Just a little what-if for episode forty-something that took forever to finish. I maayy have written the rant first; I just really like angry Ed and first anime!Hoho bashing.

Warnings: Strong language, angry Edo, and an awkwardly-trying-to-kind-of-comfort Mustang. Hehe.

The tension was at an all-time high, the air thick enough to cut with a knife. Unspoken words- explanations, secrets, and lies- hung over everyone who sat scattered through the Rockbell home; soldiers shifting awkwardly in their seats, Rockbells grudgingly making accommodations, and in the center of it all were two gold-featured alchemists, one almost placid as he slowly swirled a drink between his hands and the other stalking about like a caged lion. Growling at anyone who came near, temper near boiling point, hiding what no one could get close enough to see, what he himself wasn't sure of. Was he hurting, upset? God knew he was angry, but anger he could deal with, not this mess of betrayed emotions.

Such tension could not last; eventually the clouds must break and the storm must begin. Anything could trigger it; the smallest of things could charge a bolt of white-hot lightning, striking and charring the ground. And in this case, the charge was a touch.

His brother couldn't even get close to him now; in this moment, Ed knew he would blow up at the slightest provocation, and amidst everything else he wanted to spare Al that- the muddled rage that was far from his fault. So he stayed far from the civilised, confused- he knew- people who had inexplicably followed him and his brother here, who were helping them of all things. Outside, in the summer sun and cool breezes of his home, he stayed far from everyone- and one in particular. Sadly, it seemed the old man couldn't take a hint.

"Edward," he whipped around, a fiery dismissal ready on his tongue. Hohenheim of Light- the most rotten, low-down of bastards- just stood there, at home on the porch, leaning against the railing easily as he regarded his eldest son. "Will you come inside? I was hoping to speak with you."

"What, are you gonna pull some 'apology' crap or something? 'Cause I don't wanna hear it." He turned away again, braid whipping around his shoulders.

Hohenheim made a mistake. Reaching out, he rested one large hand on Ed's right arm, freezing the boy in place. "I want to explain," the older man said quietly through the suddenly frigid silence. All movement from inside ceased, as if those inside had been alerted to the scene unfolding on the porch. " Please-"

"Shut up!" Ed roared suddenly, shaking the man's arm off and whipping around to face him. "Just shut up; I don't want to hear it." Alphonse moved surprisingly swiftly for his size then and moved to stand just outside the door, glowing eyes anxious as they darted between the two. He would be ready if his brother did something rash again.

"I can't," somehow Hohenheim withstood the instant death glare he got in immediate response. "I can't, because you aren't ever going to listen again if I stop now."

"You're gone for ten years, and then you just come back and expect everything to be the way it was?" Ed snapped venomously. "You think Al and I are still kids enough to even think of talking to you?"

"Edward-" he tried and failed to get a word in edgewise, voice lost in the gale.

"No! No, you bastard, you don't get to talk. You don't get to make excuses, not after you left us. You didn't seem to care enough to explain then, so why the hell should you now?" how dare he show up here, show his face after all this time?

"Brother, let him explain-" Al raised a hand in a foolish attempt at placating his older brother, only to have the Fullmetal's anger turned on him.

"What, are you siding with him now? He left, Al, and he'll leave again." Al stepped back a half step, metal head bowed as Ed continued ranting at his father.

"Where the hell were you? You just left, not a backwards glance. Yeah, Mom said you'd be back, but what were we supposed to believe after a year, then two, then three? You weren't coming back, that's what we learned. Even when Mom got sick, even when we spent weeks going through that little address book of yours, trying to find someone who knew where you were, because we needed help. But you didn't come; you were never going to come." His voice went deathly quiet, ragged and cold. "You couldn't even bother to show up for her fucking funeral."

"I didn't know-"

"No, of course you didn't." he said coldly. "You were completely innocent, travelling hell-knows-where, as I convinced Alphonse to go along with my own fucked up idea to bring her back. Not once did you show your face, not in five years, what else were we supposed to do? We had no one left." alone, just two children, Ed was eight; how was he supposed to live and take care of his brother without any guidance? Sure, Granny and Winry were there, but it wasn't the same. They weren't blood family, and they couldn't understand; not really, not the way they had needed. "Mom was dead, you weren't there, and I fucked up! I convinced my little brother to help me go against every law of the universe, and I trapped him in that armour." he drew in a shuddering breath, hardly believing what was pouring out of his mouth, but he kept going, unable to stop the wave of angry words. "You weren't there, you weren't there to talk us out of it, to stop us- to stop me, and you sure as hell weren't there to pick up the pieces afterwards. So don't you dare think that you have some sort of 'fatherly right' to just walk back into our lives and think that everything will be just fine-and-fucking-dandy." and without a backwards glance, he turned and walked away. Giving the bastard a taste of his own medicine, he laughed drily to himself.

