Author's Note: Just a brief warning that there are some dark happenings in this chapter.

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." - Lamartine

August 2006

I'd gone through the motions of graduation numbly. I tried so hard to try and pretend for my dad's sake that everything was okay again. He never knew that Jake had come back into my life so briefly. He just knew that I was speaking to Quil again.

I did spend a lot of time down at La Push again, and I came to get to know more of the pack. Their energy was kind of hard to ignore, especially in the days following the destruction of Victoria, but instead of leaving me feeling better at the end of the day, I just felt drained. The guys always just behaved as if it was life as usual, though I did have to pretend like I didn't notice the occasional look Sam would throw my way. Emily would give me those looks too. Leah was the only one who didn't even try to pretend. After the first couple weeks, she just stopped being around whenever I was.

I always had to make sure I was away when Billy would show up to hang out with Charlie. I honestly felt bad, especially as I would get disapproving looks from my father every time that I'd leave just before Billy was to show up. I know that all my dad could really see was that I was purposefully avoiding someone who had essentially been abandoned by all his kids, who needed company. But I couldn't face him.

Not knowing that I was the reason the last of his children felt compelled to leave.

As I got ready for prom, I'd been dreading the idea of leaving to go to college in Florida. I was even figuring up the speech I was going to give to my mom about going to a Washington college.

But now I was finding that I couldn't wait to get away.

I wanted desperately for things to just feel normal again. And I acted like they were, for my dad's sake. Quil even came to pick me up the days I spent down at the reservation because I couldn't stand to even be in my truck any more, but I couldn't bring myself to think of really dating him again. It wouldn't really be fair to either one of us. But then there were the times I'd catch Charlie on the phone talking about getting a search out for Jake, even occasionally arguing with Billy because of how casually he was handling it. Then he'd try to talk to me, and I always had to lower my head and keep my face hidden or risk that he'd see what thinking about Jake really did to me.

I hated letting my dad assume that I really was just growing that distant from him, or that I didn't care about the fact that Jake was gone, but it was the only way I could not completely just break down and have it seem like it was like things had gotten after Edward had left all over again. As much as I hated the pretending, essentially lying to my dad day after day, I didn't want my last days in Forks with him to be filled with him worrying about me.

And at least all the acting left me too exhausted to do anything but fall into a dreamless sleep at night.

The only real relief I felt was when I finally got to start packing. Started shipping things down to my mom's place in Jacksonville. The University of North Florida was right in town, so it would be a simple drive from her house every day for class.

Then the day for the trip finally came and my dad drove me to the airport. Quil even tagged along, though it was sort of funny to see him fully dressed for the first time since he was living in Forks with us. I knew it was as much for my dad's benefit as it was for mine, however. And I was glad that Quil was so willing to help me make sure that my dad thought things were still normal in my life. But I also sort of got the feeling that he was leaning toward things between us starting up again, but I couldn't bring myself to even acknowledge it, and he thankfully let me play oblivious.

I did still like him, but I couldn't just ignore what had happened with Jake. How I felt about it.

How I felt about him.

I didn't know if this was something I could get past this time, I was without anyone I could rely on the way I had relied on Jake to help me recover. I know Quil certainly tried, that others in the pack had hoped to try and help me move past it as well. But it was all still too close to memories of Jake.

So the first time that I was able to actually take an easy breath was when I was stepping off the plane on the other side of the country. I finally actually managed a real smile as my mom ran up to me with that infectious smile of hers. Then there were several weeks of flurried activity between my mom dragging me out shopping, getting set up in my new room, and getting ready for school and registered for classes.

Then one day I was looking over my date book, making sure I had everything in place between classes and meetings (most were for clubs I wasn't even sure I'd be interested in, but I felt compelled to at least try in order to keep busy and distracted for a little while longer), and I suddenly paled. I flipped through the pages so frantically that my mom turned from where she was slicing fruit for a salad to look at me. "Bella... honey, are you okay? You're not sick are you, you look so pale..."

