Chapter 1

'the funeral'

It was nearing the end of a beautiful autumn day.  The sun was beginning its slide down the sky, throwing its light on the golden and scarlet leaves in the trees near the bottom of the hill.  A teenage boy paused by one of them to straighten his tie.  His suit was a little rumpled after the flight, but it couldn't be helped.  He was already late as it was.  They were there, halfway up the gentle slope.

He did not particularly want to be there.  He wished he didn't have to be.  But she needed him.  With a sigh he shouldered his bag and made his way toward the small group, heading toward a girl about his own age.  Not wanting to disturb anyone else, he just tapped her softly on the shoulder.  She turned, her normally pale face even whiter than usual and streaked with tears.

"Oh Li-kun," she whispered, and hugged him.  "You're here.  Thank god."

"I came as soon as I could.  How is she?"  Tomoyo pulled away with fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

"A little lost, I think.  I don't know.  They've both been quiet.  I can't even imagine what they're going through right now."

They both turned to face the other teenage girl, and Tomoyo laid her head on his shoulder.

Sakura's shoulder-length hair was moving slightly with the evening breeze; other than that, she was completely still.  Clutching the hand of the young man on either side of her, she looked as though she herself might blow away at any moment.  Li ached for her; she looked so fragile and delicate.  He leaned over to whisper in Tomoyo's ear.

"How did this happen?"

- - - - - - - -

This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.  This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.

Those same three sentences kept running through his mind, over and over again, ever repeating, never ceasing.

For the zillionth time, the cab was forced to stop at a red light, and Touya exploded.

"We're close enough, damn it!"  He kicked open the door and broke into a run down the sidewalk.

"Hey!"

"Gomen," Yukito apologized.  He threw some cash into the front seat.  "Keep the change."  He scrambled out of the car and hurried to keep up with his friend.  "Toya!  Matte!"

Touya paid no attention as he raced down the length of the block, and then up the hospital drive to the Emergency Room entrance.

This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.

"Kinomoto Fujitaka!" he shouted desperately at the receptionist.  She looked up, startled.

"I'm sorry?"

"Kinomoto Fujitaka!  Where is he?"  Yukito caught up at last, panting hard.

"My friend just got a call from this hospital," he explained.  "His father was admitted an hour ago.  Kinomoto Fujitaka."  She nodded and began to look at the roster of admittances.

"Just one minute."

"No," Touya snarled.  "Now!"  He brought his fists down on the desk and she jumped a little.

"Toya!"  Yukito put a hand on his shoulder, and Touya shrugged him off.

"This has got to be some kind of mistake, Yuki.  I need to see him, I've got to see that it was an error."

The receptionist was calling a doctor to the desk now.

"What room is he in?  Tell me, already!"

"Kinomoto-san?"

"What?"  A doctor was at his side now, with a look in his eyes that filled Touya with dread.

"Kinomoto-san, I'm afraid I have some bad news - "

"Oh no."  Touya took a step forward.  "Oh no, don't you even start with that.  Where's my father, damn it?"

"Kinomoto-san, your father suffered a major heart attack.  He was in very critical condition when he arrived - "

"I will not ask again.  Where is my father?"

Touya was starting to look dangerous, and the doctor gulped.

"Room #5.  Kinomoto-san, your father - "  Touya didn't wait, but whirled around and ran down the corridor, with Yukito right on his heels.

- - - - - - -

The desperate fury was gone.  Touya was very still and quiet now as he gazed down at his father on the bed.  Fujitaka's eyes were closed, peaceful, and his glasses were missing.  Not that he'd need them anymore.

Yukito waited patiently for ten minutes, then approached the bed.

"Toya?"

"How could this happen?"  His voice was cracked and strained, and so low that Yukito could barely hear it.  "He was so healthy.  He was always in good shape.  He was a runner.  How could this happen?"

"The doctor says it was a lot of things.  Stress, overwork… it was one of those heart attacks that just," he swallowed, "happens."

"Just happens," Touya repeated dully.  "Just like that, it's over.  I've lost another parent."  No one was even with him when he died.  Touya reached out and brushed his father's hair delicately, then pulled the sheet back over his head.

"Yuki."

"Hai?"

"I have to tell her."

"I know."

"I need you to come with me."  Yukito gingerly placed his hand on Touya's shoulder, but this time Touya didn't react.  His head was bowed; he was struggling to contain himself now.

"Of course I'll come with you.  But are you up for it?"

"Doesn't matter about me.  She has to know."

- - - - - -

Sakura paused in surprise when she saw Touya and Yukito standing in the junior high schoolyard.

"Hey, your brother's here," commented Tomoyo.  "Isn't he normally in class at this hour?"

