Kaworu's body holding him close.

Kaworu's neck.

The touch of his fingertips across the piano.

His mouth as he ate the cake that Shinji baked.

The sound of his voice as he said Shinji's name.

The way that he touched him, so gentle and comforting.

Shinji's hips gasped upwards and he let out a cry of pleasure.

He clumsily moved his hands in an upward motion as he thought of Kaworu, specifically today's Kaworu. It had been the boy's birthday and Shinji had wanted to celebrate it properly. He had baked a cake and practiced his piano till he couldn't feel his fingers. The day had finally come and Shinji greeted Kaworu with a shy smile and congratulatory message. They proceeded to play the piano and then Shinji had presented him with a cake. They ate it together and smiled and then, just like that, it was time to go. Nighttime had fallen. Shinji cursed himself, for although there was no visible thing he could've done, he felt he had failed Kaworu. Before they parted ways, Shinji mumbled "Happy Birthday" once again. But this time, Kaworu had reached for his hand and swung him around to embrace him. It wasn't just any hug too; Kaworu held him tightly like he was something precious that could be lost. Kaworu pressed their bodied closely together and Shinji could not help the rising sensation in his stomach from the whole day of wanting him. Shinji felt him, smelled him, but he wanted to know him more intimately. Unfortunately, the hug ended too soon for the both of them and with that, they had parted.

"Goodnight, Ikari Shinji-kun"

Shinji walked back to his room flushed and turned on. He was too occupied with his thoughts to be ashamed. When he reached his room, he promptly took off his pants and laid down on the bed. He had rolled his shirt up, and touched his body gingerly, imagining Kaworu doing it. But the beautiful, perfect, Kaworu-kun would have never reached so low as to touch him, a disgusting creature. Shinji reached downwards and touched his hard length. He rubbed himself, and then, wrapping his hand around it, began to move his hand melodically. Shinji had done this before, he knew what he liked. Soon he was writhing desperately upon the bed, whimpering Kaworu's name. Eyes closed, his hips moved upwards and his back arched. His mouth was open just that little bit, and he licked and bit his lips. Shinji's breath grew jagged and he let himself moan, forgetting himself in the pleasure. It was just him. Only him. And in the privacy of his own company he had given in to his feelings for the white haired boy who he knew would never love him back. Shinji's body jerked and spasmed, and he cried out Kaworu's name as his body came.

Kaworu had not left when Shinji did. He had stayed by the piano and stared at the skies. Every day he grew more desperate for his beloved. He felt stupid, really, and shameless for that wordless embrace he had brought Shinji into earlier. Whispering Shinji's name into the sky - he was crying out for him. Lillim were strange in celebrating their own birth, but if he could have one thing, all he wanted was Shinji-kun. He could still remember the warmth of the other boy's body when he held him close. He wanted to hold him like that for infinity. Kaworu sighed like an old man. His eyes widened. Looking over his shoulder, he took note of the piano notes Shinji had left there.

An excuse to go to Shinji's room had been given to him.

Kaworu picked the papers up like they were the boy himself and kissed them gently. He began to proceed to Shinji's room, having memorized the path long ago. He arrived at the door and was still. Suddenly through the door he took note of the shifting sounds on the bed. He listened more closely; someone in there was breathing heavily and moaning. He realized it was Shinji. His breath was stolen. How much more could he take? Kaworu noticed the boy was whimpering something.

"Kaworu-kuuun"

Kaworu wasn't stupid but he had to take a second to realize that Shinji was pleasuring himself to the thought of him. Kaworu's was in shock and his heart raced. It couldn't be, but it was. Kaworu could not take it anymore. He closed his eyes and composed himself and entered Shinji's room.

Shinji lay on his bed, still breathing heavily after his orgasm. He didn't hear the door open but when he rolled his head to the side he saw Kaworu. His eyes widened in horror. Here he was, half naked on his bed, covered in cum, and he had audibly called out the other one's name. It was obvious Kaworu had heard it. Shinji was overtaken by shame. His head was still fuzzy but he sat up immediately and tried to cover himself. It was useless, there was nothing around. His hands moved nervously and a desperate cry emerged from his mouth. He wasn't even paying attention to Kaworu anymore, he was too busy panicking.

Suddenly Kaworu was right there, kneeling by his side. Kaworu took both of Shinji's wrists in his hands and restrained him. He leaned in and pressed his mouth onto Shinji's. He had lost his restraint. No more could he hold himself back from Shinji now that he had knowledge that Shinji thought of him that way. Kaworu pressed himself tightly to the boy and his grip on Shinji's wrists remained. Shinji kissed back thoughtlessly and Kaworu kissed him more deeply. Neither one knew what was going on, but they both wanted each other so desperately and had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Their lips parted. Kaworu let go of Shinji and looked deeply into his eyes. He held Shinji's face in his hand and noticed the tears running down Shinji's face.

