appear beside Harry's bed where he decided to sleep for the night.
~~/~@
The next day all Potions classes were cancelled so that Snape could stay and
take care of Harry. Harry was more coherent in the day than he was before, but
there was something bothering him.
"Professor... was your son named Michael?" Harry asked once Snape was
checking his arms again. Snape froze.
"Yes... how did you know that?"
"I- I don't know. I think I dreamed it, but I don't know. I'm sorry. Forget I
said anything." Harry said quickly. Snape nodded absentmindedly as he
re-bandaged Harry's arms a little too roughly.
"Ow. Professor, that's too tight," Harry said with a flinch. Snape looked up.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I got lost in my thoughts."
"No… I'm sorry I asked about your son."
"No, it's not your fault. I'll tell you about him. Michael lived to be eleven
years old. He was five years older than you. He'd be about nineteen now. He was
a lot like you. Made friends very easily and always turned out to be the leader.
He was brave and defiant against anything that just wasn't right. I was almost
surprised that he didn't get sorted into Gryffindor. He only got to attend
Hogwarts for one year, but he loved it. During your first year, the teachers
commented to me about how much you reminded them of Michael."
"Is that why you hated me? You didn't want to be reminded?" Harry asked.
"I never hated you... but I didn't want to remember. You are right about
that. I hardened my own heart." Snape then told Harry of how Michael died. "So I
guess I really should have followed my own advice from the beginning. It feels a
lot better to finally share this with someone." Snape smiled.
"Glad that I could be of some help."
"You were. But, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain? You still have a
bit of a fever."
"I feel better than I did last night," Harry said.
"Good... well today is Friday so you don't have any classes to go to
tomorrow. You can use tomorrow to work on today's homework."
There was a knock on the door and Snape got up to get it. Draco was at the
door and he was let in.
"Draco's here, Harry," Snape called. Draco went straight to Harry's room.
"Wow... you look like crap," he observed.
"Gee… thanks." Harry smiled sarcastically.
"So do either you or Snape want to explain? Potions was cancelled for the
first time in... ever." Draco raised his eyebrow at them.
"Well, Harry's arms became infected. He's been fighting a fever, so I stayed
with him," Snape explained.
"Touching," Draco nodded. He opened his bag and shoved papers into Harry's
hand. "Hermione asked me to give it to you."
"Why didn't she come over?" Harry asked.
"She and Ron made a small discovery today and they are... shall we say...
indisposed," Draco grinned evilly.
"You're kidding... Are they going out now?" Harry asked. Draco nodded.
"Finally! I thought it'd never happen."
"Um... I'll just go work. You two talk about... teenage things," Snape
awkwardly said as he left the room. Draco let out a small laugh when Snape left,
and turned back to Harry.
"So... Ron has Hermione, but who does the Boy Who Lived have a crush on?"
Draco asked.
"Well... promise you won't tell Ron?"
"Wow... this must be good. Ok, I promise."
"OK. I like Ginny. Ron would kill me if he found out," Harry blushed as he
admitted it.
"Really? I never would have thought that. I thought you liked Cho.... well
you did last year. Everybody knew it."
"Oh, well I don't know. I guess I knew I had no chance with her after I got
her boyfriend killed so..."
"Harry, I know you're probably sick of hearing this from people, but you're
gonna keep hearing it until you believe it. Cedric's death was not your fault.
It was Vo- You Know Who's fault. Nobody blames you."
"I do."
"Well... stop. You can't. You have to realize that it wasn't your fault."
"Thanks. Let's get back on topic, though… please. So who do you like?"
"I kinda always fancied Lavender." Draco said.
"Really? You and Lavender? There's the most unexpected connection I've ever
heard. She's so... flighty and.... well she's kind of a ditz."
"She's not flighty and ditzy. She just acts like normal girls to. Not all
girls can be little tomboys like Ginny and Hermione. And she actually is smart,
if you paid attention to her grades." Draco defended her.
"OK, ok. I'm sorry," Harry grinned as he apologized.
~~/~@
By the time Christmas holiday rolled around, things were almost back to
normal. Harry still had to live with Snape, but he actually liked it.
