Author's Notes: (sigh) I need to fix the scene changes in the other chapters, but I'm so lazy.

Disclaimer: None of this is mine.

someday my pain will mark you (harness your blame)
part three

"That is the dumbest-looking thing I have ever seen on you – and I've seen a lotta dumbass things on you," Aella states, sitting down on her haunches and shaking her head.

Raylan looks back at her and shoots her a grin. "I think it makes me look kinda cool."

"What you think you are? Some kind of cowboy?"

"Well I am a U.S. Deputy Marshal now."

Aella barks out a laugh. "Marshals ain't cowboys anymore."

Raylan turns back to his reflection, fingers the rim of the hat. When he was a kid, he would run around the house wearing the cowboy hat of an old Halloween costume his mother had bought him. He'd chase Aella through each room, outside on their property, through trees and holler and back. She'd turn into a raccoon and pretend to be a bandit and a few times into a pony so they could ride around pretending to be real cowboys.

This hat… It makes him feel a little more complete, like he does in the middle of the night when Aella presses up against him and licks his face when she's sleepy.

"I'm gonna get it," Raylan decides.

"You're mad," Aella says.

"I like it; I'm gonna get it; and I'm gonna wear it all the damn time."

"Now you're just saying that to piss me off," Aella sighs as they walk up to the counter.

Raylan doesn't really pay the man behind the counter any mind or his squirrel daemon. He pays for the hat, giving Aella cheeky looks the whole time, and then puts it right back on his head before they walk outside. The sun hits them hard, painting them in heat, but at least his eyes are shielded thanks to the hat. Aella has to duck her head as they make their way to the car.

"Maybe I oughtta buy you a hat," Raylan muses aloud as he turns the key in the ignition.

"You do that," Aella grounds out, "and I'll eat the damn thing."

Turning the wheel around, Raylan backs the car out of the lot and then pulls back out onto the road. "There's a dog somewhere in you yet."

"Goddamn, it's hotter'n hell down here!" Boyd shouts over the sound of the machines, men, and fire.

"I imagine this is hell!" Raylan replies.

Close at his heels, Aella hangs her head and growls under her breath. She hates it down here and he hates dragging her down here even more, but he can't come down here without her. They tried that once, stupidly, him thinking he could handle it and her all sorts of wary. After twenty-five feet apart from each other, he felt like he was getting his guts torn out of him and he couldn't breathe. Boyd had to haul his ass halfway back to her and Aella ran full speed, resisting every urge to howl.

Boyd's daemon Athaliah isn't nearly as ruffled as Aella is about being down in the mines. Sure, she doesn't like it, but Raylan can tell that Atha doesn't like being parted from Boyd one bit. She doesn't go more than five feet from him when they're down here and that's only because she has to get out of the way of the machinery.

It happens without warning, as all fatal work accidents seem to do down in this black circle of hell.

Raylan's in the middle of wiping sweat from his brow, turning his head to look back at Aella to reassure her that it's almost lunch, when there's a loud explosion. Everything shakes and trembles, forcing Raylan to grab hold of the wall to keep himself on his feet; and there's a roar that sounds more like beast than machine or mountain.

"What in the hell…?"

He turns to look at Boyd and catches the strange look in his eyes. There's no time to say anything else. There's another earth-shaking boom and men are shouting and running. Raylan doesn't have a clue what's going on, but the panic is enough to entice him to run as well, back to the surface where he belongs. He drops the tool in his hands and turns around, taking off like a bat out of hell, Aella quick on his heels. Boyd is a few feet ahead of him, Atha lithely following him.

Their reasons for running soon become apparent though as smoke begins to fill his lungs and pebbles fall on his head. He can even feel the fire from the explosion licking at his back. There are people behind him, men trapped and their screams echoing off the cavern walls, but he ignores them. He has to.

The mine's collapsing.

The voice in his head doesn't belong to him. The thought does not come from him. It's Aella's, quicker in body and mind than him as she always is, making the connections for him faster so he can live just a little bit longer.

"Hurry the hell up, Givens!" Boyd shouts at him.

"I'm–" Hacking and coughing takes over his voice. The smoke is unbearable and he can barely see. He's holding his hands out as he runs to make sure he doesn't run straight into a wall and it bumps over the shoulders and backs of other men doing their best to escape the collapsing mine. Loud cracks follow him, at his back and on his sides, and he feels like he's running in a fixed race where the only outcome is losing.