"Brother," he could hear how torn Alphonse was; he knew that his brother would be fretting over who he would choose, the father he barely remembered and wanted so desperately, or the older sibling he loved more than anything. But Edward just couldn't bring himself to care, then, and he paused only for a moment, head half turned behind him as he spoke in a low growl.

"I'm not going anywhere with that Bastard. It's him or me, Alphonse." please pick me, please don't leave me. But as he continued, he heard no armoured footsteps behind him. And so he walked on, stalking up the hill and trying desperately to ignore the heat behind his eyes, until he finally made it out of sight from the house and broke into a run.

Alphonse walked dejectedly back towards the house, head bowed slightly.

"Al?" Winry asked hesitantly as he entered. She had heard everything, or at least the majority of the conversation. "Where's Ed?" Al made a sound like a choked sob, not meeting her worried gaze.

"He- he made me choose." was all he had to say before Winry came over and wrapped an arm around his metal own, pressing her head to his shoulder, and he could almost imagine how warm she must be, how cold the metal must be in comparison. He wondered; could she feel that faint hum through the metal? Could she feel the power of the Philosopher Stone, fused to his very being?

"He'll be back," she spoke sadly, but with confidence. No matter how big the argument, or how upset he was, Edward would never really abandon his brother. Not even now, not even with Hohenheim talking quietly at the table with Granny Pinako and the Colonel bunking with his men in the recovery room downstairs.

But soon it was almost nightfall, and Winry stood worriedly on the porch, searching for some sign that he friend was returning from wherever he had run off to as the last bit of the sun set glowed above the fields, turning the bright green grass to dewy silver. C'mon, Ed, just come home.

"I'm going to go look for him," she turned with a start to see Colonel Mustang pulling on his jacket against the cool breeze and stepping outside. "I doubt he'll want to talk with Alphonse quite yet." Winry simply nodded; she knew he was right, but it was unnerving that this man knew the brothers so well, when all of Ed's actions and words pointed to the fact that he despised his commander, not to mention Winry's own prejudices against him.

"Just get him to come back." she said quietly, and the Flame Alchemist shot her a quick, almost hesitant smirk as he trotted down the porch steps to the road. Slowly, the two were coming to some sort of comfortable truce; far from any sort of friendship, distant or otherwise, but something that let them move past their troubles.

Ed sat perched in the branches of an old oak tree, automail leg swinging out below him as he studied the remains of what was once a brilliant sunset, now just dusky purples and hints of pink on the clouds.

"Enjoying the view?" a familiar voice drawled from below. He wanted to groan or complain or something, but he found he just didn't care. He didn't pick me. It came down to a choice, and he didn't pick me.

"Screw off."

"Now now, Fullmetal, be nice," when he got no reply, Mustang just stood studying the boy from below. "Are you planning on coming down anytime soon? I'd rather not be out here before it gets any darker."

"Oh, by all means, go home. I don't give a damn. In fact, just go back to Central." Edward tilted his head back against the tree, shutting his eyes and willing his 'boss' to just leave him alone. He started when a branch below him creaked, though, and looked down with a detached sort of interest as Mustang pulled himself up to the branch beside him, slumping against the tree with a sigh.

"If the tree sap ruins my uniform, you're paying the dry cleaning bill." he grouched. Ed just grunted and looked away, studying the sky. Nothing made sense anymore; his fath- that Bastard had come back and his little brother had left him behind. 'We have to stick together; we're all we have left!' Ed laughed silently, a humourless smirk crossing his eyes. All we have left, huh? Yeah, thanks for that, Little Brother.

The two alchemists remained in silence as the last traces of daylight faded into night, and one by one the stars winked into light above them.

"That's one thing about home," Ed mused quietly. "You can't see the stars from Central, not like this."

"Hm?" Looking up, Roy nodded once; far away from city lights, the stars seemed infinitely brighter. He could even make out the constellations, remembered from his own youth spent stargazing, if he looked hard enough through the branches. "I guess I never noticed." Silence fell again, but Roy knew that it had to be broken. Ed wouldn't like what he was about to hear, but he would probably be even more pissed if the Colonel didn't tell him. "...Alphonse went with your father. They're camping out somewhere; there isn't enough room at your mechanic's." he could hear the creak of fisting automail but got no real response. "Would you mind explaining what that yelling fit of yours was a while ago?" Roy phrased it as a question, but the underlying order was clear.

