It had been a week since Draco and I have been able to sneak away and see each other and I felt the emptiness inside from it. Especially on Valentine's Day. Harry and Hermione were both miserable messes because the people they had feelings for were with other people. Which I have to admit, the idea of Draco being with another girl made my stomach turn. Luckily, that was not the case. We belonged to one another and we both knew that. Now we did at least. So between being made sick by Ron and Lavendar snogging each other dawn to dusk and apparition lessons...it has been a very below average week. I also hadn't seen Draco anywhere which I expected. I wish he would tell me what he is spending so much time on, but part of me thought it was also better if I didn't know. Since it was Sunday and there were no apparition lessons or homework to catch up on, we were able to take our time at breakfast. I decided to keep it even more relaxed and wore over sized off the shoulder dark gray sweatshirt with some leggings and sneakers.

"Good morning everyone." Ron greeted as he took a seat across from Hermione, sitting next to me.

"Good morning Ronald. Where's your shadow this morning?" Hermione asked never taking her eyes off the newpaper in her hand.

"You mean Lavendar? She is with her friends." Ron corrected and started piling a bunch of different food on his plate.

"Guys, can we not get into this?" Harry pleaded looking between our two friends.

"I agree. If I hear one more thing about this I am going drown myself in the lake." I whined. "I mean it." They agreed and we all carried on with our food. I did notice Harry starting to search the room for someone.

"What is it Harry?" I asked, looking around to see if I may have missed something. Until I realized he was looking over at the Slytherin table.

"He isn't here." He stated as if we were supposed to know who he met. Except I did.

"Who isn't here?" Hermione asked looking where his eyes landed. "Oh, Malfoy."

"Why does it matter if he is here or not?" I asked, trying to compose whatever eagerness I had.

"I think he is plotting something." He admitted. "I don't know what exactly, but he keeps going out at random times of the night and day and he disappears from the map." I felt a sense of panic rise up in me. Harry was watching Draco on the Marauder Map, which meant that if he was watching Draco there would be a chance he could find out about us. "I think he's a Death Eater. I'm sure of it. With his dad in Azkaban, it only makes sense that Voldemort would make Malfoy and official Death Eater."

I needed to find Draco, I needed to find him and tell him we have to be careful. He needs to be careful. What if Harry and everyone found out about us? What if Harry found out Draco really is a Death Eater? Would he hurt him? I couldn't stop all my thoughts from taking over and I started to feel sick.

"Lyra, are you alright? You look pale." Hermione was looking at me, her eyes were full of worry. Harry and Ron were looking at me too.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just feel a little sick." I lied, I started to stand up and was fumbling. "I-I-I think I'm going to go get some fresh air or something."

"Do you want one of us to come with you?" Harry offered.

"No, I'll be okay." I assured. "I just need to take a walk or something." I stood up and started making my way out of the Great Hall. I could feel the loose strands of my pony tail sticking to my forehead as I practically ran to the only safe place I knew. Not the library, not the common room, not even my bed. I climbed the stairs and could soon feel the cold February air embrace me as I reached the top of the astronomy tower. Once at the top I tried to catch my breath and realized I could't. I struggled to control my shaky breaths and leaned against the wall and could feel myself sink to the ground. I was having a panic attack. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't stop it. I feel scared, unsure, nervous, and like a bad friend. I fell for and have been sneaking around seeing the one person who has been nothing but horrible to them since day one. Mean to me even. But I love him, as crazy as it is Draco is the only person I have ever felt these feelings for and for him to feel the same way back is more than I could ever want. I'm caught between the side I stand with and the person I love most. They can't coexist.

If I warn Draco about Harry and that he is watching him closely then I am betraying the Order and my friends. If Draco is up to something really bad, I can't have a part in it. If I choose my friends I lose the love of my life and he loses me. Either way I can't win. I put my head between my knees and inhale and exhale deeply. Maybe I can do both. There had to be a way to stay true to myself and loyal to my friends while also being with Draco. I had to try. I could not talk about Draco's other side with him. Maybe if we avoid it we can somehow let it not effect us. Maybe if I tell Draco we have to be careful and that I don't know, my friends are suspecting me of seeing someone or something...it all feels insane. But I have to try. We could always see each other when I know Harry is either sleeping or has no way of being able to check the map.

