Jason sat on the edge of an abandoned warehouse's rooftop, his legs dangling off the side, red helmet placed next to him while he smoked a cigarette. His intense teal eyes focused on the slow sunrise on the horizon. The black night to one side of him, while creeping morning made it's move for dominance; it was a scene he had always been hypnotized by. It wasn't that he thought it was a lovely scene or that he had some fond memory; no it was just the oddness that caught his attention. That so much darkness and light could be seen all at once made him feel edgy but strangely comforted.
Tonight he was exhausted and found this place to wind down a bit before going to bed. He pulled a gun-metal gray flask from his black leather jacket and took a swig of his whiskey before taking another drag. He barely noticed the pain in his left arm anymore, though he noticed his hand was bloody, which meant the knife wound had opened up again. At the moment, he didn't care though, he just wanted to sit on this summer morning and not think about anything.
"You really should get your arm bandaged." Now that was a voice he had least expected to hear. Not that he had been expecting anyone at all, but if someone was going to bother him on a rooftop he would have thought it would be a beautiful blue-bird, or even a grumpy old bat. Taking another drag, Jason casually glanced over at Red Robin, his replacement and according to Dickie-Bird, his little brother. He removed the domino mask from his face. "Would you like me to help?"
"What the fuck do you want, Pretender?" Jason snarled.
"To talk." Tim stated calmly.
That was always his way, a way that Jason hated, probably because it was so obviously opposite to him. The calm, reserved and genius 'Boy Wonder' the third, had rarely ever lost control of his emotions. He was all logic and no heart, like he was just a robot that pretended to be human. That was another reason Jason liked to call him Pretender. Even at eighteen, the boy had yet to have a complete emotional breakdown. Of course, Dick had often told him of how Tim lost his temper around their baby brother Damian, but to Jason that didn't count. Damian was the spawn of the devil and capable of enraging a snail if left alone with it for too long.
Despite his curiosity, Jason refused to ask what he wanted to speak with him about. Why was this stupid kid talking to him anyhow? He had been made to believe that while Tim wouldn't back down from a fight, he was frightened enough of Jason's 'instability' to ever seek him out on his own. It was something Bruce, Dick and even Alfred had tried to talk to him about.
"Go away, Replacement before I throw you off this fucking roof." The former Robin growled before taking another drag and looking back out at the sky.
"You're issues with me are exactly why I am here. I can't go on like this anymore, Jason. We have to talk through this, or fight through this. I don't really care which, but I..." As Jason looked up at the young man he was surprised to see the sheer amount of emotion in the boy's crystal blue eyes.
The Red Hood could handle Damian's temper tantrums, he could understand Bruce's cold responses, Hell he could even put up with Dick's obnoxiously cheerful and upbeat attitude but this emotionally confused Tim Drake was not something he wanted to deal with, let alone felt comfortable being around.
"Look, I have had a long night and dealing with you while you are on the rag is the last thing I want to do." Jason shook his head as he stood up. "Besides, you are killing my buzz."
"To Hell with your addictions!" Tim growled as he stood, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Please, Jason, just let me speak and after I am done, you never have to talk to me again if you don't want to. I swear."
While Jason normally would have laughed and cruelly poked fun of the boy for being so upset, this time was different. He heard it in the young man's voice, the desperation and the heartache. He wanted so badly to throw him off the roof, but instead he found himself sitting back down and taking another gulp from his flask. He offered it to Tim, knowing he wouldn't accept.
"No thank you," Tim said as he took a deep breath. "I have tried to speak to Dick about this issue between you and I, mostly because I know he initially resented you back when you were the replacement, but Dick has never been hateful like you so he couldn't help much. Then I tried Bruce, but mentioning you...Let's just say he can't help much either. I even tried to talk to Damian because he is as hateful as you can be, but that was about as pointless and hurtful as banging my own head into a wall."
"Get to the fucking point!" Jason snapped impatiently.
"Jason, I didn't replace you." Tim spoke softly, his courage almost failing him as he looked to his older brother. "Bruce doesn't replace any of us. He may add to his family, but that doesn't mean he forgets or stops caring about us."
"Just stop, Pretender. You are driving me crazy." Jason growled as he pulled out yet another cigarette and lit it while dropping the other. "I don't need the after school special from you, got it?"
"Why can't we move passed this, why do you have to hate me?" The sound in Tim's voice was so hurt, so broken that Jason nearly dropped his cigarette. "I know that we aren't a perfect family, and that I in particular seem so distant and...mechanical, but the idea that you hate me..."
As a tear fell down Tim's cheek, Jason winced but hid it behind taking another drag from his cigarette. Why was this bothering him so much? He didn't normally give a single shit what the Bat family thought or felt, yet watching Tim try so hard to express his pain, his need for acceptance and approval...It brought him right back to his own struggles as being 'The Replacement' and what was worse? Tim was right. Dick wasn't near as hateful or cruel about being replaced like Jason had been.
