Happy Belated Angst Day, Phandom! We decided to collab again for the occasion (What is this our fourth collab?! Wow.) And we used the prompt "summer nosalgia" from puppetmaster55. We kind of ran with it in a different direction I guess, but...eh. Sibling fics are my most favoritest things ever, so we decided to angst Danny with Jazz, and it was hard because SAPPHIRESWIMMING KEPT TRYING TO MAKE IT HAPPY but, thankfully, I was enough of a downer to bring it to this. A little bit of fluff, a lot a bit of thoughtful angst. So. Yes. Hope you enjoy and get your fill of good old Danny angst. ~DannyPhantomSG1

Letting Go

October 2, 2013

It was early in the morning. Too early to be up really, and Danny smiled only briefly as he thought he finally understood why Sam was always so intent on boycotting mornings in general. Particularly this morning.

As he continued to lie beneath the covers— already becoming too uncomfortable for him to think about going back to bed even for a few more minutes— he could hear faint noises coming through the floor.

The sound of boxes being moved and a suitcase being dropped heavily down the stairs only served to remind him of why he'd set his alarm so early, and it made him feel physically ill.

He buried his face in the sheets, as if that would do anything to change the fact that the car was being packed and would be driving away all too soon.

He should be a grown up about it, he realized. By all accounts, he'd been through enough to know he needed to accept that people needed to move on with their lives. Especially people who were so eager to grow up and were so thoroughly ready to do it.

And he had known that this had been coming for years. Jazz had barely started high school before she was weighing the pros and cons of Harvard, Stanford, Princeton, and Yale.

Before finally settling with a small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere Michigan.

It was an inevitable change in his life. Jazz going away to college was almost as natural as him going ghost. But in both cases, that didn't mean he was immune to the anguish that change could leave in its wake.

She had been packing and repacking books and supplies for months now. He'd known this was the obvious next step in her life, but somehow he'd managed to pretend that it wasn't really happening, that Jazz wasn't really going to leave.

But as he finally threw off the sheets and rolled out of bed, he swallowed down the bile that threatened and put on his slippers as he headed shakily for the door and prepared for possibly the most dreaded morning of his life.

Today he was going to have to say goodbye. Watch Jazz drive away from Amity Park. Not forever, he knew, but that didn't help to settle the knot growing in the pit of his stomach.

Grabbing the handle of his door, he twisted and opened it slowly, peeking out to see who was around.

The door to Jazz's room was open, a stray pink sock in the middle of her floor where it must have gotten dragged along by the suitcase. But no sign of his sister.

Cautiously, he stepped out, vaguely hoping most of the major packing had been done so he could avoid actually having to assist in moving his sister out of his life.

It would be hard enough to stand by and watch her go without actively helping her leave. Peering through her door, it looked like most of the pile that had taken up much of her floor space— deemed the "college pile"— was now gone.

He sighed heavily as he walked over to it and picked up a stray book— Why Some Ghosts Stay—and decided this would be his contribution to the movement. Most of it was already finished, anyway. The real hard part was just around the corner.

Danny turned at the sound of footsteps in the hall, but his mom just smiled briefly before disappearing into her room again with a steaming cup of slightly glowing tea.

He took in a deep breath and thumbed the book before turning and deciding to venture down the stairs. All he had to do was make it through this morning. And then...the rest of time.

The first floor was quiet. Empty. Almost echoing as he tried to find someone. He tried hard not to think that this was the way things were going to be from now on.

He looked toward the kitchen and noted with brief remorse that her hand-made towel holder was no longer there. It had now been replaced by the old, meaningless one they'd had out so many years ago that Danny could barely remember it. In fact, her magnets were missing as well, and he simply frowned when he saw that the open cabinet no longer held any of her favorite cereals.

He had given up Frootloops years ago and usually huffed when Jazz pulled out a box in the morning and rattled it in front of his face with a knowing smirk.

He was going to miss that.

He'd never have known it, and he still would never admit it. But he was going to miss that. To miss her, mostly. But he couldn't say it. Hadn't said it. Had been completely ignoring the fact that she was leaving until this very morning. But it had come, and she was leaving in an hour. The time to procrastinate was over, and being Jazz, he knew she'd squeeze some kind of admission from him about feelings or some such nonsense.

He padded through the kitchen and finally saw signs of movement in the garage, so he opened the back door and tried to brace himself for what was coming.

He couldn't help but smile at the sight before him. Jazz looked like she'd just walked straight through a car wash, her hair still wet and messy from a quick morning shower followed by a few hours of hauling boxes back and forth. She was frantically checking off items from a list he could only assume was of everything she needed to survive college life. And dad was behind her car, frantically rearranging boxes to ensure they would all fit comfortably for the long trip ahead.

The trunk didn't seem to want to close because tupperware bins didn't give much leeway, but he seemed determined to figure out the jigsaw puzzle his daughter had decided needed to come along.