"Yeah, I thought so."  Sakura looked at her friend quizzically and shrugged.  "I wonder what's up."  She smiled and waved at the two men and crossed the yard.

"Ne Onii-chan, what are you doing here?"

Her brother remained oddly silent, just looking at her.  She felt a twinge of worry.

"Nii-chan?  Is something wrong?"

"Would you excuse us, Tomoyo-san?"  Sakura didn't like that, and she frowned a little.

"Nii-chan, what's wrong?"

Still he wouldn't speak.  Yukito reached for Tomoyo's hand and led her away.

"Come on, Tomoyo-san.  Toya has to tell Sakura-chan something important."

"Nani?"  He was pulling her gently away from her friend, out of earshot.  "Yukito-san, what's going on?"

"Tomoyo-san, something bad happened today."  Those gentle brown eyes behind the glasses were filled with pain as he leaned in close and told her the news.

"Oh god no.  No, it can't be true."  She put a hand over her mouth and turned back to her best friend.  Like Yukito had, Touya was leaning down, saying it quietly.  Sakura took a step back, shaking her head, and Touya just looked down.  She gave a choking gasp, and her knees buckled; Touya caught her before she hit the ground and hugged her close as she began to sob.

"No," she cried over and over again.  "No.  No.  No!"

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he whispered.  "It's true.  He's gone."  She was completely limp, and he had to pick her up in his arms.  She weighed practically nothing; she was so helpless, so fragile, sobbing hysterically.  His poor little sister.  She needed him.

"Don't worry, Sakura, I'm here."  His own eyes remained dry as he tried to pull her hair away from her wet face.  "It'll be okay."

- - - - - - -

The funeral ended at last, and the small crowd dispersed.  Mostly Fujitaka's friends and colleagues at the university, they weren't really sure if they should approach the children or not.  Eventually they all filtered away, leaving them alone by the two graves.  Touya stared at the chiseled names in the glow of the late afternoon sun.

Three days since that horrible day.  Three days of waking nightmares, of fading and re-emerging pain.  Three days of stunned disbelief mixed with wild grief.  Maybe now that he was buried, it would get better.

He squeezed Sakura's hand.  "They're together now.  It's all he's wanted since she left."

She didn't respond, and he exchanged glances with Yukito over her head.  Then Yukito leaned down a little.

"Look, Sakura-chan.  Li-kun's come.  He's over there with Tomoyo-san.  Why don't you go say hi?"

Still no reaction, and they had to pull her gently away from the two headstones.  Once she was no longer facing them, she seemed to return to reality somewhat, and blinked and shook her head a little.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Go on," she whispered.  "I'll be there in a minute."

She pulled her hands out of theirs.  Touya hesitated; he didn't like leaving her alone, but Yukito grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Come on, Toya.  Let her have a minute alone with him."

Her brother backed away reluctantly and they turned to go back down the hill.  Tomoyo shared another hug with Sakura, then followed.  Finally it was just the two of them.

"He's gone, Syaoran."

"I know."

"It was so quick."

"Yes."

She hugged her arms to herself, trembling.

"I'm scared to leave.  They buried him; he's in the ground.  If I walk away and start the rest of my life, then that's it.  It really is over."  Fresh tears were starting to flow.  Unable to hold back anymore, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"You have to do it, Sakura.  He's gone, and there's nothing you can do about it.  Going back to your life won't change anything."  She only cried harder at that, and he stroked his fingers through her hair.  "It's terrible, I know.  But he wouldn't want you to sit here in the graveyard for the rest of your life, now would he?  He didn't do that when his wife died."  Now she was really sobbing, and he winced.

"I guess that didn't help, either.  I'm not really saying the right things, I know.  But Sakura, I lost my father once too.  The only thing that works is time.  You have to go back to your life, and you have to give it time.  It's the only way."  He could feel her nod on his shoulder.

"I loved my father."

"I know."

"I don't want him to be dead!"

"I know.  But your brother is waiting for you by the car.  You can't stay here."

The sun had almost reached the treetops, and he repositioned himself to put an arm around her shoulders.  "It's time to go."

Miserably she nodded, and he steered her toward the graveyard entrance.  Touya was pacing by the car, and shot an irritable look at Li out of old habit.  Li had to force himself to ignore it.

"You know I love you, right?"  Again she nodded.  "I'll stay in town for as long as you want me to.  I want to be here for you, Sakura.  Okay?"

"Okay," she sniffled.  "I love you too."

- - - - - -

There was no response to his soft knock on the door, and Touya pushed it open.  She was on the bed, her arms wrapped around the neck of Kero in his gigantic form.  There was a deep, throaty purr emanating from the beast as he nuzzled his Mistress and tried to comfort her.

