strings of your silence

Castle tails her to the elevator, his enthusiasm at the prospect of buying an FBI car so infectious that there's nothing Kate can do to hide the grin. Oh she tries, sure, but he sees the dip of her head and the slow stretch of joy across her face. When the elevator doors slide closed on them, he stands just a little closer than he normally would, dares to stretch out his index finger and brush the back of her hand.

All day, he's been catching the taste of her underneath his tongue at random moments, the intermittent shards of quiet between their theory building full up with the gorgeous moans that bloomed from her throat. He wants her, all the time anyway, but she almost died again just a little while ago and he wants to affirm both of their lives.

Celebrate. A job well done, yes, but also maybe. . .the start of something. He doesn't know.

He overheard Agent Shaw just now, telling Kate that he cares about her, and he almost wanted to interrupt and tell her it's so, so much more than that. It's not that he cares about her. It's that he went into a burning building, shot at an armed serial killer to save the life he's quickly realising he'd give his own to protect.

"Um, Beckett? Are you staying at the loft again tonight?"

Startled eyes meet his own and Kate's jaw slackens with shock and maybe a little apprehension, he thinks. "I. . .was going to, yes. If that's okay?"

"Yes, yeah. Stay." He grits out, flames curling up the column of his spine as he watches his mouth. God, he wants her. So badly. "Can I kiss you?"

He gets a nod from her, more timid right now than he's ever seen her. And he knows it's mostly because her whole life went up in flames only a couple days ago and the foundation upon which she stands is shifting beneath her, but this isn't what he wants.

She should be sure about this, about them. As sure as he is.

Castle uses the brush of his mouth to draw a smile from her, touching his tongue to the corner where her lips meet and then moving to nibble carefully at her bottom lip, light kisses that burst open between them as if they're ripe. The elevator doors open right as Kate lifts up to press the whole length of her body to his and she startles, drops back down and strides out of the elevator car.

It takes him a moment, but he follows.

In the cab on the way to his loft, she keeps shooting him these hot little glances like she doesn't understand what he's doing so far away from her, but all he offers her in return is a tender smile. He won't kiss her again.

Not before he's made sure that she knows he's not kidding around here. He wants her, not just her amazing body but also her sharp mind, quick wit, her compassion. They could be really, really great together, he's sure of it. He's just not sure that Kate is.

He takes her hand in the elevator on the way up to his loft, draws her in close to his side and kisses her temple. Her wrist is circled by her father's watch once more, but the gauze makes her look fragile and thin, the bulk of the thing overwhelming her.

Faltering in front of the door, Castle tucks a loose strand of Kate's hair back behind her ear and comes in to kiss her cheek, can't help a quiet bubble of laughter when she sighs in disappointment. Uhuh, Kate. Easiest way to get her to agree to go all in with him is to drive her crazy beforehand, make her want him so bad she'll say yes to anything.

Her eyes meet his and she smiles softly, squeezes his fingers where they lace with hers. "Your daughter home?"

"Yeah. That okay?"

"Mm-hmm." She grins, and then she reaches out and opens his front door herself.

Castle keeps a tight hold of her hand, feels the thread of tension weaving through her when she sees both his daughter and his mother waiting at the kitchen counter.

"Oh Richard, Detective Beckett, darlings you're just in time. I made dinner." His mother lifts a takeout carton and it takes everything Castle has not to roll his eyes. Instead, he ushers Kate towards the island and gestures to the stool next to his daughter, moves to the rack to grab a bottle of wine.

"Mother, what are you doing here?" He says, shares a look with Kate that makes her dissolve into laughter. Alexis shoots Beckett a startled look and she sobers, chews at her lip.

Mm, how he wants to draw that lip into his mouth and lave his tongue over it until she sighs and curls her arms around his neck.

His mother glares at him, flicks her wrist in dismissal. "Well we're eating, you know, something families do a couple times a day."

"Hi Dad, Kate." Alexis grins, shifts in her seat so her bicep brushes Kate's elbow, the detective's arms folded as if in self-defence.

Rick feels horrible about it, he really does, but he wants them gone. His mother and daughter both. He wants to be alone with the woman he loves, the woman whose pupils are slowly swallowing the vibrant green of her eyes as she watches him.

"Hi. So, uh, what about Chet?" He says, feigning nonchalance as he sets a glass of wine in front of Kate and takes a long sip of his own.

"Well darling, I never said I was going to be chained to the man's side. Besides, Martha Rodgers is a woman of mystery and in order to maintain that I'm going to have to divide my time accordingly."

Alexis grins at her grandmother, casting her eyes sideways to glance at Beckett before she takes a mouthful of food. Rick knows his daughter has always been a little intimidated by the cool, smart detective. Maybe now, though, Kate will be around more and Alexis will grow more comfortable in front of her.

"Like having dual citizenship." His daughter says, her whole face flooded with pride when Kate laughs at her joke.

