Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all recognizable characters and situations contained therein. All original content contained in this story is property of the author. This is a labor of love, I do not make any money off of this work of fiction (so basically please don't sue me…). This story is rated M and is only meant to be read by those readers 18 and older. Story may contain graphic language, graphic sexual content, underage drinking, and underage use of marijuana in a state where recreational use of marijuana is legal for those residents aged 21 and older.

A/N: **Trigger warning** please note that this chapter includes a drug and alcohol combo overdose/pseudo suicide attempt. There is NO character death in this story, and I promise this story will have a happy ending! If you are depressed, or considering suicide please talk to someone you trust, or call the national hotline for suicide prevention at 1-800-273-TALK.

**Early the next afternoon, BPOV**

The drive back to Charlie's is silent… and awkward. Jesse and I had woken up in bed together, and he had smiled a lazy smile at me, pulled me close to him… and I froze... it just didn't feel right. The night before his closeness had inflamed the tingles I had, but in the late morning light with Dami and Tommy moving around in the hallway, talking and laughing… I felt weird.

Jesse was understandably confused, and probably a little hurt, but he seemed to shrug it off.

And then we got into the car and it seemed like neither of us could figure out how to speak to the other… For my part I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I didn't want to go back to being just friends… I think if I tried to do that he would pull away from me entirely, and I'd lose the only people in this depressing state who even notice that I'm alive.

There's a gnawing sense of guilt over it though… am I using him?

We pull into the driveway, and he reaches over to take my hand, His voice is low, cautious, and the most serious I have ever heard from him as he says, "Hey Bell…?"

I look up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time all morning, as I return the question, "Yeah Jess?"

His thumb caresses the back of my hand lightly, and his voice is only slightly lighter than it was a moment ago, as he says, "Do me a favor, and figure out your shit okay? I really like you, and sometimes I think you really like me… so maybe get it together and make a decision about what you want. I'm only here for about another month and then I'm gonna have to go back to school. I'd like to have a handle on whatever this is before I have to leave…"

Taking a deep breath, I try to smile at him. It's a shaky attempt at best, so I give up and tell the truth… "Jess… I do like you… but you know the truth is that I'm a huge mess, and you deserve so much better than me! I love our friendship, and maybe it's more than that at this point, but can we just not put a label on it? If we label this… it's just going to be that much harder to say goodbye to you at the end of August. I don't want you to feel like you have to miss out on experiences at school because I'm not with you there. I'm sorry about this morning, it just didn't feel right with Dami and Tommy roaming around in the hall, I didn't really want to chance them busting in on us. Maybe if Charlie doesn't come back here tonight you can come stay with me?"

His face lights up, his smile seems to take up his whole face, and he leans in to kiss me softly, it's nice, it makes my lips tingle, and I go with it, parting my lips, and darting my tongue out to lightly brush against his before pulling back.

He hands me a bag of weed, and tells me, "Here, hang on to that for tonight, text me and let me know when to come back. We'll talk more tonight."

Leaning over the center console, I kiss his cheek and then his lips, before getting quickly out of the car and saying, "Okay, I'll text you. Later Jess. Be safe today okay, maybe stick around the house and don't bring anything with you that could get you in trouble if you get pulled over…after last night I wouldn't be surprised if Charlie put the word out to bust you if you go even 1 mile over the speed limit."

He laughs, and says he'll be careful. I shut the door and he pulls out of the driveway and heads up the road.

**Sam POV**

I wake up with a jolt as I hear a car door close, and a car pulling away from the house. Shit! I fell asleep in the rocking chair at Bella's, fuck!

The front door opens, and I hear light footsteps moving around downstairs… Fuck! What do I do? What do I do! My brain freezes, I can't move… fuck, this is the wolf…crazy bastard wants to see his imprint!

Stairs creak almost imperceptibly as Bella, I'm sure it's her, makes her way up them. Okay Sam… you might get arrested today, no need to panic... you'll just explain…no… there's no possible explanation for this.

Ok concentrate… get up… get out of this chair! C'mon asshole let me move! This is so NOT the way you want her to meet us, it is so not! She'll be scared! She'll never get to know us, we'll be out of her life before we're even in it!

My body feels like my own again and it's not a moment too soon! The footsteps are right outside the door. Fuck there's no choice here! Silently and carefully as a ninja, I launch myself forward out of the chair, and under her bed. God please let her just be coming home to change…maybe let her friend be waiting for her outside…

Listening carefully as the door opens I know that was too good to hope for, I don't hear the car's powerful engine and he obviously isn't in here with her so he must have left.