"Sakura, Yuki made something to eat.  Would you like to come down and have dinner?"

Wordlessly she shook her head and squeezed Kero a little tighter.  Touya wasn't sure how much she'd eaten in the past few days.  He should really force her to have something.  But she looked so delicate and vulnerable.

"Well, come down if you change your mind.  We'll save some.  All right?"  She nodded fractionally.

Downstairs, Yukito looked up at Touya's entrance and frowned a little.

"She's not coming?"

"No."  Touya sat down and pushed his noodles about the bowl.  "Not that I blame her.  I haven't had much of an appetite lately, either."

Yukito winced a tiny bit.

"I wish I could say the same, but my appetite refuses to be affected.  No offense."  That got a slight smile out of Touya.

"None taken.  I know you have your reasons."  He looked down at his bowl and heaved a sigh.

"Were you planning to go back to class tomorrow?"

"I was thinking about it, yeah.  Why?"

"Because… because I have to do something tomorrow afternoon.  And I don't want to do it, and I would feel a lot better if you were with me."  Touya stared very hard at his food while he said this.  He hated asking for help, but he was desperate.

Yukito raised his eyebrows, but didn't ask.  Instead he just patted Touya's hand.

"I'll help you out, Toya, don't worry about it."  His hand remained on Touya's maybe just a second longer than it should have, and he blushed slightly as he pulled it back.  Touya didn't seem to notice, too busy studying his dinner.

"Don't mention anything to Sakura."

"Okay.  Why, what's it about?"  Touya gave him a haunted look.

"Her future."

- - - - - -

Fujitaka leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

"Forget," he whispered.

She awoke with a start.  It was nearing midnight now, she saw, and the house was very quiet.  Kero had gone to sleep beside her, his deep rhythmic breathing filling the room.  The familiar ache crashed down over her and she shrank back against the bed; every time she woke she had to remember all over again.  It hurt too much to bear.

A persistent rumble in her stomach cut through the pain and she rolled off the bed, quietly, so as not to disturb her guardian.  Carefully she made her way downstairs to the kitchen, but once she was standing in front of the fridge, she couldn't bring herself to open it.  Instead she just stared at it.

"Forget how to use your arms?"  She jumped and whirled around.  Yukito was there, wearing an old pair of faded flannel pants and a bemused expression.

"Yukito-san, you scared me.  Did I wake you?"

"No.  It's about normal snack time for me.  Looks like you could use something too."  He reached past her to open the fridge.  "There are plenty of leftovers; I'm sure we can come up with something."

"Oh – well, I – uh… I don't know.  I don't know if I'm really all that hungry."  Her stomach betrayed her with a particularly loud gurgle, and she flushed.  Yukito smiled.

"Sure you are.  There's no need to feel guilty about eating, Sakura-chan. Do you really think your father would want you to starve to death?"

"Well, no, but - "

"Then eat something.  It's something normal you can do.  You'll feel better."  He steered her into a chair and reheated a plate of noodles.  Once in front of her, they sent up a delicate wisp of steam and she stared at them longingly.

"Normal.  Everybody wants me to go back to normal; everybody wants me to forget and get on with my life.  It's not that simple."

"I know it."  He dropped into the chair next to hers.  "I know it's not that simple.  But Sakura-chan, it's really your only choice.  I mean, what else can you do?"

She looked up sharply at that, then turned her head to look up the stairs.

"Well, I - "

"Yue says you better not even be thinking about trying to use the Cards somehow on your father.  They are absolutely not meant to be used that way."

She closed her mouth with a snap and slumped in the seat.

"You're right.  I'm not even sure which Card I could use, really.  Some all-powerful sorceress I am."

"Even Clow Reed couldn't stop death," Yukito reminded her.  "Everybody has their time to go, you know that.  Sakura-chan, why are you punishing yourself like this?  I'm beginning to worry about you."

She stared at her untouched food.

"Because… because I - "  She gave a loud sob mid-sentence.  "Because I can't remember.  I'm a terrible person, and I don't deserve to eat.  I don't deserve to get on with my life!"  She broke down completely, her thin shoulders shaking with the intensity of her cries.  Anxiously Yukito lifted her off her chair and sat her in his lap.

"Shh… Sakura-chan, don't cry.  You're not a terrible person.  What can't you remember?"

"I c-can't remember if I said goodbye to him that morning," she cried.  "It was just another day.  Just a typical school morning, and I was late.  I shot out of here at full speed like I always do, and I can't even remember if I said goodbye to him.  On his last day on earth.  If only I'd known… if only I could have seen - "  Her words were lost in more sobs as she buried her face in her hands.  Yukito held her soothingly.

