Title: The Offer
Summary: How Kronos really got Luke to join the dark side.
Genre: Humor
Warnings: Bad grammar and all around silliness. Unbeta'd. I don't own the Klondike Bar franchise or whatever.
Pairings: None~, slight Thauke.

The Offer

"I could give you anything you want," whispered the darkness, wrapping itself around Luke's body. Too be honest, he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. For the better part of the hour he was forced to listen to the darkness' offers. He kept rejecting the offers like a nice person, but the blob of inky mass didn't seem to get it. Gods, it was like letting down an Aphrodite girl; so very clingy, touchy, and whiny.

"Jewels! Riches! I could make you a king," the darkness hissed throatily. Luke shook his head. That was another thing; the black mass had voice like an old man. He felt as if he was being courted by a pedophile.

He was tempted to yell, "Momma said no one could touch me there! That's my no-no area! No, don't touch me— Rape!" He reined it in, on the account of him being in a dream, inside a dream, contained in another dream. So, the chances of him getting rescued from the molesting darkness was nil to none.

"Don't you want to see the Olympians fall?! For your father to pay for his crimes along with the rest of Gods! Don't you deserve retribution for your hardships, for Aphrodite not supporting your Thauke!" the darkness said, exasperated.

Luke raised a thin blond eyebrow, crossing his arms. Well, that little tidbit of information made him cross Freddy Krueger from his list of possible kidnappers. "Who are you?" he inquired.

The darkness rose to face him. Luke swore if It wasn't a weird combination of cloud and pedo at the moment, It would be wearing a shit-eating grin. "I am the strongest of all beings, rightful ruler of Olympus, controller of destiny and f—!"

Luke yawned. "Yea, I'm not your bitch. Spew your BS to someone that does care; just answer my question."

"Impertinent brat, I am Kronos!" Kronos cried imperiously.

Luke merely rolled his eyes, not at all impressed. His eyebrow lowered, he leveled a firm glare on the Titan Lord. "No, and no to all your other offers."

"Why?" Kronos demanded. "I can—!"

Luke cut him off yet again. "See, I don't care: What person that knows anything about Greek Mythology make a deal with someone analogous to the Christian devil? You devoured your children, you were a tyrant; I'd be stupid to listen to you."

Kronos' cloud thingy coiled tighter around him. "I can bring that pretty little girl you love so much back to life."

Luke snorted again. "Thalia was a pain in my ass. She constantly nagged me and acted like my mother on her good days. I'm moving onto greener pastures, thanks."

"Work with me, boy. I can give you anything in this world, name it and it's yours!" Kronos growled. Luke grew interested. He leaned in closer to weird blob.

"Anything you say."

"Anything," he confirmed.

Luke nodded and rubbed his chin. He thought on it for a solid minute before he snapped his fingers. "Ah ha! I want a package of Klondike bars."

Again, Luke was sure if the cloud had some human facial features he would be looking at him oddly. Nevertheless, he was granted his wish. He struggled to hold in his squee when a rectangular silver package of the frozen treat appeared in his arms.

"You have my allegiance," Luke said as he began to stuff his face. Maybe, this guy wasn't so bad after all.

"Are you sure that's all you want? I could do something more, make som—."

"Kronos," Luke stopped the Titan Lord in mid-bite.

"Yes?"

"You're ruining it. I'll be in your little army and help you take over the world. Just keep producing these and I'm your man," he said, taking another large bite of the ice cream treat. Gods, he moaned, it was heavenly.

"You're betraying your family and friends, the whole world will hate you-."

"Yup," Luke popped the p, "Don't care."

"You'll be my vessel forever more, you'll lose your sense of self," Kronos listed off, looking at the kid, incredulous. Luke just nodded, busy playing spaceship with the chocolate square, his mouth was the destination.

"It was that easy," Kronos mused, unwrapping himself from around Luke.

The blond son of Hermes grinned at him, chocolate crumbs and vanilla liquid adorned his mouth area. "What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar?" he quipped.