Turning sharply to the north of hobo town was a valley of shoes. Seriously, that's all they sold. Their food consisted of rubber gum, some unidentified black goo, and sneakers in the shape of pizza, not the other way around. Killua couldn't even start on the people. They paraded around in birthday suits as if Gon and Killua were the naked freaks with nothing on but Adidas. But at least they got some sweet shoes out of it.

There was a fork in the path then. They turned right only to come upon a pretty normal town at first glance. Then Gon pointed out how little boys seemed to make up the entirety of the population. Yet, there wasn't a clothes store in sight. There were only lines of frilly-looking pink houses. They both shrugged it off. It was in the deeper part of the city when they found the first store which…

"Why are the buttons glued to the freaking sweater?! How are you supposed to wear it without looking like you're getting undressed? And what do you mean it doesn't come with pants…! Why doesn't ANYTHING here come with pants?! DOES THIS PLACE NOT HAVE A SINGLE PAIR OF PANTS AT ALL?!" Killua screeched at the store clerk, a young boy with long hair. In his clutches was a single oversized yet somehow tight at the same time night shirt.

He eyed Killua up and down and blushed cutely. Sparkles erupted from behind him. "Nothing in this town ever comes with pants, s-sir."

Gon peeked from behind his boyfriend's shoulder. "Why not?"

At this, the clerk's expression darkened considerably. "You should know your kind is not welcome here, ma'am."

The tan boy opened his mouth to speak but Killua got to it first. "What's with the attitude?"

"Girls are carriers of malicious diseases. So are adults. We of the clan are firm believers that as soon as our kind turn 15 that we must then commit seppuku over the fountain of wishes overlooking the great tombstones of our young brethren and ancestors. That is why we must mate while our bodies are young and-"

"HOLY SH-" Killua shut his mouth. He smacked a palm against his forehead. "I think I figured out what town this is, Gon."

"Really?" On the contrary, the young boy didn't seem bothered at being scorned at all. "I was thinking it had something to do with pants."

He deadpanned. "You're close. Let's just leave. We need to get you boy clothes, already."

But alas, the world was not so forgiving. The next thing they knew, the clerk simmered down considerably. He peeked at Gon with a sudden curiosity. "W-Wait, are y-you….?"

Gon somehow caught on. "A boy…? Yup!"

The cashier abruptly stood up and, to Killua's horror, was also in a maid outfit beneath his cloak. "Y-You're really cute…" He swayed side to side shyly, just enough to ride up his skirt. "I-I have some liquor in the backroom. I m-mean if you and your friend want to stay for a drink. I w-would be happy to…en-entertain you. Just don't be too rough…"

Killua did the only logical thing then. He kicked the guy in the nuts.

"Well let's never go back again."

Hand-in-hand with his best friend, Gon could only nod.

By then, the two had an aching suspicion that someone had placed a curse on them to only ever run into lunatic places. Gon looked troubled when they came into another fork in the road. "Killua, maybe we should check the internet-"

"NO. Not in a MILLION years! Are you AWARE it's the internet's fault this all happened anyway?!" Killua had every office supply under the sun spread out on the ground, convinced there was some psychological pattern in the way this country was organized. "Wait, wait, I think I got it! It's a four-leaf-clover, see?! When I organize the coordinates of every place we've been in hexadecimal then re-graph the log of one side against a Snakes and Ladders board, it makes a clover!"

Gon seriously considered his boyfriend had gone crazy.

"SO THE SOLUTION IS…!" Instead of taking either route, Killua rounded to a tree, knocked four times, soaked it in acetate, made Gon twirl thrice, play twister, then hold a cup of honey on his chin while upside down and singing the friend song. Nothing happened.

"…Killua."

The addressed sighed, admitting defeat. "Fine. We'll use Google."

Bringing up the dreaded screen once more, they stared at the offending map for nearly five minutes. Gon was running out of battery, and laptops. "It says the closest town with boys' clothes is York Shin."

Killua groaned. That was the exact town where the tip Illumi gave them indicated to go. "Let's just get this over with."

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of torture, Gon was in a completely normal green sweatshirt and jeans. Satisfied, Killua pocketed his wallet to smile at his giggling friend.

"Thank you, Killua!" Gon stopped in his admiring to jump his friend in a tight hug.

The albino squirmed. The shorter boy nuzzled their cheeks together affectionately. "Gon…"

"Yeah…?"

"Stop acting cute..."

"Hm," Gon tilted his head cutely. "What do you mean-"

Killua abruptly forced every strand of hair under a cap and tucked it onto Gon's head. "There! You're temporarily a guy again. Don't you DARE take it off."

"Okay!" Gon chimed and kissed his cheek. This only made Killua blush harder. Well, it wasn't the hair, that's for sure.