"Oh, Sakura-chan, you're not a terrible person.  Nobody ever gets the chance to say goodbye when there's a sudden death.  Your father knew that you loved him, and that's what's important.  You're not a bad person for wanting to eat." 

The truth of his words nestled in her heart and her tears dwindled into the occasional sniffle.  Sakura was exhausted; she was tired of crying.  It was all she'd been doing for the past three days.  Wearily she rested her head on Yukito's shoulder.

"Why are you still here, Yukito-san?  Why are you doing this?"

He'd been sleeping on their couch since the day it happened.

"Well, Yue was worried about you, for one thing."  He stroked his fingers through her hair.  "And I'm worried about your brother."

"Onii-chan?"  She frowned.  If anybody had been well adjusted throughout this whole ordeal, it was him.  "Why are you worried about Nii-chan?"

"Well, unlike the two of us, he can actually remember both deaths of his parents.  This must be a little traumatic for him."

"I suppose so…"

"He refuses to mourn, which is what worries me.  Since the day in the hospital, all he can think about is putting on a brave face for you.  He's so concerned about you that I think he's forgetting to take care of himself."

"Oh."  She gave a lengthy sigh.  "I suppose my behavior isn't helping with that."

"You have no cause to apologize.  Everybody deals with grief in a different way.  He's doing it by watching over you, and so I'm here to watch him."

She squeezed him a little.

"Yukito-san, you're such a good friend.  Where would we be without you?"

"You'd waste away to a skeleton, I think.  Now why don't you eat your dinner, hmm?  I won't be able to sleep until I know you've eaten something."  She hiccuped and nodded, reluctantly disengaging from Yukito to sit in front of her plate.

"I should try to put up a better front for Nii-chan.  I don't want him worrying about me."

"Don't worry about fronts, Sakura-chan.  You resume routine when you want to, because you're ready for it. No other reason."  She bit into a mouthful of noodles.

"Maybe.  But I think I am ready to start eating again.  I don't want him to lose sleep over me.  I've been pretty selfish these past few days."

"No, you haven't.  But I'm glad you're ready to join us for dinner again.  It'll be better for the both of you."  She looked up at the mention of 'us'.

"How long are you going to stay here, Yukito-san?  Don't you want to go back to your own house and have a little space?" 

Yukito clucked his tongue reproachfully.  "Sakura-chan, don't be silly.  I'm happy to stay as long as you both need me to.  You are my family."  He took her left hand in his, and she managed a tentative smile.

"Well, not to sound selfish, but I'm glad.  I think we need you.  I know I do."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Touya bristled and glared at the woman behind the desk.

"What do you mean, 'some problems?"  She adjusted her glasses and gave him a measuring look.

"Kinomoto-san, I'm still not sure if you understand the enormity of the task that you're trying to take on.  To take custody of a thirteen year-old girl while still attending college… quite frankly, I have my reservations."

Touya forced himself to take a deep breath.  "My father handled her and a full-time job easily enough."

"Yes sir, but you are just twenty years old.  You know that that's extremely young."

"My mother was seventeen when she had me," he pointed out.  The woman's eyebrows went slightly up at that, and she made a little sound in the back of her throat.

Oh that's it, thought Touya furiously, and opened his mouth.  Yukito put a warning hand on his arm and shook his head.

Good thing he'd brought him along.  Reluctantly he closed his mouth.

"And just exactly how do you think you'll manage, Kinomoto-san?"

"I'll be done with college in two years; my tuition is already taken care of with scholarship.  My father's life insurance and savings will be more than enough to feed and clothe my sister until I can get a proper job."

"Hmm…"  She was examining Sakura's file on the desk in front of her, and Touya fidgeted a little. 

"I really don't understand what the problem here is.  I am her only family, I'm the only one left.  Who else is there?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, there has been one other contender for the guardianship of your sister.  It seems that your mother had a cousin by the name of Daidouji Sonomi-san - "

"What?" Touya yelped.  "You mean she's trying to take Sakura?  That w - "  Yukito clapped a hand over Touya's mouth.

"Toya, can I talk to you?"  He turned to the social worker.  "Excuse us for a minute."  He yanked Touya out of his chair and half-dragged him into the hallway outside the office.  His friend was looking at him with agonized eyes.

"Yuki, they can't!  They just can't take her away from me.  I need her.  She needs me!"

"Shh, Toya, calm down.  You know Daidouji-san loves Sakura-chan to pieces, and there's no question that she can afford to give her anything she wants.  Sakura-chan could have a mother figure for the first time in her life, and she'll be with her best friend.  It's not a bad idea."

Toya looked horrified.

"But who will protect her, look out for her?"