I have a limited vantage point from under the bed, there's a small dresser with a mirror on it that I can use to get a better view of the room though… Shifting back towards the wall I can see Bella staring at the open window.

Shit, the window! My heart sinks, as she murmurs to herself, "That's strange… I didn't have the window open…"

I watch her feet as she walks around the bed to stand by the window. My heart beats just a little slower when she says, "Oh well, I guess Charlie was in here."

I can't see her in the mirror where she's standing. All I can do is hold my breath and hope she doesn't look under the bed for anything.

This is bad… like real bad… she walks back around to the other side of the room, and I can see her in the mirror now. She takes off her shorts, revealing boy short bikini bottoms, and tosses them onto the bed as she looks at herself in the mirror on the other side of it. Her hip bones aren't sticking out as much as they were that first night I saw her in the park, that's good at least.

Breathing in quietly, the scent of weed fills my nostrils as she takes a bag out of the pocket of her discarded shorts, and puts it in the drawer of the nightstand next to her bed.

She starts to take her top off and I drop my head to stare at the floor. I can hear her moving around, and I almost groan as her bikini bottoms land on the floor just beyond the bed, but manage to keep myself silent.

Drawers open and close, a couple of minutes go by, and I sneak a peek back out into the room. She's dressed in pajamas, soft looking gray pants with a teal tank top… and she starts to approach the bed. Fuck… if she even bends down to pick up the bikini bottoms I'm as good as fuckin caught…

She comes closer, I can smell her, just her now under the alcohol for the first time…deep vanilla with a hint of cherry almond that's either soap or shampoo, it's a heady combination…

God please don't let her catch me…

I breathe a small sigh of relief as she climbs onto the bed before realization dawns… fuck… I'm stuck here until she wakes up and leaves again. If I try to get out and I wake her up then I'm fucked…

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**3 hours later still Sam POV**

The front door opens and I almost whimper with relief as I hear Chief Swan call out, "Bella! Are you home?"

The bed moves almost imperceptibly as Bella jolts awake. Chief Swan calls again, "Bella! Are you home?"

She sighs disgustedly, and yells back, "I'm upstairs, Charlie!"

She jumps out of bed and she grabs a robe off the back of a chair. My relief turns to icy fear as I hear Chief Swan's footsteps come to the foot of the steps… fuck, if he comes up here that blows my chance to get out clean. God only knows how long the two of them will argue over the scene that happened between them last night, what the fuck was I thinking coming here? Oh yeah, I wasn't.

I shrink back trying to cram myself as close as I can to the wall as Chief Swan makes his way up the steps.

He knocks on the door, and I'm actually surprised he's being as calm as he is. Bella calls out, "Come in."

She sits in the rocking chair, as the door opens…

**Bella POV**

Rocking slowly, I try to relax as Charlie opens my door and comes into the room. I'm not going to yell, he's not worth getting upset about. If he tries to tell me I can't see Jesse anymore I'm going to tell him very politely to go fuck himself. He gave up the right to tell me who and what I can and can't do when he decided his career was more important than having a relationship with his only child.

He stands in the doorway, and says, "Look, can we talk downstairs?"

Nodding in agreement, I answer, "Sure."

Charlie looks relieved, as he says, "Okay, I'll be in the kitchen."

Getting up I follow him out of the room and down to the kitchen. He gestures at the chair across from him, and I sit, staring out at him, as he says, "Look, Isabella… I've been thinking…"

I can feel my heart sink in my chest… here it comes, he's going to tell me to go back to Phoenix. On the one hand I'm almost surprised it took him this long, on the other hand though I can't lie, the familiar sting of rejection still hurts.

Cutting him off before he can let me down easy, I interject coolly, "It's okay, I know what you're going to say. I haven't talked to Mom yet, but when she gets back in September I'll head back to Phoenix. I guess it's just too late for us to have that fairy tale father/daughter thing, I mean I'm practically 18 and what we're doing right now is the most honest conversation we've ever had."

Charlie sighs, "Isabella… I talked to Renee this morning. She and Phil aren't moving back to Phoenix… He was traded to the Florida Marlins farm team in Miami, and they bought a 1 bedroom condo in Florida. They're having professional movers and Phil's agent pack up the house in Arizona, and they're going straight to Florida when they come back to the states. Renee said to let you know the movers will ship your stuff here. So whether either of us are interested in having a relationship or not, it looks like we're stuck with each other until you go off to college…"

My heart drops, I can almost feel it shred into tiny little pieces, but fucked if I will let Charlie see me fall apart again. Standing up, I say, "Okay… well, thanks for telling me… Are you working tonight?"

