Dedicated to Caladrius, the Dean to my Sammy. Much love. And thanks to those who have reviewed, and to those who I know are waiting for the "complete" flag before starting this terrible experiment. Remember, this is the end of this episode, but not the end of the season! Stay tuned for Episode Four.

-Age

Episode 903
"Little Orphan Sammy"
Chapter Five

The lights are flickering and the TV is static and Cas is standing there, his trench coat looking super new, Cas looking super friggin' scary with his shadowy sparking wings filling the space from wall to wall of their motel room. God, Dean's forgotten how impressive the light show is. Sam stares, steps backward, suitably terrorized.

"Cas," Dean says.

Cas stops short. "I am Castiel," he says. "I'm an angel of the Lord-"

Just as Dean is saying, "Angel of the Lord, yeah yeah got it. But what are you doing here?"

"You'd do well to show me some respect-"

"Jesus, yes, fine. Oh God I'm so terrified. Now what are you doing here?"

Cas looks astounded that anyone would talk to him like this. He looks confused, concerned, maybe a bit turned on. Jeez.

"There is work for you."

Dean's smile fades. What? What?

"There are Seals-"

"No." Dean sinks to the bed. He's aware that Sam is fading back, watching. Everything they've just talked about - now it doesn't even matter whether Sam leaves the life, goes back to school. Dammit, no. "How. But the first Seal. How?"

"How do you know about that?" Cas says, eyes narrowed in that constipated way.

"It was supposed to be me. I don't-"

"How do you know about this?" Cas looks at Sam accusingly, menacingly.

Sam shrugs, big. "Don't look at me. I just found out hell really exists."

Cas considers Sam, looks him up and down, takes a step toward Sam, who glances at Dean but doesn't back away. "Of course. You wouldn't remember."

"Remember what?" Dean says. He stands when he sees Cas taking an interest. Sure, back where Dean is from, Cas can't get enough Sammy time, but this Cas thinks Sam is some evil creature waiting to happen, an abomination from infancy. Dean steps between them. "Remember what."

"The deal your father made for Sam's life."

"What," Dean says, and Sam says, "How do you know my name?"

And Castiel says, "Sam Easton. John Winchester sold his soul to save your life a year ago-"

"The fire," Sam says.

Dean swears. Dad broke. Dad broke on Alastair's rack. And inside him, the other Dean is saying Dad had nothing to live for, not really, he's been distant for months, he was a shell of a man. Of course he broke.

Sam looks at Dean. "Your dad broke the first Seal? So it's going to happen?"

Cas looks at Dean as well. "What do you know about this?"

"You gotta help us, Cas. You gotta snap out of this dick-mode or whatever. We're friends, okay? And this is gonna go downhill fast. Your angel bosses are playing you, and-"

There's a flash of white and Dean is sick as the images snap through him. Cas takes Sam and leaves. Dean hunts them down. Seals are breaking. Dean finds them, only to find Sam strung out on demon blood and Ruby leading him around, and he sees Uriel and Ruby talking, and he sees Uriel and Cas fighting. Cas, hunting down Sam. And he sees Sam trying to off himself, because he doesn't want to do what they're making him do, and he sees Sam lucid and trembling, checking himself into a locked ward where he can dry out, where he might be safe, and he sees Sam's door mysteriously unlock and all his paths are clear and he escapes despite himself. And he sees that without the knowledge that Lilith is the seal, Sam breaks it in the end anyway. He thinks he's doing what needs to be done. Again.

And Dean shouts, all of this is in his head, flashes that feel real, and he shouts for Death and he falls to his knees.

And he is in that white room.

"So sorry," Death says. "I had to give you a little shove. I've got a dinner date."

"What?"

"You wanted to see how it played out, yes?"

Dean stands. He feels unsteady. He squeezes his eyes shut and opens them again, twice. "That was all just a dream?"

"Oh no. It was very real. Your little angel friends might dabble in heaven visions and dream futures, but rest assured. What you have just experienced is one hundred percent exactly just reality playing itself out after your little tweak."

"So Sam's gone. My Sam."

Death shrugs. "Would you like a do-over?"

"You can do that?"

"Dean. Please."

"Okay." Dean thinks. "Sam gets adopted right away, into a family that doesn't die off, and he gets a happy childhood."

Death presses his lips together. "That's extremely unlikely."

"Careful, I'm starting to think you're not all-powerful."

