The Quote Phineas and Ferb Game

Wow, you look beautiful, Jeremy told Candace. Turning to Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella, he said, I guess you all look beautiful.

Thanks, Phineas cheerfully replied, we think it's part of the game.

This is a game where I, the writer, will write a story out of random quotes taken from our favorite show. The more, the better, so therefore there must be a minimum amount of original material. It's okay if the plotline doesn't make a lot of sense, the emphasis is on quotation, not storytelling.

If it was easy, everyone would take over the Tri-State Area, right? Every single person would be in charge, and we'd have to, I don't know, decide the rules together by voting, or something.

No one has to be in charge, Candace.

I'm kind of making up the rules as I go along, but one that's becoming apparent is using this font when not directly quoting someone, and using bolded text when I am. Ah, I knew I wasn't crazy! Oh yeah? Well, no one asked you, farm utensil Bob! That was a quote by a farmer from Sci-Fi Pie Fly!

Are you authorized to make changes to my show? Monogram asked the writer.

Well, now that you mention it, no. No I'm not. That is why I have this disclaimer here, see? It says, 'I do not own Phineas and Ferb.' So, um, are we, uh, are we good? (I just quoted Stacy!)

Actually, that was pretty convincing.

One day, you'll look back on this and laugh. (Now I quoted Doofenshmirtz! This is fun;))

I assure you, Monogram firmly told the writer, every time I look back on this for the rest of my life, I will personally drive over to your house and smack you!

Hey, there's no need for that! I'm just trying to do something creative and get a laugh or two!

Well, it is a cartoon.

What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall, Carl?!

Sorry, sir.

Shh! It's about to start!

….

Our crew has planted cameras covering every square inch of your back yard. Basically, if a squirrel breaks wind, we'll have it on tape. Fifi, none of these cameras seem to be working.

Actually, I think camera number eight is working fine.

The TV screen begins rolling the first clip.

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation,Bowling For Soup begins singing, but is immediately interrupted by—

Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! screams Candace. 'Aren't you watching this?' Before Linda enters, the title sequence ends.

The movies are gray,
The TV is black.
The horses are running,
Please bring me some food.

What is that? Candace is asked by her mother.

I don't know. Some weird, new age poetry? And the TV is not black, it's got all these red triangles and green squares dancing on it! Just wait, the commercials will be over soon.

Linda turns to the audience and says, Why don't you watch some TV while you wait? I've got some great baby movies of Candace. She changes the channel. Oh, there she is in the bathtub. Oops, little bubbles!

Mom! Remember what we talked about? My fifth grade graduation?

Fifth grade graduation, what is she talking about? Linda asks herself.

Oh, just turn off the home movie!

Linda changes the channel again.

Poor Ducky Momo, still can't find the bridge. Can you help him find the bridge?

Quack! Quack! Quack! Ducky Momo says.

It's right behind you! For crying out loud, just turn around! Rotate your body! How has he survived this long?

Turn it off! screams the universe. Linda changes the channel again.

Give me your money, I'm stumped for cash.
Lend me your money, too busy to get a job.
Give me your money, I'm not being funny,
Give me your money today-ay!

My name is Doof, and you'll do what I say. Whoop! Whoop!
My name is Doof, and you'll do what I say. Whoop! Whoop!

Linda changes the channel again.

Where are you going? The bridge is right here by us! We can see it from here!

Quack! Quack! Quack! Ducky Momo says.

Linda changes the channel yet again.

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!

The writer kicks the TV and shatters it. He yells, Enough! Alright, rule number one, you can only quote one show at a time! Rule number two, quotation marks are too confusing to utilize with all these non-bolded non-quotes intermixed with actual P&F quotes. Just leave it to the audience to figure out things like who is speaking and when do they stop; this is too crazy for anything to make sense anyways! Just remember that every new paragraph (usually) means a different person is talking.

….