The white-haired boy coughed. "ANYWAY, I don't think we can leave that whole parlor thing Illu-ni told us about alone."

Gon finally skittered off the other boy. Instantly he felt a pang of coldness in the spot Gon once was. "Even though it might be a trap?"

"Even though it might be a trap. Would you rather ask my mother? I doubt she even has a solution. If it is a special Nen user who has crazy powers over hair, then we can trick them into disguising us so we can escape. If it isn't-"

"We'll beat up everyone there!" Gon pumped his fist up.

Killua smirked. "Exactly."

Hours later, as promised, the two snuck into the target address. Honestly, they thought they were doing well as they passed by two guards completely unseen. When they rounded into a dark room however, the lights were suddenly turned on.

Hisoka was waiting in a bathrobe and scissors. "Hello you two~"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Instinctively, they concentrated almost all their Nen into their legs to run off but were grabbed by the collars. A passive Illumi was standing by the door in waiting. Killua glared at his brother. "You know we'll just escape, right?!"

Illumi dropped them in a cage with a child proof lock.

"…fuck."

"K-K-Killua…they're not g-going to shave my head, are they?" Killua stopped in his cursing of the evil contraption that had kept him from stealing any Chocorobo-shaped cookies when he was younger in favor of sending his friend a sarcastic look.

"Or they could cut our throats open and feed our organs to the pigeons for the next two months."

"Oh, and that."

"I don't know." It was then Killua fell silent. He turned to Gon after a moment to notice the boy nearly in tears. "Gon, it's just hair…it'll grow back."

"B-But then…" He twiddled his thumbs and sniffled. The boy grew uncharacteristically quiet. His voice was nearly a whisper. "But then I won't be cute on our wedding."

Killua looked away. "H-Hey, Gon. You're…"

"Huh?"

He mumbled again. "I said yurawysskuttt…"

"HUH?" Gon repeated. Even his trained forest ears couldn't pick it up.

"I SAID YOU'RE ALWAYS CUTE, YOU MORON!"

"I SAID YOU'RE ALWAYS CUTE, YOU MORON!"

Both boys turned, shocked at the sound of the assassin's voice reaching them from some spot in front. There in Hisoka's hands was a tape recorder. "Aaah~ This is so voluptuous."

Illumi nodded in agreement. "It would go well on Facebook."

"I SAID YOU'RE ALWAYS CUTE, YOU MORON!"

"N-n…NOOOOOO. GIVE THAT BACK YOU HALF-BIT CLOWN!" Sharp claws protruded from his fingertips. He clawed at the metal of the cage with all his might, then swiped again and again until he resembled a cat fighting an elephant.

Hisoka bent back to show off his abs. "Aww, but that wouldn't be any fuuuun."

"But that's MINE YOU THIEF. O-Only Gon can hear it, NO ONE ELSE. YOU PERVERT-"

It was then one of the silent occupants piped up in a strong voice. "Excuse me, Hisoka…?" The two arguing hunters in the room stopped to turn to Gon. "Could you please give it back? Killua's been really unhappy these past few days and I don't like seeing that. He's too special to me. I'll even let you fix my hair with no complaint…so, please?"

Killua gaped at him. Hisoka frowned the slightest bit, but after a while gave a contemplative hum. "Alright, Gon-kun." With the swift fingers he used to build meticulous card houses, he slid the tape recorder to the white-haired boy's feet. Gon smiled in thanks before making his way to the front of the cage.

Before that, Killua grabbed his sleeve. He whispered, "G-Gon, are you sure about this?"

"It's fine." He smiled one of the brightest smiles the once isolated boy had ever seen. "Killua said I'd be cute no matter what so I don't care being bald!"

Killua blushed the slightest and chuckled. "I can't change your mind, can I?"

"Nope!" With that, the tan boy shed his hat to the floor. "I'm ready! Thanks, Hisoka."

Meanwhile the clown was inwardly gushing. So many feels. He moaned. "No problem~. Just stay still, Gooooon~'

"Finally." Illumi...just stood there.

As Hisoka's skilled fingers brought out the scissors once more, Killua felt himself get cold feet. What if he swiped off Gon's head right then and there? He made to interfere. "W-Wait a s-" It was too late as the blades arched through the air above the boy's temple. He stared in shock.

"Huh?" Gon glanced at the surprised look and felt his heart dropping. "D-Does it look that bad, Killua?"

"N-No! You're back to normal!"

"I am…?" He reached out to touch stubborn spikes of hair, then blinked at the mirror the clown held up for him. "I AM! Thanks again, Hisoka!"

Hisoka giggled. "No problem Gon-kun. Though you really looked cuter and more ravishing with your long hair, this style suits your delectable body more."