"Exactly. Besides, it's better for my relationship with Chet, so if I have to eat a few meals a week and do all of my laundry here we'll just have to make that work." His mother seems so smug about this that Castle can't help but roll his eyes, most of his attention channelled into figuring out how exactly he can get his mother and daughter to leave without explicitly asking.

"I think that sounds like a fine plan." Alexis says, thankfully sliding off of the barstool and coming around to throw away her takeout carton. She arches up onto tiptoe and presses a kiss to her father's cheek, hovering a little longer than normal.

An astute kid, he knows Alexis was worried about him. And Kate too. He'll have to talk it out with her later, make sure she's still okay with him spending his days at the precinct. And if not, well. . .as long as Kate comes home to him, there's nothing more he needs.

"Alright, darlings, well I suppose I should head off back to Chet's place. Alexis, want to share a cab?"

"Where are you going?" Castle whips around to stare at his daughter, sees Kate watching him from the corner of his eye. She's a little too quiet for his tastes; he hopes it's just because of his family's presence and not that she's becoming mired in doubt about them.

Alexis laughs at him, shakes her head. "I'm sleeping at Paige's tonight, Dad. Gram and I figured that you and Detective Beckett might want some alone time."

"Alexis, we're not-" Kate splutters, slams her mouth closed when Castle meets her eyes. Like hell they're not. Too late to go back now, Kate. She said she wanted a repeat performance.

Castle curls an arm around his daughter's shoulders and tugs her in to his side, presses a smacking kiss to her forehead. "Kate and I have a lot to talk about, yeah. That's very sweet of you to offer to go, but you can stay if you want to."

"No, I don't mind. Paige and I have an English assignment to work on anyway." His daughter shrugs, stepping away from him to snag her bag from the couch and wait for her grandmother.

Castle's mother kisses both of his cheeks and then moves to Beckett, draws her into a careful hug. And even despite her obvious discomfort, Kate's arms come up to wrap around his mother's waist in return. When Martha eventually lets her go, Kate seems a little shaken, and then it hits him.

When was the last time she had a hug from a mother?

Oh God. Oh Kate. She's so beautiful tonight, here and alive and still a little flushed with arousal. More than anything in the world he wants for her to never hurt again, to be the one to keep her safe and make her happy.

His mother and daughter finally leave and Castle rounds the counter to settle at the stool next to her, reaching out for her hand. "You hungry?"

"Not really. Tired."

Curling an arm low around Kate's waist, he draws her closer and settles his mouth at her cheek, breathes her in. underneath the scent of her perfume and the precinct, there's the sharpness of smoke and adrenaline. Every time he closes his eyes the explosion plays out in his mind again.

"You know, I have a pretty huge bathtub. You're welcome to it." Rick murmurs, slipping back off of the stool and holding out a hand to Kate. She takes it, quirking an eyebrow at him as she follows him through his bedroom to the bathroom.

He feels her falter and turns to look at her, has to laugh at the awe on her face. "Wow. You weren't kidding."

"I see how it is, Detective. Using me for my bathroom facilities." He huffs out a sigh, drops her hand to begin filling the bathtub and also, yeah, give her a little time to adjust.

The touch of cool hands at his waist, somehow inside of his shirt, makes him startle and he bites down hard on his tongue as he tries not to choke. Her mouth brushes the shell of his ear, nimble fingers sliding up his chest to circle his nipples. "Not the only thing I wanna use you for, Castle."

"Kate-" He chokes, somehow manages to turn around. He burns to crush his mouth to hers, but first he has to make it clear to her that he needs more than sex, more than a fling. "Oh God, Kate. Kate. You're killing me. I want you so much."

"Then take me." She murmurs, lifting up on tiptoe (when did she take off her shoes?) so her breasts are crushed against his chest, their hips and thighs and stomachs kissing.

"No, I want you. I want to do this with you. I want to be yours. If you'll have me."

She laughs at him, brings her palms up to cup his cheeks, but then she seems to sober as she realises how serious he is. "Castle, I'm not going to be any good at this. I'll mess up. I'll try and push you away when I get scared."

"You think I don't know that?" He raises an eyebrow, finds it absolutely futile trying to resist any more so he pushes a kiss against her mouth. Kate surges into him immediately, her tongue already slicking along his and he unleashes a moan into her mouth, clutches at her shoulders. "I know you. I'm not great at this either, Kate. But we'll figure it out together. It's worth it."

"Okay, yeah." She grins into his mouth, her fingers busy at the buttons of his shirt. He peels her own up over her head and drops his mouth to the tender skin of her breast encased in lovely black lace, sucks at the thunder of her pulse.

Rick turns off the faucet and strips off the rest of his clothes, steps into the bathtub so the scalding water laps at his ankles. He sinks down slowly, hisses a breath through his teeth at the too-hot touch of the water all around him. When it's bearable, he leans back against the cool slope of porcelain and rests his arms against the lip of the bathtub on either side of him, tries to look unassuming.

The gorgeous woman in front of him slowly peels off her pants and underwear, unhooks her bra and steps into the water with him. Apparently the temperature is nothing she's not used to because she doesn't even have to take a moment, just sinks all the way down to settle in the cradle of his thighs.

