Hi folks!

Here we go, this is the sequel to All I have and I guess you've expected a full chapter but… well, it's only a sneak-peek. Please don't be all too disappointed Ó_Ò

I'm still busy with finishing this first part (although I wanted it to be finished already a while ago, but time… or better no time… threw a monkey wrench in my plans). I promise I'll hurry!

Anyway, take it as a goody and have fun ;D

Three years… Those three years had been the best of my life. After the stony way we had stumbled along, side by side yet either one of us on his own, we had finally managed to find the other at a glade to walk the rest of the way together. It had been perfect. Life had been perfect. We had been perfect.

Three years… Like a dream. Or like a movie. It doesn't matter how one would want to name it. We made the 24/7 and that's something only few couples really manage to do. He was… mine. And god knows, I was his. Never before in my life I had felt so much love. It felt like for every tiny bit of love I gave to him, he rewarded me with twice so much. We had been so very close like we were one. He was my life. He was the one thing that kept my heart beating.

Three years… It had always been an us…

Three years… I… I really thought we would be stronger.

Three fucking years… And then he had to freak out. Thinking back, there had been signs that something was on its way and it kept crawling behind us like a nasty, ugly creature, hidden in the shadows. But at some point it passed us without being noticed.

Three years went south in less than a week. Just like that. Just… like that…

Sure, after three years people finally started to wonder why we still lived in the same house, why neither Randy nor I had dated girls during the whole time. There were people who jokingly asked us when the wedding would be, some people made a case that visiting us could cause acute celibacy and yeah, okay, there were voices who asked us if we reenacted Brokeback Mountain behind closed doors and that question wasn't meant jokingly. But damn it, most of the people didn't even give a shit about what we did and what not. And then there were people like Stephen who knew about us and had our back. Or Phil. It hadn't taken him all too long to smell the rat and one evening after the show he stopped by at my locker, just when Randy was there, too, and he congratulated us and told us that it was about damn time.

But everything was okay. There was no reason to worry. He loved me, I loved him. We had Alanna and after a little over half a year, Sam accepted the facts and we became friends. A family. And Alanna was a very happy girl with a mom and two dads.

And I… in that time, every day was the best day of my life. Every day I felt like that very moment when I realized that Randy was mine. I felt pure love and joy and so many more golden warm feelings, every single minute, becoming even brighter and more vivid those moments he was with me. And he felt the same. He told me that, over and over again…

In the past weeks there had been four situations though that hadn't been all too pleasant. Situations where we had been called faggots by some random idiots. Those had been moments when we had been sitting a little too close maybe, when we had been looking at each other a tad too long, yet we had never been really obvious… And then one of those guys took us by surprise and with a neat punch to Randy's face he busted his upper lip. I broke his nose in response. Those situations hadn't been nice, but it wasn't a reason to freak. So I guess it had been Sam's dad who made hell break loose. How? He found out about us and threatened that he would make sure Randy would lose the joint custody and that he would never see Alanna again. That a pervert like him had no right to have a daughter. But even that could have been filed under: yadda-yadda-yadda, I don't give a flying fuck.

Because Sam was alright with it. With us.

But this was about his little girl and when it came to Alanna… well, when it came to her, Randy freaked over everything. And while I tried to talk to him, to show him that the world was still alright he didn't listen and he didn't open his eyes for reality, didn't understand that everything was good...

And then from one second to the next hell broke loose and I found myself standing in the middle of it and before I knew what was just happening it was already too late. The situation had gotten out of hand before I had the chance to close my fingers around it and keep it from slipping through them…

"You don't know how it feels, John! You don't have the slightest idea how the fear to lose your daughter feels!"

"But I fucking know how the fear to lose a loved person feels, Randy! I sure as hell know how the fear feels that I might lose you and I love Alanna as if she was my own daughter, goddammit!" I half growled, half choked out as I tried not to yell at Randy, because I was fucking panicked and frankly pissed by his words. Much softer I added: "She even calls me daddy, Ran."