"Ka-Kaworu-kun?"

The way he said his name this time was infinitely different from the last time. It was scared and sad and desperate and not in the least affectionate.

It seemed like Shinji was still over occupied with his shame; it was like the kiss seconds ago had not happened. Here Shinji was, not dressed, covered in his own cum, and pale as a ghost. Kaworu realized the state of the boy who looked at him in wide eyed horror. Kaworu regretted walking in on the boy's most private moment and looked away in lament.

But it was not time for Kaworu to think about himself - he had his beloved to attend to.

"Shinji-kun," he said. "You needn't be ashamed or scared. I did hear everything, but that is why I came inside. Please, don't be so sad, I'm here for you"

No response.

"Shinji-kun, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I realize I should not have entered your room. I have failed your feelings.

"Please, Shinji-kun, don't look at me like that. I am not thinking anything bad of you. If anything, I am the one at shame here. I lost my control when I heard you call out my name like that. I am sorry, Shinji-kun, please calm down."

Shinji's lips were parted and his throat felt dry and cracked. He wasn't processing anything Kaworu was saying. He managed to understand that Kaworu heard him pleasuring himself and calling out his name, and he only felt all the more unease and shame. His breathing picked up. He began to panic. Tears streamed down his face. He felt so forlorn.

Kaworu did not know what to do. His worry increased exponentially as he watched the boy work himself into a panic. He was hyperventilating. This, this was a sight Kaworu was familiar with.

Why was this happening? This wasn't supposed to be happening. They were supposed to be happy that each other reciprocated their feelings. Shinji was supposed to smile and not cry. Kaworu was desperate. He did not know what to do.

Kaworu got onto the bed and took the crying boy into his arms. He pressed him tightly to his chest and said his name over and over and over, caressing him and rocking back and forth. Minutes passed. At last Shinji became aware of his situation and felt the boy holding him. He heard his name being called out by his favorite voice. Even though he remembered what had just happened, he realized that Kaworu was not upset. Rather, he was holding him. And he had kissed him. But why..?

Shinji wanted to ask Kaworu but he felt so, so weak and pathetic. He body slackened against Kaworu's and he let himself feel the affection, even if he didn't know that is was that. Kaworu realized Shinji had calmed down and stopped rocking. He held the boy even more tightly, he didn't want to let him go, and then loosened his grip so that Shinji could move. But, against his predictions, the boy stayed in his arms,

"Kaworu-kun?" pleaded a shaky voice.

"Yes, Shinji-kun?" replied Kaworu, trying his best to be comforting.

"Um, uh, um, I don't understand anything that's going on.

"Help me, Kaworu-kun" he sobbed.

Never, not once in Kaworu's whole life had he seen Shinji like this. It was scary and for once, he did not know what to do.

"Shinji-kun." His voice cracked. "Everything is going to be alright. I promise. I love you, Shinji-kun. I'll never leave you.

"I love you" he said once again, very firmly.

"You love me?"

"Yes. Always and forever. You are the only one in the universe special to me and I am so sorry for what has happened but I would never do anything to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Shinji-kun"

Kaworu leaned his head into the crook of Shinji's neck. He felt ashamed and miserable and awful. He had failed his beloved.

But Shinji did not leave Kaworu's arms, despite the fact that he was able to. He had calmed down and was assessing the situation.

"Why did you come to my room? Why did you enter even after what you had heard?" It was a harmless inquiry, not an accusation.

"I followed you to your room because I missed you already, and, being greedy as I am, I wished for more than the embrace I stole. I walked in because never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that you wanted me too"

The words echoed in Shinji's mind. It was difficult to believe, but somehow he didn't doubt the boy. Kaworu said that he loved him too and that he wanted him.

"Kaworu-kun?"

"Yes, Shinji-kun?"

"W-would you hold me closer? Like before?"

"Anything for you, Shinji-kun."

Kaworu did not know what would happen but he felt himself growing increasingly desperate. He held the boy closer.

Shinji was the one to point it out.

"Kaworu-kun" he said "You're crying"

In shock, Kaworu reached to his face to find tears streaming down it.

"Kaworu-kun, please don't be sad because of me.

"Kaworu-kun, I love you"

"Nnnnngh"

And with those words, Kaworu broke into a heavy sob. His body shook and his tears flowed. He dug his head shamefully into Shinji's neck. He held Shinji tightly.

Shinji did not want his beloved to feel this way. He repositioned himself in the boy's arms and pulled apart from him after a few moments, just a little bit, to hold the boy's face and stroke it.

"Kaworu-kun, I love you. Please don't be sad because of me. I'm okay now."

Kaworu stopped crying. Shinji moved in and kissed his tears away. He smiled sheepishly. How Kaworu loved that smile….He smiled back.