Not many people stayed at Hogwarts during the break, but Harry, Draco, Ron,
Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, and Neville did. There were also others from
Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, but Draco was the only Slytherin to stay. Because of
this, he had permission to stay at the Gryffindor tower during Christmas break.
"Hey Draco... why don't you spend some time with Lavender since there's not
many people here anyways?" Harry suggested one night while they were playing a
game of chess together.
"Yeah sure, if you get the courage to ask Ginny out. Everyone knows that she
likes you, so make a move." Draco said. Harry nodded and took out Draco's queen.
"How's that move?" He smirked at Draco, "Yeah, fine. I'll ask her out
tomorrow on Christmas Eve. You gotta start letting Lavender know you like her,
though."
"Deal." Draco nodded.
"Hey, what's up?" Ron asked as he and Hermione approached the two.
"Nothing much. Beating Draco at chess and making a deal." Harry answered.
"Deal about what?" Hermione asked.
"Can't tell. You'll find out tomorrow." Draco answered.
"OK. Hey, we're all still exchanging gifts tomorrow night, right?" Ron asked.
Harry nodded.
"Alright then. I'll be off to bed, then. It's late, you all should be turning
in soon, also." Hermione said. She kissed Ron on the cheek before turning in.
Ron blushed almost as red as his hair like he did every time Hermione kissed
him.
Not long after that, they all turned in. Draco and Ron walked with Harry to
Snape's dungeons and then back to the Gryffindor dorms.
~~/~@
Christmas Eve passed very quickly to Harry. It felt like one minute he was
eating breakfast with Snape and the next he was already sitting by the fireplace
with his friends, and they were all exchanging gifts. It was during this time
that two major events happened for the group.
First, Hermione and Ron finally realized what everyone had seen for years and
so they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. The next big thing that
happened, was Harry went through with the deal that he and Draco had made. He
asked Ginny to be his girlfriend, and she happily said yes like everyone knew
she would. Everyone in the school knew that Ginny had a crush on Harry for four
years, so this was the best thing ever to happen to her.
Unfortunately, Draco's shyness got in the way and he stayed away from
Lavender the whole day.
~~/~@
The next morning Harry woke up and jumped out of bed. Immediately, he jumped
back in, startled by the cold. He wrapped his blanket around himself and then
got out of bed. Snape was already at the dining room table, drinking tea. He
laughed when Harry came out with his blanket.
"What's so funny?" Harry asked.
"You are. You're a wimp, but if you really are that cold..." Snape snapped
his fingers and the heat in the room increased. Harry dropped the blanket on the
couch.
"Are you going to open your presents?" Snape asked.
"What presents? I already got my sweater from Mrs. Weasley last night. And
back in the common room we all exchanged...." Harry said. Then he looked over to
the tree by the fireplace and his eyes got wide. He had presents from Snape.
"Thank you so much!" Harry hugged Snape tightly. Then he ran to unwrap his
presents. He received a penseive, a journal, a new potion kit, a book of spells
not sold in public wizard stores, and a book on how to become animagus.
"Thank you, Professor. Oh, I almost forgot. I made you a present." Harry went
back to his room and came out with a gift. He handed it to Snape, and he
carefully undid the wrapping paper without ripping it. Snape held the present
with an unreadable expression. It was a silver frame with two pictures in it.
The first one was a larger, newer copy of Snape and pregnant Marguerite. The
second was a picture taken by Colin Creevy of Snape smiling and messing Harry's
hair after a Quidditch game.
"I had Colin help me with the picture of you and Marguerite. He showed me the
other picture... and I thought that this way you could have another happy memory
to look at. Do you like it?" Harry asked. Snape finally smiled.
"Harry, I love it." He reached over and hugged Harry. He took out his wand
and put the picture on the wall above the sofa.
"So, what will you be doing today?" Snape asked.
"I don't know. Maybe I'll spend some time with Ginny."
"Ginny Weasley... you like that girl," Snape observed. Harry laughed.
"Yes, I do. You're kind of late though. I asked her to be my girlfriend, last
night."
"Really? I'm glad for you."
"Thanks. Oh! Next time we work in pairs in Potions, I think you should pair
up Lavender and Draco."
"Lavender and Draco??"
"Trust me on this, Professor."