It was only when his father decided he was finished and promptly slammed his fingers in the trunk that Danny laughed, alerting the other two to his presence.

"Oh, hi, Danny!" Jazz said, far too brightly for this time in the morning and much too sympathetically for him to hope that he had been able to hide his emotions.

Without another word, she dropped her beloved list on the ground and ran up to him, wrapping him in a hug that he begrudgingly returned. He was only slightly startled to feel her shoulders trembling slightly.

"Whoa, hey there, Jazz. Hey..." he awkwardly patted her back, hoping that she wouldn't actually start crying yet because if she did, he wasn't sure how he would be able to keep a straight face too.

When she didn't pull away, he looked up to his father for help, but noting the trembling lower lip on the large man, Danny realized he was not the man to assist.

He closed his eyes and tried to think of what to say, but Jazz had always been the one who knew what to do in situations like these.

"Um...you're kind of squeezing me pretty hard," he decided lamely. Oh yes. Best way to diffuse awkward hugs.

"Oh, right!" she said, pulling back quickly. As soon as the hug had stopped, he realized he wanted it back, but it wasn't like he was ever going to admit it. Especially not with his dad around.

He coughed briefly and gave his father what he hoped was a painfully obvious glance. Then he remembered it was his dad and decided to speak up. Subtlety did not do well on Jack Fenton.

"Um...Dad. Would you mind...?" he gestured toward the door.

Jack looked at him blankly for a minute before apprehension dawned and he winked at his son. "Right," he drawled with a knowing expression on his face, "Gotcha, Danny-boy. I'll just step out and give you two some brother-sister bonding time before we take Jazz away to school!"

Immediately after he uttered that last sentence, he placed his head in his hands and ran out of the room crying. Danny rolled his eyes, but when he looked back at Jazz and saw that her own were rimmed with red and unshed tears, he cleared his throat and darted his gaze around to look at anything but her.

He avoided the laundry basket full of miscellaneous office supplies and instead focused on the bits and pieces of old inventions that were gathering dust on the shelves, trying to figure out what he could say, but Jazz surprised him by speaking first.

"Hey, little brother," she said with a shaky smile. "You know I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah, well, ya know," he feigned apathy, "I wish I could say the same, but it's gonna be pretty nice not having to wake up and be psychoanalyzed every morning for the next four years...or more."

"Danny..." Jazz sighed. "Don't worry. I'll definitely be able to get through all of my course work in four years, even if I do end up going with the triple minor. I might even graduate early. I'll be back before you know it. Really."

"Right. Because we all know you've already finished your senior year thesis, so really, what more are you possibly working toward?" he asked with a sheepish smile as he handed her the book he'd brought down.

"Well, I still have to take the..." she broke off then, realizing that he wasn't really looking for an answer.

He blinked, a small smile still on his face. "It's gonna be awesome for you, Jazz. I'm happy for you. I'm...proud. In a weird way."

"That... that means a lot to me, Danny. Because I'm so proud of you." She made sure that their dad was long gone before whispering, "I mean, Danny Phantom is my little brother, right?"

He shrugged, his face falling slightly. "Yeah. He is. Too bad no one else around here appreciates that..." He stopped himself before he got too far, spilled too much of his soul to his ever-observant sister, but he knew she'd picked up on it the moment his smile had faltered.

"They do, though..." she tried to say, but let the sentence hang because even as she said it, she knew it wasn't true. A fair number of people in Amity Park had come to acknowledge Phantom's services to the town, but who could appreciate Danny for it?

Sam? Tucker? But no, not really. They were with him every day. Jazz was that silent support he had when he got home after a long day. She wasn't in the field with him, an equal partner in his war. She was his backup, his support. Who was going to hold him if he needed to cry for inexplicable reasons at night? Who was going to fend off their all-too-curious parents when they heard it and felt the need to inquire? Who was going to help explain his absences, his injuries, when he got home...? And hide the half open first aid kit when Danny was too tired after using it to do more than pass out fully-clothed on top of his covers.

She'd always been there to cover for him. Always. But now she was leaving and going off to college for four years and it was her dream and all she'd ever wanted, but who was going to be left with Danny?

The hunters who wanted to capture and "examine" his other half, and no buffer to hold them off.

Yes, they were his loving parents when he was Danny Fenton. But the second he went ghost, he had no family to support him. Not anymore. Because she was leaving.

She blinked as she fully realized the weight of this decision for the first time. She'd never really stopped to consider where this would leave Danny. Because... she always knew she was going to go away and she had been talking about it as a certainty for years and Danny had never said anything and she had never thought...

He had never said anything.

In retrospect, she felt guilty for not seeing the signs. Every lonely glance away or heavy sigh he'd exhibited, she'd chalked up to a ghost-related issue that he, as usual, chose not to share the specifics of with her. Not once had she stopped to really consider that the cause of his anxiety could be...her.

