I got bored. That's my only excuse for this fic. Whether or not you'll enjoy it, is up to you.

If you'd like a real funny fic to read, or if you want to know who is responsible for inspiring this mess, 'I blame Iendil Ancawen entirely' by crazyroninchic. Her other LOTR fics helped, but this was the primary offender.

There is a point of view change halfway through this chapter.

Oh, and I don't own the rights to LOTR, the Hobbit, or anything else, I just have the movies and books.

Older Sisters are Weird

My name is Frank. You don't need to know my last name, just know that my name is Frank, I am a 13 year old boy, and everything that happened to me is the result of having a weird older sister that thinks the world revolves around her. And who has no problem dragging everyone around her into trouble, or setting someone (me) up to take the blame.

You see, my sister, despite being in college, has yet to grow out of this strange obsession with the guys from the Lord of the Rings. It can't be healthy. She has taken cardboard cut outs of said guys to school dances.

You laugh, but I'm serious.

I thought she grew out of that weird phase, 'cause she went with a real guy to prom (Jr. ROTC guy, showed up in uniform), but then they went and released the Hobbit, and since she's heard that the guy who played Legolas is reprising the roll in the next one . . . well, it's been hell for little brothers around here.

And my parents don't even get her therapy!

Anyway, my sister, who I should probably mention is named Abigail, is obsessed, and for the most part, her friends aren't much better.

So it wasn't much of a shock when, instead of watching me, like she was supposed to, she called them up to re-watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. All three in one night.

Now I guess I should describe her friends. There's Jamie, she's short and, well, she might look a little fat, but it's all muscle, the girl can bench press double her own weight. She's not what I'd call good-looking, either, but she's got a boyfriend, and she's let me see Zombieland.

Then, there's Karen. Karen is an amateur model, like my sister, and has got less intelligence than a goldfish from what I can tell. She spends a lot of time looking at herself in mirrors. The only thing keeping her from getting type-casted as the evil queen from Snow White is she's so obsessed with looks she refuses to let anyone go by without attempting to make them over.

Finally, there's Ariel. She might have the name of the little mermaid, but she's awesome, and the only one I can't understand being friends with my sister. For starters, she goes camping every summer- no showering for a couple weeks type camping. She's got a sword collection, is great at math, and actually cares about people- she'll listen to your problems and give you cookies and while she doesn't always say what you want to hear, she tells you what you need to hear. She's got scars too, one from a rappelling accident on her arm, another from when she almost split her head open, and she's real proud of them, unlike my sister, who's been nagging her to get surgery to fix them.

Ariel used to read me the books for Lord of the Rings, which my sister wouldn't touch except for learning how to speak elvish. She failed French and Spanish, but can actually speak elvish. Go figure.

Anyway, Ariel and Jamie invited me to watch the (extended) movies with them, and that's when things went wrong . . .

"I wish we could go there." Abigail sighed, ignoring the way her little brother rolled his eyes.

"Yes, no showers or makeup, you'd love it." Jamie snorted, stealing popcorn from Ariel.

"Don't be silly, I'd be an elf, my name would be Laerwen."

"Abs, if this is anything like your attempt at fanfiction . . ." Ariel started, but was cut off.

"Jamie would be a dwarf maid, of course, there aren't that many out there, Nalis would be a perfect name. Ariel would be a ranger, named Seren, and Karen would be an elf with me, named Dinawen. Oh, and Frankie would be a hobbit." She added, ignoring the glare of death her brother sent.

"Of course." Ariel agreed, then leaned over to the angry 13 year old. "At least you wouldn't be related to her, then." Frank blinked, then nodded, quite happy with that logic.

"I know!" Karen suddenly clapped her hands. "I know how we could go there!" She suddenly bolted up, and began gathering up the extended movies, as well as the books that Ariel had been reading.

Everyone watched as she put them on the floor, then grabbed a stick of chalk and started drawing on the floor.

"Should you be doing that?" Jamie blinked.

"I'll clean it up!" Karen chirped, finishing after a few more minutes, stepping back to reveal a chalk circle with elvish runes. "Frank, sit here please." Surrounded by estrogen and afraid for his masculinity, Frank tried to escape, but his sister caught him and placed him on a spot in the circle.

"Ariel-" Frank turned his attention to one of the sane people in the room for help.

"Just go with it for now, and you can get out of here wh-if, nothing happens." Ariel sat next to him in her 'spot'. "Besides, we'll never hear the end of it if we don't."

Jamie joined them with a soft sigh, and that was Karen's cue to start praying in elvish. For a long moment, nothing happened. Frank was ready to stand up and run, but a flash of light and the feeling of falling stopped him.

I feel sorry for Frank, he has no idea what he's in for. I included him because there was a lack of males suddenly finding themselves in Arda.

This will be a blend of book and movie cannon, with a healthy amount of realism and humor thrown in. But I'd like to remind everyone this is fiction, and fan fiction at that.

For example of realism, I do know someone that went to a school dance with a cardboard cutout of Legolas. This was back in middle school, so she grew out of that phase, but everyone knew she was obsessed . . . we once had to build a tower in science class to beat an earthquake, and I was assigned to her group, so we built Orthanc (I need to check spelling on that), complete with Saruman. One of the first fan fictions I wrote was for her, and had her marrying Legolas, along with several other girls in our class, hooking some of them up with the single guys in LOTR. (All my character did was be a scribe . . . I wasn't as obsessed as the others).

Seren- Welsh for Star. I'm operating on the notion that most human names in LOTR are mostly welsh in origin.

Laerwen, pronounced lyre-wen, means song maiden. Dinawen is silent maiden.

Nalis- There is only one female dwarf named, Dis, sister of Thorin and mother of Kili and Fili. Nali is the name of a male dwarf, and Abigail is just being unimaginative with Jamie's 'fiction' name, as most fangirls of Legolas seem to ignore dwarves (outside of Gimli) entirely.