Summary: Ten years and hundreds of miles seperate them from each other. And then they suddenly don't anymore. LP. Short chapterfic.

AN: Hello! I've got some new LP for you guys, I hope you like it. It's set after season 4, the proposal still happened but that's where it ends. Peyton didn't meet Julian in LA, Lucas didn't call Peyton for the book signing, she didn't see him with Lindsey, etc etc. This is a chapterfic, but it's only going to be four/five chapters.

Thank you for reading!

I.

Peyton walks through the city, without much of a goal and a little restless, but it's better than sitting in her apartment, listening to sad songs and reading the same sentences over and over again.

She's been living in the city that never sleeps for quite some time now and she's gotten fairly used to the lights and the noise, but somehow, it seems oddly quiet tonight.

It doesn't take long though, before all the sounds she's come to ignore hit her again. People are shouting at each other across the street, an ambulance is making its way from or to a hospital in the distance, there's a cab driver willing his car to a halt right behind her, making the rainy puddles splash against the sidewalk.

It's nice for a change; it feels nice to hear the sounds again, to be aware of everything that's happening around her. She's felt suffocated in this little place she created for herself for quite a while now, it feels nice to break out of it.

Her phone rings and she's tempted to shut the call down immediately because as much as she's welcoming the sounds surrounding her, she doesn't want to hear the shrill tones of her phone right now. But then she catches the name of the caller and she knows Brooke hates it when she's ignored so she picks up anyway.

"Meet me in ten at the carousel." Brooke voice sings through the phone and before Peyton can agree, she hangs up again.

It's not a long walk from the place where she is to the carousel in Central Park, but it's a rainy September afternoon and the park is probably the last place she wants to go to. There's a part of her that wants to call Brooke, tell her to meet her at the coffee shop across the street, but eventually, she walks into the direction of the park anyway.

It's Brooke's favourite meeting spot in the city and Peyton has no idea why. In the end, it's just a carousel and lots of children.

When she gets there, Brooke is already waiting in front of the entrance, holding two cups of coffee.

"Finally." She says when Peyton reaches her and lets out a small sigh as she hands over one of the two cups.

"You're lucky I was already in Manhattan, because you'd have to wait a whole lot longer if I had still been in Brooklyn." Peyton replies, gratefully welcoming the warm drink.

Brooke shakes her head, "You should just get away from Brooklyn altogether and get a place here."

The blonde laughs and falls in step next to her best friend as they start walking away from the carousel, "I can't afford an apartment in your neighbourhood, Brooke."

"Your dad left you some money, right? And I can help." Brooke offers. "It's just such a nuisance that you have to travel across the country every time we want to see each other."

Ever since Peyton moved to New York seven years ago, Brooke has practically been begging her to get a place closer to her. Peyton, however, loves living in Brooklyn and she loves the job she found there. Besides, it isn't as if Brooke has much to complain about, it's almost always Peyton who crosses the distance between Brooklyn and Manhattan, not the other way around.

"Okay, Brooklyn is not across the country." Peyton laughs again. Brooke's been her best friend for more than twenty years now, but sometimes her melodramatic side still surprises Peyton. "I can barely pay my small Brooklyn apartment rent, let alone a place in your neighbourhood. And I'm not using my dad's money to pay rent, okay? I'll use it when I really need it."

"Your dad would've wanted you to live somewhere nice, right?" Brooke replies and rolls her eyes just a little because it would just be so much easier if Peyton listened to her for once. She knows she's been whining about this for seven years now, but really, can anybody fault her for wanting her best friend close by?

"I live somewhere nice, B. Which you would know if you came around more often." Peyton teases and takes a sip of her coffee.

Brooke dismisses the comment with a wave of her hand, "You're the only part of my life that's not in Manhattan." She goes on complaining and is then met with Peyton's raised eyebrows when she looks at her friend. "What?"

"Nathan and Haley?"

"I Skype with Naley while I'm on the couch in my Manhattan apartment."She retorts, a smug smile on her face because as she sees it, her point is still valid. Peyton can only shake her head.

They walk out of Central Park, bickering back and forth and hoping that the heavy rain that's hanging in the clouds won't hit the city until they are well inside the Italian restaurant a few blocks away.

.

"Okay, this tortellini is to die for." Brooke comments, her fork still paused mid-air after she took the first bite of her dish.

They're sitting in their favourite Italian restaurant, not too far from Brooke's place. The girls come here once a month, determined to try out every single dish on the menu. It's become their special girls night out, even though they see each other all the time.

