Sailing for Dummies

While waiting for the arrival of Sozin's Comet, Iroh tells his fellow OWL members of some of his adventures with Zuko. When he gets to the story of the storm at sea, Jeong Jeong feels it is his sacred duty as a former admiral to make abundantly clear just what a blunder it was for Iroh to guide the ship into the eye of a hurricane at sea.

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

"So your theory worked then, eh?"

Grand Master Lotus Iroh took a sip of his tea before glancing up to respond to the question. Sozin's Comet was still a week out, and the Order of the White Lotus had stationed themselves in Ba Sing Se's outer ring, preparing for their conquest. During the downtime, the old masters swapped stories about their dealings with the avatar and his friends, and subsequent adventures over the past eight months. Iroh was in the middle of a story about a storm he and Zuko had encountered at sea, describing the first time he had redirected lightning using his patented technique. "It did indeed, Master Pakku. Although I admit it did leave me a bit scorched around the edges. I was rather surprised at just how well it worked."

The waterbending master chuckled. "I can't say that I am. You spent weeks studying my technique just so you could perfect that one move."

"Well, they say water's an excellent conductor of electricity," King Bumi pointed out. "They also say the human body is 70% water."

"Hence why healing is a common talent among waterbenders," Pakku said.

"Chatter chatter," muttered Jeong Jeong, casting an annoyed glance at the earthbender and waterbender. "That's all you do. Let the man finish his story."

Bumi chortled and snorted at the retired admiral's typical crankiness, while Pakku simply rolled his eyes.

With a chuckle, Iroh continued. "Zuko and Lieutenant Jee saw that one of the crew was dangling off the tower by one hand, and both climbed up to rescue him. Between the two of them, they got the man down to the safety of the deck. It was only moments after that that we saw the avatar's sky bison fly past. What the boy was doing out in such a storm I may never know. Jee asked my nephew what he was to do. After only a moment's hesitation, Zuko decided to put the safety of the crew first, and instructed Jee to turn the ship to less turbulent waters. I was proud of my nephew. It was the first responsible adult decision he had made since discovering the avatar.

"I told Zuko that we must sail into the eye of the storm, and Zuko commanded Jee to make it so. We turned the ship toward the storm's heart and..."

"You did what?!"

Iroh paused mid-sentence and turned to see an incredulous look on Jeong Jeong's face. "Is there something wrong, old friend?"

"Wrong?" Jeong Jeong spluttered. "WRONG?! Any mariner knows it is completely foolhardy to sail into the eye of a hurricane! The eye may be calm on land, but at sea it is where the water is roughest. Even the strongest ships boasted by the Fire Nation navy would risk capsizing in such turbulent waters! Your lieutenant is clearly army, not navy. It is a wonder you got out alive!"

Iroh bristled a bit at the reference to the old army/navy rivalry. He hid his indignation with another sip of his tea. "Clearly our crew of 'landlubbers,' as you might regard them, were able to navigate out of the storm with our ship intact. So we're not as incompetent as all that."

"It was nothing short of a miracle, then," Jeong Jeong retorted.

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Master Jeong Jeong," Pakku said. "The fact that you got out of that storm alive and in one piece is a stroke of extreme luck on your part. I can only imagine that Igaluk and Sedna were watching over you, knowing what you would do for them in the near future."

"Who, now?" Bumi questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Pakku, really, you should know better than to use those old Water Tribe names around us Earth and Fire folks. Get with the times."

Pakku rolled his eyes.

"There's no convincing that one," Piandao commented. "He's a traditionalist to the core."

"That's right," Pakku said, nodding at the swordmaster. "And where I come from, it's tradition to refer to the moon and ocean spirits by their ancient Water Tribe names. It is also tradition to avoid sailing through the heart of storms." He gave Iroh a pointed look.

Iroh gave a small growl of frustration as the two sea-wise masters ganged up on him. "I suppose it's just as fortunate for all of you, then, as I would not otherwise be here to regale you with my tales."

