Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 13 or any of the characters

I lay in bed, waiting for my mind to settle. The day's events keep unfolding in my head. The laughs, the good times, the memories to another life. I sigh. The clock says 2:34am. I flip over and bury my head into the pillows, praying for some sleep to come.

Light is streaming in through the drawn curtains. Only a few hours have passed, it's 6am. I groan and throw the covers off. As I shuffle into my living room I hear clicks. I look onto the couch and Hope is sitting there with a laptop on. He smiles at me for a second before he sees my state. Not wanting to discuss this I ask him,

"Whatcha doing?" He frowns slightly and replies,

"Well since I am staying in town I need my own place to live. Sorry to say Light, but I can't live here with you forever. Let alone while we are just starting our…" he pauses, as if to find the right word of what to call us. What is us? What are we doing?

"Our, relationship. That is what this is right?" I say gesturing back and forth between the two of us.

"Yes, exactly." He replies. I think over what he is telling me. I am grateful that he doesn't expect us to continue living together. I am also glad that that will give me time to figure out how to deal with some of my underlying… issues.

"I think that is a good idea." I say. A thought comes bubbling up, that he can't stand the thought of living with me, that this is just a fling, which he couldn't possibly deal with me for the rest of his life. I think about these thoughts and I'm inclined to agree with them. But that doesn't me I won't let him be in my life for now, the more time with him the better until his eventually realization of what exactly I am.

He's watching me, waiting for some reaction. So I give him a slight smile and go to sit with him on the couch. I point out good looking apartments and he nods and gives his opinion. Some are too close to work he says, others to far from me. There seems to be a perfect location in his mind. Not too close to work, but not to close my home either I believe.

"This one!" He exclaims suddenly. The building looks familiar.

"Perfect! It's right next door! Fully furnished, updated, this is the one!" My mind goes blank for a minute. This building is right next door, across the street. I see it out my kitchen window. That's why it had looked familiar. He wants to live that close to me?

"Are you sure? It isn't too far from work?" I ask him concerned. He frowns at my statement, he's been doing that a lot lately.

"No, it's perfect, just like I said." His statement is curt. As if I'm not supposed to reply to it.

"Unless of course you want me to live all the way across the city?" Irritation is slipping into his tone. I realize this is because of me. What am I supposed to think? That he wants to live right next to me? That it is indeed perfect because of the "me" factor? It's hard to accept. It's hard to believe.

"No, of course not. I was just making sure." I reply. He nods his head as if trying to convince himself of my statement as well.

"You just don't understand do you Light?" he asks looking straight at me. His forehead is creased and his green eyes are intense. They make me squirm, unlike anything else in this world.

"I don't know what you are trying to say." I look my eyes onto his, letting him know I am not backing down. Putting up such a front of confidence and intimation that I myself even believe it. He smiles slightly and puts his hand on my cheek.

"Of course you don't, you've never been the brightest." There is now teasing in his voice and I frown at his statement. He begins to laugh at me. I try to act stern, to send him the vibe that this is not funny at all. It seems to make him laugh more.

"I don't appreciate that comment. I believe I taught you a lot more than you've ever taught me." I say solidly. To end this folly conversation. My cheeks do begin to feel warm from the fact that he is indeed right. Hope is on a whole other intellect spectrum then I am. Not saying I'm dumb, I just don't know as many facts and statistics. But my logic triumphs his any day. And that makes me smile.

He frowns deep, and playful.

"Sorry Miss Farron, I respectfully repeal that last statement of fact." He grins mischievously at that last part. I push off the couch and turn away. My arms crossed in front of my chest.

"You think you are sooooo funny Mr. Esthiem." I hear a chuckle start from behind me. I start to turn around, but his arms are around me and he is nuzzling me neck. I try to push him off but realize, he is also unfortunately a lot stronger than he used to be. He holds on tighter and I twist and squirm to get out of his embrace.

"Oh don't you act like you are still upset!" He says. I look at him, and he looks so happy. I smile slightly at his goofy demeanor.

"I forgive you of this heresy you have spoken against me." I grin at his dumbfounded look. He kisses me lightly and lets me go. I walk away and head to my room.

"What are we doing today Hope?" I call to him.

"Well I would like help moving into my new apartment." He grins. I look at him for a moment.

"Don't you have to buy it first?" I ask confused.

"Already did. Told you I was smarter than you." He grins again and I just shake my head.

The day had gone by in a little of a whirl. Hope had indeed gotten that apartment. It was easy to move him in. He only had the two suitcases after all. After a little while of sitting in his new place I realized how much my own lacked any personality. Maybe some new curtains and a rug or two could bring it to life. I also realized at how much I wanted my own soul to come alive again. It was starting to. I could feel it. The tingles of love and light penetrating myself. I smiled more often, thought about liquor less and less. Thought of my past even lesser. I was looking forward to the future. My job will continue next week, and I found myself almost sad to go back. Hope's also started too, so that made it better.

When I came home to the empty house I realized just how lonely I had been. I looked at the pale white walls, and the bland couch. No color, no life. An idea came to mind, and at 11pm I was home again with a gallon of paint, and home décor. Teal blue was the theme. It reminded me of the ocean. I also mixed in some greens, to remind me of now boyfriend.

The word still stuck in my throat if I ever had to say it. There was a time in my life where I knew personally that I would grow old by myself and waste away never experiencing the things in life I wanted to. That reality seemed to be fading away in light of what was happening. When Hope had left the first time, I knew what my future held. Loneliness and solitude. But now he is back. And hope itself has found a place in my soul.

The next day, I let Hope into my home. He stands in the doorway his mouth hanging open.

"What, do you not like it?" I had painted three walls the teal blue and one a nice grey. New area rugs brought more warmth into the room. Pillows had been added to the couch and chair for pops of color. I was secretly really proud of how it all turned out.

"No, no it's great! I love it. I love to see some color in your life again." He is smiling wide. He pulls a present out from behind him.

"I guess this will fit perfectly in here now too." His smile gets wider as I unwrap the gift.

"You know, you didn't have to get me anything. I don't even know what this is for." I tell him. As I unwrap the last bit my heart starts the thud a little louder. It's a picture frame. Inside the frame is two pictures. One of me and Hope when he was 18, and the one we took together yesterday to celebrate his new house. My throat tightens. This is really happening. All of it is really coming true.

"Well do you like it?" He asks worriedly. I wrap my arms around his neck for a hug. This is new to me, initiating a hug. Hope seems to understand the gravity of it and wraps his arms around me.

"I'm so glad you like it." He says. I nod my head and just relish the moment. This love, this peace I am feeling is unlike something I have felt for a long time. So much aguish and strife had been poured into my life. So much self-doubt and pity. So much darkness and hopelessness. My soul is coming alive. My heart feels real. Happiness is tangible. I sigh in our hug and he lets me go.

"Thank you so much." I tell him. He is alight now. His face is beaming, his eyes practically sparkling. I sense that my eyes may be sparkling too.

"Let me take you out tonight. Our first official date." He is grinning, and I can't possibly say no to him. I don't even want to say no. I want these moments to stay here forever. I don't look forward or backwards, I am caught in the moment. The future holds things hard to think about, and the past holds things not worth thinking about. So I will be caught in this moment. I will be caught by this man.

I will ignore the demons I still have to face. I will ignore the facts about the probability of all this working out in my favor. I will ignore it all for the sake of this feeling. One day it will have to be revealed, one day I will have to face them. But that day is not today. Today is my first official date.