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If you asked Haru to describe Rin Matsuoka, he'd probably frown.
His eyes would grow hazy and his brows would knit subtle patterns of uncertainty and thought. This look would only last for a moment, fleetingly quick, and he would turn to you with an expression that held more than it wanted to, and say:
"He's just a pushy, crybaby with a smart mouth."
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There was something about the water that Haru couldn't quite explain. There was a certain essence, a connection that he held with it. The way it calmed him and the feeling of its soft waves draping over the hard planes of his body; it always managed to seep into his skin and soothe his bones.
There was also something about Rin that Haru couldn't quite explain. And it pissed him off more than he'd ever admit.
It was the way Rin could get under his skin and into heart without even trying. The way every word he said and move he made was dramatic. The way he could come out of nowhere, cause up a storm, and bring times of bright skies tempered with days of bad weather.
But even through the rain and wind, even after the calm of a bitter storm, Haru would always find a part of himself ― be it body or mind ― drawn to Rin.
And it really was quite annoying.
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If before the regional tournament, you told Haru that he was selfish, he'd give you a look of confusion and say nothing at all. But if you told him after said tournament, he'd definitely agree.
It's a strange feeling, rather foreign to him. After he and Rin make up and the sun's out again, Haru thinks that he's content. Because now Rin's smiling at him, and having petty fights with him, and wrapping his arms around him―a sensation Haru's hyperaware of― and all is well with the world and sky.
But it's not, frustratingly so.
It's seeing Rin around his other team members, hearing him slip in words of Australian slang into simple conversation, and noticing just how the black fabric of his swim jacket contrasts sharply with white on Haru's. Even up close and personal, Rin is still so very far away.
There's a space there and Haru wouldn't know how to fill it, even if his life depended on it. But that space is too distant and too separating and the moment Haru decides that he's fine with it, is the moment he realizes that he'd die trying to fill its gap.
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Realizing you want to swim with Rin Matsuoka and realizing that you want to kiss him, are two very different things. And each entails its own load of baggage that Haru never thought he'd ever bother lifting.
He accepts the realization of his attraction―a very deep rooted one at that― the way he accepts water; easy and along with the flow. But that has less to do with Haru being stoic, and more to do with the fact that deep down he's always known.
Of all the people he could've fallen for, it had to be some belligerent, loud-mouthed visionary. But Haru also accepts that love and accepts all the different sides it brings out of him.
The honest side that wants to swim with his friends. The desperate side that runs around, screaming at the top of his lungs. The lewd side that has him reaching down under for the first time of his life.
The slightly cruel side that wants to make Rin smile or cry again; anything really as long it's just for Haru's eyes to see.
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Competition has never really been exhilarating and it's certainly never been arousing, but the moment Haru feels himself get hard after race with Rin, is the moment he knows that he's in trouble.
No one thought much of him choosing to stay submerged in the pool and no one certainly knew of the little secret he was hiding within it. But when Makoto notices the faint rose colored blush across his face, is when Haru really knows that he's in trouble.
He looks away from Makoto's questioning glance and scowls at nothing in particular, "…How annoying…"
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It's said that a broken mirror is a like a broken heart, and Haru's near certain that he knows the feeling. It's sharp and painful, and is either waving goodbye to Rin on the day after their childhood relay, watching him run off that cold January afternoon, or thinking that he'd moved on from swimming with you.
So it's overwhelmingly relieving to know that Rin's here and here to stay. For good. Forever. Because now Haru is strong enough and knows better than to ever let him get away.
But to pull Rin in is the hard part.
The whole being 'friends and nothing more' bit wasn't cutting it in the least, and Haru knew that something would eventually have to give or take. The thought of ruining their fragile yet bone deep friendship is terrifying and a huge risk. But sacrifice is sacrifice, and sacrifice means being able to lose what's important.
Haru wonders if Rin knows how important he is.
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For someone as smart as Rin―according to Kou he's in the top ten students in his class―he really can be clueless.
"An idiot," Haru broods, soaking in bathwater.
Being so blunt in nature, using subtlety is a challenge for him. It was little things like letting his touches linger against Rin's skin, giving him his water bottle, or offering to cook him mackerel everyday―which Haru now realizes was a bit much―that he did to let Rin know. Haru kept dropping signal after signal, but Rin never seemed to pick up on them.
It god bad when Makoto noticed, but being the kind friend that he was, pretended that he hadn't. When Rei started to pick up, Haru almost wanted to die, but when Nagisa caught on too and asked Rin, "Are there any dark haired beauties that have caught your eyes these days?", Haru most definitely wanted to die.