There was a glint in his eyes at my words and I hoped that he understood that I knew how he felt. Maybe Ally wasn't my daughter, but I loved her and hell, I sure as hell never wanted to lose the little sunshine and Randy… god knew it would break me to lose him. The glint was replaced by an odd cold emotion and if I had to guess, it was some freezing cold and scaring offspring of his fear to lose Ally.

"But she isn't your daughter, John," he stated then, his voice as chilling as the emotion which was still lingering in the icy grey eyes.

I had to swallow hard against the lump that built in my throat. God, who was the man standing there? Because this very moment, this man wasn't my Randy.

"You were the one who encouraged her to call me that," I reminded him and again I swallowed hard.

His words left a bitter taste in my mouth. Randy wiped his hands down his face, before he crossed his arms over his chest, but his slightly hunched shoulders told me that he slipped into a defensive posture.

"Yeah, I know and maybe it was a mistake," he said strained, giving me a painful side blow with those words.

Not able to hold my disappointment and frustration any longer at bay I snapped loudly: "You cannot be serious?! Finally, after all it took us to get there, we were a family and it worked perfectly wonderful for the last three years! Even Sam accepted us and now you go and destroy all we have because you're freaking over nothing!"

"I am not freaking over nothing, John!" he hissed. "People are talking about us, goddammit, and it can cost us everything! Our jobs, our reputation and worse, it can cost me Ally!"

And while Randy spoke he shook the defensive demeanor off, his arms falling to his sides, fingers flexing as he shifted his stance and straightened up to his full height. A shadow cast over his face and suddenly those beautiful features I've known for ages… seemed alien. Involuntary I stepped back from him, shocked to the core, wondering what the hell was just happening. This all had taken me by surprise. One day everything was okay, the next day… our world was torn apart…

"Goddammit, people aren't talking, Randy," I replied curtly but then I sighed.

I couldn't understand it. It all. When had everything begun to get out of hand. And why? People were talking about us? Really, people had been talking about us ever since the first time we had been on the screen, crediting us with having a thing for one another. And no one seemed to really have a problem with the idea. But even if they had a problem with us being an item… it would be the last thing on earth I would've cared about. I loved him, no matter what the world thought about it.

So I stepped closer to him again, adding quietly, pleading: "Open your eyes. Please. No one wants to take Ally away from you. And I don't give a damn shit if being with you costs me my job or my reputation. My everything is you, Ran. So don't… don't take that away from me."

For a single heartbeat I saw the man I loved in his eyes but he was gone too fast to call out to him. Randy moved backwards, bringing space between us and maybe he wanted to make sure I couldn't touch him, pull him into an embrace or whatever and hell, it was exactly what I wanted to do… hold him until he came to his senses.

"I think we should take a break, John," he said then in an odd detached way. "The stakes are too high. I'm not gonna risk the custody for Ally, not even for you."

Blinking once I tried to process his words and when I understood the extent of their meaning I had to lean against the backrest of the couch as I felt my knees go weak. My body went numb and the world around me fell silent. All I could hear was the echo of his words in my mind, a buzzing in my ears and my own words when I finally was able to speak again.

"Well then, Orton," I began, having a hard time to keep my voice steady as I said the words I never thought I would hurl at him. "I understand that you are afraid to lose Ally but if you want to go this way alone, take your fucking stuff and leave."

I don't think he would have expected me to say something like that. Ever. I watched as his jaw set, as he swallowed hard. His expression changed in a strange way… the tense features suddenly becoming smooth, nostrils flaring in an attempt to breathe deeply because breathing suddenly was becoming difficult. I knew what was happening to him, what he was feeling right now. He was caught in the situation, stuck with all those severe problems he thought he had… thinking that he was doing the right thing. Or probably not thinking at all. And between all this he felt his heart drop, the very moment he realized that it had maybe been one push too much.

It's that cold and queasy feeling when you realize that something… or someone… you've taken for granted suddenly isn't there anymore…

I watched all this for a long moment very, very quietly while trying to fight down a growing pain and the urge to throw up, before I simply turned around and grabbed my keys.

"Make sure you're gone when I come back," I spat and with that I left the house.

And with me I took the precious, reasonable and selfless John he knew, leaving him behind to cope with his own decision…