"Tall tales they are," Jeong Jeong said. "I would like to meet this Lieutenant Jee, so that I can knock some sense into his head!"

"Knocking sense into young 'uns' heads sounds like fun," Bumi said with a chortle.

"Perhaps you can start with this one," Jeong Jeong said, jabbing a finger at his countryman. "He's young compared to you."

"Ah, but so are you," Bumi said with a mischievous glint in his eye. "You're clearly too young yet to have learned that you shouldn't interrupt a good story. Chatter chatter. That's all you do."

Jeong Jeong glared at the crazy king, but said nothing. Bumi smirked in triumph.

"Besides," Piandao spoke up, "with all that we've each endured over the years, committing more than our fair share of foolish acts, isn't it a wonder any of us are sitting here today? Grand Master Iroh's tale of the hurricane is tame compared to some of the things I've done in my time. Or what about you, Master Jeong Jeong? Deserting the Fire Nation navy and living in the Earth Kingdom, among those not exactly sympathetic toward us? That takes a bit more foolishness to accomplish than sailing through the eye of a hurricane."

"The benefits outweighed the risks," Jeong Jeong responded. "Sailing into the most dangerous part of a storm at sea has no benefits; only risks. With all due respect to their highnesses, Master Iroh and his nephew were completely mad to attempt such a thing!"

"Thank goodness for that, because if they weren't it probably would never have worked," Bumi said.

"Is that the philosophy by which you live your life?" Pakku said with a smirk.

Bumi simply laughed and bit into a piece of geminite.

"The fact remains, we escaped the storm," Iroh said. "The eye was not as rough as you might expect, Jeong Jeong. For us it was much calmer than the eye wall."

"Luck, that's all," Jeong Jeong said. "You might not be so lucky next time. If I were you, I'd avoid a 'next time.' Or at the very least, take along an experienced sailor."

"You are more than welcome to join my next journey at sea."

"Perhaps I will. Then you will see how a real mariner pilots his craft!"

"And yet Lieutenant Jee piloted our boat with little incident for nearly three years."

"Child's play! Try leading a whole armada across the ocean! You'll learn what a harsh mistress the sea can be then!"

"Ooh, this could go on a while," Bumi said, leaning back and propping his feet up on the Pai Sho table in the center of the group. He held out a piece of rock candy to the other two of his colleagues not engaged in the debate. "Geminite?"

Piandao waved him off, while Pakku focused on the bickering between the two Fire Nation brass.

"Perhaps we should cease with the stories for the time being," the waterbender finally said. "How about a friendly game of Pai Sho?"

The two firebenders regarded Pakku for a moment, then turned back to one another.

"Excellent idea," Iroh agreed. "But let's up the ante a bit. Army versus navy. Winner takes all?"

"The pot, the bragging rights and the loser's admission that the other is right," Jeong Jeong said with a smirk.

"That ought to be a humbling experience for you, my friend."

"On the contrary, I'm sure there's nothing quite as humbling as a general admitting his folly to an admiral."

Pakku and Piandao groaned, while Bumi simply chortled. As the two officers slapped their Pai Sho tiles on the board, Jeong Jeong barking at Bumi to remove his dirty feet, Piandao rose to his feet and stretched.

"I think I'll leave you two war heroes to it, then. I'm going to go review the techniques of some of the younger swordsmen."

"I'd best be going through a few of my forms myself," Pakku said, also rising to dismiss himself.

"Suit yourselves," Bumi called after them. "But I'm going to stay and enjoy the fireworks."

The sound of Pai Sho tiles landing on the stone table reverberated across the camp as the most intense game the White Lotus had seen in a long time commenced. Pakku and Piandao simply shook their heads as they walked away from the competitors.

"Never insult a naval officer's intelligence," Pakku said.

"Or an army man's pride," Piandao added.