The two of them blushed but were not embarrassed at the situation. Shinji no longer felt uncomfortable being naked and seen in Kaworu's arms.

"Kaworu-kun, you said you came into my room because 'you couldn't hold back anymore?' What does that mean?"

"It means that I don't just love you, but that I want you."

A long pause.

"Well then, Kaworu-kun, you can have me" Another simple smile, and it meant the world to Kaworu. Kaworu smiled back and Shinji, and then he grinned.

"It would be my pleasure, Shinji-kun."

Shinji blushed at the words. Soon Kaworu was laying him down on the bed. Kaworu got on top of Shinji and rolled Shinji's shirt off. Kaworu leaned down and kissed Shinji.

"You too, Kaworu-kun"

"Eh?"

With a blush, Shinji continued. "You have to take off your clothes, too, Kaworu-kun."

Kaworu reddened sweetly. "Of course, Shinji-kun"

Kaworu kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned and shrugged off his button down. Shinji moved his hands to Kaworu's chest and began to roll up his purple t-shirt. Kaworu let him take it off. Then Shinji, blushing, unbuckled Kaworu's belt buckle. Kaworu's face turned pink.

Shinji helped Kaworu take off his pants. Shinji then shamelessly slipped his hands down Kaworu's underwear. Kaworu groaned. Shinji knew what he wanted to do. He took off Kaworu's underwear and pushed him back so that he was lying down.

"Shinji-kun?"

"Let me do this for you, Kaworu-kun"

Shinji ran his fingers down Kaworu's hard length and moved his mouth to it. He shyly began to lick it, from the base to the tip. Kaworu groaned. Shinji opened his mouth and began to suck on the head, fingers wrapped around the rest. Shinji let the entirety fill his mouth and moaned. It's bigger than I thought Shinji thought. He cupped Kaworu's balls and pressed his hands against them. Kaworu arched his back and moaned. His face was flushed. He couldn't believe what was happening. He couldn't believe that Shinji would go this far for him. Kaworu whimpered and let himself be washed away completely by the pleasure. Shinji's head was moving up and down quickly. He slurped and sucked and attended to every little part of Kaworu. He placed his hands on Kaworu's upper inner thighs and continued to suck. Kaworu's body twitched and he could feel himself approaching his climax. He groaned. Shinji moved even faster, maintaining the speed. Kaworu's hips bucked and he moaned loudly, cumming into Shinji's mouth. Shinji continued to suck him while he came and then he swallowed the cum. Shinji sat up and wiped some cum off his mouth. Kaworu was panting, and he looked so lovely, laying there sweaty in the aftermath of his orgasm. Shinji was feeling particularly shameless and leaned down and kissed Kaworu. Kaworu wrapped his arms around Shinji and slid his tongue in his mouth. Their mouths continued to move but as soon as Kaworu regained control of himself he rolled Shinji onto his back and grinned devilishly.

"You didn't think it was over, did you?"

Shinji flushed. Kaworu was still hard and he could feel it pressing against his boner.

"What- what do you want to do?"

Kaworu simply continued to stare into Shinji's eyes and within a few seconds Shinji got the message. Kaworu kissed him hard and then began to trail kisses down his jaw, his neck, and his shoulder. Shinji wrapped his arms around Kaworu as he continued downwards. Kaworu fingered Shinji's nipple and then squeezed it. He kissed it and then began to suck on it while fingering the other. Shinji moaned and whimpered Kaworu's name. He could feel a heat in his core and a pleasure that was new to him. This was much, much, infinitely better than Shinji could have ever imagined it to be. Soon Kaworu was lapping at the other nipple, and then he was messily kissing the other parts of Shinji's torso. Shinji let out a deep breath. Kaworu grabbed Shinji's thighs and rubbed the insides. Shinji gasped and Kaworu chuckled at Shinji's twitching member. He spread Shinji's legs apart and began to kiss Shinji's length. As he held it, he laid kisses on every part, taking time to attend everywhere. Shinji exhaled deeply and whimpered. This was too good to be true. Soon Kaworu was kissing the underside and then his balls. Shinji wanted him to suck already. He realized Kaworu was dragging it out, letting Shinji buck and moan excessively before he could orgasm. Finally, Kaworu began to suck him. It wasn't long before Shinji felt himself reach his limit. Shinji cried out and climaxed, letting Kaworu receive his cum. Kaworu swallowed it and Shinji blushed. Kaworu moved up and laid down on Shinji. Their lips met and then their tongues. Their tongues slid against each other and they pressed their lips desperately to each other. It wasn't long before Shinji was hard again.