I finally stood to my feet and took a deep breath and stepped towards the railing of the tower. Everything looked so beautiful up here and the fresh snow made everything look so clean and pure. So untouched by the world. I couldn't help but think about a world without prejudice towards someone's blood status. How many people could truly be happy and how many families would still be full. Harry's parents would still be here. Sirius would still be here, Cedric, and Max. My first birthday had barely even passed by when he was killed, he was only 5 years old. Bellatrix Lestrange had come to our home that night to torture my family in order to get information out of them. They played a very active part in the first wizarding war and even held meetings at their home. She came late at night when we were all asleep, my parents awoke to all of our windows being blown out and our lawn being set on fire. Michelle was only 10 years old at the time, not very old at all, but she gathered all of the kids into the attic where we wouldn't be found. She tried so hard to protect us. Max, being just a little boy, wanted our mum and ran down stairs to where they were being interrogated. Bellatrix didn't even give him a chance. As soon as he came down those stairs she shot the killing curse at him. I may not have strong memories of my brother, but the hole he left and the pain my parents still feel has effected my whole family and still does.

Hours later I awoke in my bed. I came back here after everything this morning and just got under the covers and slept. I looked at the clock I had on my side table and it made me jump up. Dinner had already begun and if I don't hurry I'm going to miss it. I swung my legs off the bed and went to the mirror to see what kind of a hot mess I looked like. Overall, it wasn't too bad. I fixed my pony tail and left just a few front strands in the front and applied a coffee colored lip gloss so I didn't look like I literally just woke up. My gray sweat shirt didn't look that bad and I switched my leggings out for some distressed skinny jeans. I hurried out the door, down the stairs, and out of the common room. I was really surprised Hermione didn't wake me up or come looking for me, she probably wasn't in our room all day though.

It didn't hit me how hungry I was until I walked in the Great Hall. The smell of chicken, potatoes, and bread filled my nostrils and suddenly I felt like I could eat my weight in food. I spotted Ginny and Neville and walked over to sit with them. As I walked over to them I caught a glimpse of the Slytherin table and saw the white-blond hair I grew to find comforting. I sat down next to Neville, I could see Draco just behind Ginny and he could see me.

"Hey Lyra, where have you been today?" Neville greeted. "We didn't see you after breakfast."

"Oh I know, I wasn't feeling that well this morning and took a nap all day apparently." I sighed. "Which kind of sucks because I wanted to study a bit today." That was true, I wanted to study a bit for potions. I'm a great student, I just like to be on top of things. I grabbed some food, mainly potatoes, and started eating.

"Are you feeling better?" Ginny asked in between bites of food. I nodded and noticed Dean wasn't here.

"Where is Dean?" I asked. She paused and rolled her eyes, motioning her head towards the end of the table. I looked down to where she motioned and saw him brooding at the end of the table sitting with Seamus. "Oh, I see."

"All we do is fight. I can't remember a week where we didn't fight about stupid bloody thing." The red head ranted. I felt bad for her, she just wanted to be happy. I wonder if Draco and I were able to be together in public if we would fight as much as Ginny and Dean.

"I'm sorry Ginny, maybe you guys just need space." I suggested.

"I think you're right, but I'm starting to think we might need permanent space." She sighed and picked at her plate some more. We continued to eat and chat when Katie walked up and took a seat next to Ginny, they were talking about quidditch so I tuned it out. I had this strange feeling to look up from my plate, as I did I noticed Draco looking at me. He nodded his head at me, that was his way of saying lets meet tonight. I nodded back and motioned for him to look down at my hand that was on the table. I stuck my my index finger up twice, signaling 11 pm to meet. Harry would be to bed by then so he wouldn't be looking at the map. He nodded once more and that was that.

We were all just getting settled in for the night and Hermione was next to me in the bathroom brushing her hair along side me. "Are you sure you're feeling better?" She asked for the millionth time.

"Yes, I promise." I rolled my eyes. "I think something I ate made me feel bad. I feel way better now." I assured her as I brushed my long black locks of hair. "Anyways, lets go to bed."

"How are you tired?" She exclaimed. "You slept all day."

