Castle had been so burnt out when he met Kate. He'd killed off Derrick Storm in a mixture of boredom and an attempt to sever ties with both Gina and his party boy image. He hadn't had a clue what his next step was, though, until Detective Kate Beckett had walked into that book launch party, and into his life.

He's changed in the last four years; people have commented, and he knows it's true. And a lot of that is because of Kate Beckett; more than she must realize. She has healed him, given his life a depth and meaning that he's never had before, and he's figured it out; she needs to know. He's been there for her throughout the years as they've chased down her mother's case. First, as a friend, then partner, and finally lover, but he has never let her know what she does for him, what he needs from her.

"'Be with Kate'? That's your number one? When did you write this?"

"What like, three years ago?" Castle grins as he realizes. "Oh! I can cross that one off!"

Castle sighs as he remembers the conversation. He'd had the ring, of course, and he was so very much in love, but he'd just gotten Alexis back. His mind had been all over the place. As great as it had been to work such a distracting case, he'd really fallen for the idea that the DVD was haunted. It made as much sense as anything else, and he was preoccupied, unwilling to discuss his bucket list further.

He'd followed her into the bedroom, sending prayers of thanks to whatever higher being had seen to Kate's playfulness. She'd been in bed already by the time he'd crossed the threshold, naked beneath the covers, glass of ice still in her hand. He'd stared for a moment before slowly stripping off and joining her; watching her watch him as she played with a piece of ice between her lips, the tip of her tongue darting out occasionally.

He'd joined her beneath the blankets, aroused, and still slightly bewildered that she was truly here with him. Fleeting thoughts had been pushed aside, and it was only as they lay there in a haze afterward that he had allowed his mind to tumble down the rabbit hole.

"Really, Castle?" Kate had asked, as she lay in his arms. "You put that on your bucket list three years ago?"

"Uh-huh," he'd replied, but he'd been distracted, and he'd missed what she was asking, hadn't realized until much later that she was asking whether he'd been in it for the long haul all that time, or if she really was a number to be crossed off a list.

Would she still want to be with him when she realized all of his shortcomings? When she knew he was the kind of man who took shortcuts? The kind of man man who could wallow in his own darkness and self doubt?

He sighs, as he realizes just what steps she's taken to ensure that he knows she wants to be with him. "I love you" doesn't come easy to Beckett, he knows that, and he's been taking that at face value; assuming that if she's not ready to say the words, she's not there yet. He's been doubting her since Christmas, second guessing her intentions, but a girlfriend doesn't plan a fake murder for her mystery writer boyfriend if she's not in it for the long haul.

She'd whispered the words when he got back from Paris, late at night as they lay in bed. Until now, he'd figured she'd said it because she thought he was asleep. But she'd told him over and over that she liked him… more. Told him that his wild theories were one of the things she loved about him even as she laughed to herself and played him further with her elaborate set-up.

He always thought she found her strength in solitude, but he realizes now; if that was ever true; if it was ever anything more than a defense mechanism, it's certainly not true now. He's in her veins, and she's in his.

He should have been down on bended knee months ago.

Besides, she'd changed her plans at Christmas. She'd agreed with him that it was time for new traditions, but he hadn't been ready to hear her then; he'd only focused on his own forlorn feelings, instead of hearing her properly. "Me too," Kate had said and it's taken him months, but he suddenly gets it. It wasn't a single change to the precinct roster, she was letting him in. He's scoffing at himself now; he's missed so very many signs. She's asked, over and over, for clarification. "What happens if you don't let me look?"

"Are we dating?" she had asked, just this week, and the idea was already forming in his mind. They'd go to the Hamptons once this case was over. He would ask her then. He'd blown her off, a grin forming on his face as he'd turned away. She'd trailed after him a few minutes later, lain down beside him in bed, and he'd pressed a kiss to the back of her neck as he'd snuggled into her, spooning her thin frame.

He'd been smiling against her, breathing in her scent, and he had run his hands along her side, trying to tease the tension from her body. She'd fallen asleep eventually, and he'd followed her into slumber, but it was only now that he realized; her tension hadn't been a result of the case. It had been his fault. He'd been listening to her subtext for so long he'd forgotten to just listen. "Castle? Where are we going?"