"Well, the pasta pesto is pretty good too." Peyton nods and takes another bite.

After a minute or two, Brooke puts down her fork and looks at her best friend, "So, how's P. Sawyer doing?"

Peyton narrows her eyes a little in confusion. Brooke knows how she's doing, they've been talking for over an hour now. "P. Sawyer's doing good. How about B. Davis?" She answers.

The brunette rolls her eyes, "B. Davis is doing good too. You know, she didn't just break up with her fiancé."

Of course. Peyton could've known the conversation would eventually land on the topic of Julian.

She lets out a sigh and waits a few moments before answering. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to Brooke about Julian, it's just that they have already talked about it. There's nothing else she can say. There was no big reason that made her break up with him. As far as she knows, there weren't even a lot of smaller reasons to do so. She knows it doesn't make sense, that people don't understand her, but it is what it is. She can't change anything about it; she can't make herself to want to marry him.

When Peyton stays silent a little too long for Brooke's liking, she clears her throat, making Peyton look up at her. "Julian called me. Said you're not picking up your phone. He just wants to talk to you, Peyton."

"There's nothing left to say. I can't give him what he wants."

Brooke nods, but if she's honest, she doesn't really understand it. "He just wants you. I thought everything was going great, you've been together for five years."

The blonde sighs again, a little exasperatedly, because it seems as if Brooke isn't even trying to see it from her perspective. She knows that isn't true though, that her best friend is really trying to understand her. She's just voicing what everyone thinks.

"We've talked about this, Brooke. Nothing big happened. I guess I just realized that it wasn't what I wanted. I know it sounds horrible, to give him up just like that, but I can't see myself growing old with him. What's the point in getting married if I can't see a future for us?"

"You know I only want what's best for you." She tells her friend. The last thing she wants is for Peyton to think that her best friend is not on her side. She is, she always will be, but she also feels bad for Julian. "You two just always gave me hope, you know." She says then, shrugging a shoulder. "I've always felt that with you settling down, it wouldn't take me too long anymore either."

Peyton smiles at her friend, "We're only twenty-nine."

"Naley has been married for thirteen years!"

"Nathan and Haley are the exception." Peyton says and lets out a few chuckles. It still seems crazy to her that they got married so young, even though she's witnessed how amazingly their marriage has worked out.

"Yeah, but they have two kids now, that's not an exception. Lucas is a dad too."

Peyton shakes her head a little at the brunette. They've had this conversation before and Brooke always brings up the same arguments. It's not that simple though. You don't just settle down because you want too, there's more to it than just the wish to do so. And if she's honest, she really is convinced that there's still more than enough time to get settled down. Or that's what too many episodes of Sex and the City have taught her anyway.

"He's divorced though." Peyton counters and takes another mouthful of her pasta.

They barely talk about Lucas, not even when they see or talk to Nathan and Haley. It's not because Peyton's mad at him for whatever happened ten years ago or because it still hurts. It's simply because Peyton moved on and because Brooke lost touch with him. It's never been purposeful, it just sort of happened. Of course Haley told them when he got engaged or when his daughter was born, but there's never been any reunion. They were both invited to his wedding (they're convinced Haley was behind that), but Brooke had to be in Milan and Peyton was standing next to Julian on the red carpet of an important film festival.

She's been thinking about him though, Peyton that is. After the break up with Julian she picked up An Unkindness of Ravens from her bookshelf and hasn't really been able to put it down again. Even after ten years his prose still amazes her.

"Still, he did settle down for a while." Brooke replies, pulling Peyton from her thoughts.

"And now he's a single dad, is that so much of a better place than the one we are at right now?" She asks.

Brooke lifts her shoulders a little, "I don't know. I guess I'm just a little bit bummed now that your fairytale isn't working out and I don't really see one for myself in the near future either."

"Hey, cheer up, B. Davis. We're both single girls again. Who knows what might happen." Peyton smiles at her best friend.

She nods and lets herself smile as well, "I guess you're right, P. Sawyer."

.

It's a short distance from the nearest subway station to Peyton's apartment. After five years of living in the same apartment, the walk has become a bit of a routine. In the mornings, she'll stop first at the coffee shop around the corner from her place. She needs her vanilla latte to wake up in the morning.

Then she passes the record store she visits once a week, just to see what's new. She's been working at a small record label for six years now and she's surrounded by music all the time, but there's something about an old school record store that she can't resist.