"No, I..." I flipped through the pages again before dropping my head on the table.

"Bella?"

"Mom... I'm... two months late..."

Her eyes widened as she dropped down to sit at the table with me. "Well... I don't suppose you're talking about something for college, huh?"

I attempted to smile at her weak joke, but I just groaned and laid my head on my arms. "Mom, what do I do?"

"Well, first off... we go to the doctor and get you tested. And then, we call up Quil and let him know."

I cringed. "Mom..."

"Bella... you can't really not tell him. I... well, I can't say I'd like the idea of you getting married, and I'd be more than happy to help you raise a child so you can continue to go to college, but you can't really not tell him, Bella. Though of course he should finish school..."

"No, Mom... It's just..." I sighed. I'd hoped to never have to say this aloud to anyone, much less one of my parents. "It... wouldn't be Quil's. The night of prom... I didn't even go, and Quil ended up breaking up with me. And don't get upset, Mom! Really... It was because there was... a lot going on in his life then, and I understand why we couldn't be together anymore. But then... there was someone else." I winced at the expression on my mom's face and quickly lowered my gaze. "I was in love with him... I still am."

"Oh, well..." She eased out a careful sigh, obviously working out how to respond in her head. "Okay, then. So... we call him, then."

I put my face in my hands. "I can't."

"Honey, like I said... he should finish school. You both should. But you can't just leave him in the dark about it. You know better than that. Even if you decide not to... to have the child, it's something he should know."

"No, Mom, I meant... I literally can't... Remember Dad telling you about the guy who disappeared and he was looking for?"

"Ye- oh, Bella!" She got up to move over next to me, wrapping me in her arms. "Well, we'll just... we'll go to the doctor first before we start worrying about the next step, okay? I'll make you an appointment." She smoothed her hand over my hair before she walked off to grab the phone. It was all I could do to keep from falling apart.

Then a few days later, I had my answer.

And then I really did fall apart.

December 2006

Charlie had been disappointed when I told him I'd decided to not visit Forks over break, but I couldn't. I'd made my mom promise not to mention anything to him. I knew he'd make the same assumption she had about Quil, and I definitely wasn't about to let Quil have to face that. Not to mention that I hadn't even told him. To keep Quil safe, I'd have to come clean... let him know that the last couple months that I'd been up there that I had been lying to him.

I knew at some point, it was obviously going to have to come out. My dad was just a couple months away from being a grandfather, but the best thing I could figure to do would be to allow him to think that I'd hooked up with someone down here. It wasn't really the picture I wanted Charlie to have of me, but it was that or risk Quil getting caught up in the trouble that wasn't even his. Even if I told Dad it was Jake's, that was a whole different side of trouble, with the fact that no one had still heard from him. Billy continued to see way too calm about the situation, in my father's eyes. So letting him know that his best friend's son had gotten me pregnant and then run off? That would probably be the straw that broke the camel's back, and I knew that both of them needed the others companionship.

I had, however, started several attempts at a letter to Billy. I knew he would be more understanding of the trouble it would cause if it was known, and he was certainly no stranger to the idea of keeping secrets. I knew a grandchild would mean a lot to him, and that was something I could not bring myself to deny him, especially given my role in the disappearance of his son.

But every time I started writing, it reminded me of everything that I had come down here to leave behind. Being abandoned four times over by three people. Maybe Quil was back in my life, at least in a friendly capacity now. But I still felt the weight of that night on my shoulders. Wondered what might have gone differently if he hadn't had to break up with me.

Would Jake and I have made love? I couldn't imagine that at all. I wasn't sure if I would have discovered how I felt as soon, but I felt that it would have come, in time. The feeling was too strong to be brushed aside. If we hadn't, I wondered if Jake would have left. Because he'd stayed with the pack through all that time without me, turned me away when I'd tried reaching out to him. That night was the only thing that could have changed things, even if I couldn't figure out what exactly had driven him away.

