Chapter Seven Home for the Holidays Part 3

Sirius's Point of View

I turn to Dorea with a fake smile and she beams brilliantly.

"Oh, darling! Charlus didn't think so, but I knew it was you."

She closes the short distance between us in a few strides and pulls me into a hug.

I've never been an affectionate person, but no one can turn down a hug from Dorea Potter. She kisses me on the cheek and cups my face in her hands.

"Are you all right, sweetheart? You look so tired." She asks as she runs a delicate finger across the bags that are surely beneath my eyes.

I take her hands off my face and hold them in my own.

"I'm alright." I reply. "I haven't seen you in a while, but you're just as beautiful as ever."

A soft rose color flushes into her face and she kisses me again.

"Don't take offense to this love, but what are you doing here? I haven't seen your family..."

She cranes her neck to look around.

Damn.

"Well I-"

"Sirius?" Charlus booms from behind me. "What a lovely surprise! How are you, son?"

He gets up from his seat at a table in the private corner of the dining room, and I smile at him. He bounds over to me and crushes me to his chest. I always have bruises after an embrace from him.

I can see James, from over his shoulder. He is looking at me so suspiciously, I look away from him and turn my attention back to his father. I laugh and do my best to hug him back just as tightly.

"I'm doing well." I chuckle, "Why are you lot eating here? Have you destroyed the kitchen again? James told me you were going to try your hand at cooking ... "

Charlus scoffs and Dorea giggles.

I'm trying to think of a way to escape, but I can't even open my mouth before Charlus grips me above my elbow and leads me to his table. He motions at the seat next to James and I try not to grimace.

James turns in his chair to stare at me. The tension between us sparks like a firecracker and I know his parents must feel it.

"What happened?" He asks.

"Nothing," I reply. "drop it."

James and I really don't fight, but on occasion, our mutual stubbornness can end up causing friction. He knows me better than anyone else in the world and I'm hoping he can tell I'm not afraid to kick his arse if he doesn't let this go.

"Sirius, what the hell happened?"

"James, knock it off. Now."

"What's going on boys?" Charlus asks.

"Nothing, everything's fine." I answer with a smile and James scoffs beside me.

Under the table I kick him hard in the shin and he grunts in pain.

Charlus tilts his head and his glasses slide down his nose. He's looking at us so seriously, I start squirming in my chair. Dorea links her arm with his.

"Well anyone with eyes or ears can see that, that isn't the truth. You boys should know by now that you can tell me anything."

I try to take a deep breath but it hitches in the back of my throat and my chest tightens uncomfortably. All of them are looking at me, expecting an explanation. I put my face in my hands and rub my eyes until I see white spots.

James puts his hand on my back. I know it's supposed to comfort me, but it's only making me feel weak.

"I couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't." I breathe.

Dorea covers her mouth with her hand and Charlus reaches for her. I love them. I really do, but I can't stomach being looked at like a kicked puppy. Thankfully James's face is blank, so I only look at him.

"You know that I tried. I tried to stick it out but .. I couldn't. I felt like I was suffocating or something. We got home and Regulus wouldn't shut his fucking mouth about that fight and Lily and everything else. Merlin, I've never seen my parents so mad. Mother just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I just snapped. I told them off. I went and got my rucksack and apparated here ... I'm sure Father's looking for a way to kill me without ending up in Azkaban and Mother's probably blue in the face from screaming, but I don't care. I don't."

James squeezes my shoulder and nods at me.

"Where are you staying?" he asks.

"Alphard's." I lie without hesitation.

"Bullshit, stop lying."

I rub my face roughly and run my hand through my hair, combing through the tangles with my fingers.

"I'm staying here. I would be staying with Alphard, but he's out of the country on business. He sent me an owl a little while ago saying he would contact me as soon as he got home. He has to stay quiet about it though, he can't go around helping me in the open or my family will throw him out as well."

"Well you'll stay with us of course!" Charlus says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Panic bubbles in my chest, and rises up to my throat.

"No!" I say quickly. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

Charlus is about to protest but his wife places a hand on his chest and he holds his tongue. Dorea leans across the table toward me and grabs my hand. She leans her head down to kiss the back of my hand and I can feel her wet eyelashes on the sensitive skin.

"Sirius my darling, I've always thought of you as another son." She says. "I won't say that I know what you're going through, because I don't have the slightest idea ... but you need to know that there are people right here who care about you and love you more than any of us can put into words. I know that you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but you are still so young and you deserve to be taken care of for just a while longer. I will never be able to forgive myself if I don't do my duty as a mother."