"Grow up Tim." Jason snapped, his own guilt ridden anger lashing out unexpectedly.
Another tear dropped as Tim's head hung. "You are right." He said calmly, pushing all of his emotions away as he wiped his eyes.
This was the real reason he pretended not to care, not to feel much except anger when Damian bothered him. It was easier when people accidentally hurt feelings that they didn't know he had versus purposely hurting him.
"I just thought you ought to know that Dick didn't become a good brother because he liked me better than you, he did it because he was trying to make up for how he treated you, just like Batman has tried to make up for being a terrible father to you. You were dead, you asshole. There wasn't much they could do for you except honor a memory of a boy who they believed would have wished them happiness and ease of conscience." Tim added before turning his back on the Hood.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that, you little shit! You think you know what we all feel just because you are a genius? You aren't anything but a walking calculator that pretends to feel once in a while! A pretender and a replacement!" Jason shouted bitterly.
With anger Tim turned, his domino back over his eyes, hiding the flashing blue. "You rotten, selfish bastard! What is your problem? Daddy didn't kill the monster under your bed?" Red Robin growled as he approached the still seated Jason. "What the Hell kind of son wants his father to destroy his own soul? What kind of son wishes for nothing but pain and misery to befall his father and anyone close to him? Do you have any idea what it was like to be your 'replacement'? To know that every time Batman was near me, it was only to do a job and nothing else? To know that I would never be his son like you were because he wouldn't let me be. You and Dick and Damian... you all three whine and bitch and moan about your lack of time with him, and even though I have been Robin for the longest time, I am the one he thinks about least. The one he forgets about. The one he kept at a distance for the longest time. Dick was his first, you were the one he failed to save and Damian is his son... but what I am, Jason? Tell me, you seem to know everything! You have all the answers!
"It makes me just a replacement, right? Just a stand in until something better came along. Poor little Red Hood, crying on a roof top because no one loves him, yet at different times you have been asked by nearly everyone in the family to come home. What are you waiting for? A written invitation?"
Jason blinked up at his little brother and found himself at a loss for words. He had heard very similar rants from Dick and Bruce, but they hadn't effected him the way Tim's voice behind them had. He remembered the pain of rejection when Dick first met him, the cold demeanor of Wayne whenever he made a mistake or didn't quite do as well as Goldie. He knew exactly what it felt like to be the replacement and to be the fuck-up. He had never once wondered what it would be like to be his own replacement. What had Bats been like with Tim Drake? It was no secret that it had taken quite a while before Bruce had finally started to open up and let the boy into his heart. Even Bruce had admitted that to Jason during one of their heated arguments.
Tim shook his head and started to walk away. "So long Jason."
Jason rolled his eyes as he shook his head. "Just sit down and shut up. You got your chance to talk, now give me mine."
With great trepidation, Tim reluctantly sat beside him. He watched the Red Hood smoke his cigarette and throw back another swing from the flask. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to a drunken Jason or even sit near him for too long. For all he knew the former Robin just might throw him off the roof as he had threatened to once already.
"Look, Drake, let's pretend for just a moment that I understand you. That I can actually relate and that I might be willing to concede that I have been cruel and unfair to you during this whole process." Jason felt much better as his mind released some of that anger and rage. He loved alcohol and it made it much easier to try to 'bond' with the Replacement. "Let's pretend that I am sorry, that I do view you as one of my three brothers and that I only call you those names because I am an asshole and fucked up and even though I am still angry, it's not at you or even batman. Just the situation altogether. Let's go ahead and pretend too, that I sometimes see it as a term of endearment. OK?"
Tim frowned as he tilted his head and looked to his older brother. "So we are going to pretend all of this is true, even though it isn't?"
Jason rolled his eyes. "No you idiot, that's the truth. We are just going to pretend that it's not while also secretly pretending that it is. And this stays just between you and me, got it? This conversation never happened and I don't want to hear about it ever again." He paused as he frowned and then looked to Tim, his dark blue eyes hard and serious. "You know Drake, you are probably the only Robin worthy of being him."
Tim blinked his surprise at the sudden words. It was a bit heavy and kind of sappy but that's how he knew his brother was speaking the truth. Pretending to be a little more buzzed than Tim believed he was, made it so that his Jason could say the things that his pride and anger wouldn't allow while 'sober'.
"Mind if I sit here for a bit?"
"Don't press your luck, Pretender." Jason smirked, but offered him his flask once more.
Bruce watched his sons from the dying shadows behind a cowl that made him one of the most frightening creatures a criminal could behold. The sun had nearly risen and with it a sense of hope he had never felt before. Tim and Jason were talking, maybe their words were filled with anger and pain, but they were finally talking. Perhaps his family could be whole again someday. Not right away, but in the future it suddenly felt like more than a 'maybe'.
Moving silently as the bat slowly took back over his body he couldn't help one final thought. He was proud of his sons this morning.