Time was passing, he was getting desperate, yet nothing was happening. Confessing straightforward to Rin was too embarrassing and therefore out of the question. It even got to the point where Haru had considered making Makoto tell Rin for him. And knowing how good of a friend Makoto was, he probably would agree.
Haru sighs and sinks further in his bath, "This really is a pain…"
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He has a diary.
He has a diary.
Rin Matsuoka has a freaking diary.
Haru doesn't know to whether to laugh, because the thought of his haughty, brazen and smart-mouthed friend owning a diary is incredibly amusing, or cry because Rin is and has always been too emotional, so of course he'd have one.
He's alone in Rin's dorm room, moist and chlorine scented after another joint practice. Everyone was chatting and laughing when he noticed Rin slip away from the crowd and leave. It didn't take too long for Haru to go after him.
But Rin isn't Rin if he didn't have a tendency to suddenly disappear on you. Annoyed that he'd lost him so quickly, Haru had wandered over to Rin's dorm, hoping to find him there.
There was no one inside, but Haru hadn't felt like going back out. Slipping into the room, he had shut the door and looked around. The room was neat and simple and felt a bit too impersonal, if you asked him. Haru had sat down on the lower bunk―Rin mentioned sleeping there before― and waited.
For what, he doesn't know.
Casually running his thumb over the edge of the mattress, Haru's fingers snag at something hard beneath its sheets. Looking around to make sure that he's still alone, he pulls out a black worn notebook with the words 'Rin Matsuoka' scrawled neatly on the cover.
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Haru's never been more exhilarated in life. And he's never been more pissed off either. Leave it to Rin to misunderstand something so simple.
He's running down Samezuka's hallways, bumping into students and not even sure of where he's going. But he's looking for one person and one person only, and he knows that if he doesn't see that person, he'll lose his mind.
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December 9th 2013,
We're having a joint practice with Iwatobi soon.
I wonder if they've kept up with their training.
Especially Haru, he better not still be sitting in the bath tub.
I'll go to his house and personally drag him out if I have to.
I won't let someone as amazing as him rot away their talent.
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Haru's tired and panting when he finally spots him. Rin is outside strolling on the courtyard and doesn't notice when Haru bolts right for him, with an old notebook gripped in his hands.
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December 14th 2013,
I don't even know how the hell Gou found out.
When we were kids, I wondered if she knew.
But she never said anything until today.
I made her swear not to tell, but this is a disaster.
There's nothing worse than your little sister finding out
that you're in love a guy. Especially one like Haru.
Goddammit.
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It's early evening and they're both alone on Samezuka's courtyard. The sun's setting and the air cold when Rin turns his head half a second before Haru slams into him and wraps him in a tight hug.
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December 16th 2013,
I'll tell him. I'll come out clean and tell Haru
how I feel. Knowing him, I'll probably get
turned down right away. After all nothing
comes close to his true love, water. Honestly
that guy…I'd almost laugh if it didn't hurt so
fucking much.
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Rin's frozen and confused and is looking at him like he's grown a second head. But Haru's so relieved and happy that they're on the same page, that Rin feels the same way he does, and that his affection is actually worth something.
He's almost smiling when Rin asks him what the hell is wrong with him, but Haru ignores the question and buries his face in the curve of Rin's shoulder.
To his surprise―though now that Haru thinks about it, he shouldn't be surprised―Rin doesn't push him away or even put up the smallest of fights. He just looks at Haru, with those sharp red eyes of his reading, "Why?"
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December 20th 2013,
So my plan to confess to Haru has been a no go.
Opening up to guy like him is impossible.
What if he laughs? What if he shoots me down
right away? And even worse…what if he doesn't
even care. This is the worst. I hate feeling so trapped.
By unrequited feelings nonetheless.
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Haru shoves this page in Rin's face and gives him a moment to read it. As the redhead is skimming over the paper, his face turns bright pink and he's scowling and yelling at Haru for going through his room.
But before Rin can get long into his rant, Haru cuts him off with an impulsive kiss and the words:
"You idiot…of course I care."
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Later that night Rin flips open his diary to a new page.
December 24th 2013,
I don't know what happened. But I think that
fate decided to be on my side for once and
give me an early Christmas present.
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If you asked Haru to describe Rin Matsuoka, he'd still probably frown.
His eyes would grow clear with certainty and his brow would settle in acceptance. His face would flush red and he wouldn't be quite able to look you in the eye. He'd turn away and mumble under his breath, something along the lines of:
"He's just a pushy, crybaby with a smart mouth."
Yet think, "…But I wouldn't want him any other way."