What can I say? Malec fics are taking over my brain. Who am I not to roll with it?

The phone was always ringing these days. It was always ringing and Magnus always ignored it, because he always knew who it would be.

He wished Alec would stop ringing. It was making it much more difficult to forget him the way he wanted to. The way he needed to.

And he had to forget. He had to, for his sake and Alec's.

Magnus needed to forget him.

Magnus knew people leave; he's had a hundred lifetimes of watching people leave. He's watched Camille leave; he's left others. He's walked in and out of countless people's lives, and watched them walk in and out of his. His long, confused, rambling life, with tangles of love and hate and revenge forming hard, painful knots at every twist, every bend in the road.

He should be used to it, by now.

But somehow, he thought it would be different with Alec. He thought it would be Alec who walked away one day; Alec, who moved on; Alec, who decided he wanted it to end. He was sure of it.

Apart from the nagging part of his brain that asked him what it would be like if it didn't end. That nagging part that had made him ask Clary to get him the Book of the White.

That nagging part that had made him consider what he would once have considered unthinkable.

He hadn't believed Camille. He'd known not to believe her. Known she liked her games, her power. But there'd been something in her eyes, something in that gloating smile as she told him, that had made him wonder, that-though he'd been careful not to let her see-had made him shake to his core.

But then, he'd read the letter. His eyes had skimmed over the words, taking them in, and somehow he'd kept his face inscrutable, kept his lips pressed together, even though there was no-one to see, no-one to know, while it had felt as though he was freefalling through the air, as though what had once been solid ground under his feet had dissolved into simple nothingness.

He hadn't been able to believe it. He couldn't believe it. Random words had chased themselves through his head...Alec...no...couldn't... Because it couldn't be, it simply couldn't be that Alec, the person he'd trusted, the person he knew, the person he'd considered giving up his mortality for, would have done this. Not with Camille. Not to Magnus.

But he'd followed him. And he'd known as he got up to follow his boyfriend, the person he'd been starting to think he loved, really loved, that he already believed it.

The phone was ringing again. Magnus glanced at it from the couch. He couldn't get up. He couldn't answer it.

Ring, ring.

Magnus could still remember every word he'd said to Alec. Everything Alec had said back. The look in those eyes, those amazing eyes, when Alec had stared at him.

It was just a mistake. One mistake-

Magnus wanted to believe him. He'd avoided Alec's eyes, knowing if he looked too long, he'd pull his boyfriend into his arms, and never let him go. And he knew he couldn't do that.

Ring, ring.

Magnus could remember each and every word he'd said to Alec-hoping with each one to push him away, to force his boyfriend away from him before the shield he'd put up cracked completely, before he broke down in front of him and asked the question he'd dreaded himself asking.

He remembered each and every word, and the thoughts that had hummed underneath, like a heartbeat.

It's over.

I never want to spend a day without you.

I don't want to see you again, Alec.

I never want to walk away.

Or any of your friends.

You're not the only one that cares about them.

I'm tired of being their pet warlock.

Is that really the only way you see me?

He remembered his own words to Alec, months ago, in Idris. I'm tired of you only wanting me around when you need something.

But he hadn't been, really. He hadn't told Alec how every time he saw a fire-message, his heart beat harder, and his fingers clenched whatever surface he was holding at the time, wondering if it was him. If someone was in trouble.

If someone-and he couldn't bear to think who-was hurt.

But now-now he felt colder. He was shivering, he found, constantly shivering, even with the heating turned on full blast. His apartment seemed bigger. Had it always been this big? He couldn't remember.

I thought about it and I just couldn't do it-

Ring, ring.

But he'd thought about it. Alec had thought about it, and that was it. Alec had thought about taking his choice away from him. The choice about whether or not to shorten his own life.

And how was Magnus supposed to forget that?

Give me another chance-

Ring, ring.

It was the one thing that went against all of his instincts. It was the one thing that whispered against what his instincts screamed for him to do. All he wanted to do was pull Alec into his arms and give him one more chance. That was all he'd wanted to do.

But he hadn't been able to.

He couldn't.

He just couldn't.

Alec had tried to shorten his life. And Magnus knew how the world worked. He'd been in it too long not to. He knew that people walked away for any reasons. Reasons you couldn't imagine. People you thought would never leave.

He'd thought Alec would be different. But this-this was proof that he wasn't.

Ring, ring.

Magnus pictured Alec staring at the receiver on the other end of the phone. Pictured him biting his lip, tugging at his hair. Pictured those eyes, those blue, blue eyes, staring at the phone, as though expecting Magnus to crawl out of it. As if hoping for that.

Alec would have to be disappointed.

And-Magnus waited. Silence. The ringing had stopped. Alec had put the phone down.

He'd given up, at least, for another day. Not that Magnus ever expected to speak to him.

That was why he never picked up the phone. He knew why Alec was calling. Knew that Alec needed to dial his own number, knew he needed to dial it again and again, just to reassure himself that it was still there. Still in his head. That it had all been real.

And he knew that Alec would hang up the second he heard Magnus' voice on the other end.

So, Magnus figured, why not save him the bother? Let him hang up without either hearing the other's voice. Less trouble for both of them.

And he ignored the part of him that wanted to hear Alec's voice more than anything.

He remembered walking away. Walking away from Alec, feeling his boyfriend's gaze on him from behind. Feeling Alec's eyes on him, and wanting more than anything to turn and run back. To pull him into his arms. To kiss him the way he'd thought he'd never be able to again, when he'd been bleeding from his side. To tell him he didn't want any sort of life, mortal or immortal, without Alec there.

But he hadn't. He'd kept moving, pulling himself forward step by step, and with each movement, it had felt as though he was dragging his own heart out of his chest.

Pet warlock.

Magnus remained curled up on the couch, staring at a TV screen he was no longer seeing. He pressed his face into the cushion, trying to ignore the fact that every part of him wanted to run to the phone and call Alec back.

But he couldn't. And he wouldn't.

Because he was tired of being Alec's pet warlock.

Ah, well. Malec fics are dancing around in my mind, shooting blue sparks. Who am I to ignore them? And after seeing the movie the other day, I am now super jealous of Alec. Magnus is now one of my FCEs (favourite characters ever).