Death makes a prissy little face and twiddles his fingers, mostly for show, Dean thinks. And Dean sees:

Sam is happy, a happy baby, a happy boy, he excels in school, his parents love him, he goes to college, he's not interested in writing, but he'd love to be a firefighter, Sam dies saving a family of three, John makes a deal to save him, Sam is abducted to Cold Oak-

"Okay, enough. Sam doesn't die, Dad doesn't make a deal for him. Good family, and me at Cold Oak."

"You're asking an awful lot."

But Dean sees:

Good family, Sam doesn't die, but his best friends and girlfriend are killed in this fire when he's in high school and he never recovers, and his family is supportive but he is withdrawn and when he gets to Cold Oak, Dean saves him again at the expense of his own life, and everyone else dies, and the resultant survivor's guilt drives him right into Ruby's arms. And Dad makes a deal to save Dean's life, and it puts everything off a year, but Dad breaks the first Seal and Sam is on the path again, colder and less able to throw everything off.

"Dammit." Dean doesn't care that he's crying.

"Sam runs away from foster care at ten and gains the skills needed to survive at Cold Oak," Death says. And Dean sees:

Sam survives the battle royale and he is herded by circumstance to the big gate, but he doesn't want to lead the army. He's possessed and forced to do it anyway, and it's his body leading the charge and it's his hands soaked in blood, and as a special treat, Death shows him Sam stuffed down into himself, a shattered soul with the desire to overcome, but no strength, and then Lucifer rises and Sam says yes because it's all he can say, and Lucifer takes his throne, and Sam is tormented in his own body for a thousand years of Lucifer's reign.

"Say Sammy survives it all," Death says. "Say he survives and Lucifer rises and Sam says no to him-"

"But Lucifer can't find Sam. Cas-"

"Oh, you think Cas is going to help this Sam? No, the only reason Cas even tolerated Sam's presence was because of you. He had to make sure you didn't influence Sam too much. Sam was supposed to break the final Seal. Who do you think let Sam out of the panic room so he could run off and do the deed? Oh, don't look so surprised. Did you think Sam magicked his way out of that box? No, that was your good friend Castiel. No, no angel branding for Sam."

And Dean sees:

Sam is found immediately, and he refuses Lucifer as long as he can, but there's only so much a person can take, and eventually a yes is torn out of him, and he is unwilling and Lucifer doesn't care for him this way, without the fire in him that Lucifer wants, and Sam is left like a slave in a pit until Lucifer needs his true vessel to do the really hard work, and Sam is dead-eyed and he's tried to kill himself one hundred and seventy-two times in the first year alone.

"Stop!" Dean says. "Stop, please, God."

"Seen enough, Dean?" Death says. And he is standing near, and Dean is staring at the black of his walking stick and he's only just now realizing he's on his knees again, and his face is wet.

"There's nothing I can do," Dean breathes.

"There's one thing," Death says. "But I don't think you can manage it."

"But I tried everything."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Dean. If there was ever a best case for Sam, you picked the right detail to change. Sam goes through life, suffers as humans are meant to, has a father figure who supports him, finds love and experiences the joy of fatherhood however briefly, and without any previous training, dies tragically in the first ten minutes of that demon battle at Cold Oak, defending poor dear Andrew from Ava's pet. He dies a hero and zips up to heaven. But you just had to step in, Dean. You just can't let Sam go. Any action you take prolongs his life and increases his misery."

"You're saying I'm the reason Sam's life is hell?"

"Oh Dean. Please don't get ahead of yourself. I'm saying this was all put into motion before you were even born. Do you think the relationship you have with your brother is normal? What did that loaf Zachariah say? 'Erotically co-dependent?' You are the ground that keeps Sam moving forward. Without you keeping him alive and holding him back, Sam would run into every burning building, jump into every cage-"

"He did that anyway."

"Yes." Death considers him, as if trying to decide whether to expand on it. Then he says: "Regardless of what it does to him, to his soul, Sam will do it, because it is worth it to him. He will throw his own soul away to save someone else. Without you, Sam dies young, saving someone, because that is who he is. And as soon as you attempt to change that, Sam is forced to continue on, piling up the complications and missteps and guilt along the way. You are essential to his continued existence. The relationship you have with him transcends conventional reality, as it is designed to."

"Designed to? Like we're just puppets for some big plan?"

Death shrugs. "Aren't we all? The question is, will you continue to play your part?"

"The alternative - I'm just supposed to let him die."

"You could try it."

Dean is watching. Death looks aloof, and Dean realizes- "But I'll fail. Won't I."