My favorite evil scientist recently complained about never receiving any awards, so I decided to give him one. May I present you, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, with the Longest Single Block of Text Award! (The writer gives him a trophy that looks like a brick)

Huh? Perry the Platypus? Here? How could this be? I'm shocked! I mean, it would have taken a total evil mastermind to have guessed that you'd track me to this point, find the secret hideout, glide in under the radar and infiltrate through this access vent, make your way over to this crate, activating my automatic arm and leg restraints, oh, right here? this is the part where I get all sarcastic and pretend you surprised me. Ooh, Perry the Platypus! How? What the? Who the? Why the? Ohh! Finally ending here, when I finish showing you my brilliant plan. You see, Perry the Platypus, this hideout does not actually belong to me, it belonged to my mentor: Professor Destructicon!—Kevin to his friends. Sadly, he was just captured in the midst of his latest plan—to set fire to the sun! Redundant, perhaps, but before they locked him away, Kevin asked a favor of me. To prevent them from discovering his hidden lair and all its secrets, would I please set fire to the sun! And I was like, Dude! You really gotta let that one go! It's a ball of fire, it makes no sense. So he asked me instead to simply destroy his hideout, which I will now do using my new Disintevaporator! (clears his throat, and two menacing notes of background music play) And you, Perry the Platypus, will be disintevaporated along with it!

You have also demonstrated a unique ability to say random sentences that make me, the writer, laugh out loud. May I present you, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, with the LOL Did He Really Just Say That? Award, commonly referred to as the 'foot in mouth' award. Now let's see some of those one-liners. (The writer gives him a trophy of a mouth with a shoe sticking out of it)

When it comes to havoc, nobody wreaks like me!

As a lazy tailor would say, suit yourself!

Why don't you say hello to my new pet crocodiles, Susan and Susan. I named them after each other.

As they say in Mexico, Dasvidaniya. Down there, that's two vidaniyas.

…Involuntary dairy discharge….

That's because it's a trap! Haha! And if it was light, you would have seen us, and run away, hence ruining the trap!

He's gonna John Wilkes my Booth!

Mustn't forget to open the roof, a little lesson we learned from the diarrhea-inator debacle.

I've got my finger in a bowl of mints?

And remember, Doof you, Doof me, Doof us. I am Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I approve this evil message.

Let's have a round of applause for everyone's favorite bumbling evil-trepeneur!

*the crowd cheers, some fans call out 'we love you, Doof!'*

Apparently, it's okay to use the 'single-line' (not to be confused with the "double-line") quotation marks to infer someone is speaking but not quoting. As for the asterisks, I have no idea where they came from.

...

Hey look Ferb, here's bolt number four-seven-three. I hope that wasn't important. Hi Isabella!

What'cha doin'?

Building an evil empire, our very own fortress of eviltude.

Isn't that one of the most overdone fanfiction plots, having you two become evil?

No, no it's not! Shut up! Said Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz, don't tell Isabella to shut up, she is many people's favorite character! The writer exclaimed.

Then why'd you write me saying it?

I don't know! Just don't do it, I'm trying to keep the rating at K+!

Oh, c'mon! Doesn't it bother you that people imagine these two innocent children as evil geniuses? Even I gotta say, that's pretty twisted—which is why more of them should be written to spread their evil!

Enough arguing; quick, somebody quote something!

Remember that dining set you built? Charlene asked.

It's hard to forget when you keep reminding me, Doofenshmirtz grimaced painfully at the memory.

That's what you get for arguing with me.

Curse you, zapdos the writer.

….

I've always liked pointing, Phineas said.

Figures. His nose takes up his entire face!

I just thought of something. Two somethings, actually, and one of them's pointy!

See? Candace agrees with me! Bewegen sie nicht! Now, he could be the world's most creative traffic signal!

Stop blinking at me, telling me where to go! Point, point, oh, I hate you!

You're not one to talk, Doofenshmirtz.

Is my nose really that pointy?

Yes. Yes it is.

….

I jump therefore I am.

I have saliva.

I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers.

I am your daughter. I will stop being sarcastic and untie you.

Ah, that reminds me of Karen Johnson.

Everything reminds you of Karen Johnson.

I hate being a sailor.

By the way, do you like my mural? It's a silhouette of me going, 'Ahahahaha!'

I told you I'm not crazy! I told you!

And you're not crazy because—?

You can run, but it won't be to the college of your choice, I tell you!

I worry about you sometimes, Candace.

I'm just as confused as you are, Kevin.

So, what did you think? Are you going to review this? Does asking for reviews even make a difference? Or should I just stop talking?

*the audience is so silent a chirping cricket can be heard*

Your secret agent training has taught you to squint well, my nemesis.

I have to rethink my dials.