"She'll still have Cerberus with her, you know that.  And I'll be around.  It'll be the same as always."

"It's not fair, Yuki.  I don't want to give her up.  I'll be all alone."

"Toya, you'll never be completely alone.  I'll be here for you, I swear."  Yukito clapped a hand on his shoulder as Touya stared numbly at the wall.

"She's my sister.  I love her so much…"

"Then shouldn't her happiness be what's important?" Yukito asked gently.  "Shouldn't she be the one to decide?"

Touya met his eyes at last.  They were swimming with tears for the first time since the heart attack.

"I don't want to lose her, Yuki."

"She'll always be your sister.  Nothing will change that."  Touya didn't look stable.  Yukito gripped him in a hug as he began to cry.

"You're right," he choked.  "She should get to decide.  I – I have to… give her the choice."

"It's okay, Toya.  It'll work out for the best.  I promise."

- - - - - -

For the first time since his death, there were three people at the table for dinner that night.  Not to mention Kero, sitting in front of his own plate right on the table.  He would not have to hide anymore.

It was nice, Sakura thought.  She almost smiled when Kero and Yukito had to fight over the last roll.  It felt almost like a family again.

Touya felt his spirits lift when he saw her eating and talking again.  She was finally starting to heal, it seemed, and that made him feel better than he had in a while.  But dinner was winding up, and it couldn't be put off anymore.

"I'll do the dishes," he announced.  Sakura immediately stood up.

"I'll help.  You've been doing them every day."

"No, it's okay.  I want to do them."  He pulled the plate out of her hands and gave Yukito a significant look.

"Come on, Sakura-chan."  Yukito stood and extended his hand.  "It's a beautiful evening.  Why don't we go take a walk?"

"Can I come?"

"Not this time, Cerberus.  I need to talk to Sakura-chan."

She frowned a little and bit her lip, but Yukito was smiling innocently.

"All right," she agreed uncertainly.  "You sure you don't mind, Nii-chan?"  She was pulling her jacket down off the hook, and she didn't see his face.

"No," he forced himself to say.  "You go ahead."

- - - - - -

It was indeed a beautiful evening.  Sakura watched the sun set over the creek as they paused by the park.  The vibrant firework colors of the trees attracted her attention for the first time in days, bathed in the fading golden light and reflected in the still water.  It was a scene designed to calm any troubled soul.

A tiny sigh escaped her, and Yukito squeezed her hand and smiled.  He'd been very quiet since they left the house.

"What did you want to talk about, Yukito-san?"

Now it was his turn to sigh, and he led her to the swing set.  "It's not so much that I want to talk about it.  But it has to be done."

"What does?"  He sat her down in a swing and took the one next to it.  He looked as though he wasn't quite sure how to begin.

"Sakura-chan, your brother loves you very much, you know."

"I know."  She looked at him curiously, and he took a deep breath.

"Toya would like to think that he would do a good job of taking care of you.  But he wants you to be happy. We both do."

"Yukito-san, what are you talking about?"

"Sakura-chan, Daidouji-san would like you to live with her.  And Toya would like you to stay with him.  He wanted me to talk to you about it because he didn't want to pressure you.  He just wants you to be happy."  The words came out a little too fast, and her young green eyes looked dazed.

"What?"

"You're a minor, Sakura-chan," Yukito explained, more carefully.  "And the government says that you need a guardian."

"Kami-sama," she whimpered.  "And I'm supposed to choose?"

"Well, I think you should be allowed to weigh in.  It is your life, after all."

"Oh."  Glassily she stared at the penguin slide in front of them.

Maybe it was too soon to bring it up, he thought worriedly.  It's too much. But she needed to know.

"Sakura-chan, daijoubu?"  She was running her fingers distractedly through her hair now, pulling it back from her face.

"It's not enough that I lost him," she muttered.  "Now I have to choose someone to replace him.  Why is this happening to me?"

"No one is asking you to replace your dad, Sakura-chan.  But someone needs to be your legal guardian.  You know your brother and Daidouji-san both love you.  I think you'd be all right in either situation.  You think about what will make you happiest."

She stood up abruptly and began to walk away.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Would you excuse me, Yukito-san?  I need to go to Tomoyo-chan's."

"Have you - "

"No.  I just want to see her."  The sun dipped below the horizon, and she hugged her jacket close to her body.

Yukito waited until she was out of sight in the dusk, and then he stood.

- - - - - -

The maid opened the door and smiled at Sakura.

"She's still at dinner, miss.  Shall I call her?"

"Don't bother."  She marched past her and kicked off her shoes.  "I know my way around this house."