He's not going to make it. He's going to get trapped in this hell hole.

For some reason, the notion of getting stuck down here in a collapsed shaft doesn't scare the shit out of him. It's the idea of Aella being stuck down here that gets his ass into gear. As long as she gets out, everything will be fine. Even if they've got ten feet of rock separating them, he'll be fine, so long as she has the sun shining on her.

Stop being such a sentimental jackass and run!

He stumbles for a moment, tripping over a rock or maybe a person, but before he can fall, Aella bumps into him and uses her body to keep him standing. She's big, sturdy, and just enough to keep him from falling flat on his face and getting trampled. Enough to keep him running.

That's about the time a huge slab of rock falls in front of him, dust and dirt blowing in his face. He throws his arms up in front of his face and skids to a halt. When he opens his eyes, all he sees is darkness, not a complete cave in, but just enough to startle him into stopping. A deep cut in his chest tells him that Aella is out of his sight, and that's enough to finally send him down into panic along with everyone else.

"Oh, oh!"

A whine from behind catches his attention. It takes him only a second to see Athaliah behind him, whimpering and nudging at a rock that has fallen on her leg and pinned her down.

Raylan blinks. He can hear Aella howling in his mind and Boyd shouting out loud, can feel the rocks shifting in front of him, can smell the sulfur and coal, can practically touch the fear and panic of the men running in the mines behind him. Atha looks up at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her eyes bright, her red fur sticking up as wild as Boyd's hair always is. He doesn't think.

(You never think, goddamnit, Raylan, you never think)

Pushing the rock off her, Raylan bends down and picks up Athaliah. A jolt runs through him, something like an electric shock, but not…unpleasant, followed by a chill that runs all the way up his spine. Apparently Atha felt it as well because she yelped immediately – or maybe it was Boyd that made the noise or maybe it was just because her leg looked like it might've been broken. Whatever it is, a dizziness overcomes him, making him feel drunk on…fear and anger and shock. There's so much surging through him that isn't his own and it makes it difficult to remember his own emotions.

I've got you, he thinks as he shoves his way through to the other side, waves of…something rolling over him the longer he holds onto Boyd's soul.

And though she isn't his, though she's Boyd's (she is Boyd), the look in her eyes tells him that she knows.

Light breaks through, slipping in between the rocks and coal dust. With one hand clutching Atha protectively against his chest and the other tipping his hardhat down to shield his eyes, Raylan pushes through and gulps down a breath of fresh air – or as close as fresh as he can get, soot and dirt clinging to the back of his throat.

"Athaliah–" A pained, gasping sort of moan distracts Raylan and he sees Boyd stumbling towards them, pushing his way against the men fighting to return to the outside world. Immediately Raylan holds the little fox out to him, knowing full well that she's broken a leg and can't run to her human, and Boyd takes hold of his daemon.

Raylan has never thought that Boyd was the sort of person that was capable of crying about anything – but it's hard as hell to hide tears when your face is covered in black shit. Boyd clings to Atha, so much so that it looks like he's trying to push his soul back into his chest so she can never be parted from him again. He strokes her fur, whispering into her twitching ears, cradling her, protecting her.

It isn't until Raylan feels a bump behind his knee that he buckles, collapsing awkwardly on top of Aella and the ground. He reaches out for her and she comes to him, rubbing her face against the side of his cheek, as if wiping the dirt off him. When he touches her, her entire body is vibrating and he notices how her hair is standing up on her back. He pulls her to him, hugs her, but doesn't say a word. He doesn't have to. She knows. Aella always knows.

Close or distant, not being able to see your daemon always stings. They played when they were kids, testing their boundaries, seeing how far they could go from each other, but Aella would come flying back to him the moment he couldn't see her. "I was scared I wouldn't exist if you couldn't see me," she confessed. That was when they were real little, back when everyone seemed to wonder if a tree still made a sound if no one was there to hear it.

Dumbass, she thinks, but it's warm and gentle, something she rarely allows herself to be anymore.

But it's for him. He needs it, needs the coddling and the softness, because though he won't say it out loud, down in that mine, he had been afraid that he couldn't possibly exist without being able to see her.

"Aella, that was the last moon pie!"

As if she's just trying to pour salt in the mood, Aella has the gall to shift from a golden lab form to a sheep for just a second, the cream of the moon pie still on her lips and tongue.

Raylan leaps forward from his spot on the floor, trying to grasp onto her, but Aella shifts into a collie and bounds away from him, barking out laughs. He's just five, but he's quick, jumping up and chasing after her out the screen door of his house.

