Author's note: OK, my attempt at a truly legendary fanfiction. There will be death. Tragedy. Humor. Betrayal. Triumph. Time travel. Love.

Okay, maybe not too much on the last one...

SPOILERS FOR ALL 8 BOOKS!

Because, this has time travel. First chapter takes place nine weeks after the Opal Deception. As the story progresses, the future events will be after TLG.

No fluff, like I mentioned before. But slight A/H all the same.

Please review and you get the privilege of...me liking you. Is that fine?

No, I haven't forgotten Armageddon's Eve. It's still a priority.

Love y'all!

-Shaadia.

Nine weeks after the murder of Julius Root and Koboi's failed attempt at world domination.

Holly Short was not happy.

Under these circumstances, who would? She usually enjoyed missions to the surface. But please. Did Fowl really have to be involved? And did Foaly really have to be blabbing endlessly into her earpiece?

"And then I challenged him to do better," he whined. "So I told Fowl that this time he couldn't get away with a bunch of wires. This time he has to do it in style."

Holly snorted deeply. Deeply, one: inhaling the fresh above ground air. Two: she was really frustrated with the centaur's ranting. "Oh, shut up," she snapped, not bothering about his feelings. "Besides, I'm willing to bet my career that Artemis Fowl could honestly do better than your junk powered car."

Foaly sounded hurt. "Holly, I just helped the planet there! Putting non-biodegradable products to an effective use-"

"Fairies," she pointed out, "barely use cars anymore. Now if you sold your invention to humans..."

Now was Foaly's turn to snort. "They'll only manufacture more polythene," he completed, and Holly had to accept that he was right. The Mud Men destroyed their own planet. One species after another were starting to vanish yet they never learnt a lesson.

"Okay, why am I here again?" she asked, moving completely out of topic.

"Holly, we've agreed that Fowl is now YOUR responsibility! And you're supposed to check on him once a month, you know that."

"And?" demanded Holly, unconvinced.

"He wanted to show you something," admitted Foaly.

"Right. Was this supposed to be a surprise?"

"Ugh, maybe...But you could still ACT surprised, right?"

The elf shook her head. "Fine," she grumbled. "And just so you know, if this leads to trouble and Sool threatens to confiscate my badge, you're to blame."

With an unclearly phrased curse, Foaly cut the line. Much to her relief.

Holly was slightly relaxed at the sight of Fowl Manor. Or rather, Artemis Fowl himself. She was slightly surprised at Butler not standing at his shoulder, but seeing as the genius was currently busy with some wires and roughly sketched diagrams that looked like Greek, it was understandable.

Much to her annoyance, she was two inches away from the ground when he noticed her presence.

"Ah, Captain Short. Never discreet with an entrance."

Holly unshielded, arms crossed stubbornly. "Discreet? I was shielded! I am never going to understand how you do that!"

The human stood up, brushing the sleeves of his suit. "You are welcome, Captain. Now, to business."

Holly rolled her eyes. "There. And here I wondered why you have no friends."

Artemis rolled his own eyes in return. "I suppose the ones below ground do not count?"

"That is not what I meant, Mud Boy."

He raised an eyebrow. "Pray tell then, what you meant."

The elf grinned slyly.

"I meant actual girls. And no, I don't count. Now what did you want to show me?"

"I take it then, Foaly hasn't completely ruined the surprise?"

Holly shook her head.

"Good," he replied. "And I take it you haven't forgotten your own Birthday?"

Below ground, Foaly snickered. Oh, this is going to be so priceless.

The human placed a hand on her shoulder. And then, reluctantly, placed the other hand on her other shoulder. Then pulled her into an awkward hug.

And quickly shrugged off. "I got you a present."

"Aw, look at you two!" Foaly exclaimed, mockingly.

"Shut up," said Artemis promptly. "Captain, as I was saying...you might not exactly like this."

Author's note: HAH BEAT THAT IMMA CLIFFHANGER FREAK!

Please review. I love you.