It was such a beautiful house.  Sakura padded down the hallway on the thick scarlet carpet.  Priceless artwork hung on the walls, lit by the glow of shaded lamps.  Tomoyo and Li were just finishing dinner in the small dining room when she finally found them.

"Oh Sakura-chan, hi."  Surprised, Tomoyo stood and embraced her.  "How are you feeling?"

"A little better."  Gratefully she returned the squeeze, then smiled at Li.  "Would you excuse us, Syaoran?  I really need to talk to Tomoyo-chan."  He nodded and sat back down, and Sakura took her friend's hand to lead her upstairs.

"Where's your mom?"

"She had to work late again."

"Uh-huh."  Sakura nodded thoughtfully.

"So… I guess you've heard."

"Yeah.  Tonight."  Tomoyo clutched at her friend's hand a little more tightly.

"Look, I want to show you something."  She opened a bedroom door.  "It's right next to mine.  Isn't it great?"

The room was huge, with a bay window overlooking the yard and its own luxurious bathroom.

"It could be yours.  Think how much fun it would be; we could be sisters."  She smiled timidly at Sakura, who smiled back.

"It would be fun."  She looked around, taking it all in, then sat on the edge of the four-poster bed.  "I just came over to see it again.  To remind myself how beautiful it was."

- - - - - -

Touya practically jumped out of his chair when Yukito returned.

"Where is she?  What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything.  And she had to go over to Tomoyo-san's."

"What?"  Touya looked stricken, and Yukito winced.

"Toya, it doesn't mean anything.  They're best friends; she probably just wanted to talk."

"Yeah, sure."  Toya slammed his textbook down on the counter.  "Or maybe she just wanted to check out the size of her new walk-in closet and calculate how many new dresses she'll be able to fit in it."

"Toya," Yukito remonstrated.  "Try to be rational.  Sakura-chan is not going to decide it that way."

"Uh-huh."  He gripped the counter's edge and leaned over, his scowl growing darker by the second.  He looked so frustrated and scared.

"Toya, you can't keep panicking like this.  What will happen will happen."  His only response was a dark glower.  "I know what this is."

"Do you?"

"Toya, you need her.  Taking care of her distracts you from your own grief.  As long as she's around you, you don't have to worry about taking care of yourself."

Touya had no reply to this, and paced a little in the kitchen.

"Maybe.  So what if I am?"

"Because it's unhealthy, that's what.  I know you love your sister, but you should want to be her guardian because it's good for her.  Not for you."  Yukito was getting annoyed by Touya's frantic pacing and he reached out to grab his arm mid-step.

"Your dad died, Toya.  Allow yourself the luxury of grief, for crying out loud.  You are not responsible for everything in her life!"

Toya knocked Yukito's hand away.  "Don't you ever get tired of being the shoulder, Yuki?  Stop the goddamn therapy routine already.  She's my sister; I want to take care of her.  Simple as that.  She's all I've got left!"

"You keep saying that," Yukito snapped.  "You know it's not true.  You're not as alone as you think you are."  They were practically nose-to-nose now, both glaring and breathing heavily.  "You have me, okay?  I'll be here.  No matter what."

There was a flicker of confusion and surprise in Touya's dark eyes, then fear, then finally gratitude.

"I know," he said quietly.  "And I thank you for it."

"Good.  Just so long as we're in agreement."

Touya was sick and tired of being the strong one.  In all of an instant his resolve crumbled and he threw himself against Yukito, crushed their bodies together and sealed their lips in a desperate kiss.  He would rather feel anything than one more second of this grief and he sought relief in the sudden unexpected passion.  Yukito didn't fight him but pushed forward, meeting him in the kiss with a matching hunger. 

Neither questioned it.  It was too wonderful for that.

- - - - - - -

Li was waiting by the base of the stairway when the girls finally came back down.

"It's getting late.  I should get going."  Tomoyo nodded, then reached out for another hug.

"See you tomorrow, Sakura-chan?"

"I think so, yeah."  They smiled, and then Sakura reached for Li's hand.  "Will you walk me home, Syaoran?"

"Of course."

He waited until they were outside on the porch before he said anything.  "You've decided, haven't you?"  She nodded.

"I don't want to talk about it."  She pulled on her jacket and slipped her hand into his again.  "Instead I'd like to thank you for coming all the way here to be with me in this incredibly difficult time.  It means a lot to me."

"It was nothing."

"No, it was more than that.  You're wonderful."  She paused and looked up at the evening sky.  The stars were so clear and bright.  She startled Li with a small giggle.

"What?"

"Oh, I was just thinking.  Nii-chan swears that Mom has been around, watching us grow up.  He can't see her anymore now, but we both think that she's still there.  I suppose that means Dad can see us now too."

"I suppose."