He gets up, replying, "Yeah, I probably won't be home until late tomorrow night. Call my cell if you need me."

Dropping back into the chair, I listen carefully as his footsteps recede out to the foyer, and the door creaks open and then shuts heavily as he leaves.

I stare numbly at the wall, tears tracking slowly down my face as the reality sinks in… my father hadn't wanted me as a child, he wanted his own life, his career, and now that I was essentially grown my mother has made the same choice. I guess she didn't want me any more than he did… she must have been waiting for this my whole life.

Trudging slowly up the stairs, I go into the bathroom and pick up the bottle of pills that I saw in there the night I came out of my half comatose state. The oblivion promised in the small white tablets beckons to me.

I pour them into my hand, not bothering to count them, and head back to my room. I just want to sleep…to forget that I was ever born… just be numb for a while. I wish I could fall back down the rabbit hole that I was in when He left.

Reaching into my nightstand drawer I pull out a flask full of vodka and wash down the pills before collapsing on the bed as all the emotions I fought to keep inside in front of Charlie come pouring out.

**Sam POV from a few moments prior**

Fuck... this is bad… Chief Swan just laid some heavy fucking shit on his emotionally unstable daughter's head and then walked the fuck out. What kind of parent does that? I hear Bella coming up the steps, she turns at the top of the stairs and goes into the bathroom across the hall instead of into her bedroom.

I need to get out of here, if she's going to be in there for a minute this would be the best time. I listen carefully to see if she starts water running, but what I hear instead chills my blood and keeps me frozen beneath the bed. A pill bottle rattles, opens and the contents pour indiscriminately out. They don't hit anything… which means they're all in her hand... fuck, what is she doing? What could she be taking? Fuck Charles Swan, that fucking piece of shit!

Frozen in place I listen to the sound of Bella sniffling, the bedroom door opens and I can hear the sound of her bare feet crossing the wood floor. A drawer opens, she rustles around and pulls something out, after a moment I get a small whiff of alcohol, and hear her washing down the unknown number of pills.

The bed shifts as Bella climbs back into it, and a moment later I hear the desperate heartbreaking sobs as she finally breaks down. Fuck, what do I do? I'm fucking trapped under here, she's possibly/probably ODing on God only knows what! And there's nothing I can do about it because if I show myself I'm fucked!

**Jesse POV approximately 45 minutes later**

My cell phone beeps, a text from Bella… 'COME NOW! PLEASE, I NEED YOU! I NEED YOU NOW JESS! '

That's weird that it's all caps, Dami comes up behind me, and of course plays the asshole, "Daaaamn, Jesse! Princess B is gonna give it up tonight!"

I elbow him sharply, snapping at him, "Don't be a crude loser all your life and maybe one day you'll have a girlfriend!"

Getting up, I grab my keys off the table, and tell him, "We'll be back in the morning, should be well before my parents get home. I'll see you then!"

Making sure I drive the exact speed limit it takes me about 20 minutes to get to Bella's house. Pulling into the driveway I reach into the glove box and pull out the present that I got her. A fake ID, a good one, which makes her 21 and shows her name as Bella Collins with my own home address. I got it in the mail today from a friend back in NY.

I slip it in my pocket, head up to the house, and ring the bell.

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.

A minute goes by and she doesn't come down to the door. I ring the bell again, listening, but I don't hear anything. She knew I was coming, maybe she just got high and fell asleep…

Trying the door, I find it's unlocked, so I go in calling out, "Bella! Bell, you here?"

It's quiet, she must be sleeping… I feel uneasy, it's probably just because I've never been in her house before though. I do a quick run through of the first floor of the house, but don't see her anywhere. There's a bedroom in the back of the house, it must be her Pops' room, and it's empty.

Going back towards the front of the house I see the stairs and I head up, calling out, "Bell you up here! Come on Girl, what'd you start without me?"

Hitting the landing, I go into the open door on the left, and stop short… "Oh fuck… Bella!"

Running to the bed I take in the scene, the flask I gave her as a gift is open next to her, there's an empty bottle on the bed next to her, I pick it up and immediately start freaking out as I read the label, "fuck no, Baby! What did you do to yourself?"

Her chest is barely moving, and her skins color is off… I reach out, looking for a pulse, I find it, but it's barely there… Shit!

Scooping her up in my arms I frantically run her down the stairs and out the front door. I load her into my car and speed off towards Forks General Hospital.