My mom started hanging over my shoulder when she noticed that I wasn't eating right, but I'd mumble something about having eaten at school and I'd shut myself in my bedroom with my homework. I didn't have much of a real interest in my schoolwork at the moment, but at least it was something to expend my energy on, to focus on.

And I was glad that I had some papers that I had to work on over break. So after I begged off from going out with my mom and Phil to dinner, I went to my room to drop in front of my computer, pushing the sleeves of the over-sized sweater up my arms to allow myself to type. It was no where near cold enough for it – I could have walked outdoors in a bikini and still not have gotten a chill – but I found at least some level of comfort from the soft, fuzzy material. Not to mention it made it a bit easier to hide how little I was able to make myself eat and actually keep down. My mom was worried enough as it was without seeing that I was smaller than I really should have been at this point.

I wasn't purposely trying to make myself ill, and I did often worry about what it might be doing to the life growing inside me. I did try to eat better, but the depression that I had found myself in barely allowed it. Abandoned or not, I did often daydream about what my child would be like. What Jake's child would be like. And those sides would war with each other, and those were the times I could make myself eat a little, go out for walks. But no matter what I did, I couldn't make myself get completely better. But I was at least making the effort to try. I'd even gone to the doctor a couple of times, gotten the extra vitamins.

But then I found myself yelping as there was a knock my window. Curious, I got up and went over to slide it open before I stepped back.

"Bella..."

I stepped back further, frowning deeply as I crossed my arms over my chest protectively. "What the hell are you doing here, Edward?"

He cringed a little, but stopped his progress right at being just inside the window. "I... went back to Forks to visit you, and ... found out you'd moved down here with your mother."

"That's more of a 'how' than a 'why'."

"I know, I just... It only took a few days for me to realize how hard it is to be away from you, Bella. This past year has been... torture. I even refused to allow Alice to mention anything about any visions she had about you when I'd check in with my family."

I rolled my eyes and retreated to my bed, grabbing a pillow to hug against myself, almost like it would help shield me from him getting closer. "What do you want me to say, Edward? Do you actually expect me to comfort you? You left me, remember? You didn't want me anymore. So you walked away as easy as anything and left me there... for Victoria to find, funnily enough."

He'd started to sit on the edge of my bed before he froze. "Victoria? But... Alice was supposed to be watching for her, we would have come to stop her if... She was supposed to be coming after me, Bella. I don't understand."

"Happen to you a lot?" I smirked over at him. Okay, so it gave me a little pleasure to watch him squirm the way he did at that moment. "Edward, you know how vampires are about their mates. It didn't even occur to you once that she'd want to get revenge by doing to you what you did to her? She told me she was building a damn army in Seattle to go after your whole family!"

He winced. "What happened? You're still alive and human..."

"Werewolves," I said bluntly as I shot him a smirk.

Edward tensed visibly from where he stood at the foot of the bed. "Bella, werewolves are highly dangerous to be around."

"Oh, because being around vampires has proven to be such a healthy choice for me in the past, hm? I count three times now that I've been less than a moment away from destruction since meeting you, Edward, and I'm not even counting however many times it crossed your mind!"

He winced again, actually stepping back a little. "Well... I guess at least you're down here now, so it's not really worth arguing about."

I snorted a little. "What would you have to argue, Edward? That would imply that you get to have some say in my life anymore."

He glanced to me and frowned deeply. "Bella... I... know I never should have left you. It was stupid... I thought I was keeping you from danger and it turns out I was just leaving you to stumble into even worse danger. But please, believe me... I do love you. More than anything. I... just don't want to have to continue to live one more day without you in my life."

I let out a groan, burying my face in the pillow I grasped. I felt the bed shift next to me, and I automatically shifted further away. I winced a bit as I moved – my back had been bothering me more than usual lately, and just now I felt a small pain in my stomach. "Look, Edward, I just... This isn't..."