"I was just wondering what he's making of it all.  Kero-chan, the Cards, all of it.  That's quite a shock, on top of discovering that you're dead."  She giggled again, and Li smiled.  "I'm sorry.  I know I shouldn't be laughing, but…"

"No, it's okay.  It's healthy.  You're right; it is a little funny.  And he might be shocked, but at least he's not alone.  Your mom is with him.  They're probably very happy, together at last."

"I'm sure of it."  She gave him a curious glance.  "How much do you remember of your father?"

"Not much," he admitted.  "Bits and pieces.  He was very stern, like most people in my family.  Dark eyes, like mine.  I do remember him sneaking a proud glance my way a couple of times.  I think he was relieved that he finally had a son, after all those girls."

"Do you miss him?"

"Not really.  It's more like I miss having a father, period.  I just didn't know him well enough."

"I understand.  It's the same with Mom.  Poor Nii-chan.  He remembers both of them well enough to miss them.  I can only imagine how hard this must be for him."

"He's strong.  He can handle it."

"I know.  But it's still hard."  Her house came into view.  "How long do you think you can stay?"

"I told you, as long as you need."

"At least until the weekend is over?  It would be nice to do something with you.  Something… normal."

"I would be more than glad to help you with that," he assured her.  "I won't leave Japan until I'm sure you're all right."

They came to a stop outside her front door.

"Arigatou."

"You're welcome.  I love you."

"I love you too."

She was smiling a little sadly, and Li brushed his hand over her cheek.  Her skin was so soft, and her lips were so inviting.  Was it wrong to want to kiss her at a time like this?

He hesitated, but she didn't.  Longing to feel anything besides the familiar ache, she reached up and planted her mouth right on his.  Surprised but pleased, he responded, and they kissed until Touya opened the door and grabbed Li by his shirt to slam him against the side of the house.

"Oh hi, Nii-chan," Sakura said brightly.  Her brother narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on Li's shirt.

"Don't you 'hi, Nii-chan' me.  Where the hell have you been?"

"At Tomoyo-chan's."

"And/or making out with your degenerate boyfriend on the porch?"

"Nii-chan!"

Li tried to speak up.  "Look, all we did was k - "

"Shut up," Touya snapped.  Then he turned his glare back on his sister.  "You were gone way too long, and you know it, Sakura.  I was worried sick."

"I - "

"You should not be out past nine on a school night.  Especially when I don't know where you are!"

"But I - "

"And that's another thing.  You're going back to school tomorrow.  It's been almost a  week; you've been gone long enough."

"Yes, I - "

"It's time that you got back into the normal routine of life, and I don't want to hear any argument."

"Nii-chan, I want to live with you."

"And one more thing, I - "  He broke off in surprise, not quite sure if he'd heard her correctly.  "What?"

She was smiling.  "You're my brother, and I love you.  I know that you'll take good care of me.  You're the one that I want to live with."  His grip on Li actually loosened as a big grin spread across his face. 

"Really?  You want to stay with me?"  Sakura nodded.  It was impossible not to smile, her brother looked as though he'd just been given the world.  It felt wonderful to be so cherished.  She'd known it from the start, that he was the one who loved her the most.

"Oh, thank you," he choked, and released Li completely so that he could wrap his little sister in a tight hug.  She returned the embrace enthusiastically, and he heard her sniffle a little.  He couldn't say anything, he was too afraid he would break down completely.  He could only clutch at her protectively as the waves of relief cascaded over him.  She wanted to be with him.  He wasn't going to lose her after all!

Touya had almost forgotten that Li was even there until he coughed politely.  They both looked up to see Li backing away and smiling.

"I guess I better get back to Tomoyo's.  I'm happy for you, Sakura.  I knew what you would go with."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Syaoran."

"All right."  He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.  "Sleep well, Sakura."  He made accidental eye contact with Touya, then turned and walked away.  Sakura watched him disappear into the darkness, then squeezed her brother again.

"Come on inside, you little monster.  It's cold."  She made a noise that was halfway between exasperation and laughter, and he picked her up off her feet to deposit her inside the house.

"Hey Toya, what's taking so long - "  Yukito stopped and blushed as he came down the stairs and saw the two of them hugging.  "Oh Sakura-chan, you're back."  His face got a little redder.  He was dressed only in a pair of old kung fu workout pants, pants that had belonged to Touya for years.  Her brother cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"It's all right, Yukito-san," she spoke up.  "It's okay.  I was just telling Nii-chan that I'd like to stay here, if that's all right with him. But I have one condition.  Onii-chan still has another couple years of college to go, and I know it won't be very easy on him.  Studying and running the house and keeping an eye on me, it's a lot.  I think it would be a good idea if you moved in to help out."