My heart pounds in my chest. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be dependent on people who owe me nothing. I don't want my friendship with James to change. I want to be able to stand on my own. I want to make the right decision.

I swallow the massive lump in my throat.

"You don't understand. My parents will do everything in their power to drag your name through the mud. They'll make you outcasts. I've seen them do it countless times ... I watched them do it to my aunt Andromeda! The Potter name is honorable and incredibly respected and I won't let it be tarnished because of me. I can't handle that guilt."

Charlus laughs so loudly, I jump in my seat.

"Ha! Oh my boy, have you ever known us to care about the opinions of others? I needn't say that those who are naïve enough to believe whatever falsehoods your parents spread about us are not the kind of people we want as fellows anyway. The Black family name has been known to the wizarding world for centuries but it has almost always been associated with deceit and cruelty. Those who are clear of mind and soul will always be able to decipher the truth from lies and make judgments for themselves without the influence of others."

I want that to bring me relief, but the panic I felt moments ago is only replaced with shame. I've always felt like this when put into a situation where I have to ask for help.

"I can't ask you to do this." I mumble. I can't even meet their eyes. "I can't ask you to take me in when I can't offer you anything of equal value in return. I can't, it's not right."

"You aren't asking for anything Sirius." Charlus replies through gritted teeth. "You are an adult as far as we all are concerned and I respect the nobility of your actions, but I want you to listen to us on this matter."

Even though Dorea and Charlus have expressed their wishes for me to stay, it's not really their approval I need.

"You're absolutely sure?" I ask James.

I don't see his hand coming until it smacks me smartly upside my head.

"You're such a wanker ... YES I'M SURE! Can we please get something to eat now?"

...

We order our meals and eat through pleasant conversation - speaking up anytime a topic pops into our head. I'm grateful that there is no pressure to talk more about anything relating to my current state of affairs. Charlus asks dozens of questions about school and especially about upcoming quidditch matches that he is most likely going to attend. Dorea drills us about our love lives and talks about Lily non stop. James blushes in the beginning, but I have to stop myself from gagging when I see his eyes glaze over as he describes her. His mother swoons over every detail and Charlus chuckles in an all-knowing way.

Every time I start to doubt myself or my choice, the Potters seem to sense it and James will punch my shoulder, or Charlus will crack an insanely old joke at my expense, or Dorea will reassure me with a smile.

After only the crumbs from the pear tart remain, we prepare to leave. James's parents explain the situation to Tom as I gather my coat and rucksack from my room. Dorea and Charlus apparate to Potter Manor and James and I take the Floo.

Since our friendship began, I've always had my own room at James's home for all of my visits. I stay in the West Wing, three doors down from my best friend. The room has black cherry wood furnishings and a matching desk, the king sized bed has white silk sheets and dark grey and silver down comforter and pillows. The en suite bathroom is almost exactly like James's with the exception of his great golden toilet. He's never thanked me for that bloody brilliant gift either ... Anyway, one of my favorite things in 'my room' is the gargantuan fireplace and bright marble mantle. Obviously we had a fireplace back home, but I never had one in my room before. The warmth is like the most comforting thing to me.

Though I'm a guy and don't really notice much, I have to give respect to Dorea for her decorating abilities. She's personally designed every room in the Manor, and the detail she gives to each one takes serious dedication. James's room is all bright scarlet, and beige, and shining gold and it could not fit him more perfectly. My room is deep green, and dark grey, and bright white. The room fits me, it feels like home. Thankfully though the green is like a dark forest and far away from the Slytherin emerald. Remus's room is decorated with dark navy blues that are reminiscent of a clear night and light oak furnishings.

Charlus gives me a back cracking hug, and Dorea kisses my cheek before she sends James and I to bed. It's the first time I've been in 'my room' in several weeks, and I feel relief wash through me as I close the door. This room has always been my safe haven every time I managed to escape the clutches of my parents - even if it was only for a few days. There are photos of Remus, James, Peter, and I on the walls and the beside tables and I laugh every time I look at them. Back home I only put up pictures to annoy Mother and Father, but here they are placed as reminders of the people who I care about the most - and in Peter's case tolerate.

I crawl into bed and fall asleep immediately. I wake late in the morning and find a tray of warm breakfast on my bedside table, a stack of clean clothes on the leather chaise, and a sealed letter with Alphard's crest.

I have no idea whats going to happen from here, but whatever it is already seems brighter than the Black future I was ready for.