"Er, Bella... are you bleeding?"

"What?"

"I smell... Bella, what's wrong?"

I jumped to my feet to get away as he reached for me, but found myself swaying on my feet. Especially when I saw the circle of red on the bed where I'd been sitting.

The next time I was aware, I was lying on a bed, but it wasn't my bedroom. I tried to push myself up, but I was quickly caught. "Stay still, Bella... they still don't know everything yet."

My brow furrowed as I looked up. "Edward. Why are you here?"

He sighed then shook his head. "I know you don't want me here, Bella... But I'm not leaving you to be alone during this."

I rubbed my forehead. "Look, Edward, I really don't want to talk to you about this right now, I just... need to see the doctor so I can find out what's wrong and get out of here, okay?"

"Bella..." He sighed and brushed my bangs back from my face, ignoring me cringing away from him. "It's not that easy... you're... the doctor gave you something, since you were passed out. But once it wears off... you're probably going to go into labor," he said as he cringed slightly. "If you don't, he's going to induce it."

"What? Why? It's only been seven months, why..."

"The baby's... he's gone, Bella..."

"Oh god..." I sobbed, bringing my hands over my face. "I wanted... But I couldn't... I knew I wasn't doing everything I should... Oh, god..."

Edward reached to hold onto me, and I allowed him, grasping the front of his shirt as I sobbed into it. I heard someone enter the room and have a brief, whispered conversation with Edward before they slipped back out.

After a few minutes, I was calm enough to at least ease myself away from him. "W-who was that?"

"Your doctor... there's some papers you need to sign before they can-" He cut himself off as I cringed visibly, and then gave a small nod. "Would you like me to call your mother? Her cell number is the same, right?"

I nodded before he slipped from the room, and I tried my best to keep myself together while I was alone. But the doctor appeared soon after and quietly explained everything to me as I signed off on the papers.

Everything from that moment seemed a painful mess. Every moment was a stab of pain, both physical and mental. The events come and go in my mind, mostly in the form of nightmares. The only clear memory I have that seems to always linger at the corner of my thoughts is when I held him.

I'd had everything planned in my mind. That Jacob was gone from my life, but that when this child came into the world, I was going to cherish it. Make sure he or she grew up hearing about their father's smile, the things we'd done together. That if it was a girl, I was naming her Sarah Black... but somehow I always felt that it was going to be a boy. That I was going to name him Jacob.

But now I couldn't bring myself to do that, to even utter it as a possibility. But I couldn't bear the thought of the certificate just saying 'Baby Boy' in the place of the name, so I plucked one of the names of Jake's ancestor's instead, Joseph. Trembled when they asked for the father's name. I felt Edward's eyes on me the entire time.

"Jacob Black."

I could see him tensing slightly and turning away from the corner of my eye as my mother sat at my side. And when it came down to the point where the last thing I had to answer was what last name to set down, I felt like I couldn't breathe. The nurse could plainly see that it had been a sensitive subject and she'd left it alone as long as possible.

It clearly wasn't for the reason that I'd heard murmuring about. Edward had barely left my side since the moment I'd been brought in. Seemed to handle every moment of my pain with pain of his own. It didn't take a genius to figure that it had been assumed that he was the father. Though one glance at the baby plainly revealed that not to be true. So I didn't even want to think about what was going on through their minds as they viewed me. I'm sure it was the source of the occasional glare or scowl I'd see from him, but they'd dissipate the moment he noticed me looking.

Finally, after a few long moments, I allowed myself to exhale. "Black."

My mother had squeezed me tightly before I was finally able to rest.

In the days and weeks that followed, I slowly found I was grateful to have Edward around again. My mother was full of concern, and not too subtle about suggesting I go to a therapist. It was only at Phil distracting her that I was able to get a moment of peace in her presence, and I would manage a faint smile of thanks in his direction.