Head falling to rest in the curve where his neck meets his shoulder, Kate's eyes slip slowly closed and her lashes drift like shadows over the pale moon of her face. Soft, pliant lips spread into a slow smile and she hums, wriggles a little as if she's getting comfortable.

So devastatingly beautiful that he can't hold off any longer, he brings one palm around to nudge under her arm and span wide across her stomach, holding her close against him. With the other, he touches two fingers to her jaw to turn her face a little more into him and dusts his mouth over hers.

When their kiss crumbles around her smile, she brings her knees up to her chest and tilts to the side, almost curled into his lap. Her grin meets the hard edge of bone at his jaw as she buries her face against him, suddenly timid. "This is kinda weird."

"Good weird though, right?" He murmurs to her, kisses whatever skin he can reach. Her cheek and then mm, slipping down to the ridge of her clavicle, the graceful curve of a shoulder.

Kate nods against his chest, her fingers playing with his as if she's surprised to find him here. "You saved my life today."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Kate. I'm so glad you're okay." He grits out, knows she must feel the ripple of tension through him. Even with the touch of their naked skins, her body smooth like a river stone against his, panic clutches hard at the ladder of his ribs every few moments. He has to keep reminding himself that she's here, she's okay, she didn't die.

Getting to her knees, Kate straddles him in the bathtub and cradles his face in her palms, pushes the warm wetness of her tongue into his mouth. He opens for her with no pretence, lets her thoroughly convince him that she's okay. Her hand snakes down to find him hard and wanting and nimble fingers caress him over and over.

When he groans and crashes his forehead into hers she laughs, peels one of his hands away from her waist and guides him up to her breast. It's all the hint he needs; he rolls her nipple between two fingers and drops his lips to her other breast, scatters kisses to the flesh where she's swollen with want before he takes her in his mouth.

The whimper that spills out of her is even more incredible than he remembers and he slides his other hand down, seeks out the slick heat of her. Castle circles his thumb over her clit and grins against her breast when she jerks, presses a little harder until she groans.

"Castle, more. Please. Now." She grits out, wrapping her hand around him and lifting up on her knees. When she sinks down he has to hold his breath, eyes screwed tightly closed because she just feels so completely amazing and he never, ever wants to move away from the pale lines of her body.

Her hips meet his and Kate clutches at his shoulder, her other hand cupping his cheek to guide his mouth towards hers. It's tender and sweet and exactly the sort of kiss he's been wanting to give her for such a long time now. Kate lifts up and then slowly sinks back down onto him again, warm and lovely and so good.

"You feel incredible." He whispers, marvels at how the water makes her buoyant against him. Laughing, Kate squeezes her internal muscles around him and he jolts hard, his hips crashing up into hers.

"Castle." She hums, lacing her arms over his shoulders as she rides his lap lazily. Unhurried and magnificent, the way she moves with him. Her nose rests at his cheek and her hot breath curls underneath his jaw, this thing between them so rich with meaning tonight. "Castle, thank you for being there."

"Nowhere else I'd want to be." He assures her, hopes it says enough for now. She's not ready to hear the words he wants to say, and he doesn't really want to give them to her. Not like this, with the spectre of death still looming over them.

No, when he tells her he loves her it will be over a shared cup of coffee watching the spill of sunlight over their sheets. Or maybe curled on the couch watching a movie, in the park one lazy summer's afternoon. When he says it, it will be because he can't help himself anymore.

Until then, the way he touches her will suffice. Castle's hands slip up and down her spine and he crushes her to his chest, feels the first spirals of release uncurling slowly in his gut. "Are you close?"

"Mm, yes. Kiss me again." She smiles, brushes their mouths together and grinds down a little harder against him. Her movements are sloppier now, less rhythm to them, and when Castle snakes his hand down to circle her clit again she growls. "Harder."

He does, the press of his thumb and the lift of his hips into hers and the force of his kiss all at once until she's sucking his earlobe into her mouth and coming with almost no noise at all.

It's so completely different from yesterday, a contradiction in every way to the frenzy of their first time, and just from having her twice he knows he'll never, ever get bored of having Kate Beckett in his bed. Not that he really doubted, but even so it's good to have confirmation.

She carries on moving for him and his own release is potent, powerful, has him groaning into her neck and then relaxing back against porcelain warm with the shared heat of their bodies. Kate slumps against his chest and circles her arms at his waist, offers him a shy smile. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow. You're gorgeous, do you know that?"

"Not so bad yourself, Rick." She laughs, easing up off of him and stepping out of the bathtub. He watches the fall of a water droplet all the way down from the crease of her hip to the hard slate of bone at her ankle, wants to trace its path with his mouth. Kate casts a long look over her shoulder at him and then holds out a hand, almost has to catch him in his haste to follow. "Help me dry off?"

Yes, yes. Whatever she wants.

A/N: Eli, a ghrádh gaol. Tha gaol agam ort.