"Didn't you hear? The Bastard left, and I screwed everything up." Then came an almost painful-sounding laugh, before the younger alchemist sobered, staring morosely at his mismatched hands. "What are you doing here?" he asked, startling Roy with the sudden change of topic.

"I'm stopping you from getting your sorry ass captured by the military," he answered automatically, though he got the feeling that that wasn't the answer the boy was looking for.

"No, what are you doing here? Why are you out here in a tree with me when you could just as easily be nice and comfortable back at the Rockbell's?"

"Because you went crazy at your father, then got left behind by your brother," Roy said, not even bothering with cushioning the words. He could almost hear Fullmetal wince at the verbal blows. "And because I know that you need to vent."

"Vent?"

"Yes, vent. Now come on," he leapt- rather deftly, he thought- to the ground and turned, waving at the boy to follow. "Get down here and scream." Still looking puzzled, Edward jumped down as well, much more cat-like as Roy had been.

"So I just... scream?"

"At the top of your lungs. Anything that's bouncing around that head of yours, just scream it out. Trust me, it works better than you'd think." Nodding slightly, Edward turned towards the river, sucking in a deep breath.

"You Bastard..." he started out quietly, slowly raising his voice. "You Bastard! You- you left- and you took him with you, and damn it, I don't need you! I don't, I don't, I don't, so fuck off and leave me the hell alone!" chest heaving, his face was bright red but he didn't seem to show any real sign of stopping, jerking his arms as if punching something- or someone, Roy thought with dark amusement. "I don't need you... you left, but we were fine, I don't need... you took him, you took Alphonse..." finally he seemed to run out of power, slumping down to his knees with his head bowed and fists clenched at his side.

"Finished?" Roy asked, coming up beside the boy, who just nodded, making no move to stand. "Good. Are you ready to talk civilly, then?" again, Edward nodded, straightening up as he sat back, knees pulled up to his chest. He looked almost vulnerable, tucked up like that. Like a lost little kid, but he wasn't a child, Roy knew. For once, he was letting down the façade he held that said he was fine and Roy could almost see just how shaken the kid was by this whole thing. In not even a week, everything he knew and held true had been yanked violently away, and now he was just... lost. Shaking his head slightly, Roy sighed and sat beside him stretching out his legs and resting back on his hands, tipping his head back.

"He left when I was four; Al was three, too young to really have any memories of him. Then it was just us and Mom. We didn't need him, so why- ?" Ed drew in a shaking breath, trying to collect himself just a bit.

"I don't know. I don't think anyone but Hohenheim himself could answer that. But he's here now, why can't you just give him a chance? He came back, in the end." It was harder than Roy had expected, being the voice of reason. Something about the Elric's father put him on edge; something was off when it came to Hohenheim of Light.

"Never," Edward bit back with a bit of his normal impatience colouring his voice. "I don't need that Bastard; I've done just fine for ten years without him. If Al wants to stay with him..." he forced the next words out. "Fine. I don't care. Al needs a Dad, but I don't."

Mustang growled. "You idiot, you know he'll come back," was Fullmetal really that stupid, to think that his brother would just abandon him? Roy had a hard time believing that the elder brother- the Fullmetal prodigy- could be so thick. "Just give him chance to spend some time with your father; he needs to form his own opinions of the man, without you influencing his decisions."

Edward gave a rough sigh, running a hand messily through his hair.

"I know he does. But I also know that the Bastard won't stick around. He'll leave again, any day now, and then what? We'll be back where we started, except this time Al- he'll remember him too." He'll remember how it looked, Hohenheim's back towards them; how it felt to watch him walk away without a backwards glance. Like it was his fault he left, like somehow he wasn't good enough, when really he's too good for a rat bastard like Hohenheim.

"You think that this will hurt him," Roy realized. "But it won't, not really. Al's a strong kid, he'll be fine. It'll hurt, yeah, but you boys are both strong enough to move on." It felt unbelievably cheesy, for Roy to be talking like this. This sort of heart-to-heart talk would be weird if it were anyone else, but with Fullmetal? Normally, this kind of thing would be out of the question. It just wasn't the way they worked. Short jokes and arguments he could handle, but this was getting a bit to close to 'fatherly' for Roy.

The same kinds of thoughts were running through Edward's mind as well, as the two sat quietly in the grass. Mustang's comments were sinking in, and damn it all, they made sense. Somehow, Colonel Shit was saying all the right things, everything that Edward needed to hear. Ordinarily, this would be Alphonse's role, but with his younger brother... elsewhere, it was almost comforting to have someone else ready to step up in the moment. But for it to be Mustang- well, that was something Ed wasn't really expecting to happen, ever.

