Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I know it sucks, but they are so much fun to play with.

A special thanks to AlElizabeth for beta'ing my story! Awesome as ever!

Warnings: This story will contain PTSD, torture, and non-con (rape). Nothing Graphic! Mostly implied. If you don't like, please don't read.

Summary: This here is an AU continuation from my previous stories "Don't Follow" and "What To Do." Originally, I didn't plan them to be a continuing story but this story came up and it works to have all the stories connected. You don't have to read the other ones to get what going on here. Thing will be explained through out the story. But if you like I would love for you to take a look at them and read them.

Getting Worse Before They Get Better

Chapter One: PTSD

It was a day like any other. Sam's sitting in his History class. It is more like an auditorium than a regular classroom. He is really enjoying himself. He knows that Dean would make fun of him being a geek, but he really wouldn't care. He loves to learn. He got a full ride to Stanford. Sam doesn't think he's ever seen Dean so proud of him. It was hard to leave though. Yeah, Dean said it was fine, and truth be told Sam doesn't think he would have really been able to do this if Dean wasn't on board with college. But the simple fact that Sam was in Palo Alto and Dean wasn't with him was still difficult for Sam. He didn't like waking up alone in his room. But it wasn't all bad. Sometimes, Dean would come and stay for awhile and that made things a little more bearable.

Sam's been at Stanford for a year now, and he's made a few friends since being here. Some Dean's met and some he hasn't. The one Dean hasn't met yet was a girl name Jessica. Sam really liked her. Dean knew of Jessica because when he would come Sam would talk about her, but Dean hasn't had the pleasure of meeting her. Each time Dean would come by there would be some excuse as to why he couldn't meet her. Now he has talk to her on the phone, so Dean knows that she does exists. It makes Dean smile when Sam talks about her.

Now, History class is being dismissed and it is Sam's last class of the day. Talk of a paper that has to be done by the end of the week. Taking a trip to the library was in Sam's cards before going back to the dorms. Sam goes and gets himself some dinner at the Student Centre before heading out to the library. He looks in his wallet and sees that funds are getting low. He gets himself something small so that he could let his money last. He hated asking Dean for money, but Dean was adamant that he didn't get a job while he was in school. That anytime Sam would need monetary funds Dean would provide it for him. If Dean stopped by, he would not leave without giving Sam some money. Sometimes all the money he would have on him minus gas money for the Impala. Sam knew he would do that and hated it so much. Dean sacrificing everything for him just made Sam feel even more guilty. And on the times that Dean wasn't in the area he would wire the money to Sam.

Sam was sitting at a table by himself when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled a little.

"Hey Dean," Sam said

"College boy, how's it going?"

"Alright. What you doing?"

"Having fun."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at that. Whenever Dean said that it meant that he was in the middle of a hunt.

"What are you going after this time?" Sam smiled.

"Just the usual. Miss your research? Maybe when you go on break you can come with one time."

"Yeah. Hey Dean..."

"I'll be in the area in a couple of days. I think I'm going to go to the motel and crash."

Sam really loved his brother so much. He knew it was hard for him to ask for money, but if he didn't then Dean would yell at him about it was his job to make sure Sam had everything that he needed for school. So to save Sam the embarrassment of asking Dean would just offer by saying when he was coming or if he wasn't coming he would tell him to go pick up the wire at the Student Centre.

"Where are you now?" Sam asked.

"Reno. What are you doing now?

"Eating, then I have a paper I have to start on, so I'm going to the library."

"Well, go get you some food, I'll be there in a couple of days."

"Dean, I said I'm eating."

"Yeah, I heard that lie. Go get you something to eat."

How does he do this? Sam thought looking at the bag of chips he had in front of him.

"Hey geek boy, don't worry about it. Go eat and then take your nerd ass to the library. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Dean."

Sam hung up the phone and walked back to the counter and got himself a sandwich to go with his chips. After he finished his dinner, Sam heads to the library. He finds a secluded spot in the corner, puts his things down and starts in on his paper. Sam gets so much into the paper that he loses track of time. He's sitting at the table writing away when the librarian walks over and taps the table. She doesn't hit it hard but because Sam wasn't pay attention it scares him.

"Oh sweetie," the librarian said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just came to let you know that we're closing."

Sam sits back for a minute to try to calm himself down. He tries to calm his breathing. He looks at this phone and debates calling. After sitting there for a minute, Sam begins to pack his things up. The librarian, feeling awful for startling Sam, tells him that he can take the books that he have with him and brings them back tomorrow.

Sam, still shaking, walks out the library and begins the trek to his dorm. He looks at his watch and sees that he was out for way too long. He didn't want to be walking by himself at night. It's not that he couldn't take care of himself but there was no big brother around to have his back. If Dean was there, he would have sat in the library with him just as long as he was and the walk home wouldn't be this terrifying. Sam's heart is racing. He knew he needed to calm down. He knew he was being ridiculous. He just couldn't stop the nervous feeling in his stomach. He starts feeling phantom ropes on his wrists. Sam stops walking and closes his eyes rubbing his wrists. His side starts hurting. He knows it's in his head but he can't help it. Then he starts feeling other things and he gets nauseous. Sam starts to walk again. Get to his dorm room, that's what he tells himself. Call him when you get in the dorm room. One foot in front of the other. Sam reaches his dorm, fumbles with the key, gets in and lock the door. He keeps his back to the door even as he reaches for his phone and begins dialling.

"Hey, college boy," Dean answered his phone after looking at the caller ID.

"Hey D-Dean," Sam said trying to calm down. "When will you be back this way?"

"I thought we just had this conversation. Why? What's wrong?

"N-nothing," Sam said a little to fast. "It's nothing, I just wanted to know when you would be here."