"What?" they both said, a little stupidly.

"You said you would stay as long as we needed you.  I think we need you."

"Oh, well…"  He seemed a little nonplussed, but pleased as well.  "I guess we could try it out… if you don't mind, Toya."

"Oh no," he answered quickly.  "I don't mind at all."  She had to refrain from a little squeal when she saw the way they were looking at each other, and contented herself with a smile.  It was hard to believe that it had taken something like this, after so much time, but at least it had finally happened.

"Great.  I'm going to go take a shower."  She kissed her brother on the cheek and walked past Yukito by the stairs.  "Oyasumi."

"Oyasumi," they both replied.

After she'd gone, they just stared at each other for a moment.  The numb look of surprise in Touya's eyes had faded to uncertainty and Yukito regarded him a little nervously. 

"You're not regretting it, are you?" 

"No!  No, not at all.  It was…"  Touya trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair, interlocking them behind his neck.  "So good.  But maybe that's it."

"What?"

"I don't want to use you, Yuki.  I don't want you to just be another escape from the pain."  He dropped his hands and met Yukito's gaze.  "What if you're just another distraction?"

Yukito considered his words carefully, trying to ignore the tremor in his heart.  That couldn't be it.  He wouldn't let it be.

"What you said earlier, when we were…"  He half-gestured back to the stairs.  "Did you mean it?"

"When I said that I love you?" Touya repeated the words deliberately, relishing the way they felt and sounded.  He'd never been more sincere in his life.  "Yeah, I meant it."

"Then it'll be all right."  Yukito crossed the narrow kitchen in a matter of two steps and placed his hand against that beautiful dark face.  "Because I love you too."

"Well, if you're sure…"  Touya's words were lost in the kiss.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The woman smiled kindly at the young girl in front of her desk and adjusted her glasses again.

"I understand your feelings, Sakura-san.  But you do need to think about some of my concerns - "

"No," Sakura interrupted.  "I don't think you understand at all.  You're not here to listen to me or my brother, you're here to convince me that living with Daidouji-san is a good idea.  And it's not a bad idea, I grant you.  But I have stated that I would prefer to stay with my brother, and he has agreed.  Why is this not acceptable?"

"Sakura-san, you're very young.  I know you feel very close to your brother right now, but we need to consider what's best for you."

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Touya sink a little lower in his seat, and she gave a tiny sigh of frustration.

"I know I look young, but I did grow up in our house and I saw the way things worked.  The truth is, my father never did as much for me as Onii-chan did.  I loved my dad very much, but there is no question that he allowed my brother to take on a large part of watching out for me.  Onii-chan was the one who took me to school when I was younger.  Onii-chan came to watch my cheerleading performances, and my marathon races.  Onii-chan cooked dinner in the evenings when my dad was held up at work.  Onii-chan came looking for me if I was late getting home from school."

Touya couldn't help it; a smile was beginning to creep across his face.  She was entwining her fingers with his, holding his hand tightly.

"Onii-chan made sure I did my chores and my homework, and it was Onii-chan that took care of me if I got sick.  There is no one – are you listening? – no one more capable of becoming my guardian.  You want what's best for me?  Then you recognize him as such."

The social worker looked slightly taken aback.

"Well, Sakura-san, you've clearly given it some thought.  Since you're so adamant about it, I suppose we can give it a shot."

Both brother and sister exhaled in relief.

"We will be conducting check-ups of course, and observing Sakura-san's grades and her behavior in school.  If I feel that the situation isn't working, this office will take steps."

"It will be fine," Touya assured her.  "I know I can do this."

"Then sign here, please."

- - - - - -

Yukito and Li were waiting in the hallway when they left the office.

"Well?"

"It's on paper," Sakura related, glowing.  "We're good to go."  Li opened his arms and swept her up in a big hug.

"Good.  I'm so happy for you."  He dared to give her a quick kiss.

"Thanks for coming," she murmured.

"You bet."

"Why don't we go get some dinner?" Yukito suggested.  "To celebrate."  He took Touya's hand and squeezed it gently.

"All right," Touya said in a low voice.  "Does he have to come?"

"Hai."

"Hmph."  Touya glared at the boy hugging his little sister.  But even he couldn't be too annoyed, not now.  Sakura looked so happy.

"How about it, Sakura-chan?"  Yukito directed his smile at her.  "Would you like to go eat?"

Her smile faded momentarily as she looked into his eyes, then she looked back at Li and squared her shoulders.

"Yes.  Yes, I think I would.  Let's go."  Li put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her lightly on the side of her head.  Touya reached with his other hand for hers and smiled.

"Come on, then."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters.