this same sky

Summary: If you are born underneath this very same sky I see no reason to close my umbrella. Drabble-ish, OneShot- Teito, at the end of everything.

Warning: Please. Don't. Don't look for sense. Drabble, Oneshot, fractured, descriptive, angsty.

Set: After chapter 94, I guess.

Disclaimer: Standards apply. Summary quote taken from the manga.

Look out.

There is a piece of blue sky in front of him.

At least he believes it is sky. It is blue, like Frau's eyes. Were they blue? Who is Frau? What does he believe?

Teito believes in forgiveness. There is a road every human travels and every road ends at the sea. The sea does not end, it meets they sky and melts into it and becomes the sky. One without the other is impossible, as it is impossible to live one's life without melting into other people's lives. Lives have bled into his; he was unable to stop it. Had not wanted to, in the end, and it is what he regrets most. Or not. And for that he will not forgive himself. He, also, cannot forgive those who took away Mikage. But God grants forgiveness. And if Mikage and his siblings and his parents can forgive him, if Roseamanelle can forgive her father and Ea can forgive Landkarte, maybe Teito can forgive, too.

(Frau never forgave himself.)

He can count out the names. Kuran, Agasu and Mark, his loyal, wonderful guards, his father, his uncle. Mother, stepmother. Then Kal – Ea – and then Mikage. Frau, Labrador, Castor, Hakuren. Capella, Marie, Capella's mother and her new family, the pirates, the landladies, Mikage's family and all the women and men he meets on his journey to Seele. He can include all the people who saved him and which perhaps he saved, too, just a little, because Teito might believe in salvation but he does not believe that he can grant it. Landkarte, the Emperor of Barsburg, even Ayanami and his Warspfeil mages. Roseamanelle. They are a part of him as much as his memories are; he can recall their faces, their names, their everything. He recalls them until the moment he does not anymore, and even after the end there still are tears he can shed.

What do you wish for, Wahrheit Tiashe Raggs?

And Teito opens his mouth and says: "…"

There once were three people who gave their lives for his, and more followed. There was a man who loved him more than anything and a woman who hated him in the same absolute way. A friend who gave his life for him, a teacher who taught him everything he needed to know and a princess that waited for him, waited and waited until he found her, broken and lost and still full of light. There were seven ghosts who were supposed to seal Verloren and who still believed and Verloren himself, a soul that did not hate him but wanted him to disappear. Throughout it all Teito has slept, or perhaps he hasn't, what is the difference between waking and sleeping? Throughout it all he has collected them: faces, words, moments, all those seemingly insignificant, small details that never would be useful again but then, perhaps they just might be. Are. They are what he is: a broken shell, shattered pieces of a person he could have been, and yet wasn't it fine the way it all turned out?

Sei-Lan probably still is waiting with an umbrella, he thinks. For a person that can't ever come back. And then: Will anyone be waiting for me?

There are so many types of Zaiphon and of all the possibilities he has the most brutal and aggressive one. Attack Zaiphon flows through his veins and runs in his blood, he has killed enough people who other people with a similar profession recognize him. It makes him wonder, a tiny little bit, why Capella is so drawn to him, and Mikage and Hakuren, those three people he associates with everything but not with death. Frau is another matter entirely when it comes to this. Teito never doubted, only ever knew: a person with hands as bloody as him does not deserve differently. Mikage had his own magic, making him laugh and feel needed and appreciated, Hakuren stood by his side no matter what came. And Capella, greatest gift among all the greatest gifts Teito received in his life, believed in him no matter what and loved him unconditionally and from there on, he progresses. His Zaiphon protects his most precious people. He cannot heal them with it, cannot make them laugh. But he can assure their survival, chase away the shadows and defeat any attacker that threatens them. He will be the living shield between what he deems important and what endangers it no matter the cost. He might end up alone and hurting, beaten, shattered – as long as they are safe, he does not care. And it is what he will do, for now and for all eternity until this very moment when nothing he was and is matters anymore and time comes to a stop. In a place that is neither light nor darkness, neither day nor night. There are flowers everywhere and their scent is sweet, he knows he cannot touch them while everyone else can. The place is alive and yet silent and an echoing sound rises up from the very depth of his soul.

Mikage. Mikage. If I could exchange my life for yours, I would do it.

When did his dream die? Perhaps it was the moment when he let others into his life. Can he exchange his life for Mikage's when so many people are eagerly awaiting his return? He owes them so, so much. All of them. Kal taught him strength, Mikage taught him the value of his own existence, Frau taught him how to save others, Hakuren how to smile. Capella taught him to protect and Roseamanelle taught him perseverance. And patience. It has taken them ten years to meet again and this time he was strong enough – Mikage and Hakuren and Frau and Capella and all the others, they stood behind him when his fingers formed the symbols. The hand he had extended to call out to the broken princess, it had been strengthened by so many others. And he does not want to lose them. Not one single person. Even the Warspfeil mages he has come to like, they are so lost and broken without Ayanami. Clenching his eyes shut he tries to forget – there is something he has to do, he cannot fail. Not again, not this time. Oh, he is so tired of running.

I want to go home.

Mikage. Smiling, laughing, plotting, scolding, Mikage with his lanky arms and legs, his smiling face, his messy hair. Mikage's eyes that look at him, telling him everything there is in the world. Someone picked up a stone soldier once; it was a heavy, small soldier without a heart and a soul and eyes as empty as an empty picture frame with cracked glass. Someone gave him a smile and the smile became a soul, someone gave him a name and the name became a feeling. Someone gave him trust and worry and faith and it became a heart, became a human being and a memory. Throughout it all, Teito has kept this very first smile Mikage gave him. He can still see it. But he can also see Frau and Hakuren and the princess. And all the others, waiting for a return that will never happen because he has promised to give his life in exchange for Mikage's.

Eve, he thinks. And then: Roseamanelle.

Is there a difference? If he is Verloren's soul and she is Eve's, where will they be going? There is no place on earth for a cloned princess and a broken stone soldier. Teito never was in love before. He cannot imagine the feelings, the depth and the wonder. He just senses a tiny bit of something that could grow. Castor's words float through his head – I want to love until it changes my life. It is difficult to separate the kinds of love that exist. His father loved his mother in a different way than Teito loves Frau. It is different from the love he felt for Capella, too, or at least a little bit. Looking at Roseamanelle is different, again. There is the part of him that still fights his very first instincts, the ones screaming that he cannot love and if he might he is still not allowed to. But, another part of him argues, and it sounds unsettlingly like Mikage. Like Hakuren, too. But. But you are human; but you feel, too, you are allowed to love and to be loved. You are allowed to live. And that is exactly the reason, he cries out. He is allowed to love, so he is allowed to decide when to give up his life, as well.

So what do you wish for, Wahrheit Tiashe Raggs?

Teito closes his eyes. The piece of blue sky disappears but in his mind it still is vivid and alive. Under this same sky, so many people have crossed his path. So many people have shaped his heart and his soul and have given him a piece of them. In return, Teito has given them a part of him. They call out to him now, all those scattered, tiny pieces. Call his name with various voices, most of them he recognizes but what is he supposed to do? There was a promise once and he cannot go back on it. Another one followed – I will always pull you back. Keeping the first means going back on the ones that came later and the other way round, a circle as endless as the sky. Will you sacrifice one single human being to save a million more? Can you keep one promise and break others instead? Is one promise more important than another? Mikage, he pleads, wordlessly, desperate, Mikage, what should I do? Someone takes his hand but Teito does not open his eyes. Is there a decision? And if so, is he allowed to make it, and will he chose correctly?

Laughter.

Mikage's is light and boyish, Frau's sarcastic and gruff. Hakuren has an echoing laughter, Capella sounds small and happy, Roseamanelle's is soft and clear. And there is another tone, old and wise, tinged and shaped by time.

Go home, Tiashe, someone chuckles. There is a universe in this voice. Go home, Teito Klein.

Someone is holding his hand, fingers familiar and warm. There are more people around him, he realizes in a sudden, giddy rush. All of them are there. When he opens his eyes, he can see the blue sky.

It is endless.