And he crashes right into his father.

He falls back on his ass, the wood stinging him, and nearly bangs his head on the wall. As he slowly recovers, he takes note of his father looming over him, his eyes looking foggy and distant from drinking, and then he sees Aella still in a collie form pinned underneath his father's Mara. Rubbing at his eyes, like he's subconsciously trying to remind his father that he's just a boy, he's just five, only a kid, Raylan pulls himself to his feet.

"What did I tell you about runnin' 'round inside the house?"

Raylan casts his eyes to the ground. "Not to do it," he mumbles to his father's boots.

"And what did I tell you would happen if you did it again?"

"That you'd put a boot up my ass."

He can't help himself. He instinctively flinches when Mara bites down on Aella.

"Now come here–" His father goes to grab him by the shoulder.

Some days, Raylan will take it. He'll crumple up and go away in his head, pretend he's somewhere else, and then he'll curl up in bed and sniffle as the bruises settle on his body. But then Aella yelps in pain and there's a stab of pain in his chest and his mind isn't far away. It's like his mind is connected to Aella's and he feels more animal than human, more wild and flighty.

"No!" Raylan shouts. He kicks Arlo in the shins, making the older man howl and curse, and jumps off the porch. The sudden shout distracts Mara just enough to allow Aella to shift into a bunny rabbit and slip out of the pitbull's grasp. The two of them take off across the lawn, his father yelling and Mara barking behind them, but there's nothing in the world that can stop Raylan now. Once he sets his mind to running, he's running, and he's gone, down the hill, through a corn field, running even when every breath he takes feels like he's sucking down fire and his legs throb to the point of becoming numb.

He runs all the way to his Aunt Helen's place. It's not too far, but far enough to where he knows Arlo won't be able to chase them. Mara is fast, but Arlo's been drinking and can't bear to be separated from Mara farther than five feet.

(What's it say about a man who can't be parted from their soul when it seems on some days like he doesn't have one?)

Raylan bursts into his Aunt Helen's home. She's not there, but the back door is always unlocked for him. He runs through the hallway and into the living room. Tearing the closet open, he shoves his way past clothes and every little random knick knack until he finds the little tiny hiding place he found two years ago. Hiding in the dark hidden place in the closet is one of Raylan's first memories. There are some nights when he's huddling in there that he thinks that maybe he was born here.

And so he hides in the closet, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around his legs. He uses every bit of his energy to control his breathing, so he's not loud. Aella is curled up in his shirt, resting near his heart, in a field mouse form. She's so tiny and soft, but he can feel her heart racing against his.

You shouldn't have done that, Aella squeaks out, nuzzling against him.

Raylan closes his eyes and bites his lip. Mara was hurting you. I didn't want her to hurt you.

It's my job to protect you, Aella says, sadness tainting every word, like she knows that she'll only ever fail him. He knows she won't though. Raylan doesn't know a lot of things, but he knows Aella and he knows that even though she is always right, sometimes she can be wrong too.

In his life, Raylan will do a lot of dumbass things, and a lot of them will be because of his insane need to protect Aella and she'll snap at him every time, but he can't help himself. Everyone's weakness is their daemon and everyone is connected to their daemon, but Raylan knows it's more than that with him and Aella. Raylan knows that she's more than just a part of him.

He's a part of her.

(If you're a wolf, I'm a wolf.)

Just as Aella is an extension of him, so is the baseball bat. Ever since he picked up one in the house and hit Arlo in the side with it to escape another beating, Raylan has felt a kinship with the sport. He mowed enough people's lawns so that he could buy his own bat when he was eleven. It wasn't that great, but it was his.

Even now, as he stands on deck, Raylan lazily swings the bat, keeping one eye on Dickie Bennett pitching and another eye on Aella as she prowls around in the dugout. Most people have to keep their daemons close to them when they play, which makes playing any sport somewhat more of a challenge, but they've practiced well enough where Aella can usually stay out of the way. Neither of them particularly likes it, but he hates the idea of her accidentally getting hurt somehow. It happens all the time, and it's not pleasant at all.

Stop worrying about me and focus on Dickie, Aella chides him.

Raylan smiles slightly, ducking his head so that the rim of his helmet shields his face. If Raylan hates Dickie, then Aella most certainly loathes Dickie's raccoon daemon Mahlah. She's small compared to most raccoons, clinging onto Dickie even while he pitches. She never once falls off him, no matter how erratic his throwing becomes when he's frustrated. It must take everything in Aella's power to not swallow that little daemon up whenever he and Dickie get into it.