When she gets back from work or Brooke's or wherever she's been Gus is the first one she passes though. Gus wanders through the streets of her neighbourhood, every single day again. He's not actually homeless, even though he looks a bit like it. He greets her every morning with a smile and if Peyton has time she stops for a talk. Sometimes, if she has even more time, she buys him a coffee. He's a nice guy, always ready for a joke as well, and to this day Peyton still doesn't know why he wanders around all the time.

She's still smiling after their little talk when she rounds the corner of her street and is met with a waiting figure on her doorstep. She's been thinking about him after her dinner with Brooke a few days ago, but she really hadn't expected to see him.

Julian gets up when he sees her approaching him, meeting her halfway. "Hi," He greets her and seems to be leaning forward to kiss or hug her, but stops midway. As if he realized he's no longer in the position to do so.

"Hey," She replies and motions for him to follow her into her building.

"You weren't picking up your phone so I figured I'd stop by." Julian says then, falling in step next to her.

"It's okay." Peyton smiles a little. It's not really okay though. She has no clue what to do or say now, she's said everything already when they broke up. She glances sideways at him, trying to come up with something to say when she notices what's hanging around his shoulder. "What's that?" She asks, pointing at it and trying to suppress a chuckle.

"It's a man bag." He answers, a little proudly she thinks and some chuckles escape her lips anyway. "What, you don't like it?"

"No no, I do." She reassures him as they start climbing the stairs. "It's just, what's it for exactly?"

He looks at her in confusion because isn't it pretty clear what a man bag is? "It's to put stuff in. Wallet, phone, whatever."

"So it's a regular bag?"

"No! It's… masculine."

Peyton laughs and opens the door of her apartment, "Sure."

She walks in and drops her bag on the small table by the door, Julian following her inside.

Her apartment isn't big. It has two bedrooms, a small kitchen and living room and an even smaller bathroom. It's her home now though and whatever Brooke may say, she doesn't think she'll leave it anytime soon.

She spent her first two years in New York in Brooklyn as well, but back then she rented a one-bedroom apartment. When her paycheck finally allowed her to move, she went for two bedrooms and started using the second one as an art room. She let all her creativity run free on the walls, drawing and doodling, painting it over again when she didn't like it there anymore. The walls of her art room sort of represent what's going on inside of her head and every time she walks into the room it puts a smile on her face.

There are canvases scattered all around the room, art supplies lying around in drawers, waiting to be used. When Peyton looks around the room it feels a little like heaven sometimes.

"So…" Peyton drawls out after a few moments in silence. Julian is looking at her DVD collection on her shelves, his back to her. "You know, you practically bought them all, you can take whatever you want."

The shelves on the living room walls are full of records, books and films. Apart from her records, which are ordered alphabetically, it's all a bit of mess. There are photo frames too, of her and Brooke, of the whole gang back in high school, of Nathan and Haley's boys. Julian's eyes are fixed on that one and Peyton wonders if he's thinking about the kids they could've had.

There's a photo of her and Julian right next to it, made a couple of years ago, back when she thought she had found the one she was going to spend the rest of her life with. They broke up four weeks ago, but she doesn't have the heart to take the photo down. She doesn't know if she even wants to take it away. After all, he's been a big part of her life and even though she doesn't see a future with him, she still really cares for him.

"Julian?" Peyton asks tentatively when he stays silent a little while longer.

He looks up at her, and he looks so lost she has to bite her lip because she doesn't want to cry. She hates causing him pain and she wishes she could change it, but she can't.

"Are you sure we can't try to make it work?" He asks then, walking past her carmine coloured couch, getting closer to her.

She takes a step back, her legs brushing against the dinner table and she takes a seat on one of the chairs. He's quick to follow her, sitting down too, and he reaches for her hand, for some sort of comfort, assuring him that it's not all lost and over. She withdraws from him though, folding her hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry, Julian. It's… It's not going to work." She wishes she didn't have to have this conversation again, had hoped that everything would've been clear the first time and that he would let her be.

"Why not? We've been together for five years, Peyton, doesn't that mean something?"

She nods a little, swallowing down her nerves. "It means we had five great years. You were so important to me, Julian, you know that. I just don't want to do anything that I know I will regret later on."

"So you would regret marrying me?" He looks up at the ceiling in disbelief. They were happy, he really thought they were. He still has trouble comprehending that she was not.

