Preface

It is said that love is "Patient, love is kind," That it "Does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I'm here to tell you that my love wasn't like that at all. My love was full of impatience. It was rushed, but very powerful. My love wasn't kind, but very desperate. My love was full of envy, and my lover very prideful. My love offended others, made them disgusted. My love was very selfish. No one else was allowed to have me. No one else was allowed to be around me. No one else was allowed to talk to me. My love was full of wrong doings. I was protected to the point to where I was trapped. There was no hope for me. There was no hope for anything. There was nothing to persevere.

Love is a terrible beauty. Beautiful in the sense that it is the most amazing feeling you will ever experience. You feel like you're floating on a cloud. You feel like you're experiencing the most wonderful high that there is to imagine. You feel like love is your drug. And you are the addict. And you will never stop taking that drug.

But it's terrible in the sense where you always worry. You have to rely on trust. And if they break that trust, there's no worse feeling. You feel like you lost a part of yourself. You feel the worse tightening pain in your chest. You feel like you could have a panic attack. You feel worthless. You feel ugly. You feel not good enough. It's worse than any physical pain you'd have to endure. You feel like you just want to die.

My love didn't cheat on me. My love didn't betray me. My love terrifies me. My love is dangerous. And I'm constantly running from it. For my love, ultimately came back to bite me. My love failed.