When it's finally his turn, Raylan steps up to the plate and gets ready. He zeros in on Dickie and just smiles back at him, knowing full well that it'll just piss the Bennett boy off even more. "I'd say give me your best shot, but I don't think that's worth much against me," he calls.

Dickie seethes and Mahlah digs her claws into his shoulder. Aella paces outside of the dugout now, full of energy and the desire to take a crack at the other daemon. Her irritation puffs her up, makes her look even bigger than she already is. Even his own teammates and their daemons keep a good distance from her. Raylan keeps his cool though, forces himself to relax even though he knows that he has to hit the ball. He can't mess up now.

The first two pitches are balls, both of them wildly out of his reach. The third one ends up being a foul tip. He hits the fourth one, but it goes way out of bounds, landing in the parking lot.

"Come on, Dickie," Raylan says, "just walk me. It's the safest bet and what your coach wants."

The fifth pitch hits him square in the head and he's down on the ground before he can even feel stunned.

Two things happen: one) Aella immediately bounds toward him; and two) Dickie somehow beats her and places one well-placed kick to Raylan's ribs. Before he can get a cleat to the face though, Raylan grasps his dropped baseball bat and swings as hard as he can. Not only does he feel the vibrations through the bat when it connects with Dickie's knee, but he hears the crack of bone too, somehow louder than Dickie's shout of pain. Now Dickie's on the ground too and Mahlah has for the first time fallen off his shoulder. Before Raylan can get up though, Aella is on Mahlah, snarling and tearing into the little creature.

He knows this at once: Aella is going to kill Mahlah.

She is going to fucking kill Mahlah and Raylan just blinks, dust settling around him, his head pounding so hard that he can't even begin to focus on a train of thought. He doesn't think. He just watches, partly in shock, partly in horror, and partly in…nothing. He doesn't feel a thing himself, but he can feel Aella's desire for blood, her want to taste it, drink it.

"Raylan, stop her!" someone is shouting. Now that his brain is coming to, he can hear other people shouting, not just Dickie's hollering. "Stop her!"

If Mahlah dies, then so does Dickie.

"Goddamnit, Raylan! Aella!"

Raylan rolls onto his belly and see his Aunt Helen shove through the gate and run towards them, her honey badger daemon Ezekial just a few feet in front of her. Ezekial is a fourth of the size of Aella. When he was little, before Aella settled, he always seemed so much bigger than her. If she ever got out of line, one smack from Ezekial would calm her down. Nothing and no one is going to stop Aella now. She's too big, too strong, too much for Harlan. It'll take at least five daemons to subdue his Aella, but by then it'll be too late.

And if Aella kills Mahlah, then she'll have killed Dickie too. He will have killed Dickie.

His chest aches and his head feels like it might split whenever he moves, but Raylan pushes himself to his feet and staggers towards Aella. He barely has the will to speak, and so he just tackles her and collapses in an awkward heap on top of her, knocking her away from Mahlah.

"Let go of me, Raylan!" Aella shouts.

"You're gonna kill her!" he yells back, using all his strength to hold onto her, wrapping his arms around her body and using his own weight to pin her to the ground. He's always known that she was strong, but feeling it firsthand surprises him. She snaps – she snapped at him – and turns her head from him out of rage.

It feels so weird – being so disconnected from her. Normally she's the one telling him to calm down, normally they're so in sync with each other – but for the first time, Raylan sees what Aella can be: dangerous, unrestrained, wild, uncontrollable. She's…frightening.

Calm down, he practically begs.

She doesn't respond to him, not for a long while, not even after she stops fighting with him.

People are tending to him, paramedics having been called. Dickie's gone to the hospital and the paramedic is trying to convince him to go, tending to the head wound, but Raylan pays them no mind. He stares Aella down, calling out for her, trying to reach out to her with his mind, but she won't even look at him. She says nothing, not to the paramedic's golden lab daemon, not to him, nothing. She's dead silence and he hates it. Even on the ride home, she says nothing, just stares out the window, and he says nothing to her out of frustration.

"You scared me," Raylan tells her when he sits down on his bed.

"I'm a wolf, Raylan," Aella bites out. "I'm dangerous. What else did you expect?"

She sleeps on the floor that night, which upsets him more than he'll ever admit.