~~/~@
Christmas break was over and classes had started again.
"Today, class, we'll be working in partners for our potion. I will assign the
partners. Harry with Parvati, Hermione with Ron, Lavender with Draco... " and so
the list went on. Draco looked up sharply when he and Lavender were partnered
together, and he didn't miss the twinkle in Snape's eyes... almost like
Dumbledore, but it was quickly hidden.
"We will be making a healing potion today. Turn to page 293 in your text and
to the last notes that you took before break. You will be using these to make
the potion. If you need any help, I will be walking around," Snape said.
Everyone then got to work.
"You know something," Parvati whispered to Harry. He looked at her, blankly.
Parvati stated it differently. "You know something about Draco and Lavender."
"Oh… yeah I do. Draco likes her... or haven't you noticed?" Harry grinned.
They both looked over at the two. Draco and Lavender were both being very shy
with each other, which was unusual for both of them.
"Wow, I didn't notice. I know that Lavender finds him very good looking
though."
"So, what about you and Neville. I know that you like him," Harry said.
Parvati blushed.
"He and I are going on a date during the next Hogsmeade outing."
"That's great. I'm glad for you two," Harry smiled.
"So am I... but you've gotten nowhere on your potion. More work and less
talk." Snape interrupted them.
"Yes, Professor," They said, simultaneously.
~~/~@
Three weeks passed and Hogsmeade came and went and Draco and Lavender became
a couple.
The night after Hogsmeade, Harry walked Ginny to the Gryffindor House
entrance and then went down to Snape's dungeons. When he got there, Snape was
reading a book on the couch. Harry went and sat down next to him. There was a
thought that had been in the back of his mind for a while
"Professor?" he asked. Snape put down the book and Harry continued, "Well, is
there any potion or spell that could make, um... make scars disappear?"
Snape sighed and put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "Harry, there is nothing
that can undo the damage that you inflicted upon yourself. The scars will be
with you always. I'm sorry, I know how it feels when you come to the point where
you are ashamed of what you did, and want to be rid of the marks."
"I just... I remember that I actually wanted them at one time. And even when
I didn't want them and tried to stop, I couldn't stop myself. And now, because I
was stupid, I have these." Tears began to well in Harry's eyes and he refused to
let them fall.
"Harry, it's ok to cry," Snape wrapped his arms around Harry and hugged him.
The tears came and didn't stop until Harry fell asleep. Snape picked up Harry,
who was still very light in his fifteen years of age, and tucked him into his
bed. Then, he went back to continue reading his book. He stopped after five
minutes because he couldn't concentrate. He was thinking of Harry. That was the
first time since November that Harry had willingly talked about his cutting, and
it was already at the end of January.
"The battle is definitely not over," He said to himself.
~~/~@
The spring went by slowly due to lack of Holidays and events. The only thing
people were looking forward to was the final Quidditch game. Gryffindor against
Slytherin.
That day finally did come and nobody was injured, which was a first in
Slytherin vs. Gryffindor history. Harry caught the snitch, but Slytherin had
been many points ahead. The game ended in a tie, and everyone seemed to accept
it.
That night after the parties, Harry was sitting with Snape on the sofa,
reading.
"Harry, is something bothering you?" Snape asked. Harry looked up.
"Huh? No, I'm fine... just reading."
"Your book is upside down." Snape pointed out. Harry blushed and closed his
book.
"OK yeah... I was wondering, with school ending in one week... am I going
back to the Dursleys?" Harry asked.
"Yes."
"But, it's horrible there. You even said that they had no right treating me
like they do," Harry protested.
"I know, Harry. I tried to talk to Dumbledore. He said that you could only
stay with relatives. That's how the protection charms work. They are your only
real relatives besides Sirius, and you know he can't take you in." Snape
explained.
"So why don't you adopt me then?"
Snape was caught off-guard, "Harry, I can't. I can't be a father. You don't
want me as a father.... I just can't do it," he said with a pale face.
"You were a father before. And you've certainly been acting as one all year,"
Harry looked crushed.
"I can't, Harry. Please, just accept it," Snape slammed his book shut and
went to his bedroom. Harry flinched as Snape's door slammed, and he sat on the
sofa while silent tears filled his eyes. He ran to his own room then, his
breathing getting faster. He took deep breaths to calm himself, but he felt like
the whole world was closing in on him.