"…This is why I don't trust you with kids." Illumi was still just standing there.

After an awkward silence, Killua scoffed. "Now that it's solved, are you going to let us out or not?"

"Killua!" Gon reprimanded.

It was then Illumi went against all expectations and did more than just stand there by taking a step. "We want to try something first."

At Gon's confused stare, Killua sighed. "I knew it…Gon, they're not going to let us out."

"W-Why?!"

"They probably captured us under mother's orders and were told to bring us back under some really complicated and extravagant but stupid proposition that's just unnecessary for everyone." Gon's head fried. "Alright Illu-ni. I know Hisoka just did this for fun but what about you? What did mother offer you this time? Money…? Position as heir, mass murder…?"

"She said I could be the flower girl."

"…"

"…what?"

"Enough talk," Hisoka clapped his hands. "Come over here, Killua-kun~"

Killua's shoulders relaxed slightly. At least it's not Gon they need. He switched places with the enhancer. "This better not be too-" Killua Zoldyck, the Killua Zoldyck was interrupted mid-sentence by a spray can of all things. "H-Hey-!" An abrupt coldness washed over him and it took him half a second to realize someone had dumped water on his head. "Ack! What-" The next thing he knew, he felt something soft whip into him, sending his body flying across the cage.

Instantly, Gon was there to catch his friend. His strong arms held the assassin as the taller boy's face was left buried in Gon's chest. "Killua…! Are you okay?"

The albino groaned. What the hell was that? It wasn't that it hurt. He was expecting Illumi to pull out wanting to have the talk again. Groggily, he got up in confusion. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. It just felt weird. What did you do, Hisoka?" Killua froze. Everyone was staring at him. "What…?"

Hisoka and Illumi promptly fainted in nosebleeds.

The assassin blinked. "Huh, that's strange…Gon?"

Gon had both hands over his nose but to no avail. Streaks of red still trailed between his knuckles. "Mpph, waff's thash, Kwiffua?"

Half frustrated and half worried, Killua rounded on his boyfriend to push his hands away. "What's with you? Speak normally-hey…are you okay, Gon? Did you get hurt?"

"Uh…" Gon smiled sheepishly. "Killua, just look at the mirror Hisoka dropped…"

Not having a single clue what was happening, the addressed shrugged and went to collect the device off the floor and-

"Wh-WHA-P#9*%%H ?!"

The face that stared back at him was that of a girl with long white waist-length hair. Sparkles radiated off the bangs and tips, a cute blue bow perched perfectly on top of his supposedly manly head.

He chucked the mirror at Hisoka's unconscious head. "WHAT KIND OF NEN IS THIS?"

The spiked-haired boy tried his best to gather himself, whipping his bloody nose while avoiding getting any on his sweater. It was the sweater Killua bought him after all. "N-Now it's your hair…."

"Why does this always happen to us?!" Killua wanted to cry, he really did.

Gon tilted his head. He smiled softly. "I think you look beautiful, Killua!"

Killua turned fifty shades of red. The way Gon said that was so sincere. Maybe it wasn't that bad looking like this…

The next second, Gon was by his side and threading gentle fingers through the silver hair. The action made Killua shiver. "G-Gon, stop that…"

"Hmmm," Gon suddenly pouted slightly. "Maybe you would be a better bride than me…I knew it…"

"Why do you sound so dejected?"

The enhancer made a point by giving a short peck to Killua's warming cheeks. "Because you always do everything better than me. You're a better fighter, you always solve things in less than a minute while I need at least a day, you can control your Nen more, you always win our races by a few seconds, our food fights by a centimeter, and you're a thousand times more beautiful."

That's it, this guy was not human. Killua was convinced. That was the only way he could say such embarrassing things. Killua glared up at him but didn't shove him away. "N-Not always! And I refuse to be the wife. Y-You're the one that promised to wear the dress for me so you better keep it!"

With that, Gon grinned, back to his normal self. "But your hair is so pretty! I want to touch it more. It's so sparkly!" Sure enough, it was sparkling. It kind of creeped Killua out.

"J-Just leave it alone. Sparkly hair is not normal. I mean…" It was then a thought crossed him. He had been so distracted by Gon that his normally quick mind was reduced to that of a lovesick teenage girl. "Hisoka and Illu-nii are unconscious. We should just escape from here!"

Gon nodded. He placed a hand on the door and with a flick of his wrist, opened the cage effortlessly.

"You knew how to get out of here the ENTIRE time?!"

"Uh, yeah…" Gon blinked.

Killua resisted the urge to beg Gon to teach him the ways of the child proof lock. Instead he rummaged through the sleeping corpses to pull out the scissors that had fallen by Hisoka's arms.

Gon yelled. "WAIT!"

The assassin jumped, expecting an attack. "What?!"