But Edward was the one that allowed me to stay focused on school. He even enrolled in my classes to constantly be at my side, to give me a slight nudge if he ever noticed I was drifting away. I wasn't oblivious to the looks he got, especially as hotter months began to approach again. He was still always in a hoodie and pants... and, as I eventually discovered, wearing a fair amount of make-up. It was the first real smile I'd had since well before winter break, small as it was.

Everything I had hated about him before came to be exactly what I needed now. He let me be silent as long as I needed to be, would permit me to be as still as I wanted without movement or sound of his own. Didn't try to ask me questions or get me to talk about anything.

Didn't ask about my sudden repulsion from heat and sunlight. He'd lie next to me at night, and his presence was enough to make me shiver. But it kept memories and dreams of Jake away.

But he never tried to touch me or hold me in any way that I had not expressly allowed, only growing close when I needed to sleep at night. The closest he came to intimacy was the occasional, brief kiss to my forehead.

Every day became a simple routine. I threw myself into my studies, tried to let them consume as many of my waking thoughts as possible. As time for summer break began to approach, I promptly signed up for the summer semester. I couldn't stand the thought of any break that I could avoid. Especially since I couldn't possibly excuse myself from a visit to Forks with nearly three months of free time.

So imagine my surprise when my dad showed up in Florida. I'd hugged and welcomed him, tried my best to bring together something resembling a 'normal' expression.

Turned out to be entirely unnecessary.

"Bells, why didn't you tell me?" Charlie was seated next to me on the couch, trying his best to keep himself from shooting death glares in Edward's direction.

Shaking my head, I just stared down ay my hands in my lap, tightly clasped together. "Because I know you too well, Dad."

"Can I ask what that's supposed to mean?"

I glanced up to dare a glance at him and saw something between bemusement and concern there and gave a short, mirthless laugh. "Dad, please tell me you didn't talk to anyone up there about this..."

"No... your mom didn't really give me a chance. She just told me it was important for me to come for a visit, so I started driving down. When I was stopped for the night more than halfway here, she told me about it then. I was plenty tempted to turn around, but... I figured you needed to see me more."

I exhaled softly, and then nodded. "It's... It's not who you think, Dad. Quil and I never..."

He frowned, and then glanced upward to Edward briefly before looking to me. "So..."

"No, no... It's..." I sighed and leaned back into the couch. "Quil and I broke up the night of prom. We haven't been together since. Him picking me up every day... it was just so I could go hang out with him and his friends at La Push, and I couldn't stand driving my truck any more."

"So that's why-... Jacob Black?!" He jumped up to his feet. "I swear if I find that kid, I'll-!"

"Dad, Dad! It's not like he forced me or anything, okay?"

"He sure tucked tail and ran pretty quick, just out of the blue!"

If it were any less of a serious situation, I might have laughed at that.

"Dad, it's just... I don't know. I don't know what made him... I just don't know. But it had to be pretty important. Really important. Because... I loved him." Now I was completely ignoring Edward. "And I know he loved me. You saw what... what he did for me. What he stuck by me through. So... I still love him, that's not changing."

"He should have been... did he know?"

"No. I didn't even find out until I was already down here."

Slowly, my dad allowed himself to sit back down at my side, his rage leaving him like a deflated balloon. "So... guess that explains why it was kinda hard for you to hang around with Billy there, huh?"

I allowed myself to nod slowly at that. It was the safest and most sane conclusion for him to come to, that being around Billy reminded me too much of Jake, so I let him have that. No need to fill him in on the fact that I felt it was my fault Jake had left at all.

"Dad, can you just... I know how close you and Billy are, but can you... please, just don't tell anyone up there? I'm not ready for them to know yet."

He shifted, and I could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea. "Well... it was kinda his grandkid, Bells. I don't think it's really fair to... to hold that from him. I mean... I don't think Rebecca and Solomon have any plans soon for kids, the way they're traveling all over right now... Rachel's sent back letters about signing up to study abroad. And, well... He's not young, Bella. He's not exactly old yet either, but you know how his health has been since Sarah passed."