He'd just been rejected by the only person in the world that had ever treated
him like a loveable child. Like he mattered. Maybe he really was as bad and
unlovable as he had always thought before.
He reached in his trunk where he usually kept his blades. Then, he remembered
that he threw all his blades out over Christmas break. All he could find was a
red marker with his parchment and quills. He opened it, without thinking, and
slashed it across his arms over and over again, trying to substitute that for a
blade. He ended up falling asleep when he had calmed down and the marker fell
from his hand to the floor.
~~/~@
Snape awoke the next morning with the sun and as he got ready, he remembered
the conversation from last night. He sighed at the guilt he felt. He should have
explained better to Harry. The boy had been through so much already.
He waited until it was late enough in the morning. Harry was still not awake,
which caused Snape some concern. Harry was usually up by then. He went into
Harry's room to check on him. Harry had fallen asleep in his clothes at the foot
of the bed. Red lines ran up and down his arms, and Snape could see the trail
that tears had left behind on his face.
After checking the red marks and finding they were only ink, he decided to
leave the room and let Harry wake up on his own. As he walked back to the
sitting room, he thought of the situation out loud.
"He has two options in his mind when he is upset.... talk or cut. He usually
talks about his feelings to me, but now... what do I do? I became the reason
that he feels horribly... now what?"
Snape started to cook breakfast, hoping the smell would wake Harry. Soon, he
heard the sound of the shower. Fifteen minutes later, Harry walked out and
joined Snape as the table.
"Good morning, Harry," Snape said.
"Morning," Harry's voice was dull and void of emotion.
"Harry, I'm sorry about how I handled last night," Snape started. Harry spoke
before he could continue.
"No, I understand. Don't worry about it," Harry finished his breakfast and
went back to his room before Snape could ask about the red marks.
Harry spent the whole weekend avoiding Snape, arousing the curiosity of
others.
"What's going on?" Draco asked on Monday morning. They were sitting together,
waiting for Snape to arrive. They had their potions final today.
"What do you mean?"
"With you and Snape. You're avoiding him like the plague," Draco said.
"Nothing is going on. It must be your imagination," Harry answered. Snape
then entered the room.
"Everyone will work alone. You will make either a healing potion or a
sleeping potion from memory. Go."
~~/~@
At the end of the week, the students were all getting ready to leave. They
were packing their bags onto the train and saying their goodbyes to everyone.
Harry saw Snape standing alone, watching everyone. Harry made his way through
the crowd to Snape.
"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting all week... avoiding you and ignoring
you. It was... uncalled for."
"No, Harry. It's understandable. Now.... don't miss the train," Snape said
with a light smile. Harry threw his arms around Snape and hugged him.
"I'll miss you," he whispered before running to get on the train.
Snape wasn't sure what exactly just happened, but he knew that Harry was
right. He had been a father to Harry that whole year. He needed to talk to
Dumbledore.
~~/~@
Harry, Ron, Draco, Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, and Neville all
managed to fit into one compartment together on the way to King's Cross.
"I'll miss you, Ginny," Harry said.
"I'll miss you too, but now you have another reason to come to the Burrow."
Ginny responded.
The train ride back was fairly uneventful. When they arrived back, there was
lots of hugging and kissing between the couples and goodbyes from everyone.
Families came and took friends and the crowds got smaller as people left. Soon
there were only a few people left and Harry sighed, thinking that the Dursley's
had forgotten about him.
"What do you mean Platform 9 3/4? There's no such thing. Go home, sir." Harry
heard a man say. He looked over to see Snape arguing with the man.
"Professor?" He asked loudly. Snape turned and saw him. He thanked the man
and walked toward Harry.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.
"Well, I lost one son... and I don't think I could bear to lose another."
"You... you mean it?" Harry asked.
"I talked to Dumbledore. The adoption papers will be ready in a few days.
You're coming home with me."
Harry couldn't believe what was happening. He was finally getting a father.
"Hold on to my hand, Harry. We're going home," Snape said.
Harry grabbed onto his father's hand and they dissapparated.
THE END