"I just want to protect him..." he said quietly. Of course that was all he wanted; to do right by his little brother. That was his role, and it had been since Alphonse was born. Even more so now; he had messed up, had ruined everything, but Al was still innocent. He was still kind hearted and loving and soft in a way that Edward never was, and probably never would be again. He was everything that his screw up of an elder brother wasn't, and Ed just wanted to keep him safe.

"I know you do. But you don't have to do everything by yourself, either. You don't have to take all the blame, all the pain."

"But it is my fault. Everything, from the moment we- I decided to bring Mom back, has been my fault."

"So your brother just went along with it, no questions asked?"

"No! That's almost the worst part; he tried to convince me, to get me to stop, but I made him keep going." Ed was staring daggers at the ground, and the self-loathing was quite evident in his voice.

"So Al doesn't have a will of his own, then? He couldn't just say no; he went along with it just because you said to?" Ed growled and turned to glare at Mustang.

"That's not what I- stop twisting my words around!"

"Hey, you said it." Roy said breezily in reply. He met Edward's eyes then, catching his gaze and holding it. "Listen to me very carefully, Edward. It is not all your fault. Like it or not, Alphonse agreed, and actively participated in your Transmutation, and in everything you two have done since. He could have been spending his time in Resembool, nice and comfortable while you chased the Stone," was that, what, a flinch at the mention of the Philosopher's Stone? Roy waved it off, for now. "But he didn't. He's been with you, every step of the way. And he's definitely not going to leave you now, especially not if your father is as much of a bastard as you say he is." That drew half a chuckle from the teen, Roy noticed relief. A mopey Fullmetal wasn't right, and he definitely didn't want to have to see this again. Thinking back to how the boy had- stupidly, foolishly- run off after the incident in Lior, he added "You can ask for help, you know. You aren't alone in this- my team and I are just as deep into this as you are. You can trust us."

Ed studied him oddly for a moment, trying to detect any hint of untruth or sarcasm in the man's words.

"You know, for an absolute jerk, you give some half-decent advice." He said finally. Roy looked at Ed with mock affront, hand to his chest dramatically.

"What? I come all the way to the middle of nowhere to help you, and you call me a jerk? I'm wounded, Elric." Stretching his arms high above his head, Roy pushed himself up. "We should probably head back. The others were pretty upset when you left- Ms. Rockbell in particular." Roy didn't miss the faint colouring of Edward's cheeks at the mention of his friend as he stood. "You know, she won't wait for you forever. You should make a move, sooner rather than later." Ed flushed bright red.

"Wha- She's just my mechanic!" he shouted, flustered. Roy chuckled.

"What, pretty girl like that? Come on, be honest, Fullmetal." Roy smirked and sang, "You looove her!"

"Shut up! We're just childhood friends, you pervert!" If it was possible, the blond was even more embarrassed now, storming off as Mustang trailed behind him, still laughing.

He slowed about halfway down the road, though, and let the older man catch up, the two continuing on in a- not uncomfortable- silence, until Ed stopped just in sight of the Rockbell home.

"Colonel..." he seemed unsure of himself, not meeting his companion's eyes. "Something- something is going to go wrong. This moment of peace can't last."

"Of course it can't," Mustang agreed, still looking ahead. "But that's what this life is. When you're a soldier, there really is no such thing as peace." He glanced sidelong at the teen. "You're too young for this kind of life, kid. Why do you think all of us are here? Things are bound to go wrong, especially with you involved, but we- I'm not about to leave you behind." I'm not about to let you die too; I'm not going to fail in protecting anyone again.

"... Thanks." Edward said softly, still looking at the house, the fields, up at the stars. But when he finally caught Roy's glance, his eyes were filled with that same fiery determination they always had been. "I'm going to fix it. Everything. Then I'm done with this life, you hear me?" and with that he turned and jogged up to the porch, hollering to Winry that he was back as he stepped inside.

Roy chuckled at the stubborn words, shaking his head and smirking. Balance, for now, had been restored.

The next day came quickly- too quickly- accompanied by a missing person (no surprise who) and words of warning. Perhaps Edward's words the evening before had been foretelling, because, as he told the Elrics as he pulled on his uniform jacket, the military had arrived. Now he had his own silent promise to uphold; no matter what, he would protect those boys. Even if it meant losing everything himself, he realized. Even if it meant betraying them in the process.

His team may have been questioning his sanity as he argued and tricked the search team away, but he knew they would be behind him through the madness. They would protect their own- he would protect those below him.

Somewhere, he thought. Somewhere up there, Maes Hughes, I just know you're laughing at me.

Note: I absolutely appreciate every review I get, but I tend to not reply if they're for a oneshot. But know that I read every single one and take it to heart, so why not drop a bit of feedback while you're here?