"I know, Dad. But... maybe it wouldn't exactly be a good thing to tell him his first grandchild was..." I winced and trembled, saw Edward start to take a step closer, but my dad's arm was immediately about me.

"Okay, Bells. I see your point."

I couldn't help another wince.

Charlie sighed. "He called you that too, didn't he? I'll... well, old habits. I'll try my best."

I nodded and finally allowed myself to lean against him. He wasn't quite aware how to deal with things, but I found that was actually better. He didn't get all nosy or as encouraging as Mom could. It reminded me very quickly why I had ultimately decided not to leave Forks, when I was still so depressed. Before I started to hang out with Jake. Maybe I was partly still lingering around because of memories of Edward. But I also knew my mom would be... my mom. A bit flighty, but hyper aware of my moods, always curious and asking questions. Even now it was all Phil could do to convince my mom that the closest I was going to get to therapy was hanging around Edward.

But as I sat with my dad, curled up on the couch... I actually felt some sense of normalcy for the first time in a long while. Charlie had never really had to comfort me like this before, but there were many nights where we would just sit together in the living room in silence. I'd do my homework or read a book and he'd watch his games.

I found myself missing it desperately.

"Dad?" I lifted my head to look at him. "I'm really glad you're here. I actually feel... almost normal again."

"I'm glad Bell..a. I know I'm not much for knowing what to say at the right time or anything..."

"No, no... I miss that, actually." I offered a wry smile up at him. "Do you think you could help me talk to mom about me transferring back up there?"

"Er... well, you know I'd love to have you back, kid. But are you sure that's best, considering..."

"No, I know... that's a lot of the reason I was so quiet and... distant the last couple months I was in Forks. I was wanting to get away, be someplace brand new. But... you being here... I feel sort of normal again. I haven't had that since I've been down here. I haven't even really made any friends down here... not anyone I'd call a 'good' friend, at least. And Mom is... Mom. She's a bit much to handle. None too subtle about bringing up therapy..."

"Well... therapy's not exactly a bad idea."

"Dad. You know me... you remember the last time the subject of therapy came up? I resorted to a night out with Jess."

He actually chuckled a little at that. "I suppose so. And... I'm not so good with these things, Bella. You know that. You could sit there and talk to me for hours on end, and I would listen, and I do care about what you're going through, I do. I wish I could have been there for you more while you were actually having to suffer through it. But I won't really be able to say anything to you back, not anything that would be what you probably really need to hear..."

"No... that's why it's perfect. I've always been more like you that way. I don't talk a lot. But when I finally do... I'd be more likely to talk to my friends than some professional."

"Well... I know everything before doesn't even compare to this... Are you sure that's going to be enough?"

"Yes. And if it's ever not, then I'll think about therapy. I promise. Okay? I just... I want to be some place that feels like home. And that's Forks now."

He exhaled slowly, but offered me a smile. "Alright. I'll talk to your mom."

"Thanks, Dad."

He got up and wandered off out into the back yard where my mom was lounging out in the sun. Edward moved over to sit on the couch next to me.

"I don't suppose you'll be going back to your family now, huh?"

"... No. You seem to still need me around, Bella, and... I'm not making that mistake again. I'll stay around as long as you need me to. Even if it's down here in Florida or Arizona and I'm wearing layers of make-up every day."

I offered a faint smile and actually leaned into him, ignoring the sudden stopping of his breath before he carefully set his arm about my shoulders.

About fifteen minutes later, both my parents entered the room. My mom walked over to settle down in a chair, while my dad froze the moment he spotted me being so close to Edward.

"So. I take it you're not going to be continuing to attend college down here, Edward?"

"No, Chief Swan. I'll be transferring to Washington."