It was the last thing she'd ever wanted to do. Adding onto her little brother's problems when he already had the weight of the world on his shoulders... That was why, when she had realized that trying to join up with him and Team Phantom was only making things worse, she backed off, and realized that she could help by being there for him when he needed her.

But now she was leaving him alone in the situation where he would need her most.

"How," she started, her voice breaking despite her, "are you holding up? I mean, I know you'll be happy to be free of my constant nagging but...the other stuff? You'll...will you be okay?"

So, she was finally realizing the problem. When it was too late to do anything about it. She was practically out the door, and even though she felt bad about going, there was no way that she would ever stay. Not just for him.

"Yeah, of course I'll be fine. I always am."

His voice was soft, betraying his words of assurance. She frowned and nodded. But what more could she do? She couldn't just give up her life dreams to stay here. She'd dreamt of college and learning and becoming a psychologist all her life! She couldn't abandon all of her hopes and dreams just because he...he needed her...

"Do you want...need me to stay?" she asked quietly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder that told him this was a sincere question. Here, just minutes before she was prepared to drive off, she was ready to abandon everything she'd already worked toward and paid for because she understood. And no one else did.

Danny froze for just a moment as he realized what Jazz was asking. He stared at her in disbelief because... he could do it... he could make her stay here and continue to keep his parents off of Phantom's trail. He could force her to live at home and attend the joke of a community college and chain her to the same kind of life he was destined to live out here in this place until he died. Or that he might never escape because, heh, ghost.

He looked at her face, her eyes still brimming with unshed tears and then turned to look at her car behind her. He could see all of her books and boxes and belongings stacked up and ready to go. In the passenger seat sat her thesis, neatly bound with a blue ribbon, and he realized that all of her dreams were right there. Everything she ever wanted from her life was about to come true. And she was asking him if he wanted her to throw it all away for his sake, ready to accept the consequences should he say yes.

For a second, he wanted to say it. He wanted her to stay. He needed her to stay. Because life as a half ghost in the Fenton household had been this bad so far. He couldn't imagine how he would survive without Jazz. Literally.

But he also knew that he couldn't. He couldn't say it. No matter how much he wanted it, even though she was willing to stay, he couldn't do that to her. Not when she had already given up so much to help him.

He had given up his dreams of being an astronaut long ago. He wasn't cruel enough to take Jazz's away from her. One of them needed to have the chance to live and he obviously wasn't going to be able to.

Slowly, and with a gentle shake of his head that signaled another sacrifice in his life, he answered her. "No. Go, Jazz. And be the best brain surgeon you can be."

"I'm not going to be a..." she rolled her eyes and huffed in frustration before finally beginning to laugh. "Only you could think that a psychologist is the same thing as a brain surgeon," she said with a fond smile.

He shrugged and said with equal fondness, "Never was as smart as you. No one is."

She opened her mouth to automatically deny it, but then there was a knock on the doorframe.

"Good morning, you two," Maddie said. Before either of them could respond, she asked, "Jazz, are you about ready to go?"

Jazz cast one last look at her little brother. He looked sad, defeated, and maybe a wee bit envious, but despite his emotions, he nodded. She gave him a sympathetic smile before turning to her mother and nodding in turn.

"Yep!" she sighed. "Dad managed to get everything into the trunk, so I think that's everything."

Her mother nodded, tears streaming down her face as she held out her arms to give her daughter a hug that would have to last the next several months. Jack crept up behind them and scooped them both up into an even bigger hug, and Danny stood back to give his parents a moment to say goodbye.

He rubbed the back of his neck and determined that he wouldn't start crying too, but then Jazz was looking up at him again and it was their turn to finally say one last thing.

She let go of her crying parents and stepped over to her brother, pulling him into one final embrace that he didn't even question to return. "I love you, Danny. And if you ever need anything, I'm just a text or phone call away. Okay?"

"You could even fly. There's an airport close by, I think," she added before her parents could begin to question it.

Danny huffed out a laugh, but didn't trust himself to say anything because his throat was closing up.

"Just...be careful, okay? It's not like I'm dying. Just going away for a bit. And I'll be back before you know it," she kept rambling, and he knew she was just trying to reassure herself. He could only nod and hold her close, ready to let go as soon as she was ready.

They stayed that way for a long moment, but finally, Jazz sniffed and turned to grab the keys from their mom, starting the car and driving away before anyone else had a chance to say anything.

Jack and Maddie stood side by side, waving until she was out of sight.

Danny stood stiffly where Jazz had left him. He hadn't been ready for her to go just yet.

Because now his parents were going to go back inside and pour themselves into their work to try to ignore the fact that their favorite child had left. And if they worked too hard, they could find out some things he certainly wasn't ready for them to find out, either. Everything was different from this point on, and he briefly regretted his decision to let Jazz go at all.

But, no, he shook his head to clear that thought a minute later. He didn't regret it. He had to let her leave. Because he couldn't sacrifice her happiness for his. He had no right to be that selfish. Because it wasn't worth it.

He wasn't worth it.