"Why do you want to have this conversation again? Isn't that just making it more painful for the both of us?" She asks, but when he doesn't say anything she goes on. "I was so happy when you asked me to marry you, I was. But then weeks and months went by and just thinking about our wedding or our married life made me feel too anxious to breathe."

"That's just cold feet, you know."

"It's more than just cold feet." Peyton tells him, looking down at her hands again. She feels horrible for doing this to him and the look on his face is really not helping. "I know I don't make sense, that you don't understand me. I don't even understand myself. I don't know what I want, I just know what I don't want."

Julian nods, "Me." When he puts it like that she feels even more awful, but she can't really contradict him so she just keeps silent. "Does it have anything to do with Lucas?" He asks then and jerks his thumb in the direction of her coffee table.

Her eyes fly from his face to the book lying on the table and she shakes her head quickly, a little frantically. "Lucas? Of course not. I just picked up Ravens after we broke up, thought it'd bring me some solace. I haven't seen Lucas in ten years, Julian."

"You loved him though."

"Yeah, he was my high school boyfriend." It sounds banal, even though she knows her love for Lucas was far from trivial. She's honestly over it though, in the five years she's been with Julian she's barely thought about Lucas. "He has nothing to do with us, never has. Why do you even think that?"

Julian sighs, "I guess I'm just looking for an explanation. I need to understand why and you're not telling me anything and I just…"

Peyton nods, because she really does get what he's saying. She just can't tell him anything more. "Well, Lucas has nothing to do with it." She says.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know!" She throws her hands up in the air, a little desperately, racking her brain for something, anything, to tell him. She stays quiet though.

He stands up from his chair and starts pacing back and forth in the already small place. After a while he faces her again, "Do you remember when we first met?"

"Of course. You walked into the label with that silly hat on your head." She says and there's a hint of a smile around her lips.

They met a little over five years ago when Julian wanted to use some songs of a young, relatively unknown singer-songwriter, signed with the small label Peyton works at, in his new movie. Peyton didn't mean much yet at the label back then, but they had met at the entrance of the building and Julian had quickly won her over with that charming grin of his.

"Hey, you said you liked that hat!" He says and he smiles a little, but his smile doesn't linger like it used to. "When we first started dating, did you think that five years later we'd be broken up without any explanation?" He goes on then and suddenly his voice sounds so cold, as if he's spitting out the words, and he seems so different from the dorky and friendly guy he's always been that tears spring into her eyes immediately.

"I've given you the best explanation I have, Julian." She says as a tear makes its way down her cheek. "I never wanted to hurt you, but I need to think of myself too."

More tears fall down and she hates it, because she doesn't want to make this about her. He's hurting and it's her fault, she shouldn't be crying now. However, she's hurting too. Breaking up with him was probably one of the hardest decisions she ever made. The whole situation had been eating away at her for months before she finally made the decision that she just couldn't stay with him. It wasn't just something she had decided in the spur of the moment. And ever since they broke up she has felt awful too, despite what she keeps telling Brooke.

She doesn't want to be with him anymore, but at the same time she hates being away from him.

He strides forward, pulling her up from the chair and into his arms. He's always hated seeing her cry.

"I'm so sorry." She mutters hoarsely into the crook of his neck. She says it over and over again, repeating it like a mantra.

His hold tightens and his lips find her hair as he tells her over and over again that it's okay. It's a mess of words, sorry's and okay's and it breaks his heart. It's only now that he realizes this hasn't been easy on her either. He wants everything with her, but he knows she has the right not to want it all with him.

"I'll miss you." He tells her quietly after a while.

She nods against his chest, says she'll miss him too. She lets go of him and her arms immediately fly around her body, as if to protect her from more pain. She follows him to the door, tries for a weak smile which he mimics and then he's gone. She lets her head rest against the closed door for a moment before she slides down onto the floor, accidentally knocking against the small table next to the door. It waggles just a little bit, but enough for the photo frame that stands on top of it to topple down.

The sound of glass breaking pierces through the silence in the apartment and for a while she lets the frame lie on the floor, broken into countless little pieces. When she glances at the photo covered in broken glass she realizes it's the one of her, Julian and her dad, taken a few months before her dad had died.

It's been her choice for the most part, but she can't believe she's now lost both men in the picture.

.

The day after Julian stopped by her place Peyton sits at her usual booth in the little café a few blocks away from her apartment. She doesn't have work today, but staying at home felt too suffocating so she went out for lunch.