Kaworu maneuvered Shinji's frail body so that he was on his hands and knees. Shinji wasn't too sure what was about to happen but he trusted Kaworu and that was enough. Kaworu kissed the back of Shinji's thighs and slid his hand down Shinji's member, making him whimper. Kaworu grasped his own and put it between Shinji's legs, so that is was under Shinji's.

"Close your legs tightly" Kaworu gently commanded. And then Shinji did. Shinji shivered at the feeling of having Kaworu rub up against him. It was wonderful. Kaworu began to move without notice and Shinji gasped loudly. Kaworu chuckled; it was his intent to surprise the boy. Shinji grabbed the sheets and closed his eyes, letting the feeling of Kaworu's length rub against his overtake him. He continued to gasp and whimper and Kaworu too moaned. They were transfixed on the other and the moment and there was nothing between them. Kaworu moved faster and Shinji moved with him. They felt the climax coming. Kaworu continued to thrust. He called out Shinji's name and Shinji responded with his. They came at the same time, loudly and all at once, grabbing each other and whining loudly. The sheets were covered in cum. Shinji began to collapse but Kaworu pulled him back to his position.

"Not yet" Kaworu cooed sweetly. And Shinji was overwhelmed and exhilarated that there was more to come.

Kaworu located Shinji's hole and began to lap at it. Shinji's breath was drawn in sharply. Kaworu sucked gently.

"Shinji-kun, I'm going to put some fingers in to loosen you up.

Shinji nodded and waited for Kaworu to enter him. Kaworu pushed his finger slowly into Shinji's hole, trying to reduce the pain as much as possible. Shinji bit his lips and held his breath.

"Please relax Shinji-kun."

With the soothing tone of Kaworu's voice, Shinji breathed out and let himself feel the entrance in his body. Kaworu moved his finger and pushed another one in. Shinji gasped and felt his whole body twitch. Kaworu began to move his fingers and Shinji moaned his name. Shinji grasped the sheets tightly and took it in. His body was alit with a new sensation and he panted.

Kaworu took his fingers out and guided Shinji so that he was lying on his back. Kaworu took hold of Shinji's thighs and moved them upwards and apart. Shinji curled his toes and waited.

"Are you ready Shinji-kun? I'm going to put it in."

Shinji nodded. "Do it now, Kaworu-kun" he breathed.

Kaworu smiled. He grabbed himself with one hand and put the other between Shinji's legs, aligning himself with Shinji's entrance. Kaworu tensed up and thrusted, slowly entering Shinji. Shinji gasped at the pain and held Kaworu.

"Are you ready Shinji-kun?"

"Yeah" he responded shakily.

"Are you sure? You seem to be in discomfort-"

"Kaworu-kun, I want you. I want this." "Please continue" he moaned.

Kaworu nodded seriously and held onto Shinji. He thrusted slowly at first and made sure he kept Shinji in minimum discomfort.

"Faster" Shinji moaned.

"Hold onto me"

And Shinji did. Kaworu picked up speed and began to move in and out of Shinji quickly. The pace picked up once again and the two were grunting and moaning. Neither had felt like this before. Kaworu continued to move in and out and Shinji's whole body twitched with pleasure. Kaworu took in the warm, tight, soft sensation and pressed his lips together tightly. But then Shinji began to call out his name, like he did when he was touching himself, and Kaworu lost it.

"Kaworu-kuuun"

Kaworu moved even faster and Shinji moaned loudly. Kaworu felt his climax approaching and began to call out Shinji's name repeatedly.

"Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun"

Kaworu's body twitched and grunted and came. As he came, he continued thrusting inside Shinji, cum spilling everywhere. It was shameless, and neither of them cared. Kaworu only moved harder and soon Shinji came too. Kaworu collapsed on top of Shinji and they both breathed heavily. Kaworu was about to take himself out of Shinij when Shinji stopped him.

"No, Kaworu-kun, I want to feel you inside me for longer" he panted.

"Ah Shinji-kun, you know, we can always do it again. We can do it as much as you like."

Shinji blushed and hugged Kaworu to him.

"I love you, Kaworu-kun. Happy birthday"

"I love you too, Shinji-kun" he responded, nuzzling his head into Shinji, "Thank you for the best birthday ever."

Shinji inhaled sharply for what he was about to say made him blush crimson. "What made you think it was over?" Shinji asked.

Kaworu blushed and grinned. "Shinji-kun" he said "I have an idea"

"Uh-huh?"

Kaworu pulled out of Shinji and sat up. "Come here, Shinji-kun, let's do it sitting up"

"Ah but Kaworu-kun I'm not ready yet…." Shinji trailed off.

Kaworu pulled Shinji onto his lap. "We can always do other things until you're ready" he said.

Shinji wrapped his arms around Kaworu's neck. Tenderly, he pressed his lips to Kaworu's and kissed him.

"I love you, Kaworu kun"

"I love you too, my Shinji-kun."