I saw the struggle in my father's features at that statement. Knew that Edward could at least see his thoughts at least a little. But his face remained calm. I cast a glance at my mother, but even she seemed to know to keep her mouth shut at the moment.

"I don't think I really like that idea," Charlie finally managed, openly staring Edward down with every ounce of intimidation he could muster.

"With all due respect, sir... It isn't about what you like. I've tried to be here for Bella every moment, and she hasn't told me to leave once since this all began. So until that day comes, I'm going to continue to be there for her."

I could see my mother bite her lip even as my father looked as if he were going to turn beet red.

"Dad... Really, it's okay. Edward... Edward's been a really good friend. He was even the one that noticed something was wrong to begin with, got me to the hospital when I'd passed out... I really don't know what would have happened if he hadn't been here..."

"Come on, Charlie." My mom got up from her chair and began to usher him out of the room. "Let's go get some tea and talk." She glanced back toward me. "Bella, I'll... I'll call the school for you, honey. Get the process started on getting things transferred. I'm sure they'll need you to go down and sign some paperwork. Then your dad and I will go get you some boxes to pack up, okay?"

I offered a light, thankful smile as she disappeared from the room along with my dad. I wasn't sure how much packing I'd actually have to do. Other than a few sweaters, most my clothing from Forks was still packed away, along with the majority of my keepsakes. Packing would probably take a maximum of an hour.

Exhaling, I looked over to Edward. "Could you take me somewhere?"

He only nodded, then sat and waited patiently as I retreated to my bedroom. When I returned, we walked out the door to his car. I never once had to mention the destination. He just drove, then came around to let me out of the car and walk along at my side, then stopped a few feet away to allow me to finish the journey on my own without being too far away.

With a sigh, I settled on my knees next to the little stone bearing the name 'Joseph Black'. I hadn't been able to bring myself to come here since the funeral, but I also knew I couldn't possibly leave without saying goodbye.

I lingered for well over an hour before I finally reached into my pocket. I gingerly touched the little wooden figurine. It hadn't come out of my jewelry box since the day I'd put it there when I'd learned Jacob was gone, and I trembled now, to have it in my hands again. I'd just grabbed it and stuffed it into my pocket earlier. Now I actually took the time to examine it, all the little details that had gone into it. Appreciate the time it must have taken. Wonder if he'd meant it for me all along, thought about me each time he made a cut in the wood.

Sighing shakily, I swiped hastily at both my cheeks. Then I carefully tucked the little wolf in beside the crevice created by the carving of a small lamb, taking care to wedge it in well enough that it couldn't be swept away by the weather.

Only then did I get to my feet, dusting myself off as I permitted Edward to help and support me. When we got back to my mom's, my father resumed his death glares at Edward, but Edward simply ignored him. I bit my lip.

"I, uh... Should make a call." I slipped away, noticing Edward settle down to sit comfortably across from my father. Well, this should make for some amusing visits in the near future...

I grabbed my cell phone from my desk and pressed and held down the 4. My speed dials rarely changed. Edward used to be number 2 on the speed dial, only because 1 was reserved for voicemail. 3 was my mom. 4...

"Hello?"

"Hey, Quil."

"Bella, hey! Haven't heard from you in... well, a while. What's up?"

"Uhm... well, my dad came to visit."

"Your dad actually left Forks and hauled his butt all the way to Florida? Wow. Something happen?"

"No... But, I sort of decided that I felt homesick."

"What, for Arizona? From rain soaked forests to sun-drenched beaches to burning deserts? You're a weird one, Bella Swan."

I laughed then, and the sound surprised me so much that my hand flew to my mouth. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and I was quiet long enough to begin to worry Quil.

"Bella? You didn't hang up on me, did you?"

"No, no... Just uhm... Nothing. Nothing. And I didn't mean Arizona." I walked over to drop down on my bed, curling up comfortably. Here I was, a couple months from no longer being a teenager, and I felt like a teenager again for the first time in years.