She visits the café regularly, stopping by for lunch or coffee. It makes her think of Karen's Café back in Tree Hill, which is probably why she can't stop going there. It's also one of the only places Brooke is willing to cross the bridge for.

She's reading a Doris Lessing novella as she waits for her food when Brooke slides into the booth as well. Peyton puts her book down and smiles as Brooke makes her order. It's a little bit pointless because the brunette always orders the same thing and Lisa, the owner, knows the two women well enough by now to know what they want.

"You look terrible." Brooke says as a greeting when she turns towards her friend.

"Uh, thanks?" The blonde answers and rolls her eyes. She knows she does though, she's barely slept all night and her eyes are probably still swollen from crying.

Brooke's face changes into a worried frown as she studies Peyton's face. It's been three days since she last saw Peyton and she wonders what happened in the meantime to have her look like this. "What's going on? I thought P. Sawyer was doing so well?" Her voice sounds concerned and Peyton has to smile a little. She's lucky to have the support system that is Brooke Davis.

Peyton lets out a sigh, runs a hand over her face. "Julian was waiting for me last night when I got back from work."

Brooke raises her eyebrows in surprise, "And?"

"He wants an explanation, he's looking for one and whenever he asks me I blank because… I don't know what to say to him, Brooke." She says and lifts her shoulders a little. "But I think he gets it now though, or I don't know, I think he's going to leave it be from now on."

"And that's a good thing?" Brooke asks carefully. For the past four weeks it seemed as if Peyton was waiting for Julian to understand her and to accept her decision. Now though, she's speaking in such a sad tone it looks as if that's the last thing on earth she wants.

Peyton nods, but not very convincingly, "Yes. It's just that, it's scary, you know? He's been such a big part of my life for five years and now he's not anymore. I know I'm the one who broke it off, but I'm not used to that yet."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" It's the first time Peyton's being so honest about her break up with Julian and she wants to make sure her friend is not making any mistakes. "I don't want you to regret this, Peyton."

"It's what I want. I just hate feeling this way."

"If it's what you want, you'll get through it. He will too." Brooke reassures her because she knows that's what Peyton is most worried about. It's not only about her own heartache, it's also about the pain she's causing Julian.

Peyton nods and then looks up as a waitress approaches them with their food. She smiles thankfully as the girl sets the plates on the table and when she leaves again, both women shift their attention to their food. Brooke lets Peyton be, knows that when she wants to talk some more, she will.

"You know," The blonde starts again after a while and Brooke smiles a little because she knew Peyton would talk again eventually. "he actually asked me if Lucas had anything to do with it."

"Lucas?" She asks and she's probably wearing the same look of surprise Peyton was when Julian asked her about it. She knows her best friend has moved on from the broody blonde, even though it had been far from easy. She's always been proud of Peyton for finding love again after all the pain and heartache that followed after the break up with Lucas.

"Yeah. He saw my copy of Ravens lying on the coffee table. It's crazy though, it's been ten years since I've seen Lucas."

Brooke's thoughts go back to ten years earlier, when Lucas showed up in New York, all broken-hearted. When Peyton called her the day after, tears streaming down her face, because why, why, had he just left her in that hotel room? It's then that she realizes that Lucas had actually proposed to Peyton, that Peyton had wished for years that she'd said yes. She can't help but ask the question,

"Can't you see yourself getting married to Julian because you've always pictured yourself getting married to Lucas?"

"What?" Peyton asks incredulously, eyes growing wide. Of all people, she'd expect her best friend to know that she was long over Lucas.

Brooke holds up her hands, "Don't shoot me. I was just thinking… You've always wanted to marry him, Peyton."

"Back when I was still a crying mess living in LA, yeah. Lucas hasn't been on my mind in years, he has nothing to do with Julian. You moved on from Lucas too, didn't you?" Peyton fires back.

Brooke nods and she knows she should just drop the subject. Maybe she shouldn't even have brought it up in the first place. It's probably a silly thought anyway, because in the seven years Peyton has been living in New York, she's barely spoken a word about him.

She knows Peyton was fully committed to her relationship with Julian, that Lucas really has nothing to do with it. She knows he hasn't been on Peyton's mind.

But maybe, just maybe Brooke thinks, her best friend simply never realized he was still on her mind.

AN: Not a lot of Lucas in this one, but he's coming, don't worry. Reviews are love and thank you again for reading!