His boyfriend produced a phone from his pocket and snapped a photo. "Okay, now you can cut it."

Killua nearly fell to the floor. "YOU BETTER NOT PUT IT ON FACEBOOK!"

Gon laughed nervously, not a good sign. "I won't, I won't-! Fine." He sagged dejectedly. He wanted everyone to see how cute Killua was but, just as well, maybe it was better that only he got to see him like this. The hunter cheered up instantly at that thought. Killua rose a brow and just shrugged it off.

"Now that's out of the way…" With a satisfying swing, Killua went to slit his hair.

"Nooooooo." Despite himself, Gon whined.

But the scissors didn't work at all. "…WTF." Killua tried again but it didn't work. The hair only swirled around the blades and was perfectly intact when he opened them again.

"Do you think it's that special bungee gum glue again…?" The spiked boy tried reasoning only to realize the scissors had worked on his own hair so that can't be it. "Or maybe it's a magical bungee gum water spray can thingy!"

"C-Crap, you're probably right. I can't believe this!" Killua kicked the cage. The innocent spray can that he was attacked by minutes earlier was picked up. He read the fine print carefully. "Magical Bungee Shiny Hair Spray: It will make your hair forever sexy and it will stay that way…forever. Produced by the Perverted Sexylicious Salon Studios-" He chucked the can at Illumi's unconscious head this time. "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD THEY MAKE SUCH AN ATROCIOUS THING?!"

Gon grinned. "At least the bow suits you!"

"G-Get it off me!" Killua cried. The can must've come with some girly emotions too. He felt like he might die. "My life is ruined…"

"No it isn't! You have me!"

"Well besides you, the rest of my life is ruined."

Gon shook his head. When he was in this position, Killua had done everything to help him get back to normal. Now it was his turn. "Don't worry, Killua. Until we find a way to fix it, I'll be the one to protect you!"

An alluring red spread across his pale cheeks like a princess. Warm feelings welled up inside him almost spontaneously. "Gon…"

"Can we at least make you try on a dress first th-"

Killua punched him in the face. "NO!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

It turns out, this version of Bungee Gum hair was even more powerful than the one used on Gon. When the two boys tried stuffing it into the discarded hat, the cap merely ripped in half. Killua's sparkling hair just had too much luscious volume.

Of course, as soon as they stepped back onto the streets of York Shin, every male entity excluding the two main boys stopped in their tracks to stare at the young prepubescent assassin. Killua glared at all of them. But it didn't have the same effect as normal. One blond dared to step beside him, leaning against the wall seductively. "Hey there, hot chick. Nice legs, when do they op-"

*censored brutality*

The man was suddenly a bloody mess on the floor. "Killua isn't a chick! He's just Killua!"

"Gon…" Killua loomed.

"Hmm?" Gon beamed innocently. The bloody man woke up, screamed and ran off into the streets. Both ignored how he was hit by a car just seconds after.

"If you're planning to protect me, at least do it properly." Still, Gon's actions had made the rest of the male population back off and Killua couldn't help but feel a little happy. When the other just looked at him blankly, the smile never wavering, Killua sighed contently. "How are we going to fix this?"

"If we go back to your place, we'll probably be withheld again…OH!" Gon brought a fist down to his other palm.

"What?"

He glowed at the idea of being the one to think of the ingenious plan instead of the other way around for once. "We should ask Kurapika for help! You know he's smart and all, and it looks like he takes care of his hair a lot." At this, Killua snickered, "Why not ask him?" When his friend agreed, Gon proceeded to dial his phone only for it to ring before he could hit the call button.

The two snuck glances at each other before Gon picked up. "Hello?"

"Yo Gon!" A familiar voice saluted.

"L-LEORIO!" Gon yelled so loud it made the remaining non-male population stare at him in question. "We missed you!"

"Haha, me too, little guy." Leorio laughed. "I had to call when I heard you and Killua are marrying and then eloping. Which one is it, man?!"

Instead of answering, Gon thought back to his previous idea. "Oh Leorio, Leorio! Do you know anything about-"

"And what's with all these girly pictures of you and Killua on Facebook?"

"WHAT NOW." Killua snatched the phone away, making Gon whine.

"Yeah! Dang Killua, I think any woman would die for your hair."

The sad thing was, Leorio wasn't joking. Killua seethed. "WHO THE HELL-!"

Meanwhile, somewhere far away in the confines of a dark room, a bag of chips was being devoured. "MUWHAHAHAHA! I WILL TAKE A CHIP. AND EAT IT, B*TCHES!" Milluki laughed maniacally as he watched the amount of likes multiply on his screen.

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

…I am alive.

Please check out Phoenix-Thunder's stories as well! This was a collaborated script between us that we finished ages ago. Hope you all like it.