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**At the hospital, Jesse POV**

I park haphazardly in the emergency lot barely remembering to throw the car in park as I jump out and go around to grab Bella. I run into the building shouting, "I NEED SOME HELP HERE!"

Immediately I'm surrounded by nurses, two men take Bella from my arms and bring her to a bed. They lay her on it and start hooking her up, a nurse asks me, "What did she take?"

I dig the bottle out of my pocket, and hand it to her, "However many pills were left in this bottle, mixed with about 12 ounces of vodka, but we had been drinking off and on since yesterday... we uh, we were out with some friends."

The nurse reads the bottle and goes into the fray shouting, "We need to pump her stomach, get the charcoal and start an IV!"

A hospital administrator comes up to me, and guides me off to a waiting area, as she asks me questions, "Sir, what's her name?"

The lie comes automatically… the last thing she needs is for her piece of shit dad to show up here, so I answer, "Her name is Bella Collins… she's my wife."

The woman looks skeptical, "Sir, do you have ID? Do you have ID for her?"

I pull the fake out of my pocket, along with my own fake to back it up, "Here."

She scans the cards, and seems satisfied with them as she hands them back and asks, "Do you have any of your insurance information?"

I respond automatically, "No, I'll be paying cash."

Checking a box on the form she says, "Wait here, a doctor will be over to speak with you as soon as they can."

Sitting back down feeling helpless, I pull out my phone and text Dami and Tommy, 'guys, I'm at the hospital with B… she's in bad shape… she uh, I think she might have tried to off herself…'

Dami calls immediately, "What the fuck happened Jess?"

Exhaling into the phone, I start to break down a little, as I answer "I don't know Dae, I really don't. I got to her house, she didn't answer the door. I figured, well, she knew I was coming… so I just went in. It took me maybe 5 minutes to find her and she was passed out, I could tell her breathin wasn't right. She was holding the empty flask, and there was an empty bottle of sleeping pills on the bed next to her. She barely had a pulse man! I brought her to Forks General... I used our fakes and told them that she's my wife so they don't have her old man show up here."

Dami sounds floored, "Damn… let me know as soon as you hear something. She'll be okay man, I know it."

A woman comes up to me, "Sir, can I have a word with you in private?"

She's in plain clothes, but I know a cop when I see one… looks like the jig is up. I follow her over to a corner, and she says softly, "I'm Officer Call. Son, I know that girl you brought in is not your wife, just like I know that her last name is Swan, not Collins. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Sighing, I nod, and start talking, "Yeah… I'm Jesse Collins, Bella Swan is my… well, she's a good friend anyway… she slept at my house last night, I dropped her off at home this afternoon and everything was fine, she was… not happy. Bella's never really happy, but she seemed pretty normal. We had a conversation about our relationship. I want to be more than friends, but she doesn't want to put a label on things because I'm going back to school in August."

The officer interrupts, "And what did you say to that?"

I shrug, "I said okay. I mean what was I supposed to say? I love that girl, and I want to make her happy, so I went along. She invited me to come back to her dad's place tonight as long as he was working, so I said I would, and she left. I drove off and she texted me a few hours later to come back... I don't know what could have happened between me dropping her off, and the time she texted me to come back that would make her do THIS!"

She seems a little strange as she says, "I guess the reason why isn't as important as what happens when she wakes up… Look, I'm not going to call Chief Swan on this, I know he and his daughter aren't what you would call close, and really I think the last thing that girl needs when she wakes up is for him to be here."

Shaking my head in disgusted disbelief, I say, "So you're the girlfriend then..."

She nods quietly, and says, "She's covered under the Chief's insurance… I can get the information in to the hospital tomorrow. I'll let you go back to wait for the doctor now."

Officer Call walks away, and I go back to where I was waiting before and sit down, leaning my knees on my elbows and putting my head in my hands.

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About 20 minutes later a doctor comes over to me, he looks a little grim, and my heart catches in my throat until he says, "Your wife's going to be okay. We pumped her stomach with charcoal to absorb the poison that she hadn't already taken in. We've got her on an IV and she's still unconscious, but she should be awake any time now if you want to wait with her. She's going to have to speak with our psychiatrist before anything else, they'll determine if she can be released or if she needs to go on a 72 hour hold. I'll bring you back to sit with her now."

I thank him for the information, and follow him back to Bella's bedside. She looks so vulnerable hooked up to the machines that are reading her vitals… I have no idea what I'm doing here, how did this happen?

Sinking down into the chair next to the bed, I reach out and hold her hand, and wait for her to wake up.