Castle looks up across the park. Kate's stepped out from her cruiser, and she's walking toward him. He's struck with a sudden hope, and a love that overwhelms him. There's so much to Beckett. Her humility. Her joy. Her grace. She makes him more than he was, makes him whole. He closes his eyes briefly, casting his mind back to when he'd first met Kate; he'd quickly realized she was more than a mere conquest, but he'd never imagined this. Not back then. He'd never figured on getting married again. Now, though, he's in this for keeps.

"Exactly how many times have you been married Castle?"

"Twice."

"That's it?"

Castle had raised an eyebrow. Twice, and never again, he'd guessed. He wasn't exactly proud of having exited two failed marriages, but being divorced was certainly preferable to having remained with either of his ex-wives. "Isn't that enough? How about you?"

"Me? No. Never been."

"Really?" He'd shrugged. He wasn't sure exactly how old Beckett was- younger than him, certainly- but she was stunning. He would have imagined she would have dating prospects beating down her door. Then again, she'd turned him down; maybe he shouldn't take it personally. Maybe she turned everybody down. Maybe she hadn't dated in years. Maybe-

His thoughts had been cut off when Beckett had replied with a terse nod. "Yep."

He'd snorted inwardly a little. Right now her reproachful expression matched the one Gina had given him whenever he was off on a tangent. "You'd be good at it," he'd told her. "You're both controlling and disapproving. You should really try it."

"I'm not an 'if at first you don't succeed' kind of a girl, Castle. When it comes to marriage I'm more of a 'one and done' type." Wow. Burn. Okay then, maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe she didn't turn everyone down, but she was more cautious than he'd initially guessed. It made sense, he'd figured, quickly reassessing. Her suggestive tone- you have no idea- had echoed in his head, the sway of her hips as she'd walked away had imprinted itself on his brain; his initial assessment had been right after all. She knew exactly what she could do to a man and he'd suddenly realized he wasn't the only one to have been left a puddle of want at Beckett's hand.

He'd wanted to know more. "Hmm, any serious candidates?" He'd smirked though. Whoever else she had turned down in the past? Well, they weren't here now, consulting on cases, were they?

He's having an out of body experience. That's the only way he can describe it. He's looking down at himself, sitting on the swing, watching the fear and anguish on his own face, watching the pain in Kate's expression, as if he's an independent observer.

"We both deserve more," he tells her. This is it. The lead in, the beginning. He doesn't know how he's still sitting in that swing; he's that nervous and all he can see is the hesitancy on Kate's face. Does she think he's going to ask her to stay in New York?

"I agree."

He stumbles on before she can say anything else. It's already a blur. He's in the moment, and it's a blur. His heart is pounding; he's never been this serious in his life, and certainly never more terrified. "So whatever happens, whatever you decide… Katherine Houghton Beckett-" He drops from the swing onto his knee on the ground before her. "Will you marry me?"

Kate's looking at the ground and now that he has the words out, he can breathe again. She gasps, a thin sort of choking sound, followed by a… moan? A groan? And a sharp intake of air, like a squeak?

"Are you- crying?" Castle's sitting there utterly bewildered, because this was not how this moment was supposed to go.

At last Kate looks up at him, wide eyed, tears streaming down her face. "Ma- marry you?" She half hiccups, and he realizes she's somewhere between laughter and tears. "Castle- I thought you were breaking up with me!"

"What?" Shit. No. No. "No," he manages. "No, no. Never. Never, never."

Kate wipes at her face, an ineffective sweep of her hand that leaves her lashes heavy with tears. "Castle?" she asks, and he smiles back at her, reaching out and pushing the hair out of her face. She bites her lip, and their eyes lock. "Are you really… asking?"

He nods, and her eyes widen. "Katherine Beckett," he says again. "Kate. I'm… not breaking up with you. I'm not asking you to choose between me and a job. We deserve more… more from each other, more from ourselves. So yeah…" Castle pauses, smiling broadly. "I'm asking you to marry me."

A/N: Thanks so much for reading, and happy season six everyone- we'll know the "real" answer in the next few days or so, depending on time zones!

I wrote a great deal of the proposal scene well before I had seen any spoilers, back when I was trying to process Watershed. I had thought my post Watershed fic would be exactly that, post. It sat there for most of hiatus though, and as I read through a number of other fics reacting to Watershed, I lost all need to write my own, until I got struck with this ridiculous ambition two weeks ago… there were so many more episodes I could have included, but I had to stop somewhere and I wanted it done before hiatus finished!

Two weeks of proper writing, eight chapters, almost 14k words, and two betas who I think are still talking to me- thanks Trish and Kylie! Mwah! x