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "Sleeping all day takes a lot of energy out of me." We both laughed and walked back to our beds. I found a tank top to wear to bed and pair of black jogger sweat pants. Might as well dress warm for bed since I'll be sneaking out in a couple hours. I crawled into my bed and snuggled under the blankets. "Goodnight"

Waiting for everyone to fall asleep felt like a lifetime. As soon as I was sure they were all deeply sleeping I quietly slid out of bed, put my slippers on and slipped out the door and down the stairs putting my sweatshirt on as I did so and nearly tripping. The halls of the school were so dark and quiet, I didn't want to use my wand out of fear of being caught so I just used the moonlight and went by the small amount of light the wall torches provided. Finally I made it to the tower and went up the stairs. I was hoping he was already here, I felt so anxious that I think waiting would literally kill me tonight. Luckily, when I got to the top of the stairs I saw him pacing. He stopped as soon as he saw me at the top of the stairs and smile.

"Long time no see." He greeted as he came over to hug me. He was in pajamas for once instead of his uniform or a suit. I don't think he realizes how attractive he looks in sweat pants and a hoodie. His embrace was warm and strong, his cologne filled my senses instantly and I felt like I was drifting on a cloud. I broke our embrace to look at his face. It was still so thin and he had dark circles under his eyes still. He didn't look better.

"I know what you're thinking." He sighed. "It hasn't been easy this week."

"It's never easy, I just worry about you is all Draco." I cupped his face in on hand and looked into those tired gray eyes of his. "I love you."

He placed a hand over mine. "I love you too Lyra. So much." He leaned down and kissed me softly, taking me back into his arms. "It feels so cold tonight."

"It does, but you're so warm I barely even feel it." I smiled into his chest. "Let's go sit and talk." We walked hand in hand to a spot we where we could see the wintery night. Draco sat down on the ground against a wall and I sat down in between his legs with my back to his chest. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around my middle.

"What's going?" He asked. "I feel like there is something on your mind." His breath felt soothing and warm against my ear. I just sighed.

"We to be more careful."

"We barely see each other and we don't interact hardly in public, how much more careful can we be?" He asked, slightly irritated.

"My friends are starting to suspect I may be seeing someone." I paused. "They either think it is someone they know or that it may be some secret guy they haven't met. Or that it is someone embarrassing like McLaggen or something."

"So what are you saying?" He asked plainly, leaning back and pulling me with him.

"What I'm saying is we'll have to me late at night like this or when they are all too busy to notice I'm not around." I explained. "Like we decide what night we meet on each time we see each other and we can meet during like Hogsmeade trips or when they are at quiddith practice."

"I guess that will have to work." He sighed hopelessly. "I just don't want them to be too far apart. I miss you all the time. Sometimes I have to stop myself from talking to you in front of everyone or touching you or kissing you." I smiled at that. The idea of Draco actually wanting to be near me makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world.

"How is your mom?" Last he told me she was miserable.

"She's the same really. Worried abut dad, worried about me, and other things." He paused. "However, the only thing that seemed to have made her happy recently was when I told her about you."

"What did you tell her?"

"Just that I met someone who makes me happy and that they accept even though...you know." He meant the Death Eater thing. "I didn't tell her your name or house or anything like that. Just about how I feel when I spend time with you."

"Draco you make me happy too." I smiled.

"I never said happy." He said, pretending to be serious.

I turned around to face him and he was trying to hold back a laugh. "Oh shut up you stupid git." He pulled me back into him and kissed my forehead. I thought it was a sweet moment until he tickled me. "Draco no!" I laughed and tried to squirm away from him but he was too strong. Through all the squirming,tickling, and laughing he ended up on top of me. He propped himself up on an arm and stared down at me. He's so handsome I thought as he leaned down to kiss me once again. I could live in this moment forever.

"Next Saturday night." He whispered and pulled back just enough. "Next Saturday, meet me here and I'll sneak you into my dorm. "

"Are you mad?" I asked and sat up abruptly. "What if someone catches us?!"

"They won't." He replied nonchalantly. "It will be fine, I have a room all to myself. It will be the only time we don't have to worry about being cold or out in the open somewhere. You'll be safe."

I thought about it for a minute before agreeing to it. "As long as we don't get caught."

We stood up and walked towards the stairs. "We won't, I promise." He hooked his pinky with mine. "Pinky promise."

I smiled and tip toed up to kiss him one last time before parting ways. Next Saturday I will be alone completely with Draco in his dorm.

First new chapter in like 4 years! Sorry for the long break it has been quite the 4 years. But I hope most of you are still with me and I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter and all the updates and edits that went into the other chapters. Make sure to reread them as I updated them as of 11/20/18.