Death presses his mouth into a sympathetic line. "I'm afraid so."

"I can't let Sam die."

Death looks at him with pity. "Without Sam, you're not even you, are you."

Dean thinks of a single toothbrush. Of a campfire, of brother in a honey-south voice that is only a surrogate, of dirt and blood and blood and blood and the thing he needs most. And a single toothbrush in his hand, and neat and tidy and alone and undirected, and a single toothbrush, and brother forever.

"No," he says. "No, I'm not."

"I thought as much. I hope you at least learned something."

"Yeah, that no matter what I do, Sam's screwed."

Death clucks. "I should hope you've learned more than that. You'll need it if you want to help him even a little."

"You're sending me back?" In spite of himself, Dean's heart leaps.

Death shrugs.

"You knew this was gonna happen," Dean realizes. "You knew and you let me do it anyway."

"I let you do it because I knew it'd turn out this way. I told you I liked you both."

"But-"

"I am giving you what you want, Dean. You asked for this, the best possible life for Sam. But what you wanted was to know that you are doing everything you can to give Sam his best chance for a happy life, and you had to live through the alternatives to learn that."

Dean is bewildered. "What does that mean?"

Death shrugs, smiles at him like a grandfather. "It means, short of letting him die, Sam's already living his best case scenario, and that's with you, broken head and all. He's the Job of his generation, Dean. He's lucky to have you. As I recall, Job had no one by the end."

"So. You're gonna put me back there. But what am I supposed to do then? Because he is just done."

Death sighs, thinks. "My suggestion? Get some therapy. You're train wrecks, the both of you."

"What?"

"You can't keep trying to put a magical bandage on this, Dean. You're human. You must deal with Sam's situation in a human way. I suggest an excellent therapist who is equipped to deal with your various psychic injuries."

"Who could possibly be equipped-"

"A psychic therapist, of course."

"Isn't that just another magical band-aid?"

Death looks at Dean like he's a silly child. "Be realistic, Dean. It isn't as though daddy just didn't love you enough. I'm sending someone to you. Expect her within the week."

Death turns to go, but he looks back over his shoulder. "And Dean? If you aren't going to let him go, don't let him go."

And then Death is leaving, and Dean holds out his hand to him, saying "Wait, wait-!"

"Wait!" and he is saying it to Sam, his hand is out to Sam, and Sam on his knees with a gun to his temple, face wet, mouthing that he's so sorry.

"Sam, wait-"

Sam is shaking his head. "You're not my brother. You're not who this is for."

"I'm your brother, goddammit."

Sam looks at him sad, pitying.

Dean tries logic. "If I'm not your brother, who the hell is?"

Sam's eyes, face like duh: "The one who loves me. Whichever one that is."

"Sammy that's me. I'm your brother. Forever, Sammy please."

Sam closes his eyes. "Only my brother calls me Sammy."

"I'm callin' you Sammy," Dean says. "I'm callin' you Sammy, me." Dean watches, thinks. What Death has said, what that other, younger, talkier Sam had said. He grabs onto the words. Lifeline words, tether words. "I know you, Sam. You haven't given up. You just don't know how to move forward. We're gonna move forward, okay? I'm gonna dig you out. You got me, kid, you got me. I'm not givin' up on you. Not ever. Sammy, please. Please. Please." He repeats it until his mouth is gravel.

Sam opens his eyes, a strange sound chokes out of his throat. "Brother forever," Sam breathes, and he's watching something Dean can't see, something small, he's doing math. Then he looks at Dean like Dean is new, like he has realized what forever must mean, like he has solved something. "Dean?"

"Sam?"

"You don't have to do this." He sounds lucid. He sounds okay. Dean sighs in relief, but that gun is still hovering. "Just let me go. It's okay."

It's a test. It's a test.

"I don't want you to go. Sam. Please don't go. I want you to stay."

Sam looks at him like he expected something else. Mouth open, brows up, confused. "Dean-" The gun thumps to the floor. Sam is listing to one side. Dean knows about this; after effects of a seizure. Complete muscle fatigue. "Okay," Sam says. "I'll stay. Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Forever's always longer." He blinks long. Sam is going to pass right the fuck out.

But Dean is going to catch him. Dean is always going to catch him.

THE END

This episode written to the following albums in a shuffle playlist:
"This Binary Universe" by BT
"Hello Avalanche" by The Octopus Project
Tomas Dvorak's "Machinarium OST"
The Trigun OST ("The First Donuts")
And half of Moby's "Play"