"So... you're... coming back to Forks?"

"Yup. My mom's already called the school to get my credits transferred and everything. I'm going to start packing in the morning... I may even just go ahead and tag along with my dad when he drives back up."

"Sweet! We're so having a party when you get back up here!"

"Er, well... I'm not sure how much you or the rest of the pack is going to feel like celebrating, actually..." I nibbled nervously on my thumb nail.

"Why's that?"

"Uhm... Someone's... sort of coming up with me."

There was a long moment of silence. "Found a boyfriend while you were down there?"

"No, no... It's, uhm... Edward."

Silence again. "As in Cullen." If it were possible, his voice was even duller than it had been when he had been asking about the boyfriend.

"As in Cullen," I agreed timidly.

"So... are you two..."

"No! It's just, uhm... Something... did happen a while back, and... Edward has been here for me. It's sort of hard to talk about, so it's nice to have someone that already knows about it around..."

"That army the red-head talked about didn't-?!"

"No!" I bit my lip and rolled my eyes. Maybe I had gotten a little of my mother's flightiness after all. "No. This problem was entirely... human, Quil. I promise."

"... Someone didn't... attack you, did they?" I couldn't quite place the sound in his voice. It was somehow terrified and fiercely protective and worried and caring all at once. I felt myself blush.

"No one attacked me, Quil. It's just... I really can't talk about it, okay? I think... one day, I'll be able to talk about it. But just not yet. Okay?"

He sighed. "Okay. Guess I can't complain too much. Starting to feel like we have a monopoly on secrets around here. It's so weird. I mean... the pack is like family, so it's not like I'm alone or anything... but it never seems... right. We never really talk to anyone anymore, not anyone outside the pack, imprints, and the council. It's like... being surrounded by people but being alone at the same time..."

Something twisted inside me at those words, and I curled up a little more tightly, clutching a pillow desperately. God, how I knew that feeling. I knew it too well. Well enough that I knew if I didn't regain control of myself and fast, I was going to end up sobbing with Quil still on the other end of the line.

"Yeah... I know that feeling," I managed. Trying to control the way my breath shook in the effort to regain composure.

"Yeah..."

I swept a hand back through my hair. I wanted nothing more to get off the phone and curl up in a ball to cry. But I knew I couldn't just yet. If I wanted to find some semblance of a normal life back in Forks, I couldn't let the conversation about me coming back to end like this.

"So, ah... party, huh? I mean, if the pack doesn't try to run me out of town, of course," I joked feebly.

"Nah. You may want to talk to Cullen about the whole boundaries thing though. I mean... yeah, I know, treaty, but... I don't even think he would assume that he could handle a whole army on his own."

"Oh, uh... I'll talk to him."

"Well... I guess if... His whole family isn't coming back, are they?"

"No... I don't think so. Carlisle and Esme are supposed to be a lot older than they look, and I think Rosalie and Emmett are off on their... umpteenth honeymoon at this point."

He actually laughed a little at that, and that made me relax... a bit. "That's so... sad. I mean... I guess married couples go off on second honeymoons and stuff but to get married over and over again?"

"Yeah, I suppose so..."

"Er... You're not... into that sort of thing, are you?"

And suddenly I was bursting out laughing, turning my head to muffle it against a pillow. I think at this point my parents and Edward would think I was losing my mind.

He chuckled. "So... that's a no, huh?"

"That's definitely a no. I'm not even sure I even want to get married once, much less over and over again."

"Right, so, uh... I guess I'll see you in a few days, maybe?"

"Seems so. Night, Quil.

"Night, Bella... Sweet dreams."

I listened the faint click as the phone disconnected.

It was something I hadn't had said to me since we'd been on the phone just before he'd gotten 'sick'. Certainly not something I had experienced since around the same time.

But as I climbed back up from the bed and headed back down the hall to the living room, I somehow felt that sweet dreams weren't as far away as they once had been.