Dean turned the car around. "I should be that way in a couple of days." Or hours depending on how fast Baby can get to Stanford, thought Dean, but knew he wouldn't tell Sam that.

Even though Sam's gone to college, with Dean's blessings, it didn't mean that big brother radar would be any less. Dean always could tell when something was wrong. And even though Sam was trying his best to conceal something, he knew that Dean would notice. Dean also knew that Sam was too proud to just ask Dean to come by the school. But the tension in Sam's voice let Dean know something's not right. So Dean decided to just come out and ask him.

"Is everything alright, baby brother?" Dean knew putting that at the end, Sam would know that no matter what he told him, Dean would not be upset or mad or judge him.

"It's...n-nothing...I'm f-fine...I just...wanted to know..." Sam tried to sound nonchalant. It wasn't working.

"Sammy." Dean wheedled.

"De, it's fine. I should go. I'll see you in a couple of days."

Sam hung up the phone.

Dean was glad that he had already checked out of the motel that he was staying at earlier that day. Something told him it was time to travel. He just didn't think it would be to California. He knew at the pace he was going, he should be there in about two and a half hours. He tries not to be too far from California if he could help it.

Sam walked into the bedroom and laid down on the bed completely exhausted. Sleep came to him fast. He didn't even realize that he fallen asleep until he was awoken to someone banging on the door. Sam looked over to the clock and saw that he actually been sleep for about three hours. Then there was that banging at the door. Sam got up and crept towards the door. Who on earth would be knocking at this hour? Slowly Sam's hand reached for the door lock, when it banged again. Sam jumped.

"Sammy," said from the other side of the door. "Open up. It's me."

"Dean," with much shock and relief in his voice as he opened the door.

Sam opened to a smiling big brother. Dean didn't even get in the door when he his arms was full of his baby brother.

"Hey, kiddo," Dean hugging his brother.

"Dean, I thought you weren't coming for a couple of days!"

"Thought I'd surprise you. You going to let me go and invite me in. Or are we just going to stand here like a couple of girls?"

Sam let Dean go and moved out of the way so that Dean could come in.

Dean walked towards the living room, making note of where everything was in the room. The last thing he wanted was to come in and see that Sam wasn't taking precautions like he was suppose to. Dean nodded to himself. Satisfied that everything looked okay. He knew he had to work on the real reason he was here early.

"Sammy," Dean said sitting on the couch putting his feet up on the coffee table.

"Dean," Sam standing in the doorway. Dean could see he was tense about something.

"Alright, baby brother." Dean said. He pointed to the other end of the couch to tell Sam to sit down. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. N-nothing. Everything is f-fine."

Dean looked at his brother, still standing in the doorway. Dean could read Sam like a book. Right now, Dean knew that Sam was scared about something. The stuttering didn't help matters either. Sam only ever did that when he was really scared.

"Sammy," Dean coaxed. "Sit down."

"Dean, it's fine. Why are you here?"

Dean took his feet off the coffee table and squarely looked at his brother.

"Do you really want me to answer that question, or do you want to come sit down and talk?"

"Dean..."

"Sam," Dean stood up and walked over towards Sam. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

Dean could see that Sam was shaking. Dean reached out to grab Sam's shoulder and Sam jumped. Sam had pure fear in his eyes when he jumped from Dean. The last thing he wanted to do was to do that to Dean. He didn't want Dean to think that he was scared of him. He knew he was overreacting. Nothing happened. It wasn't like before. He knew he was just being paranoid.

"Dean, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Sam, stop. Just tell me what happened," Dean demanded, cutting Sam off.

Sam walked into the living room and sat down on the couch where Dean originally wanted him to sit. Dean on the other hand remained standing.

"I know I'm probably imagining this," Sam put his head in his hands. "I don't even know what started it. I was fine all this time."

Dean sat down on the coffee table in front of Sam. He gripped Sam's wrists and moved his hands away from his face.

"Look at me, Sammy. What brought this out?"

"I-I have a paper due in a c-couple of day. I was at the library. I lost track of time. The librarian startled me. When I got out of the library, there was no one outside. Just like that night. And you weren't there. Dammit! It's been four years, why is this coming back now?" Sam sounded so exhausted. He put his head back down. Dean leaned forward and gripped the back of his neck and pulled Sam closer towards him.

"Sammy, listen to me," Dean gently squeezing Sam's neck. "It's over. It was four years ago. You're not in that alley. You're not in that garage. And more importantly, I'm right here Sammy. And I'll always be here."

"I can still feel the ropes, Dean." Sam looks at Dean with tears in his eyes.

"You'll get pass this." Dean lowers Sam's head on his shoulder.

It was silent in the room. They just sat there. Sam with his head on Dean's shoulder. And Dean would sit there like that because that's what his baby brother needed right now. Then Sam broke the quiet in the room.

"D'n," Sam sounded like a little boy.

Dean smirked. "Yeah, Sammy."

"How long are you staying?"

"As long as you need me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks De."

"Why don't you go back and lay down. I am going to get my things out of the car."

Sam slowly lifted his head and looked at Dean. Then he got up and walked back to his room and laid down on the bed. Dean watched Sam as he stumbled deeper into the dorm, heading towards his bedroom. Dean got up and left the room and headed for the car. When he got back, he saw that Sam hadn't moved from that spot on the bed. Dean put his things on the floor and sat back down on the couch. Dean remembers that night and deep down still blames himself for what happened. And every time Sam has one of his stress moments it's like a punch in the gut to Dean because he couldn't protect his brother.

TBC

A/N: I hope you liked my first chapter. Please be kind and review! :)

Many Hugs and Kisses to you all

Mandancie :)

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